“Shit. I’m sorry. There’s water all over the floor.”
Kyle was careful to show no reaction, keeping all emotion from his face as he studied her. “It’s all right, Pen.”
“No, it’s not. There’s water all over your floor.”
He wasn’t talking about the floor. He couldn’t less give a shit if the tub sprung a leak and the whole damn thing drained out. Pen grabbed his robe off the rack and pulled it on as she did this skittish bailing maneuver out of the tub. She grabbed a towel and began sopping up the mess, her movements hurried and uncoordinated.
Kyle didn’t speak as he watched her frantically mopping up the mess. Honestly, he didn’t know what to say. If he thought words would make this better, he’d have been happy to give it a try, but damn…there was just no reaching her right now. Pen was somewhere else. And God, he wished he knew where that was, because he’d have moved heaven and earth to get her back.
She didn’t come to his room. It was the first time since she’d started staying here that she didn’t seek him out. Was she punishing him for pushing her boundaries? Was this her way of reminding him that, whatever this was, would only happen on her terms? Fuck if he knew, but either way, it was unacceptable.
She hadn’t left her room since rushing down the hall, making some unintelligible excuse for her retreat. As much as he wanted to talk to her about it, to force the issue and try to get her to open up to him, Kyle knew that would only drive her farther away. He needed to do some damage control—and fast.
Muttering a curse, he tossed the covers aside and went to Pen’s room. He stood out there a moment, unsure if he should knock or just walk in. As he was contemplating his next move, he heard her sniffle and his heart seized inside his chest. Was she crying? Had he pushed her too hard, too far this time? He opted against knocking for fear she’d send him away.
Preparing to get tossed out on his ass, Kyle opened the door and stepped inside. The room went silent. She was pretending to be asleep. Well, if that was how she wanted to play it, he wasn’t going to call her out. He’d upset her enough for one night. Kyle crossed the room and climbed into bed beside her, tucking her back against his chest like he’d done every night since she’d started sleeping with him. He didn’t speak when she turned in his arms, buried her face against the crook of his neck, and cried.
Her tears gutted him. Hot wet drops that scalded his flesh as they ran down his chest. His arms tightened around her, holding her close. “Shh. I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered the apology into her hair. “I’m so goddamn sorry. It’s not your fault. None of this was your fault.” Not what happened in that bathroom, and not what happened to break her. He just wished to God he knew how to fix her.
“I think...” she sniffled. “I just think I’m overwhelmed by everything that happened today.”
And that was when he got pissed, because Kyle wasn’t even asking her for an explanation and still she chose to lie to him. He was gutted by the need to help her, and she was still lying to him and pushing him away. He couldn’t keep doing this. Every time he thought they’d taken a step forward, she dragged them two steps back. He was so tired of trying to get her to trust him, only to be shut down again and again.
Exhaling a frustrated sigh, he kissed her temple and then forced himself to let her go. As he eased back, she lifted her head to look at him, confusion marring those tear-filled eyes.
“Where are you going?” She sounded surprised he was leaving—maybe even disappointed, though no more than he was.
“Back to bed.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not what you need, Pen. I want to be. God knows I’ve tried to be, but you keep pushing me away. I don’t know what’s going to help you, but clearly I’m not it.”
Walking out her door was one of the toughest things he’d ever done. Kyle knew how much she was hurting, and he’d just gambled with their future. But something had to break in her. She needed to decide if he was worth fighting for.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Pen knew this was going to happen. It was only a matter of time before he figured out how screwed-up she was. She’d tried—she really had—to convince him and maybe herself that she was normal. But she wasn’t. And now he was leaving her, just like she always knew he would.
Of course he’d think her aversion to his touch was personal. Who wouldn’t take that personally? But the flashbacks... being touched there always triggered them and she couldn’t tell Kyle to stop without him wondering why. What normal woman didn’t enjoy that? And now he was starting to fight her for control. She’d known his passivity wouldn’t last long, but she’d been hopeful it would be longer than a week.
