The Harbinger

by Pat Adams-Wright

  Leah’s eyes brightened once more and then she gave the thumbs-up.

  “Shall we be naughty and have it in the lounge on a tray and watch morning TV? It might be hours before your mum surfaces, and there’s no point waking her up just to ask permission. So, we’ll forge ahead, shall we?”

  Leah nodded.

  “You show me where everything is, then go sort the TV out. If I touch the TV, we could very well find it launched into outer space. Remotes are not my thing.”

  Leah, who was desperately trying not to laugh at Ellie’s remark, pointed to a drawer where the wooden spoons were. When Holly turned around, she found a non-stick pan sitting on the worktop, along with a glass bowl. Her jaw dropped at Leah’s speed.

  This time, Leah did try to laugh at her, but all that emanated from her throat was a harsh, strangled cry. The look of sadness on her face nearly broke Ellie’s heart. She put her arms around Leah and gave her a quick hug.

  “Don’t worry, Leah. You’ll be back to normal soon, I promise. In the meantime, just try not speaking. Your vocal cords obviously need a rest. The more you rest them, the quicker your voice will return. Now, off you go and sort out some programmes for us to watch while I prepare our feast.” Ellie’s smile was genuine. It was lovely to have someone to talk to in the morning. She missed the frenetic scramble, looking for odd socks or missing shoes, or a sudden change of requirements for his breakfast. She missed her boy. Dreadfully and terribly. No one could fully understand the emptiness unless it had happened to them personally.

  There was no dwelling on her loss as she rushed to feed herself and Leah. She whisked the eggs and barely cooked them, so they ended moist and fluffy. She gave Leah a larger portion than herself, hoping the girl would eat it all while distracted by the TV. The toast with crusts removed, she’d buttered hot, heavily laden with the dairy product, making it soft and pliable. Ellie hoped Leah would be able to swallow. She’d try anything she could to help Holly’s daughter feel better.

  The breakfast detritus lay on the coffee table, discarded until Ellie could drag herself from where she was comfortable. Before they began watching a cooking programme on TV, Ellie made sure Leah was warm, tucked into her little blanket cocoon, much like the evening previously. Ellie watched as the chefs fell over each other trying to manoeuvre around the small kitchen and let out a small laugh. Leah seemed engrossed.

  Ellie felt tiredness as it crept up on her. She began watching one recipe as it started and opened her eyes to find another as they served up to guests. Goodness knows how many times she’d been nodding in and out of consciousness, but she knew she couldn’t fall asleep fully. That would really mess with her day.

  As she rose to retrieve her book from her bag, she heard the front door open and close. Filled with pre-emptive remorse, she wondered if Holly had surfaced and gone to the shops for something while Ellie was sleeping. That wouldn’t look good.

  Ellie was surprised when she saw Phil Simons’ handsome face peek around the corner of the lounge door. However, she wasn’t half as surprised as he was as the grin on his face slid seamlessly into a scowl when he spotted a relative stranger in the house with his ailing daughter for company.

  Leah threw the blanket to one side as she rushed from the couch to reach her father. He wiggled his fingers in a wave before opening his arms to his rushing daughter. He wrapped them quickly around her, lifted her off her feet, and gave her a hug.

  Placing her on the floor, he asked gently, “How’s my poorly girl this morning? You don’t feel as hot, so it looks as though your temperature is down.”

  Leah tried to answer in sign language, but Phil’s eyebrows narrowed as though the penny hadn’t fully dropped.

  “She’s trying to tell you, she has no voice, but her temperature has gone,” said Ellie in an even tone, not wanting to imply he was a little slow.

  His reply held an edge to it. “Yeah, I got it,” he answered sharply, making his daughter cringe. “Where’s your mum?” he said, looking at Leah.

  This time, Ellie didn’t answer. She just watched as Leah pointed upstairs.

  The creaking of the stairs gave away Holly’s approach. “I thought I heard your voice,” she spat out as she entered the room. “What are you doing here, Phil? I thought you said you’d always ring before you came here. What happened to that?” she’d been speaking whilst all the while moving further into the lounge.

  No reply came from Phil, unsure whether because of Leah and Ellie’s presence or because he just didn’t have an answer.

  Holly gathered Leah in her arms and kissed the top of her head. She eased her forward and felt her forehead. “”Excellent!” said Holly. “Your fever’s broken so no doctors. Still no voice?”

  Leah shook her head, her eyes downcast.

  “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about a thing,” said her mother in a caring tone. “I’m sure it will be back very soon.” Holly lifted her hand and gently caressed her daughter’s cheek, then cupped her face with both hands. “Would you like some breakfast?” she asked.

  Ellie stole a furtive look at Phil Simons. His eyes blazed.

  Leah turned and pointed at the coffee table.

  “Oh,” said Holly in surprise. “Looks as though someone beat me to it. Two clean plates. That’s good to see.”

