“I wonder if my story is worthwhile telling, then,” she said.
“Absolutely! I want to know about you. There was something that you had that Jack needed, evidently. By knowing what it was, I am finding out more about myself. You can imagine how much change I must be facing, trying to understand the woman I was. Why am I revealing so much to you, for instance? Honestly, I think your age has something to do with it. So far, I have only learned or heard about young women. I’m happy that he was with someone my age, to tell you the truth.” Maryanne was turning facts over in her head, trying to decide how to start. Did Pam want a narrative about Jack’s life with Katherine and herself? She’d start with Katherine.
“I have a handicapped daughter. Her name is Katherine. She has rare genetic defect that affected her face. It’s called Apert Syndrome. But she also had a cleft palate and some brain injury.” Maryanne stopped here and looked at Pam. She was going to reveal the length of the relationship now, and she knew it would be shocking to her. “Jack loved her. He met her when she was just two years old and she’s in her early twenties now.” Pam was trying to keep it together, but hearing that Jack had a long term relationship with someone, and she never, ever came across any evidence of it, was yet another reason that self-examination at this juncture of life was crucial. She decided she had nothing to lose by admitting shock. It might even validate the woman for some reason.
“Well, there you go! Just when I didn’t think he could do anything more to hurt me, bingo! I’m totally surprised.” Maryanne felt terrible again and sniffed back the tears.
“I’m sorry, okay? I used bad judgment and was selfish and honestly, stupid. I want to tell you the negative crap, too, but don’t want to hurt you anymore, if that’s possible.” Pam told her to go on. “He ate breakfast every morning where I worked.” Maryanne told the whole story to Pam. Finally Pam asked, nervously,
“Did my mother-in-law know about the two of you?”
“No, never. I wasn’t allowed to speak to him when they were in the restaurant together.” She was drained. Hopefully, Pam would ask questions. Giving a lengthy talk about Jack was taking its toll. She didn’t say anything else.
“Did you love each other?” Pam was looking intently at her, but with kindness again.
“I loved him, and he loved Katherine, but I don’t think Jack loved me. He felt sorry for me. He came to my house way up in Washington Heights almost four days a week to see Katherine. Very rarely, and I think this was purely for my benefit; he would wait and come at night. When I say rarely, I mean a few times a year. He was never that interested in it, if I can say that frankly.” Pam thought for a while of the impact of what she had just been told. Jack had driven from his office downtown, all the way up to Washington Heights. That was at least a half hour ride, but this was in rush hour, so maybe more. She felt so sad for her children. They were competing for his affection as much as she was. And no one was aware of it.
“Tell me about your daughter,” Pam said. She wanted to try to understand what was so compelling about this child that would pull Jack in. “You said she had a birth defect.”
“It’s a genetic defect. Her face was affected. I hate to say deformed. Her eyes are so far apart that they don’t work in unison. She had a bilateral cleft palate. Jack saw her after the surgeries to correct the cleft palates, but she still had to have several more. He was there for her, paid most of her expenses so that she would have a private nurse while I went to work.” Maryanne continued with the story of Jack’s goodness to them. Pam floated back and forth between disgust and compassion. It wasn’t the little girl’s fault that that schmuck was drawn to her. Pam had fear in the back of her brain that the child had been molested, too, but she didn’t voice it. If nothing had been said or noticed then that was good enough for her.
Besides Evelyn from Gwen’s, there was no other woman who knew the whole Jack story that Maryanne was unloading on his widow. Once she started talking about it, she couldn’t stop. Pam felt herself slipping into despair again, but she was able to pull out of it each time the feeling would come over her; where in the hell was I when he was sitting in the child’s hospital room? Or driving an hour up north to see her instead of coming east? What was so appealing about a deformed child and her mother when he had two toddlers and a wife at home waiting for him? She tried to do the math; had they even moved to Babylon yet? Was he doing this when his family still lived in the city? No, it couldn’t be. Could it? Pam had wanted to do a timeline of Jack’s escapades at one time; she wanted to print out a giant calendar that covered all the years of their marriage and fill in the boxes with the names of the women he had fucked at the appropriate times. But she didn’t do it because it would mean spending too much time on worthless information.
She looked at Maryanne closely while she was talking, and Pam’s heart went out to her. She was so thin; you could tell she must have stopped eating. Her gray roots were a couple of inches long; Pam guessed she had stopped coloring her hair when Jack died. She found herself wondering how she found out about his death. Did she read it in the paper the way Melissa did? Or Cindy, who Pam knew very little about? She found the courage to ask and was saddened to find out that her boss had cut the obituary out for her; she didn’t read them since her own husband had died twenty –two years earlier.
“I’m sorry about you losing your husband. You have suffered many losses,” Pam said. What else could she say? You losing your husband didn’t give the right to mess with mine? But she was just a drop in the bucket of his messes, just one of many women. “So what can I do for you, Maryanne?”
