Daddy strode inside the dark barn and disappeared. Saucy shivered. It was like the barn had swallowed him up. Scared, she followed the sound of his steps. Daddy climbed onto the rails of one of the horse stalls, and Saucy climbed up beside him. Inside, Saucy found she could just make out shapes. They both studied the deep shadows, the barely visible gray straw.
Daddy spoke quietly. “I want to fill up this place. I know you don’t want me to go on this run to California, but I need this money. Kyle Sanders is holding those two mares for me, and I should make enough to buy them outright. I’ve already got one horse boarder lined up to start the first of the month and we can get more boarders. And I’ll start offering horse riding lessons. I’m selling the rig so we can live off that for a while. It’s going to be tough for a year or so, but we’re going to make a new start.”
Maybe, Saucy thought, if Daddy filled up the barn, he could fill up his sad smile, too. Saucy gripped the rails tighter. But for the next ten days, Krissy would be here and Daddy wouldn’t.
She tried to laugh away her fears. “I like the idea of a horse ranch. But staying here with Krissy while you’re gone is like riding a bucking bronco.”
Daddy face lit up. “She does keep things lively.”
Saucy couldn’t take her eyes off Daddy’s happy face. But she didn’t think lively meant the same to her as it did to Daddy. She remembered too well how cold–bitterly cold–the night air was during the early spring. “What if Krissy leaves us somewhere again?”
“Look, you gotta try to get along with Krissy. She didn’t mean to leave you at the ball field.”
“But she did leave us! Everybody asked if we needed a ride, but Krissy said she was just going to get gas, and she’d be right back.”
“She went back to look for you. Next time, you stay put, so she can find you.”
“But she didn’t come back. We were cold, so we walked home.” Saucy shivered with the memory.
Daddy sighed. “OK, she did drive home first, but then she remembered and went back for you.”
“We didn’t see her van.”
“Krissy was frantic that you weren’t where she left you. She was out looking for you all night. She called me and was crying and crying. You must have walked home a different way.”
“No.”
“Enough.” Daddy’s voice was angry now. “Krissy isn’t the problem. You are. Next time, you stay put.”
Saucy was confused. How was she the problem, when it was Krissy who was drinking? “But I found–”
Daddy interrupted. “Besides, she’s promised not to drink anymore. Krissy is my wife, now. And your mother. Try to get along.”
Krissy called again, “Breakfast!”
Daddy jumped down and scooped Saucy off the rail. “I’m gonna do this last run and then we’re gonna have a great new life.”
Desperate, Saucy tried again. “Please, let me–”
“A horse ranch!” Daddy’s voice was excited. “You can name the first colt that’s born. How does that sound?”
He swung her in circles until Saucy had to shut her eyes from dizziness and—the moment was gone. He wouldn’t listen to her, and he was going to leave. She would have to trust him that everything would be okay.
Krissy called, louder this time, “It’s getting cold.”
“My turn!” Bubba called. His hair was uncombed, and he had on his ragged house shoes.
“Come here, boy!”
Daddy put Saucy down and swung Bubba around.
Saucy stood still, trying to let the dizziness pass.
Bubba flopped over Daddy’s shoulder and squealed.
With a final hug, Daddy set him down. “Let’s go eat.”
Then, holding each child by their hands, Daddy led them in to breakfast. Thirty minutes later, before the sun was even bright in the sky, Daddy drove his rig past the empty barn and out to the road.
6
Saucy’s Plan
Saucy and Bubba waved at Daddy’s rig until it was out of sight. She stood for several minutes, thinking about Daddy’s plan. If Momma was right, this was a bad idea. But Momma was gone and Daddy was married to Krissy. It was okay to do things in new ways. Besides, if they could make it through the next ten days, Daddy would be home all the time. She would do anything to help make that happen.
A horse ranch! She wished she had asked him about the mares. What color were they and how old? Would they have colts right away?
“Let’s go in,” Bubba said.
Instead, she took Bubba’s hand and led him to the horse stall. She took off her jacket and rolled up her sleeves. They had an hour before the school bus came, and they could do some work. She put a rake in his hand. “Guess what?”
“What?”
