‘Yes, thank you,’ she said curtly.
‘Yes, you look wonderful, Kate,’ Louisa said, leaning forward, determined to be included. Her voice was warm but there was more than a trace of coolness in her guarded expression. ‘You must be very proud of your little sister,’ she said, emphasising the word ‘little’ as she turned to Sebastian. Her expression suddenly changed and her eyes became soft and seductive, her voice deeper and husky, and her face smoothed of all the hard sharpness that she seemed to reserve for Kate exclusively.
Sebastian’s mouth slanted in a warm and lazy smile. ‘She looks like a painted doll,’ he said, looking back at Kate whose lips curved in automatic response, effectively hiding the pain of his remark, in direct contrast to the way Louisa’s were thinning to a tight line at the banter, her eyes diamond-hard as she looked at Kate.
‘Howard!’ The piercing scream of Clare tore between them and they both reacted at once. Howard Peterson was clutching his chest, his hands in tight fists as he doubled over. His face was drained of all colour and his lips had taken on a disturbing blue outline.
‘Phone for the doctor!’ Sebastian barked. ‘And please clear the room,’ he ordered the guests, who seemed trapped by some macabre fascination and were watching the proceedings with a morbid curiosity.
‘Open your mouth, put this under your tongue,’ Kate said in a firm but quiet voice, gently pushing a tiny white tablet into her father’s mouth. ‘You’ll be all right; just relax,’ she said soothingly, casting an anxious glance at Clare who stood nonplussed at his side, too shocked to move. Kate’s fingers entwined around her father’s wrist carefully, feeling for his pulse: it felt weak and erratic.
‘Could you carry him?’ she asked Sebastian.
‘I’ll manage,’ he replied briefly.
‘No,’ Howard croaked, and there was a determination in his voice that caused Sebastian to pause. ‘Just give me a minute or two; it’s already easing off,’ he told them in short, gasping breaths.
‘He’s right,’ agreed Clare, her husband’s voice breaking through her shock. ‘Just help me get him to our room. I’ll see to him.’ She gave Kate an affectionate smile. ‘He’ll be OK. He’s just done too much,’ she reassured her, grateful for the help. Kate’s eyes fastened on Clare’s and for once they were together, emotionally linked in their love for one man. In that moment an understanding sprang between them, and when Clare smiled at her Kate smiled glowingly back.
Kate sat on the patio, the blackness of the night suiting her mood. She stared with vacant eyes into the darkness, her whole body numb except for the dull pain in her own chest. The doctor was still with her father and she had left Sebastian to see to the guests; she couldn’t face them now. She wanted to be alone. She knew she couldn’t face the polite enquiries after her father’s health or the sympathetic and pitying looks she was bound to receive. All she wanted was to be alone, to try and find some peace and tranquillity amid all the turmoil.
‘Kate?’
She didn’t answer. Her mouth was dry and she couldn’t bear to hear any bad news. She wanted to shut it out. She knew it was her fault. She had seen the state he was in when she had come back late from her shopping expedition. It had all been too much—the worry, the lack of rest. It was all her fault and she couldn’t bear it, the look of accusation in Sebastian’s eyes.
‘Kate, Kate, he’s all right. He’s going to be all right.’ Sebastian’s words hung in the cool night air before slowly sinking into Kate’s consciousness. ‘Kate, did you hear?’ he persisted, joining her outside and shivering as he realised how much the temperature had dropped. He sat down beside her and gave a gasp of surprise.
‘You’d best come in, Kate.’ His voice was soft but firm. ‘Come on,’ he coaxed, gently wrapping his arm around her shoulders and drawing her back into the lounge. Idly, Kate looked up at the sky, covered with millions of stars.
‘Just look at all those stars,’ she said, her eyes skimming over the velvet heavens till Sebastian moved her.
‘They’re beautiful, Kate, just beautiful,’ he murmured in her ear as he steered her back inside and sat her down. She was shivering slightly too, and he took off his jacket, placing it gently around her shoulders. Then he slipped back and closed the patio doors. Kate sat staring into the flames of the mock-fire, the pain of guilt weighing heavily on her.
