Ashley had been in her room working but I was not in a place to want to talk. It was still just late afternoon but I was exhausted from the strain of the day and overrun emotionally. Within minutes I was asleep and didn’t stir until early the following morning.
The sun had not yet peeked over the horizon but my mind would not allow me to go back to sleep. I bundled up in some warm clothes and went to the roof of the building where I found Lochlan standing along the railing wall, eyes fixed on the rising sun. I joined him at the railing without a word and we watched as the sliver of light on the horizon slowly lit the sky in a breathtaking array of pinks and oranges.
“My first memory is of Alberich teaching me how to use a bow,” Lochlan shared softly. “Throughout the majority of my youth we lived at his lodge in the woods and spent our days tracking and hunting. Despite being Erlking, he devoted those years to raising me. When I was strong enough to hold back a bow, he made me one of my own along with a set of arrows. The first time I killed a rabbit with the bow he carried me on his shoulders all the way back home.” His eyes were distant as he smiled softly at the memory.
“I hadn’t known him well, but from what I witnessed in our time together, he was a good man. I’m so sorry, Lochlan.” I wished there was more that I could do or say to make his pain ease, but some things couldn’t be fixed.
“I hate to think there was any truth to Morgan’s accusations, but Ronan did bear an uncanny resemblance to Alberich. Even if they had been related, there’s no way Alberich had turned away his own son. That never would have happened,” he said fiercely.
“If Ronan had believed what Morgan claimed, it explains why he hated you two so much.”
“Why wouldn’t he have said something throughout all those years? Maybe it was all a misunderstanding and he could have been a decent man if he hadn’t harbored so much hatred.”
“There’s no telling what lies Morgan fed him—there’s no way to know how exactly it all unfolded. I just hope you know that it wasn’t your fault,” I offered as I looked up at his hard features. “Morgan was at fault. You can’t put the blame on yourself.”
He looked at me with the hint of a sneer on his lips. “That’s a pretty sentiment but it’s a lie. Morgan was there for me, her plan had been to kill me until Alberich offered up himself. I didn’t do anything to stop her, that was my choice and that choice got him killed. Nothing you or anyone else can say will change that.”
“You’re victim blaming, her actions were not your fault.”
“I’m no victim, I was there willingly and I allowed it all to happen right in front of me. It doesn’t matter what pretty argument you offer up, the facts will never change.”
“So you’re saying that when I willingly went to bed with Ronan because I thought it was you, that it was my fault? That I brought that on myself because I made the choice to sleep with him? That I chose to be raped because I didn’t stop him? I refuse to believe that—just because someone does a horrible thing doesn’t mean you’re to blame, regardless of the ‘what ifs.’ I hate that this happened to you and if there was something I could do to fix it, I would, anything. But don’t you go telling me it’s your fault.” The tears that I had believed to be all dried up ran down my cold cheeks.
“You know those aren’t the same,” he hissed at me with clenched fists.
“They are exactly the same.” I held his hard gaze for a long moment before dashing back inside to the safety of my apartment. That had been the first time I had said a word to Lochlan about what had happened between Ronan and myself and the confession had dredged up demons of my own. I was sick to my stomach and not interested in being around anyone so I shut myself in my room and curled up in bed to ride out the storm of emotions.
Why had I railed on Lochlan instead of comforting him? Had my purpose been solely to stop him from blaming himself, or had my reasons been more selfish? I didn’t want him feeling like his father’s death had been his fault, but my reaction had definitely been defensive. I didn’t want him implying that a victim of a crime could be in any way responsible for the actions of the perpetrator, and I had been more concerned with making my point than letting him grieve. Part of the process was walking through each of the emotional stages of loss. Everyone handled that journey differently and I had chastised him for the way he was coping.
Could I have been any more of an asshole?