She had no doubt he’d back off if he had any idea what this was doing to her, but she’d rather not have him at all than know the truth about her. But maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe she could still save this. Grabbing a tissue off the nightstand, she blew her nose, dried her eyes, and climbed out of bed.
She avoided the squeaky floorboard in the hall, not wanting to give him the warning she was out there, and entered Kyle’s room without knocking. He didn’t acknowledge her, but she could see the silhouette of him lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling, a muscular arm propped beneath his head.
“Can I come in?” She hated the uncertainty in her voice.
“Do whatever you want, Pen.”
He was mad—and frustrated—but she wasn’t exactly sure why. He’d come into her room to comfort her, but then left so abruptly, claiming she didn’t need him when they both knew that wasn’t true.
She crossed the room and climbed into his bed. Snuggling against his side, she laid her head on his chest. After a moment, his arm came around her, but she could feel the tension in his reluctant touch—as if he didn’t want to cuddle with her, but his body refused not to. When minutes passed and he didn’t speak, it became obvious that he had no intention of it.
“You’re wrong, you know? I do need you, Kyle. But you don’t need me, and I think it’s only a matter of time before you realize that I’m more trouble than I’m worth.”
He stayed silent. Didn’t try to convince her she was wrong, and that hurt more than she wanted to admit.
“You know what the single most important thing in any relationship is, Pen?” She didn’t respond. The question was rhetorical. “Trust. And I’ve done everything I can to earn yours. If I don’t have it by now, I never will.”
If he only knew how much she’d let him in already. Didn’t he understand what a big step it was for her to let herself depend on him? “It isn’t that simple, Kyle.”
“It is. And it guts me to know you’re still lying to me.”
She tensed, immediately becoming defensive, instinct telling her to pull away. But she knew if she did, Kyle would let her go. And there would be no getting him back. Sure, he would still protect her but, God willing, the police would catch this guy soon, and then when it was over, they would be too.
She decided to go with honesty. She could be honest without telling him the whole truth. “There are some things about me you don’t need to know, Kyle. Can’t you just be with me and accept that?”
“I might be able to if it wasn’t getting in the way of us. I don’t want to be worried every time I touch you that I’m going to do something that will upset you. And don’t get me wrong, the sex is amazing. But it’s not in my nature to hold back—”
“And you’re holding back with me.”
“Yes.”
She didn’t want that either. She wasn’t only denying herself, she was denying him. Pen was letting fear keep her from experiencing the fullness of what they could have together. She wanted all of him—everything he had to give her. But could she do it? Could she give him the control he was asking for? Just thinking about it filled her with both trepidation and excitement. “Will you...will you make love to me?”
The slow rise and fall of his chest ceased to move, his breath seeming to stall in his lungs as he grew stone
still. His voice was little more than a husky rasp when he asked, “Are you sure that’s what you really want?”
There were many things she wasn’t sure of—if she could go through with it, if she could handle the intimacy. For all she knew this was about to end in an epic fail. But the one thing she was sure of was that she wanted to try. More than anything, she wanted to know what it was like to truly be claimed by this man.
“Yes, I’m sure. No one ever has before…made love to me.” Just admitting it made her feel vulnerable, but that was what he needed, what he was asking of her. Honesty. And she could give him that without giving him the details of her past.
Kyle shifted and then rolled, settling his weight on top of her. It was familiar, comfortable. He lowered his head, and at the last minute she turned hers, dodging his kiss. “Can you, uh...please turn on some lights?” Her heart was already pounding at the thought of losing her carefully coveted control. “I need to see you.”
“Sure.” He got up and headed to the attached bathroom. Light flooded in when he flipped the switch. “This bright enough?” he asked, pulling the door halfway closed.
“It’s perfect.” Just light enough to see him and her surroundings to keep herself oriented.
He returned to the bed and paused before getting in. His eyes locked on hers as he slowly drew his boxers down his hips, exposing that mouthwatering V of muscle. Pen rose to her knees and slowly crawled across the bed. His cock was eye level, the impressive length straining toward her.
