by Hawke Oakley
Love Me, Hate Me
Hawke Oakley
Contents
Dedication
Copyright
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Epilogue
Also by Hawke Oakley
About the Author
Dedicated to my boyfriend.
This one’s for you.
Copyright © 2017 by Hawke Oakley
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This book is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and situations within its pages and places or persons, living or dead, is unintentional and co-incidental.
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Content Warnings
This standalone book contains explicit male/male content that is intended for an 18+ audience. It contains a HEA ending, no cheating, and no cliffhangers.
Created with Vellum
Chapter One
This was it.
The old dorm building stood before me, looming with an aura of 1800’s charm and unlike anything in the modern city surrounding it. That was why I liked this campus. It was a little pocket of hundred-year old trees and beautiful architecture, seemingly cut off from the outside world.
The building arched in a circle around the road before it. Other cars were already lined up as my future dorm-mates piled their moving boxes onto the sidewalk. My eyes flitted over, trying to learn as much as possible in a single glance, but there was too much to take in at once.
I took a deep breath, held it, then slowly exhaled. My nerves were all jittery, like I’d drank a black coffee – which I never do, because it makes me a nervous wreck. I kept wiping the clammy bottom of my palms on my jeans and hoping no one noticed.
“Aaron,” a voice called from the other side of the car. “Come and help me with these.”
“Sorry. Coming.”
My older sister Molly barely grunted as she hoisted the heaviest box out of the trunk without even waiting for me. I could only watch awkwardly as she set it down without even breaking a sweat.
“If you didn’t need my help, why did you call me?” I mumbled, taking a box from the car that was, embarrassingly, much lighter.
She grinned. “Because you look like a deer in headlights standing there staring at everything. At least this way you look like you’re doing something. Come on and carry those pillows.”
I grunted and elbowed her playfully. She teased, but I was grateful for her help – not just with moving in, but all the advice she’d given me. She was an upper-year student who lived off campus and had been through all this shit before. I’d offered to room with her to save on dorm rent, but she insisted I get the experience. Now that I was face-to-face with the dorm building, both anxiety and excitement churning in my gut, I was glad I had listened to her.
I hoisted the extremely un-masculine box of pillows over my shoulder. Molly rolled her eyes. She was carrying the heaviest box – all my books were in it. But it wasn't a big deal for her. She worked at a horse ranch the past few summers to pay the rent and was no stranger to heavy lifting.
I admired how hardworking she was. I loved horses too, but no one under 18 was allowed to work at the ranch for safety reasons. Basically if you’re a dumb kid and bug a horse ‘til it kicks you in the head, they didn't want to be the ones legally responsible. I didn’t mind, though. I turned 18 late this summer so the door was open for me next year.
I didn’t get the big deal about kids and horses, though. We had an old stable at home that we used to keep horses in, until –
“Aaron, your head,” Molly called back. She was a few feet ahead of me now.
“Huh?”
At first I thought she meant I was about to run into something, but then I realized it was her shorthand for telling me to get my head out of the clouds. I’d gotten in trouble a lot as a kid for daydreaming, especially when our family used to go on outings. I’d end up wandering off because I got distracted by my thoughts.
“Nah, I’m fine,” I said. “There’s just so much new stuff, I’m trying to digest it all.”
“Alright,” she said. I could hear the hint of a smirk in her voice. “Just don’t get lost on your first day.”
“As if.”
The inside of the dorm building bustled with noise and bodies. I stayed close to Molly.
“There’s not usually this many people on moving day,” she mumbled. “Someone must have made a mistake.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, they’re supposed to arrange it so that certain groups of people move on certain days before the semester starts,” she explained. “Because they don’t want the halls to be packed. Like this.”
She gestured to the roadblock of people ahead, all sweaty and carrying boxes like we were. A few of them seemed to have bumped into each other and dropped their belongings. I saw some clothes scattered on the floor.
“Yikes,” I muttered.
“Exactly,” she said. With a thoughtful grunt, she turned and headed in a different direction.
“Where are we going?” I said, following her.
“I was in this same dorm a few years ago, you know,” she said.
“Really?”
We strode further away from the crowd blocking the hall as Molly continued. “Yep. There’s a few hidden passageways. Maybe I’ll show you a couple.”
She lead me through a doorway and down the hall to another door. I stared at it.
“Is this one of them?” I asked in awe.
Molly chuckled and pushed the door through with her shoulder. “No. This is just a stairwell.”
My face flushed with embarrassment. “Oh.”
“This just leads to the second floor. There’s another stairwell on the other side of the hall so we can pass the people blocking the floor,” she explained.
We headed up the stairs. Over the heavy sound of our footsteps, I could still hear the distant echoing voices of the blockade down the hall.