“We’re gonna clean out all this old stuff, so when Daddy comes back, it’ll be ready.”
“Ready for what?” Bubba asked.
“The new horses.”
Krissy appeared in the barn doorway. Her hair was lit from behind like a halo. One knee of her jeans was torn, but her white T-shirt was spotless. “Bubba, come help me feed my chickens.”
Krissy had raised each of her bantam chickens from tiny chicks. She fed them each morning, and Bubba often helped.
“Bubba was helping me,” Saucy said.
“Do what?” Krissy took the rake out of Bubba’s hand and leaned it against the stall door. “Muck out the barn? Who wants to do that?”
“Daddy said we’re going to have a horse ranch,” Saucy said.
“He hopes so.”
Bubba tugged Krissy’s hand. “Don’t you want horses?”
Krissy’s slim shoulders shrugged. “Not really. I just want your Daddy to be home more. If the horse ranch idea will do that, I want a horse ranch.” She smiled and added, “With lots of chickens.”
“Chickens and horses,” Saucy said. “Sounds good to me.”
“Bubba, get the chicken feed for me and come on.”
Bubba took the tin cup from its hook by the barn door. He flipped the lid off a trash can where they kept the chicken feed. He dug the tin cup into the chicken feed and dumped it into a pail, until it was half full. He finally ran into the barnyard, calling, “Here, chick-chick-chick-chick.” His high-pitched voice grew more excited as the bantams came running.
Somberly, Saucy watched Krissy and Bubba greet each bantam by name. Their blond hair gleamed in the morning light and they almost looked like mother and son, instead of stepmother and stepson.
It should make her feel better, she thought, that Krissy cared so much for her bantams. But she kept remembering one night when Krissy had been drunk.
Krissy had been hungry, but the refrigerator was empty. She couldn’t find anything in the cabinets she wanted. Krissy stomped out to her chicken house. “Shicken soup, that’s what ah need,” she mumbled.
She tried to catch a bantam hen, but she’d been too slow. Saucy had peeked around the doorway of the henhouse and watched the black and red feathers fly. Krissy couldn’t get her hands on any of the chickens. She had been so mad, she searched every nest and found every egg. One by one, she hurled them at the walls until all that was left was smashed shells. Krissy was like a fox in a henhouse.
Thinking about it now, Saucy realized she had to make sure Bubba was safe for the next ten days. “Safe from what?” she asked herself. She didn’t know exactly. And that’s what made it so bad. It was the unpredictable nights that worried her. The nights when Krissy might be up late or go out without telling them. Anything could happen while Saucy slept. How could she keep Bubba away from Krissy at night? She’d look around in the barn to see if there was something to help keep them both safe.
Krissy flung the last bit of chicken feed at the feet of her favorite rooster, Bobtail.
She and Bubba came and stood by Saucy in the barn’s doorway. They all watched the puffs of dust made by bantams scratching and pecking.
Krissy yawned, then clapped Bubba on the back. “Run get the wheelbarrow. We’ll help S
aucy clean out the stall. All the old straw and stuff can go into the wheelbarrow so we can cart it off. We’ll get a clean start.”
With amazement at Krissy’s enthusiasm, Saucy stretched and yawned. The sun was warm on her face. She didn’t know why Krissy suddenly decided to help, but she had learned to accept Krissy’s good moods without questioning them. If Krissy helped, the barn would get cleaned, and Daddy would be pleased.
Bubba handed Krissy the empty pail. “I’m a race horse,” he cried. He tossed his head and galloped off to get the wheelbarrow.
Krissy’s laugh echoed from the barn rafters.
Saucy smiled, too. She hoped they could fill up this barn and hoped the ranch would work. She’d do her part if Krissy did hers. The wide shovel slid easily under a pile of straw. With a grunt, Saucy heaved up the first shovel-load of old straw and turned to dump it into Bubba’s wheelbarrow.
7
Lights Out
That week, each day after school, Saucy ran to the barn and stood amazed at how much work Krissy had done. Once started, Krissy had mucked out every single stall and straightened up piles of junk. On Friday, someone delivered fifty bales of straw, and Krissy spread a fresh layer in each stall. By Saturday, the barn was in perfect shape, ready for horses. Which meant Krissy now had nothing to do.