‘Here, drink this,’ Sebastian commanded, pushing a glass of brandy into her hands. ‘He’s all right, Kate; it was just an angina attack. He’s going to have to take things a bit more easy, that’s all.’
‘I know.’ She sounded slightly breathless, her voice hollow.
‘Then what is it, Kate? What’s wrong?’ Sebastian asked, obviously troubled by her blank expression. Kate leapt to her feet, Sebastian’s jacket falling into a crumpled heap at her feet.
‘I’ve got to go,’ she said quickly, her voice filled with panic. ‘Now, I’ve got to go now,’ she added breathlessly, her eyes darting around the room while she looked for a means of escape.
‘Go? Go where? demanded Sebastian, getting to his feet, troubled by her behaviour.
‘I can’t stay,’ she said. ‘You see that?’ she asked, a desperate plea in her voice and her eyes searching his face for confirmation. ‘I should never have come back, never!’ she cried.
Sebastian took her firmly by the shoulders. He could hear the hysterical note that was entering her tone and had to prevent it getting any worse. He held her firmly.
‘Kate?’ he questioned softly, as he sought the source of the pain that troubled her so much.
‘It’s my fault, Sebastian, my fault,’ she choked, the well of tears that she had fought so hard to control breaking into a flood until she was sobbing uncontrollably. ‘You’re right. I’m selfish and spoilt and I haven’t changed a bit,’ she spluttered.
Sebastian drew her to his chest, his arms enveloping her, and he rocked her to and fro. ‘I’ve made him ill,’ she said.
‘Stop it, Kate, stop it!’ he ordered. ‘It’s not your fault and nobody thinks it is,’ he reassured her. Kate struggled to break loose from his arms, but he continued to hold her close while he explained. ‘You know your father is a workaholic and he’s still pushing himself too hard. He’s supposed to be recuperating. He insists on still working and maybe this will show him he can’t do that any more, so you can just stop blaming yourself right now.’
‘I still shouldn’t have come back,’ she confessed quietly, half to herself. This felt too good, resting on Sebastian’s chest, listening to the steady thud of his heart, feeling the warmth of him.
‘Yes, you should,’ he assured her, the familiar touch of his arm on her back making her feel slightly dizzy. ‘I’m glad you’re here,’ he said softly, his warm breath touching her hair like a summer breeze.
‘You are?’ she asked, surprised by this admission. ‘But you forced me here, made sure I came,’ she said, doubting his sincerity.
‘I had to. I had missed you so much, Kate.’
‘Did you?’
‘Yes, I did, but when the detective found you and I knew you were no longer a little girl but a woman with a life of her own to lead I decided to be a little heavy-handed,’ he admitted sheepishly. ‘You look wonderful tonight—quite grown-up. I hardly recognised you.’
‘Do I?’ In that brief moment Kate thought her heart would burst with joy.
‘Stop fishing for compliments,’ he joked.
‘I’m not,’ she protested weakly.
‘Aren’t you?’
‘A little,’ Kate agreed, sinking on to the couch beside him. ‘I wanted to come back if I could have been assured of a welcome.’
‘But you’ve always been welcome,’ he began to protest, brushing a tendril of hair from her face. It was a feather-light touch but Kate could feel her resistance melting.
‘Well, that puts an end to that idea,’ Clare interrupted them. She was too preoccupied at first to notice the intimacy between the couple but when she did she just smiled.
‘What idea?’ Sebastian and Kate chorused in union.
‘The safari. I’ve told him it’s out of the question and the doctor agrees, so I’m afraid you’ll have to go alone,’ she finished quickly, seeing the protests already forming on their lips.
‘Safari? I can’t believe it,’ Kate said, delighted, her eyes wide; but underneath there was a real fear—did Clare blame her for her father’s set-back, so that she was no longer welcome here?
‘Yes, you can,’ Clare said firmly, her voice not brooking any argument. ‘I insist. It was your father’s wish—a little treat. He arranged it as a surprise. He’d feel awful if you didn’t go—as if it was all his fault,’ she explained calmly to Kate before fixing her attention on Sebastian. ‘Now you can stop shaking your head. You can’t expect Kate to go alone and unchaperoned. It can be dangerous so you’ll have to go too.’