Throwing back the covers, I surged to my feet and grabbed whatever clothes were closest before rushing to the elevator and out the building. I had to be stronger than allowing myself to wallow in bed. Nothing about my situation was easy and after it was all over, I could lie in bed for a week if I needed to, but I couldn’t afford to indulge in self-pity at the moment. I had to take all the frustration, loathing, and outrage and channel it toward solving our problems.
The early morning air was crisp and I hadn’t left with a specific destination in mind, just the need to get out, so I wandered the streets with my hands tucked snuggly in my coat pockets. I had been walking for about half an hour when I heard the sounds of a scuffle. Some distance away, near a couple trees in a small city park, a man was being attacked by two dogs. Pulling out my knife from where I now kept it sheathed in my boot, I ran toward them hollering at the large angry animals.
“Get out of here,” I yelled, waving my arms and hoping to scare them off. They were thick, barrel chested and had to weigh a hundred pounds each—not as large as Knight, but still intimidating in size. They were black with short silky coats and a stocky frame like a Pitbull. They snarled with their teeth clenched on the man who writhed, screaming on the ground.
When I neared, the two beasts turned their heads toward me and trained their red glowing eyes on me. I tried desperately not to let terror overtake me—these were not ordinary dogs, they were Unseelie. Pulling quickly at my power, my eyes bled to black as the dogs growled at me.
I knew he had made a mistake the moment he moved. The man uncurled from the fetal position, thinking the dogs sufficiently distracted, and attempted to scuttle backward away from them. Before he made it more than a foot, one of the dogs spun around and snapped its teeth onto the man’s neck and viciously ripped out his throat.
The man’s body jerked violently but without a single sound. He had never had a chance against these powerful monsters. With blood running down its jowls, the creature returned its gaze to me and both beasts began to growl again.
My killing magic required a certain amount of proximity for an attack and I had no desire to get anywhere near these creatures so I pulled a cloak of invisibility over me. The dogs searched around in confusion, sniffing the air for me, but I had already skulked off in the opposite direction. There was nothing more that I could do for the man, and I had no desire to take on the dogs by myself.
Just as I was home free, my conscience had me turning around. How could I leave those two creatures alive to continue to terrorize and kill more people? For months I had been training for the purpose of saving humans and this may have been a small battle rather than the war I was preparing for, but it didn’t make it any less important.
Still invisible to their blood-red eyes, I crept back toward the dogs who feasted side-by-side on the man’s corpse. I told myself it was movie tricks, not actually a dead body but a skillfully crafted dummy used for a movie scene.
I had worked with Lochlan back in the Shadow Lands to learn how to move without sound and I employed those techniques to sneak up behind the dogs. With dark power flowing like electric currents through my veins, I placed a hand on each of the beasts’ backs and pressed the darkness surging into them.
Both dogs seized in surprise but I held my hands firmly to them as they stumbled to the ground and collapsed in convulsions. Once they were both still, their chests no longer rising with breath, I stepped back and assessed the site with a cold indifference.
This was my home and I would not allow these Fae creatures to destroy it. I packaged up the horror, fear, and self-doubt int
o a box and tucked it deep inside me—there was no room for it in my life. Pulling out my phone, I texted Lochlan the park name and need for a cleanup before turning to continue on my walk.
I could not afford let fear have me slinking off to hide in the corner. Morgan and her evil Fae army were coming, and I had to be ready. My magic settled back to a resting state, but I now walked with purpose, my head held high. I hadn’t known where I was going, but it wasn’t long before I found myself in front of the museum.
It was still early and the museum would not open for a couple hours but I had a set of keys and I opened a side door, silencing the alarm. When occupied with visitors the museum was stately but alive, walking through the dark corridors without another soul around made it feel almost sacred. Like a shroud honoring the artists and their works, each piece a memorial, the building a mausoleum to the creative process.
When I turned the corner to where a mighty bronze stallion stood reared on his hind legs for perpetuity, Merlin sat on a nearby bench. I had not expected to see him, nor was I surprised—he simply was there, so I joined him.
