About a week or so into my training, Fenodree and Lochlan began arguing over something they had been discussing privately after dinner. When I curled up with Lochlan I could still feel his tension radiating from him in waves. I hated to see him upset and had the same urge to pull his frustrations into me, similar to how I had felt when I had calmed Penway, so I reached my magic toward him and pulled the tension into me.
Lochlan gasped. “What did you just do?” he asked with a note of awe.
Fenodree grumbled, “This place is not exactly spacious and I haven’t had a woman in centuries, can you save that for later?”
“Fen, you said Shadow Fae feed off of negative emotions—I think Rebecca may have just fed from me,” said Lochlan. “Becca, what did it feel like to you?”
I sat up and explained what I had done and how I had done the same with Penway. “You think that’s how I feed my magic? Instead of sexual energy, I feed on…tension?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
I supposed that was better than needing to have sex to feed my magic, and it was a relief to figure out what my energy source would be. “Why haven’t I needed to feed before now? At least, I don’t think I’ve needed to feed.”
Lochlan pulled me back down to our pallet to talk softly while Fenodree snored—apparently he was not riveted with our new discovery. “I can only assume the necklace acts as a power source and since up until now you haven’t performed much magic, you haven’t needed an additional source.”
“This could be really handy,” I said sleepily.
“How’s that?” he murmured softly in my ear.
“Whenever you’re all broody and intense I can use that to make you happy.”
“I’m not broody,” he pouted.
I stifled a small giggle. “You are, but that’s okay, it’s a part of your charm.”
“Now I’m charming?”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” I smirked and Lochlan huffed out a laugh and pulled me snuggly to his chest before we both drifted to sleep.
As I learned more and more of my magic, I was also able to control the change of my eyes to black and back again. In the perpetual dim lighting of the Shadow Lands, I discovered that when my eyes went black I was able to see in the darkness almost as well as in daylight. All the times the sun had made my eyes burn painfully had been the result of my more sensitive eyesight. It was important to control the change because when my eyes were black any bright light was extremely painful. I understood why the Shadow Fae were hesitant to travel outside of the Shadow Lands.
One of the things I was most anxious to learn was how to defend against someone using magic against me like Ronan had done when he immobilized me against the alley wall. As it turned out, for better or worse, a defense against that type of attack was relatively easy. Magic was a manipulation of energy and immobilizing someone was a matter of restricting their use of their own energy, like holding their energy hostage. When a person cannot access their own energy, it allows the other person to take control as a puppeteer would a marionette. The trick could only be used against individuals who could not control their own power.
Once Lochlan had explained how it worked and walked me through a simulated attack, I was easily able to detect how his magic bound mine. When I threw off the constraints, he no longer held me prisoner. I had dreaded the helplessness I experienced when Ronan pinned me to that alley wall, and I was relieved to know I would not be so easily controlled in the future.
The most difficult challenge I faced was manipulating darkness. After I had worked with Fenodree extensively for two weeks and had become relatively comfortable with my powers, he suggested we try to duplicate how I had killed the Red Cap. I had been on the verge of being killed and had intended to push the Unseelie from on top of me but instead had fed veins of inky darkness into him, killing him within seconds. I still had no idea what exactly I had done—my best guess was that I had pushed dark magic into him and it acted as a kind of poison. I hated even thinking about the terrifying experience, let alone voluntarily recreate it. I had also briefly managed to use the power when Ronan was attacking me, but both incidents were life-threatening situations and I wasn’t sure what I had done to make it happen.
As much as I wanted to avoid using that power, I knew that I needed to master all possible uses of my magic. Not only did I hate thinking I might need to use such a gruesome ability, I was scared of its effects on me. When I had performed the magic, I reveled in the killing, and I was terrified of that feeling. As if the Nuckalavee’s dark desires had taken over and I had ceased to be me.
We had been practicing various drills for a couple of hours when Fen walked off abruptly and then returned holding a five-foot long, two-headed snake tightly behind the heads. “Show me what you did to the Red Cap.”
My stomach instantly clenched tight and a surge of panic shot from my head down to my now sweaty palms. The snake looked like any other ordinary snake, aside from the two heads.
“I can’t just kill it!”
“Of course you can,” he argued as he extended the angry creature toward me.
I lifted my hands back with revulsion. “That snake didn’t do anything to me, I’m not going to take its life for no reason.”
Fenodree’s face contorted in anger. “What do you think we are doing here? We are not training for tea with the queen,” he spat with disgust. “When you came to me you talked of war—in war you have to kill. It is not pretty or kind or just. War is strategy and death and requires absolute ruthlessness. If you cannot overcome your sensitive upbringing then we are wasting our time.”
What he said was the brutal truth that I needed to hear, but it was as easy to swallow as a mouthful of nails. Killing Ronan or the Red Caps who had attacked me was substantially easier than hurting an innocent bystander. Just because there are casualties in war didn’t mean I wanted the loss to be at my hands. Whether it was people, dogs, or snakes—my mind violently rebelled at unprovoked attacks. However, if I didn’t suck it up and do what was needed, the losses could be infinitely worse.