‘Are you sure, Clare?’ asked Kate. She hated the thought of leaving her to nurse her father alone. He was not an easy patient and could be quite argumentative.
‘I’m quite sure, Kate.’ Clare gave a knowing smile that Kate immediately picked up on—she wanted to be alone with Howard.
‘I can hardly wait. I’ve always wanted to go.’ She was hardly able to keep the glee from her voice.
‘And you always get what you want, don’t you?’ said Sebastian quietly.
‘It will be wonderful,’ said Kate, ignoring Sebastian. She was doing this for Clare and Howard’s sake and if he couldn’t understand it she wasn’t about to explain. Let him think the worst of her—he usually did.
Sebastian opened his mouth to protest but was cut off before he had the chance to start—his mother knew him too well. ‘It’s only for three days and it will do you both good,’ she said firmly, putting an end to any further discussion. Kate turned and looked at Sebastian. He sent a challenging look her way, an ironic gleam in his dark eyes.
‘Well, that’s settled, then,’ he said slowly, rising to his feet with a resigned air.
‘You don’t have to come with me,’ Kate told him easily, suppressing a twinge of pain at his attitude, the pendulum swing of his mood. The intimacy they had just shared seemed completely forgotten.
‘Not come with you?’ he teased. ‘I wouldn’t miss it for the world.’
CHAPTER NINE
‘JAMBO, jambo,’ called the local driver, his eyes shining with natural friendliness. He reached out, pulling Kate on board an open-topped vehicle that afforded her a full view of the whole area. Sebastian climbed in beside her, a neat but obviously expensive camera slung over his broad shoulders. Kate caught the admiring glances he was receiving from the other passengers, both men and women alike. But she too was staring at him, drinking in the sight of his wide-open smile, the intelligent gleam in his eyes. Sebastian, used to the attention of others, was indifferent to them and slid into the chair next to Kate.
‘Don’t you look different!’ she declared with unfeigned affection. ‘I’m not surprised you’re catching everyone’s attention,’ she teased.
‘The Great White Hunter,’ he agreed, with a ready smile and an ease Kate wished she could match. ‘It’s too hot for anything else,’ he added by way of explanation, his hands dropping on to his bare thighs. Kate’s gaze dropped briefly to his suntanned, firm thighs, fighting off the emotions he aroused within her, as she had done countless times before—never too successfully. This time she was determined that it would be different—had to be different, if they were to enjoy this trip.
‘I’m looking forward to this,’ Sebastian said to her, his smile deepening, causing small wrinkles to form around his eyes. ‘Give me a chance to use my new toy,’ he said, tapping his camera with affection.
‘You weren’t originally,’ Kate reminded him, her tone deliberately light-hearted and friendly.
‘No, to be honest, I wasn’t,’ he agreed.
She studied his face as he spoke; he was being frank as usual, but she would have preferred a white lie. ‘Is my company that bad?’ she asked, tempering her hurt with a gentle grin that lifted the corners of her mouth. She tried to understand the flicker of emotion that crossed Sebastian’s face.
‘It’s not that, Kate…’ he mumbled, and she sensed his discomfiture. He toyed with his camera, avoiding her eyes.
‘What, then?’ Kate probed, more intrigued than troubled by his obvious reluctance. He shrugged his powerful shoulders, feigning an indifference that she instinctively knew he was not feeling.
‘Oh, you know.’ A frown pleated his brow, drawing his dark brows in even further over his eyes.
‘Do I?’ challenged Kate, holding her head at a saucy angle as she waited for him to explain.
‘Don’t you?’ he tossed back. His head lifted suddenly and his eyes trapped hers, waiting for her denial, but Kate dropped her gaze, unable to negotiate the undercurrent that always ran between them, threatening to overwhelm her.
‘How long will it be before we set off?’ she enquired. She had learnt that the only way to survive was to keep the conversation light and impersonal.
‘Five minutes.’ His expression became faintly grim, as if he objected to her changing the subject ‘Have you got your binoculars handy? The camouflage technique of these wild animals makes spotting them virtually impossible,’ he explained.