Everything about this man was beautiful. She dipped her head to swipe her tongue over the glistening crown, but the moment she touched the velvety soft skin, he flinched and stopped her by slipping his fingers into her hair and lifting her head away from him. Her control was in the pleasure she gave. That was how she’d gotten away with avoiding intimacy for as long as she had. But unlike most men, Kyle wasn’t content to just receive.
“Nuh-uh. Your mouth on my cock is not me making love to you.”
“But I’m paying it forward.”
“Yeah, you’ve been paying it forward for the last week. I’m in so much debt, I’ll be filing for bankruptcy soon.”
She laughed and tried to dip her head again. Parting her lips as she kept her eyes locked on his, extending her tongue to swipe away the bead of pre-cum glistening the tip. He muttered a blasphemous curse and stepped out of her reach. She loved sucking him off, giving him pleasure that left him trembling from her touch. She could already feel it in the grip he had on her hair.
“Come here.” Kyle took her hand and pulled Pen to her feet. His fingertips grazed her thighs as he slowly pulled her nightie up, sending heat rushing between her thighs. She raised her arms over her head as the silky fabric brushed over her breasts. When it hit the floor, she opened her eyes to find Kyle staring at her. She felt naked—inside and out. If it wasn’t for the undisguised adoration on his gorgeous face, she might have gotten cold feet.
“You’re so beautiful.” His low husky voice was barely more than a rasp. Slowly tracing the line of her collarbone with his index finger, he said, “I know you don’t want my fingers between your legs, but what about my tongue?”
Oh, sweet merciful heaven...
She wanted to throw her arms around him and kiss him senseless for asking, for acknowledging her limitations. He wanted her trust as well as her body, and he was letting her know he wouldn’t do anything she wouldn’t enjoy. He was passively giving her a sliver of control.
When she didn’t respond, he asked her again, “Is there any place I can’t kiss you, Pen?”
She shook her head. The idea of Kyle’s mouth on her—there—had her heart rioting inside her chest and her nerves humming with anxious anticipation. “I’ve never let anyone do that before,” she confessed.
He looked both surprised and pleased at hearing this. Trailing his fingertip down her breast, he followed the swelling curve to her pebbled nipple. They tingled at his touch, a direct current of pleasure traveling from her nipples to her clit.
“So, there’s nothing else off limits?”
He rolled her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. A jolt of pleasure shot between her legs and she gasped. Pen couldn’t speak, couldn’t think. It took her a few pleasure-filled moments to find her voice. “I trust you.” That was the first time she’d ever uttered those words—to anyone.
Framing her face, his eyes held hers as he vowed, “You won’t regret it.” And then his mouth was on hers, his tongue sweeping past her lips and delving deep. He was an incredible kisser with a talented tongue, and she was anxious to discover the extent of those skills.
Kyle’s hands settled on her hips and he gently guided her toward the bed and lowered her to the mattress. As he laid her back, his mouth descended to her neck where he kissed and marked her favorite spot. He braced himself with one arm and his free hand palmed her breast, his calluses abrading her nipple. Every place he touched lit her nerve endings on fire.
By the time he knelt between her legs, Kyle had her worked into a hot, achy mess. The pressure building deep in her core was almost unbearable. She needed to come, needed relief from this delicious torment. She always controlled her pleasure, and her release, so her body wasn’t used to being denied it. She felt everything more acutely—each touch, each kiss...
Pen was so desperate to orgasm, she’d probably even welcome Kyle’s fingers inside her. Anything to give her relief—anything to stop this blissful torture. “Please...” she panted, unable to communicate anything more complex than the one-word plea.
“Hold on, baby. I promise this is going to be so good.” Kyle slipped his arms under her knees, and settled her legs over his wide, muscular shoulders. He slid his hands beneath her ass, thumbs resting in the apex of her thighs but drew no closer, mindful not to breech her silky cleft.