“Do you really want to help me?” Maryanne asked, making eye contact with Pam for the first time in a while, having recited her story while looking out to sea. She sat at Jack’s table, but had trouble placing him there. Did he like the beach house? He rarely spoke of his life. Maryanne believed that he was trying to prevent her from knowing enough to be able to infiltrate his personal space. The danger that he might forget where he was and who he was talking to would increase if he allowed that to happen. His secretiveness wasn’t only so that the women wouldn’t be able to find him. Pam nodded her head yes.
“I’ll do whatever it is you need to move forward.” She was prepared to do anything at this point. Jack would have wanted her to, although what he wanted was becoming less and less important.
“I need money, first of all. I lost my job when Gwen’s went out of business last month. I’d like to stay in touch with you, if it’s possible. I miss a connection with Jack so badly. He didn’t mean to, but having him in my life monopolized it so that I have no friends to speak of.” Pam completely understood; it did the same thing to her. The money thing was tougher. Where would it end? Did she owe something to Maryanne?
“Can I think about what you are asking? I don’t want to make any rash decisions here, Maryanne. If Jack owes you something, you deserve to have it. Was he giving you money regularly?” Maryanne felt that she needed to be totally honest from the onset. If she ever decided to sue his estate, lies could come back to haunt her. Then she thought to herself, sue? Who ever mentioned a law suit?
Chapter 14
The end of summer can be a melancholy time, or one filled with fun and adventure. Marie’s life that week vacillated between hysterical fright and intense fabulousity. Jeff Babcock knew how to party. When he had a few drinks in him, and had to act the straight role for the benefit of his family, he was wonderful! By the time she got to Pam’s house the day of the confession to Steve Marks, Jeff had arrived to talk to Pam about being his date for a graduation party his brother Ted was having for his twin girls who were finished with their studies at Union College. Marie walked through the door from the beach just as he was coming through the veranda, Pam at his side. He looked crestfallen when he saw Marie, but she had to hand it to him; he pulled right out of it in a matter of seconds and was able to even act pleased that she had come from the city.
“Your timing is perfect, my friend!�
�� Pam swiveled her head around. Friend? Yuck. Then she remembered, he had come out to Marie. She played dumb. Marie kissed her and went off to the veranda with Jeff, leaving Pam with her thoughts. She was exhausted anyway; when they were home, she hadn’t said anything to her children after all, about AIDS or about babies; anything that was unpleasant was left out of the conversation. She felt a distance growing between herself and Sandra and thought that it was okay. She would miss Sandra, she would think about the baby, but had done a complete turnaround regarding the baby’s importance in the lives of her children. She would tell them someday when she was ready, but not now.
In the meantime, that young police officer, Detective Adams had come back to Sandra and asked for forgiveness. He realized that he couldn’t live without her. He would have to force himself to make a compromise, when Sandra realized she could more easily live without Pam than she could without Tom. She would give up her friendship with Jack’s family if that was what it took to keep Tom around. No one told any of this to Bernice, who would probably forget about the baby in time. She hadn’t asked about Bill’s children once since he was incarcerated last month.
Pam wanted to be alone to think about Maryanne. What was she going to do? She had to see a lawyer; that was clear. The woman was so sad, she really needed some help. The emotional toll taking care of her daughter alone would be horrendous. Add to that the death of the boyfriend and the loss of a job. Pam realized how lucky she was that she had enough money to live without worry. Was it worth the tradeoff of the garbage Jack left behind? Probably not. But she had no control over what he had done. She could only control her own actions. And she felt badly for Maryanne. Jack had given her enough to make life pleasant, and if it worked out, she would share some of it with Maryanne.
The following day, Pam called her attorney for some advice. She had no legal obligation to help out Maryanne and Katherine, and they had no grounds for a lawsuit, if that was a concern. Although he didn’t think she should do it, Pam could give Maryanne money if she felt that it was something she had to do, and it wouldn’t obligate her in the future. But because Katherine wasn’t Jack’s daughter, they had no rights to anything that had formerly been his. Pam felt both saddened and empowered at the same time. She could do what she felt was morally responsible without setting a precedent that would be obligating.
Chapter 15
Frieda
Jack told me once I was the only married woman he had ever slept with, besides his wife. I’m not proud of having had an affair. My husband is a busy man, always involved with another woman somewhere in the world, but that should not have influenced me in my decision to remain faithful, or unfaithful. Jack was simply irresistible. I met him at a business function and the next thing I knew, we were in bed together like two wild animals. Of course, I thought it was a mutual need, a symbiotic attraction. Then Jack felt like he could confide in me and that entire allusion was blown. Jack was insane. He truly was crazy. A lunatic. How he managed to run a company, raise two normal children, have several lovely homes, and the respect and admiration of the community, and yet no one discovers him? Jesus Christ, my faith took a beating on that one.
My office is midtown, Third Avenue between Forty-Second and Forty-Third. To get to Jack in the worst traffic, all I had to do was walk up to Grand Central, take the Five Six train downtown and get off at Wall Street. Twenty minutes tops. I am ashamed to admit that we often had sex in his office. He would shut the door and we would go at it. I bathed my rear end in his private bathroom many, many times.