Fenodree’s eyes bore into me until I acquiesced and stepped forward. He held the snake out toward me again and this time I reached forward and tentatively took its brown scaled tail into my hands. “Don’t let it bite me,” I fussed at him. I may have agreed to kill the snake, but I wasn’t happy about it.
Just as I had been practicing for the last two weeks, I concentrated on the low-level hum of energy inside me. The snake had its own energy frequency and I pressed my energy forward until I could feel it seep into the snake. I couldn’t see any evidence that I was putting darkness into it. Instead, the snake went limp and stopped moving entirely. “Did I kill it?” I asked in confusion.
Fenodree lifted the lifeless snake to his face. “No, you relaxed it to sleep. The thing is out cold.”
I sputtered a laugh but received a glare from Fen.
“Come on, Rebecca, you can do better than that. All you did was essentially feed from it—you need to know exactly how to kill with a touch. Not many Fae have an ability like yours and you need to master it. If only so that you do not accidentally kill without intending to do so.” He gave me a meaningful look and I was sufficiently chided by his reminder.
I exhaled with a sigh and took hold of the snake again using thoughts of Morgan’s war and innocent children being killed to bolster my determination. I imagined my parents, helpless to defend themselves, and the devastation that would occur if creatures like the Lambton Worm, the Red Caps, or even the Nuckalavee ended up on Earth. Crackling power sizzled in my veins and I isolated the dark, malevolent part of that magic. Stoking it like a fire inside me, I drew the thick power toward the tips of my fingers and pushed it inside the snake.
Both of the snake’s heads reared backward against Fenodree’s hold and its body started to seize as its scales around my hand grew darker. Once the circle of black emanating from my hand extended about three inches in all directions the snake we
nt limp.
My relief that I had accomplished the task was quickly squashed by an oppressive sense of guilt that I could celebrate my actions. After a brief glance at a satisfied Fen, I spent the next hour by myself in the nearby grove of trees attempting to come to terms with the ease with which I could end a life.
“I brought you some lunch, you can’t afford to be skipping meals,” said Fen as he joined me under the shriveled trees.
“Thanks,” was all I said as I opened the small leather satchel of food and began to munch on some jerky. We sat for some time in the eerie quiet where no breeze ever blew and the sun never rose. I couldn’t imagine living multiple lifetimes in solitude. “Have you ever tried to leave here?” I asked, finally caving to my curiosity.
“There is nothing I want to go back to,” he replied as he looked away. “Plus, it is not so bad here.”
“Seriously?” I scoffed with wide eyes.
“I have lived here for many lifetimes now, it is hard to remember what life was like before.”
“You lived on Earth with your wife?”
He gazed off in the distance, unfocussed. “I had been nomadic for many years when I first saw her. She was a proud Viking woman chopping wood near the water’s edge of the northern sea. I was captivated by her strength and independence—no law could have kept us apart. I do not regret one minute of our time together.”
I was deeply touched by his devotion to his dead wife and the candid way he had shared her memory with me. I had wondered how the Fae could treat the intimate act of intercourse so casually and still have committed, meaningful relationships. Using sex to feed had obviously not affected Fenodree’s ability to love completely, and I figured he couldn’t be the only one, which I found encouraging. “Fen, can I ask you something personal?”
“You can ask, it does not mean I will answer.”
I gave him a small eye roll before asking, “If you have to feed on sexual energy, how does your magic survive here?”
He lowered his head just a fraction. “It has not survived.”
“But you used magic, I’ve seen you.”
“I used spells and runes—that is not the same as magic born within someone.”
As I looked at the resilient man that I had come to know in a short amount of time, my heart ached for him. “I’ll get you out of here, Fen. I’m not sure how yet, but I’ll do it,” I said with conviction.
He offered me a small conciliatory smile that spoke to his lack of faith in my proclamation. I could only imagine that after so long in the vapid wasteland, getting out would seem like a pipedream, but I vowed to myself that I would find a way.
Making a quick grab for his knife, Fen jumped to his feet, eyes intently trained on the distant trees. I squinted to see what had alerted him and was shocked at the figure coming toward me. Placing my hand on Fen’s arm to assure him it was safe, I stepped out of the tree cover.
“Knight! Come here boy,” I called out to the giant white fur ball who lopped in our direction.
“Rebecca, do you know who that is?” Fen asked with surprise.
“That’s my dog, Knight. He saved me from Ronan and he has a tendency to follow me—although this was unexpected.” I bent over and hugged the furry beast as he bounded over. “I knew you weren’t a normal dog but this was an awfully long journey even for you. How did you find me?” I said playfully as I rubbed his head.
In an awed voice, Fenodree placed a cautious hand on Knight. “That is Gally Trot, he is Merlin’s watchdog. You truly are here to stop a war.”
“What the hell, Fen! Did you think I was making all that up?” I balked as I stood back up to look at my mentor.
He pulled up his shoulders in a shrug. “Not exactly, perhaps embellished slightly?”
I shoved him lightheartedly with a laugh and the three of us made our way back to the cabin.
17
Thump, thump, thump.