The first time we met after I had moved to Belfast had been at that exact location. At the time I had assumed he was a museum visitor and we had discussed the artwork in a seemingly mundane conversation.
I would say that was the turning point where my life became unrecognizable, but who was to say where exactly that had occurred. When I was a child and Merlin had given me the necklace? When I made the decision to quit my job and move to Ireland? Perhaps the first time I saw a Fae and nearly came unglued thinking that I had gone crazy? So many pivotal moments that had led me to this specific point in time.
“I’ve done what you asked and learned my powers, but I still have no idea what it is I’m expected to do to stop Morgan.” My voice was calm and steady, as if talking about what I’d had for breakfast rather than needing to save the world. I always wondered why more people born into warring or impoverished nations didn’t try to escape the atrocious living conditions, but I was discovering just how quickly one could desensitize to the horrors around them.
“While you may think me omniscient, I assure you that I am not,” Merlin said wryly. “I have done everything that I can to set the stage for you to stop Morgan. We both will have to hope that what we have done was enough. You must trust your instincts and use the tools you have been given.” The glint of humor that I had seen in his eyes was extinguished at the mention of Morgan.
“I wasn’t able to open a portal here on Earth.”
“Opening portals is a tricky business, they cannot be opened just anywhere—Lochlan and Alberich should have known that.”
“You know then, that Alberich is dead?”
“I do. His passing will be a profound loss for the Hunt. He had been an admirable Erlking—while I was never a part of the Hunt, I respected his leadership of the brotherhood.”
“Lochlan is devastated, Alberich was a father to him and I’ve gone and yelled at him. Ashley is struggling with her transition—not to mention both of us are being threatened deportation to Faery. People are dying on the streets and I can’t even open a portal, let alone know how I’m supposed to stop Morgan. I can’t make good life choices for myself right now, and you want me to save mankind?”
“This was never meant to be easy, but things worth fighting for rarely are.”
I met his eyes and was fortified by the confidence radiating in his. He was hundreds, if not thousands, of years old with the knowledge and experience to show for it. He had scouted for years to find me and had done his best to stack the deck in my favor. Looking at me now, he was steadfast in his certainty that I had what it took to do the job. Who was I to argue?
I stood and turned back to him with a tight smile. “I’ll do my best.”
“I know you will.” His ancient eyes smiled back at me before I turned and made my way back out to the street.
Having no interest in returning to the Huntsman yet, I walked on autopilot to my old apartment. I had signed a year lease so I still had the keys even though I wasn’t living there. The heat was turned down low so it was chilly inside after a cool night. The place had come furnished and even though there were no longer linens on the bed, I sat cross-legged on the mattress and gazed out the window.
Each time I had been faced with a challenge, I had managed to bumble my way through alive, but that was certainly no guarantee that I would survive this ordeal with Morgan. How odd to go from finding out I was becoming immortal to a month later having to prepare for the possibility of my death. Alberich had been a warrior, trained for centuries in battle, and yet Morgan had killed him in a matter of minutes. As much as I tried to channel Merlin’s confidence, I couldn’t imagine that I had a chance where others more skilled than I had failed.
If that was the case, I needed to get my affairs in order. I couldn’t imagine telling my parents that I was in danger, but I would at least make sure I called to tell them how much I loved them. As for Ashley, I still felt guilty about her getting sucked into the Fae world and I hoped that I would survive if only so that she wasn’t left to struggle alone.
When I thought of Lochlan, my heart ached for what could be between us. He wasn’t the type to be affectionate or doting, but I wasn’t the type to need that. During the month I had spent with him in Faery, he had supported me, wrapped me in his arms at night, encouraged me when I got frustrated, and even made me laugh on occasion. The unquenchable heat between us made my body ache to be touched by him. After spending every day with the brooding Fae hunter, just being away from him at all made me feel a little lost. Like the anchor I had used to keep me tethered had disappeared and I was adrift. When I had him near me, I felt like I was capable of the challenges before me.