We were introduced in January. I don’t even remember the purpose of the meeting, but it involved lunch and we were lucky enough to sit next to each other. Peter Romney, his business partner is my brother-in-law. I met his brother Ben in Argentina, my home. He was there on business. When we met, we had instant attraction. I thought the name Benjamin Romney sounded like such a sturdy, honest name. My father and mother instantly liked him. We dated for about three weeks and he had to leave for New York, so I came back with him. For the first five years, I modeled for a living. Then I got pregnant. I got my real estate license because I didn’t have the energy to get my pre-baby body back and I was getting older.
I needed a workup done on a historic property in Queens. The buyers wanted to completely remodel, but there were all sorts of parameters that needed to be observed. I wasn’t sure what Pete’s business was at the time, but Ben told me that was what his company did. So I took the information to Peter and he agreed to do the project. He told Jack right in front of me, ‘don’t fuck my sister-in-law.’ Exploding with laughter, Jack reassured him that no such thing would take place, but of course, it already had. Now I had an excuse to be in his office. I saw Jack several times. He was always all business as he should be, and pleasant, as well. Jack is real people person. You never know for sure if he is being sincere or blowing smoke up your ass.
Shortly before Fredericka was born, Ben and I got married. We had a lavish, New York wedding. Jack and Pam Smith came, or were invited, I should say, and he brought his sister-in-law. I don’t remember her name. She is one of those ageless women who, depending on the light, can look anywhere from twenty-five to sixty years of age. She was definitely on the older end of the scale when I met her. I was disappointed that Pam didn’t come, but later I was glad. I don’t think I could have slept with her husband if I had met her. It’s not my style.
After Fredericka’s birth, I saw a big difference in Ben. I don’t really think he wanted a family. Now Peter; he would have loved it, yet has never been married and doesn’t even have a girlfriend. He isn’t gay. Ben is never home, I mean never. He doesn’t seem happy when he is home, and has no interest in either me or our daughter. She will be five in October. I’m thinking about moving back to Argentina. There is nothing left for me here, nothing. With Jack dead, I will only have work and taking care of my daughter. My husband is in China right now. He was home for six weeks this summer; we had a brief rekindling of our romantic relationship, but then he got antsy again and left. I was crushed. When we were making love, I could only think of Jack, and how selfless he was in bed. He only wanted to satisfy me. I am not sure if he even came in side of me. I’ll never know now.
Chapter 16
Maryanne
Pam Smith called last night. She asked to meet me at Jack’s mother house on the Upper West Side for coffee this morning. ‘It will save you from having to come back to Babylon,’ she said. She never mentioned coming up here to my house. She just wanted to talk, to touch bases again. She said she enjoyed hearing about Jack and his affection for Katherine; he was caring and interested in another human being. She was sorry that she didn’t see that side of him, which I thought was a bunch of crap. Anyway, I agreed to meet her. I took the train, then walked up Broadway. When I got to the address, I was stunned. So that’s the Columbus mansion. I have seen pictures of it in magazines over the years. I knew his mother still lived there. The owner of Gwen’s was in awe of Mrs. Smith, fawning over her when she came in on Wednesday with Jack. She hoped Mrs. Smith would go tell all her fancy uptown friends about the coffee shop. But Mrs. Smith didn’t want anyone of them to know about it. It was her special place to have a meal with her son.
I was nervous about approaching the house; it has a brick wall around the property with huge iron gates at the entrance to the path up to the door. There was the sound of water splashing. The gate squeaked so loudly it hurt my ears. And then I saw the source of the water; a beautiful fountain in the center of a magnificent garden. It was one of those secret places you read about in the Sunday times. I couldn’t imagine having such a thing right in my own yard.
I wondered if everyone in the household was looking out the windows at me. I knocked on the door, and a uniformed maid opened it and stepped aside so I could come in. She showed me to a small, comfortably furnished room off to the left of the hallway. Down farther, on the right, I saw light spilling out of a large doorway, with the sounds of female voices and laughter
. I sat down and looked around, taking it all in. There was very little in the way of clutter, no antiques or bric a brac, and no art work hanging on the walls. It sort of looked like they were getting ready to move and had packed up everything but the furniture. After sitting there for about a minute, the maid returned with a coffee pot on a tray. She asked me how I took it as Pam walked in.
“I’ll pour, Millie, thank you very much. Good morning, Maryanne!” She said turning to me. “Thank you for coming here early like this.” She didn’t seem to expect me to reply, because she kept on talking as she poured coffee for us. “How do you take your coffee? Or are you a tea drinker? I have both here.” I told her I’d take coffee. “Millie just can’t serve drinks without something fattening. I’ll put two of these on your plate.” She placed a cream filled pastry of some kind next to a crispy looking cookie. It was too much sugar so early in the day, but I’d eat it to be polite.
“The reason I asked you to meet me today is because I want to help you with your finances. I’m going to be very upfront with you about everything, okay?” I nodded my head yes. “Here’s a check for ten thousand dollars. I realize that won’t last forever, but it should help you stay afloat until you can apply for unemployment or get another job.” The check was drawn on a bank in Babylon, and had Jack’s name on it, as well. Seeing his name there in the corner made me sad. I didn’t feel anything else; no gratitude, or relief. Just pulsating sadness.
Dream Lover: Pam of Babylon Book #3 Page 10