My eyes opened blearily in confusion at what had woken me. Lochlan’s arms were steel beams holding me in place, his body inhumanly still. Thump, thump, thump came the noise again, and I quickly became fully awake and alert.
“Hello, old boy, you need to be quiet or we’ll wake everyone,” came a voice from outside the cabin.
My body relaxed back into Lochlan just as his arms released me. We rose from our pallet and Fen gave us a questioning look, unfamiliar with the voice.
“It’s Merlin,” I offered and opened the door to find the man himself sitting on a nearby stump rubbing Knight’s head. Regardless of what Fen had called him, he had been my knight in shining armor and I would call him Knight accordingly. The dog was lounging outside such that his tail had been thumping against the cabin wall. I had argued that he needed to stay the night inside with us but both men had adamantly refused claiming that there was not enough room and that Knight would be just fine outside. I had been outnumbered and while I had conceded my defeat, I had done so begrudgingly.
“I apologize for my early arrival, I had not meant to wake you,” Merlin said with a smile.
I shook my head at the mysterious Fae man. “We would have been up soon anyway. Merlin, have you met Fenodree before?” I stood back and indicated the raven-haired man eyeing Merlin warily.
“I can’t say that I’ve had the pleasure. It’s good to meet you Fenodree, I believe we all owe you a great deal for helping our Rebecca with her magic.”
Fen dropped his head in a small bow but said nothing.
“I won’t be staying long. I have one more thing I must teach Rebecca before she will be ready to face Morgan.” His good humor melted away and his eyes grew serious. “As I have mentioned to Rebecca, the reason no one has been able to uncover how Morgan is circumventing Guin’s wards is because she is using a little-known place called the Twilight Realm. I had discovered its existence when Morgan was still a young apprentice, and while I had not taken her there, I told her of my discovery. It seems she spent her years in seclusion learning how to access the realm.”
“She’s using sacrifices to get there,” I said somewhat confrontationally.
“I am aware. There can be many ways to achieve the same goal and while dark and light magic must be used to reach the Twilight Realm, sacrifices are not always required. I suggest you three have some breakfast first and then I will begin teaching you how to open the portal.”
We ate a quick meal and I attempted to wash my face and brush my teeth. Weeks had gone by without bathing and I was worried the dirt would be so caked on that I would never get clean again. I couldn’t even imagine how Fenodree had lived so long in that state.
Merlin explained that the portal, just like those between Earth and Faery, would be easiest to open where the veil was thinnest, but unlike the others, it absolutely had to be done outside. He gave some explanation about being one with nature and energy fields—I did my best to understand but his words went over my head. “As its name implies, the Twilight Realm is a place of both light and darkness—not fully light nor fully dark. Therefore, a combination of both light and dark magic must be used to reach it. As you all know, the two forms of magic repel each other and are not easily combined.” Merlin raised a brow in my direction to emphasize my importance.
“Morgan is using black magic spells to combine her own light magic with a medallion infused with dark magic. Black magic is an ancient form of sorcery that requires a sacrifice and even then is difficult to use to maintain a portal. That is why she has not been able to open one long enough to allow many Fae to pass through. On Beltane, when the veil is thinnest, she will have the opportunity to open a portal on a massive scale.”
He paused for a moment as we visualized the horrifying possibilities, then led us to an open area not far from the cabin. Lochlan and Fenodree sat on the ground while I stood with Merlin, scanning my surroundings anxiously. We had gone farther from safety than I had yet been and the vulnerability was making me tense.
“You will need to concentrate to open a portal—trust that I won’t l
et anything harm you here.” Merlin’s tone reminded me of my dad when I had put off homework and needed to get busy working—not exactly chiding me, but a fatherly reminder.
I gave him a tight smile and wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans. “I’m ready, what do I need to do?”
“First, I’m going to open a portal myself so that you can see what the realm looks like in order to lead yourself there. You haven’t been able to trace, but if you had, you would have learned that the magic takes you where you envision yourself, within a certain range.” He gave me a conspiratorial wink. He could trace much farther than most Fae but that wasn’t commonly known.
Merlin closed his eyes and held up his hands, reminding me of a video I had seen of people in an evangelical church raising their hands in prayer. As he chanted under his breath, the air before him sparked and blurred. Lochlan and Fen both shot to their feet and I stepped back in caution.
As the circular portal solidified, Merlin stepped through and then turned to usher us in after him. My mind couldn’t comprehend what I saw on the other side. A vast star-lit sky surrounded us in all directions, including beneath our feet as if the ground reflected the sky perfectly. Galaxies of stars could be seen and there was just enough light to hint at a sunrise or sunset but no sun or moon was visible. There were no signs of life, as if the place only existed as a stopover between worlds.
“What is this place?” I asked in awe.
“That is a good question. I stumbled upon it quite by accident,” replied Merlin whimsically.
“I have no magic here,” Lochlan grumbled with a snarl on his face.
“That is the odd thing about the Twilight Realm, only a combination of light and dark seems to work here. Your light magic alone, Lochlan, is of no use.”
Lochlan narrowed his eyes at Merlin. “How exactly did you open the portal?”
Twilight Siege: A Dark Fantasy Novel (The Fae Games Book 2) Page 18