He was in so much pain. And I had fussed at him and walked away.
I felt like utter shit. Not just for the events of the morning, but because he had been the one to stand by me through everything since arriving in Belfast. He warned me about Ronan, saved me on multiple occasions, cleaned my wounds, handed over his car when I needed a vehicle, spent his evenings teaching me to fight, and when his eyes landed on me the smoldering intensity made me feel like the most desirable woman in the world.
God, I wanted him.
I gasped as realization hit me—he was the best part of my life and I was letting him slip away. Like the scared little girl he had accused me of being, I had used his past exploits and what had happened with Ronan as excuses to push him away without ever giving him a chance to prove himself. He had done nothing to hurt me, and yet I had kept him at arm’s length. I was doing exactly what my mom had taught me not to do—I was letting fear dictate my actions and it was keeping me from having everything I wanted. A life lived in fear is a life half lived. I had not been loyal to my mom’s mantra and it may have caused me to miss out on ever knowing what I could have had with Lochlan.
Jumping from the bed, I bounded down the stairs and back outside where I caught the first cab I could find back to the Huntsman. By the time I reached Lochlan’s apartment I was flushed and my heart was pounding in my chest. I lifted my hand and gave three solid knocks on his door.
The seconds ticking by felt like a lifetime as I waited for a response. There was no guarantee he wanted to see me after our last exchange, but I had to try. The lock clicked over and I took a deep breath, wiping my sweating palms on my pants.
I must have woken him because when he eventually opened the door his hair was in disarray and he was shirtless, clothed solely in a pair of black lounge pants. My breath caught at the sight of his gloriously naked chest, and when I looked into his eyes, I laid myself bare. No more excuses, no more fear or denials. Just me full of wanting of this amazing man before me.
A rumbling growl built in his chest as he pulled me inside and lifted me into his arms while I wrapped my legs around his waist. “It’s about fucking time,” he rumbled before our lips came together in a frenzy.
Electric passion ignited in the
room and the air began to swirl around us. When I pulled back to glance around, my eyes were pitch black and Lochlan responded with a predatory smile. “Good to know there’s still some instances when you can’t keep the magic contained.”
“You’ve been my exception from day one—none of my rules seem to apply to you.”
He had walked us into his bedroom and I wriggled out of his arms. My eyes firmly on his, I lifted my shirt over my head and removed my shoes and pants.
His eyes roamed hungrily over every inch of me and I could feel his gaze like a caress over my heated skin. He prowled around behind me, close enough that I could feel his warmth without him touching me.
He unclasped my black bra and his fingers gently slid the straps over my shoulders and down my arms, sending a trail of goose bumps in their wake. The cool brush of air on my nipples drew them to tight peaks and my back arched involuntarily.
Just like he had done with my bra, his large hands glided my black silk panties all the way down my legs before he surprised me with a quick nibble on my ass cheek. “Hey! No biting,” I said with a husky laugh.
He rose to his full height behind me and his stubbled cheek caressed mine, causing me to tilt my head to the side in invitation. His warm lips ghosted over the sensitive skin of my neck before dragging his teeth over the area and nipping at the vulnerable flesh. I gasped and leaned my head back against his shoulder, arching my ass into his hard erection. “Maybe some biting is okay,” I conceded in a breathy voice.
His lips lifted into a grin before he turned me around and placed me down on the bed. He remained standing, soaking in every detail of my naked body for the first time. I reveled in his hungry gaze, my skin buzzing with arousal.
He removed his pants and I was treated to the glory that was the sight of his naked body. Narrow hips with strong thighs, and his enormous shaft engorged and pointed in my direction. I could never remember having such a strong desire to wrap my lips around a man’s cock. Without a second thought, I rolled in his direction onto my hands and knees and lowered my mouth onto the head of his throbbing erection.
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