“Help me with the chickens,” she called to Bubba on Saturday morning.
Saucy sat on the front porch rocker drinking hot chocolate and watched Bubba scatter chicken feed. Krissy caught the largest and oldest rooster. Amazingly, it didn’t fight her touch. He was a golden Dutch Bantam, like most of the hens. Krissy said in medieval times peasants kept bantams–the smallest chicken breeds–because they laid such small eggs. All large eggs, by law, belonged to the Lord of the Manor. Krissy plopped down in the dust with her legs crossed. The rooster pecked at her hand.
“Hungry?” Krissy laughed at the rooster’s impatience.
From her jeans pocket, she pulled out a small sack of unsalted sunflower seeds and poured some into her hand. The rooster shook his cape of red feathers and pecked at the seeds. His long black tail feathers tipped up and down as he ate the treat. Feeding her chickens, Krissy looked content: it was a perfect day on a perfect ranch with a perfect family.
Then Bubba galloped by, whinnying. Krissy let the rooster go and chased Bubba, whinnying herself. Finally, they came back to the kitchen to make hot chocolate, dust off their clothes, and laugh together about the silly chickens. But it was Saturday and Bubba wanted to watch his favorite video about road construction. Saucy flopped beside him on the rug and tried to concentrate on the TV. But they’d seen this video a hundred times, and Bubba irritated her by playing with the controls: stopping, rewinding, running scenes backward.
Besides, Krissy wouldn’t be still. She wandered around the house. She dusted the living room. When she came to the photo albums stacked in the bookshelf, she called to Saucy. “Come tell me about our relatives.”
Saucy left Bubba playing with his video and went to sit on the sofa beside Krissy. She told Krissy what she knew of Grandma and Grandpa, Daddy’s parents, who lived in Denver. Krissy had met them right after she and Daddy got married, but she hadn’t seen these pictures of them when they were younger. And there were pictures of Aunt Vivian, Daddy’s sister. She had played soccer and basketball, and every year there was a picture of her in uniform with her team. Aunt Vivian had light brown hair like Daddy and was almost as tall as he was.
“Is your Aunt Vivian good at everything she does?” Krissy asked.
Saucy tried to figure out what answer Krissy wanted. She didn’t think Krissy liked Aunt Vivian very much. After Daddy and Krissy married, Aunt Vivian and her boyfriend, Dave, had come to visit one weekend to meet Krissy. Dave was an inch taller than Vivian, and they both taught at the same school. Vivian and Dave challenged Daddy and Krissy to a game of dominoes. Vivian and Dave won. They played poker and Vivian and Dave won. Daddy challenged Aunt Vivian to a basketball game: Vivian won.
Aunt Vivian slapped Daddy on his shoulder. “I coach girl’s basketball, so I practice all the time. When’s the last time you played?”
But Krissy had been mad that Aunt Vivian beat him.
And it got worse. Krissy’s bantam roosters crowed at dawn and woke Aunt Vivian up. At breakfast, Krissy burned the toast. She spilled coffee on Aunt Vivian’s silk shirt. Aunt Vivian and Dave had gone home early that day.
“She’s not good at everything,” Saucy said cautiously. “She never makes gingerbread, just sugar cookies.”
It seemed that was the right thing to say. Krissy smiled and turned the page.
But that page had pictures of Momma. Krissy was silent, so Saucy just turned the pages until the end. Krissy opened it back to one page of Momma and Daddy right after they got married. She looked from the photo to Saucy. “You look like your Momma.”
Saucy nodded. They both had dark hair and freckled noses.
“Your Daddy sure loved her.”
Saucy’s throat was tight. She missed Momma so much. But looking like Momma would only make Krissy dislike her more. She snapped the book shut and handed it to Krissy.
Krissy carefully replaced the photo album and went to sit on the front porch. She rocked and rocked. Saucy wished that Daddy was here.
Saucy took the remote away from Bubba and flipped off the TV. “You need to cheer up Krissy. Ask her to read a chicken book.”