‘I didn’t know you’d been on safari before,’ commented Kate, jealous because she had wanted them to experience it for the first time together. They had so many shared memories, each emblazoned on her mind and heart with the red-hot steel of desire. Sebastian had introduced her to so many different things. He was an integral part of her life and would be forever. No matter how hard she tried to keep a barrier between them, she knew that it was impossible.
‘I haven’t,’ Sebastian said, making Kate’s dark thoughts vanish by his brightness. ‘I just watch a lot of nature programmes on TV.’ He laughed good-naturedly. As he relaxed his features softened, and the usual tension ebbed from his face.
‘We’re off!’ cried Kate suddenly in excitement as the engine was started and the Jeep jumped forward.
‘You’re not going to sing, are you?’ asked Sebastian with a theatrically pained expression on his face and mock-desperation in his voice.
‘Do you remember?’ Kate murmured wistfully, a sudden vivid image of herself as a young girl flashing through her mind.
‘How could I forget?’ Sebastian declared, raising his brows to heaven as his smile widened still further, creating deep grooves down the sides of his handsome face.
‘It was the year we went to France,’ Kate said, responding to the lighter side of his nature.
‘That’s right,’ he agreed, flashing her another quick smile to soften the blow of his next words. ‘And you drove us all mad singing that silly song.’
‘Happy days,’ sighed Kate, shaking her head in regret of the passing years that had flown by, leaving her only fond recollections.
‘Childhood is full of such innocence,’ Sebastian remarked quietly, picking up on her changing mood and watching her closely.
‘Then we grow up,’ Kate returned, surprising herself with the sadness that was present in her tone.
‘That’s right,’ Sebastian said, briskly trying to break the seriousness of the conversation. ‘We all change and nothing ever stays the same.’
Kate half nodded in reply; she was thinking—thinking about the past and how she, and her life, had changed.
‘I don’t mind now,’ she confessed, keeping her voice deliberately casual to avoid the confrontation that she knew might develop. She wanted to avoid that at all costs.
Sebastian looked down at the hand she had placed lightly on his bare arm, her long fingers soft against the coarse hairs on his skin.
‘Mind what?’ he asked, aware that she was serious, and he covered her hand with his.
Kate drew her hand away, startled by the wave of intensity that such a casual touch could produce. She looked at him, taking in the cool darkness of his gaze, the puzzl
ed frown that creased his forehead. She felt a moment’s hesitation, then swept on. ‘About the business. I don’t think I would have been very good anyway,’ she finished weakly, recalling the terrible scene she had caused and the pain and disruption that followed.
His glance flicked to her.
‘I bet you would,’ he answered her, surprising Kate by his sincerity. ‘You always took such a keen interest,’ he recalled with crystal-clear clarity, the admiration in his voice making her heart soar.
‘Yes—yes, I did. But not because I was interested in engineering, but because I wanted to be part of the family company.’ She tipped her head slightly back, her hair falling over her shoulders as she tried to gauge his reaction to this revelation.
‘No?’ he asked, partly intrigued, partly puzzled. ‘But I thought…’
Kate shook her head gently from side to side, her action silencing him. ‘No,’ she began firmly. ‘Daddy had been such a workaholic. I wanted his attention,’ she confessed. ‘Desperately,’ she concluded.
‘So you developed an interest in engineering?’ Sebastian added, with an understanding nod, the interest in his eyes trapping her for a moment.
‘It wasn’t so much the partnership he offered you…’ she mused absently, recalling the depth of emotion she had felt that day, the white-hot anger that had torn through her, the final straw that had pushed her to never wanting to see any of them ever again. Looking back, she had been a fool—a young girl fighting to come to terms with the turmoil of feeling that had swept through her as she had begun her struggle to maturity.
‘You saw it as a rejection of you?’ Sebastian probed gently. But he already knew the answer—he was too perceptive not to understand fully the implication of what he had just heard.
‘That’s right.’ Her breathing had deepened and she tensed momentarily. ‘I know I became impossible,’ she said quickly, wanting to admit she was in the wrong and finding it difficult, though not as difficult as she would have thought.
‘That’s an understatement.’
Kate stole a glance at Sebastian’s face, expecting condemnation, and her body sagged with relief.
On Equal Terms Page 11