“It’s quiet here,” I noted.
Molly nodded in agreement. “Sometimes people come here to make out, though, as a heads up. Just move along and don’t stare at them.”
“What?” My voice went high-pitched with amusement. “Why would you make out here if you had a dorm room?”
She shrugged. “If your roommate’s there. Or if they’re a prude. Speaking of roommates, didn’t you get your assignment yet?”
“No,” I said with a sigh. “I mean, yeah, it’s some guy, but there’s a blank space where the name should’ve been.”
Molly furrowed her brows. “All sorts of admin mix-ups this year, I guess. The first month’s always the worst. It smooths itself out after a while.”
A question rose in my throat but I was suddenly too shy to ask, even though I knew that was ridicul
ous. Molly and I were close since our parents always fought when we were younger, and we shared everything. She was always the one protecting me from bullies as kids, although as I got older I shed my meekness. Then the problem became that I started fights too easily. I was the first to start shit if someone got in my face.
Still, the question burned at the tip of my tongue and I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t ask.
“Do you think that, um,” I began, staring at the carpet as we reached the second floor. “Do you think my roommate will care? About… that?”
Molly didn't stop, but she tossed me a firm glance over her shoulder. “If he has a problem with you being gay, I’ll kill him.”
I couldn’t help a weak laugh despite myself. “Maybe don’t go quite that far.”
She turned back around. “If you can deal with him being straight, then he can deal with you being gay. If he’s even straight, that is.”
That sparked a small hope inside me. “You think he might not be?”
She shrugged. “Lots of people at your high school were queer, weren’t they?”
“I guess,” I mumbled. “College just seems so much… bigger. More uncertainty.”
“More chances,” she added.
“True.”
Molly sighed. “In any case, if you’re that worried just test the waters. If he has a problem, it’s none of his business, anyway. And he’s a backwards douchebag.”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
Suddenly she stopped and I almost bumped into her. Her dark eyes were cold and hard now. “But if he says or does anything nasty to you,” she muttered. “I’ll have his head.”
I almost shuddered at the iciness radiating off her. “Damn, you’re scary sometimes, Mol.”
The cold aura passed as she hiked the box back up in her arms. “I’m just saying.”
“I bet no ones ever come after you for liking girls, huh?” I asked.
“Not once,” she said with the slightest smug grin on her face.
I paused. “You ever think Mom and Dad are disappointed both their kids turned out gay?”
“If they are, then I don’t care about their opinion either way,” she said bluntly.
I gave a short laugh. “Yeah.”
Mom and Dad never talked about our sexualities and neither did we. I think Molly came out when she was younger and left it at that. But I wasn’t as confident as her; for all I knew, they still thought I liked women and I didn’t really want to shatter that illusion just yet.
“This is it.”
Before I knew it, we were standing in front of the opened door of an empty dorm room. The breath caught in my throat. This was really happening.
“It's so…” I began. “Empty.”
Molly laughed. “Yeah. That’s why we’re putting your stuff in it. Come on.”
I dumped the box with my pillows and blanket next to the dorm-supplied twin bed. Instantly my mind roamed to think about all the people who had slept in this bed before. Then I thought about the things besides sleep people must have done in the same bed. I shook my head to clear it.
As I arranged the fitted sheets onto the mattress, Molly cursed under her breath.
“What is it?” I asked.
“I knew I should have brought it. You only have one box left in the car, and I don’t wanna go all the way back. Could you run and get it?” Before I could even answer, she tossed me the car keys. “Don’t forget to lock it. You’ll be the one paying if it gets stolen.”
“I won’t.”
Molly was already putting the books away on the built-in shelves as I left. My heartbeat raced. Only one more box and I’d be totally moved in to my new dorm room. I didn’t realize how I excited I was until now. Away from home – away from my parents – and living on my own for the first time. The promise of new friends and experiences made my heart flutter.
Maybe I’d even meet a cute guy or two.
That thought made my throat tighten. I’d fooled around in high school, sure, but it was never serious. Never all the way. Just a few shy make outs hidden away under the stairwells while skipping classes. I almost grimaced at the thought. I’d been inexperienced then, I realized with a wave of embarrassment. This time I’d be much better at it.
I didn’t realize I had my head in the clouds until, in my excitement to get down the stairs as fast as possible, I ran smack into someone.
“Oof!”
A heavy box clattered to the floor of the stair landing. The person I’d accidentally ran into was on the ground, and I’d fallen onto my ass.
“Oh, god, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying – ”
“What the fuck is wrong with you!?”