Because of the bantams, Krissy kept bringing home picture books for Bubba about chickens. Bubba yawned and sat up. “Okay. I’m tired of road construction anyway.” It was near noon, but he still wore his pajamas and ragged house shoes. He scooted into the kitchen and got a glass of orange juice. He picked up three chicken books and shuffled out to the rocker.
“Read to me?” The sun was high enough now that the porch was in the shade. Bubba’s white-blond hair glowed even in that light.
Krissy studied him. She took the top book, one of their favorites about a cartoon rooster. She studied the cover like she’d never seen it before. She just handed it back to him and leaned back in the rocker with her eyes closed. “Not now.” Her voice was soft, quiet. “I’m tired. I’ll just take a nap.”
Bubba shrugged and went to the kitchen. Saucy heard him rummaging around, probably looking for a box of cereal for a late breakfast.
But Saucy stood at the window watching Krissy. Where was that smile Daddy liked so much?
Krissy didn’t sleep, like Saucy thought she might. But the only way she knew that was because the rocker creaked slowly back and forth, back and forth.
Saucy found a book to read and curled up in the living room, where she could see Krissy out the window. Bubba regained control of the TV and flipped between old cowboy movies and cartoons.
Krissy just rocked. Saucy didn’t like it. Krissy looked okay, but she was acting sick. Depressed.
Finally, about four o’clock, Saucy went out and said, “Should I start supper?”
Krissy shook herself. “No. I’ll do it.” She went in and rattled in the kitchen for while, then went upstairs. When she came downstairs, Krissy wore cowboy boots, black jeans with a silver belt buckle and a pink t-shirt. “I’m going to the grocery store. Should be home soon, and we’ll cook spaghetti,” she promised.
“Can I go?” Saucy didn’t know what was going on, but she didn’t think it was good.
“No. I just need to get a few things. You won’t want to come.”
Dark clouds were gathering in the north and Saucy wondered if rain was coming that evening. She hoped Krissy would be home before it stormed. Bubba hated storms. But she didn’t say that to Krissy. She just stood on the porch and watched the white van rattle down the road and disappear.
“When will Krissy be back?” Bubba asked.
“I don’t know.” She only knew three things. To start, she had no idea what would happen when Krissy came home. Maybe she was really was going to get spaghetti, and Krissy would laugh with Bubba while they boiled the noodles, cooked sau
ce and heated up French bread. Just thinking about it made Saucy hungry. But maybe Krissy was going to the bar in town. Saucy wouldn’t know until Krissy came home.
The other thing she knew was that Bubba had to stay safe. So far, Krissy had never hurt Bubba. But she might. The not knowing was the worst part. Krissy might do anything.
The last thing she knew was that Bubba would be better off if he didn’t know how bad Krissy could be. It was her job to protect him. Since that night when they were left at the ball field, Saucy had made sure Bubba never saw Krissy drunk. And she was going to keep it that way tonight.
But maybe Saucy was worrying for no reason. Maybe Krissy was just going for spaghetti. Maybe.
Waiting and not knowing. It made Saucy want to cry as the sky grew darker, and the clouds grew thicker.
At dark, Saucy made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to eat along with the leftover gingerbread boy and girl. The blank dark windows downstairs scared her. They went to Bubba’s room, closed the blinds and pulled out the checker board.
Saucy moved her red checker onto the last line. “King me!”
Bubba stacked a checker onto hers. The checker board sat in a pool of light from a bright lamp which left the rest of Bubba’s room in the dark. He picked up a black checker and jumped a red one. “One!” He grinned, then jumped again. “Two, three, four,” he called out. His checker landed at the far end of the board. “I win!”
“Play again.” Saucy needed to keep Bubba busy until bedtime.
“You’ll lose again.”
“Playing checkers is like eating potato chips. You can’t get beat just once.”
Bubba chuckled and started setting up the board one more time.
Crash! The noise from downstairs was followed by muffled yelling. The kitchen stool had probably fallen over. The radio blared–a country music station–then Krissy’s voice blared even louder as she sang along.
Saucy put a finger to her mouth, and Bubba nodded. Krissy was drunk; they would be quiet and stay away from her until morning. Saucy wondered if Krissy would open the rum bottle.
Saucy and Bubba Page 3