Her breath caught in a surprised gasp when he parted her with his thumbs, opening her to his hungry stare. If she thought she felt vulnerable before, this was a completely new level of exposure.
Kyle exhaled a reverent sounding curse. The rush of air leaving his lungs hit her sensitive flesh and she startled at the foreign sensation. “Shh,” he soothed, his grip on her ass tightening as if he expected her to bolt. “Just let me look at you. You’re so perfect. Already you’re so wet and ready for me.”
She watched him admiring her. The intimacy was almost more than she could bear, but she didn’t want to sever the connection.
“I’m going to kiss you.”
He was warning her, making sure not to startle her. Glancing up, he locked eyes with hers as he lowered his head and slowly dragged his tongue over her sensitive folds. She let out a surprised gasp when his tongue dipped into her opening. She jolted at the invasion and he exhaled a groan that sounded more like a growl. The vibration against her clit nearly sent her over the edge. Her hands instinctively dove into his hair, fingers tightening into the length.
“Kyle, please don’t stop. That feels so...amazing.”
His answering chuckle was a wicked sensation that shot into her core. Her empty channel clenched, craving to be filled, but she wasn’t willing to sacrifice the pleasure of his mouth for his cock. It shocked her to discover that the thought of Kyle sliding his fingers inside her and filling that aching void while his tongue teased and sucked her clit no longer seemed like such a frightening idea.
“Kyle, I need...” She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t ask him to finger her. But he had her so worked up, so desperate to come… He could probably make it happen just like this if he would stop teasing her. But every time she was on the verge, it was as if he could sense her impending orgasm and he’d back off, toying with her over and over again.
“What do you need, baby? Tell me what you want.”
“I need…more.”
“More what?”
“I can’t…” She shook her head back and forth, overwhelmed by sensation. “I can’t say it.”
He chuckled, a wicked rumble deep in his throat. “Yo
u want to come, baby?”
“Yes.”
“You want my mouth or my cock?”
“M…mouth,” she panted.
“And what else...?” Kyle stopped tonguing the bundle of nerves at the top of her sex and lifted his head just enough to meet her wide-eyed stare. Holy hell, he was an erotic vision, bowing between her thighs, worshiping her body. “What else do you want, Pen? Just say it. Anything you want, and it’s yours.”
Could he see her blushing? Probably. She could see the heightened flush of his skin. The hunger and excitement in his vibrant blue eyes.
“Could you...” She swallowed, trying to wet her suddenly dry throat, working up the courage to state her request. “Would you try touching me...when you’re kissing me there?”
His sexy grin turned serious. “Are you sure you want me to do that? I really don’t want to ruin this for you.”
“I think with your mouth on me it would be different. It would feel good.”
He seemed to understand what a big deal this was for her, to comprehend the level of faith she was placing in him. This was her trust-fall—and she was finally letting go. His mouth was back on her, tonguing her slit. The ache intensified as he sucked on her clit. She barely registered his hand slipping from beneath her bottom and then his finger teasing her entrance. Somewhere in the back of her mind, alarms were sounding, but she could ignore them by focusing on the pleasure Kyle was giving her, by keeping her eyes open and grounded in this moment.
As he set a rhythmic suction on her pearl, he pressed a finger deep inside her. Pleasure built, overpowering the bad memories as he worked it inside her. But then he withdrew his touch, and she nearly cried out in protest at the sudden void—until he entered her with a second. The fullness felt incredible as he continued nursing her clit. As his fingers pumped inside her, he changed the angle, seeming to be searching for someth— Oh…!
Her core detonated and she came hard, without warning. A broken cry tore from her lips as Kyle wrung her release from her. Wave after wave tore through her as he greedily consumed her pleasure. Just as the last shudders of the most incredible orgasm wracked her body, Kyle’s touch disappeared and he was kissing his way up, pausing to worship the sensitive spot just above her navel, then each of her breasts.
In for the Win (Against the Cage Book 5) Page 24