I stopped, my heart frozen. I blinked, wide-eyed, at the guy in front of me. His voice seemed to echo in the stairwell. When I didn’t respond, he grunted and got to his feet, glaring down at me.
“Hello?” he snapped. “Are you deaf or just stupid?”
Instantly the shock gripping me vanished and was replaced by fierce adrenaline. With a growl I got to my feet. “I said I was sorry,” I muttered.
I noticed now that he was taller than me – which was all too evident by the way his eyes narrowed down at me. He had sharp black eyes, like a hawk.
Personality of one, too.
“Sorry isn’t gonna pick up my stuff,” he said deliberately, crossing his arms. I quickly looked down at the pile of his belongings that had sprawled across the landing. He made no attempt to retrieve any of them.
My heart leapt into my throat. He wanted me to do it.
“Um,” I said.
He cocked his brows. “Well?”
There it was. That familiar fiery sensation. Fight or flight. I could bend to his whims or tell him to fuck off. The options ticked back and forth in my mind.
But then I remembered where I was. The dorm. A new life. Did I really want to start it off by making an enemy?
The anger in my chest fizzled out as I kneeled down and started putting his stuff back in the box. When I was done, I stood up and handed it to him.
“Sorry,” I repeated. “I really am.” He made a face, looking at the box and then at me again. When he didn’t speak, I said, “I’m Aaron. I guess we both live in this dorm, huh?”
“Yeah.” He snatched the box from my hands with a force that sent me stumbling backwards. He then stormed up the rest of the stairs. Before the door slammed behind him, I heard a cold sneering voice say, “See ya.”
I stood there staring at the door, dumbfounded by what just happened. Dazed, I brushed off my jeans and headed to the car. My mind raced with what I would tell Molly when I got back. Hey, I met someone who lives in the dorm, and guess what – he already hates me!
With an inward groan, I hauled the last box back up the stairs to the second floor.
I called out as I approached the door to my new room. “Hey, Molly, you’ll never guess what – ”
I stopped dead in my tracks. Molly wasn’t alone. There was someone else in the room.
In my room.
The guy from the stairwell was sitting on the opposite bed. He slowly turned to look at me.
“Oh,” he said.
The words I was gonna say to Molly died in my throat.
Fuck.
Chapter Two
I looked back and forth between them, unsure of what to say. I wasn’t even sure if I remembered how to speak.
“What, Aaron?” Molly’s voice broke the silence.
“Uh,” I said. “It’s nothing. I, um, brought the box.”
I handed it to her, feeling childish as I did so. She took it and quirked a brow. I swallowed. She knew something was up.
“Did something happen?” she asked. Before I could answer, her gaze flickered to my jeans. “Why are you covered in dust?”
From the corner of my eye I saw the guy from the stairwell – my roommate, I remembered – stiffen. His fingers gripped the edge of his mattress. He looked just as cornered as I felt.
I couldn’t lie
to Molly, but I didn’t want to admit that the guy sitting across from her had just treated me like shit, either. My mouth hung open uselessly as I looked back and forth between the two of them.
“I – ”
He cut me off. “He tripped and fell on the way up the stairs.”
I shut my mouth, staring at him with wide eyes. I bit back the sarcastic Oh, is that what happened? on the tip of my tongue.
Molly raised an eyebrow, and I knew I had to cement this lie before she probed me even further. “Yeah,” I said, trying to force a weak laugh. “I guess I was in too much of a rush.”
I held my breath and prayed Molly would believe our contrived story. At least for now. The last thing I wanted was to start even more of a scene. Thankfully, she seemed to warily accept our joint evidence and nod. “Be more careful.”
I tried not to let out the sigh I was holding in all at once. “I will.”
“Especially when I’m not around to keep an eye on you,” she added.
I grumbled. “I will, I promise.”
“So, Aaron,” she said, standing. She had a hand in her pocket and her eyes on the guy from the stairwell. “Are you going to introduce me to your new roommate?”
Shit.
Before I could make up yet another lie, he stood and thrust his hand forward. “Riley.”
I narrowed my. The name permeated through the collection of unpleasant memories, like a wine stain ruining a new white shirt.
Riley, huh?
“Molly.” She took his hand and shook it with a firmness I don’t think Riley was expecting, judging by the way his eyes bulged a little. “Nice to meet you.”
“Likewise,” Riley said with a charming grin.
I almost rolled my eyes. Where was the asshole I’d met twenty minutes earlier? Maybe he was a political science major. That’d suit him.
“Well, Aaron,” Molly said. “I’d say you’re all done moving in.”
“Right. Thanks again, Mol.”
She shook her head. “It’s no problem. Anyway, I’d better go and let you settle in. I’ve got some things to do back at the apartment before the semester starts, too.”