  Ellie wanted to look the way she felt… guilty of putting herself in charge of Leah’s welfare without Holly’s permission. But there was no way she wanted to give Phil Simons the idea she’d done anything wrong. He made her bristle.

  “Yes,” said Ellie softly. “Leah and I decided it was a good idea to let you sleep in a bit. It is the weekend, after all. Would you like some coffee,” she asked, looking firstly at Holly and then Phil, who shook his head without consideration.

  “I’d love some, thank you. Come on, sweetness,” Holly said grabbing the blanket from the back of the settee. “If you’re going to stay down here, you need to be on the couch, covered up.” She shooed Leah towards the couch.

  “I’ll just clear these things away,” said Ellie, as she moved the crockery and cutlery onto their respective trays.

  “I’ll help you,” said Holly, then in a slightly harsher voice, “Phil, look after Leah until I get sorted out.”

  Up to that point, she had ignored him the entire time she’d been in the lounge. Perhaps she was making the point he shouldn’t have been there, anyway. As the laden women made their way to the kitchen, Ellie could hear Phil talking in a lowered voice to his daughter. As Ellie made the coffee, Holly rinsed the plates and other crockery and loaded it into the dishwasher, along with pans and everything else Ellie had used.

  “He makes my blood boil when he just turns up and lets himself in. I’m going to ask for the key back. He’s lucky I let him see Leah whenever he wants, but now he’s just taking liberties. Had he called or texted, I would have said to call this afternoon. He knows I’m not a morning person.” Holly made a growling sound and shook her head.

  “Perhaps he’s just worried about his daughter,” said Ellie in his defence, even though she didn’t like him much.

  Holly’s green eyes blazed with fury as she pushed her fingers through her unruly blonde locks. “There is no excuse for him just turning up and letting himself in—unannounced! None!”

  Ellie pointed to a seat at the kitchen table. “Sit! And drink this.” She placed at a hot cup of coffee in front of Holly, who took a few tentative sips.

  “Ah, that’s better. I know I’m only this bad because I have a slight hangover. I’m not this grumpy every morning.”

  “Glad to hear it,” replied Ellie. “I would fear for your blood pressure.”

  Holly tittered. “There I was thinking it because you would be here lots of mornings and couldn’t cope with the drama.”

  Ellie rolled her eyes. Holly laughed aloud.

  Holly made her way into the lounge after settling Leah down in her bedroom, leaving her to colour and listen to some music.

  She took something
from her jeans pocket and held it aloft, triumphantly. Ellie nodded… with approval.

  “From the sound of the raised voices, I gather the idea of returning the key didn’t go down very well,” said Ellie, whose expression showed a little worry.

  “I’m sorry you and Leah had to witness that.”

  “We couldn’t hear any words, as everything was muffled. It’s quite a long way from your bedroom.”

  Holly closed her eyes slowly. “I don’t like the idea that Leah heard even that,” she replied. “We try to keep our disagreements private, but sometimes, things have to be said with volume, just so the message gets through. Phil’s always been deaf to my point of view,”

  “You did have a point about the key, though. You could have been doing something private,” said Ellie, sympathetically.

  “All I can say is you’re more understanding than my ex-husband.”

  Both women sat on the same couch, unlike the evening previously. Both had decided on closeness… almost telepathically. Their eyes locked, but there was no sign of passion in either set.

  Ellie spoke first. “Can I ask… is Leah aware of your sexuality?”

  Holly shook her head. “No. Had she not had a dad, the situation may have been different. To her, and the rest of my world, I’m just a divorced single mum. Phil knows, of course. He knew there was something wrong with our marriage. He beat himself up very badly about it. In the end, I had to tell him the truth. I’m not sure it came as that much of a shock, to be honest.”

  Ellie didn’t speak, just lifted her eyebrows in surprise.

  “He considered himself partly to blame,” she continued. “He put relentless pressure on me to marry him and have a family. I wanted all those things, and I do love Phil, but I’m not in love with him. Do you know what I mean?”

  Ellie nodded.

  “I thought having a child would bring the closeness I needed and craved, but using a child as glue for your marriage is wrong—under any circumstances. I know that now. My decision just made life difficult for everyone. He’s a brilliant dad to Leah, though. She thinks the world of him. Therefore, when the time is right, we will sit our daughter down and try to explain things in a way she will hopefully understand. Until then, I plan to keep my sexuality under wraps. I’ll continue to be… discreet.”

  “Do your parents know why your marriage broke up?” asked Ellie.

  Holly shook her head, but then pulled her lips together as though reconsidering. “Actually, that’s not strictly true. They may have an idea, but we haven’t discussed it.”

  “Where would they have got the idea from?” Ellie felt her face colour. “Sorry, I sound like Columbo. I don’t mean to pry.”

  Holly laughed. “Don’t worry. It’s a relief sometimes to talk to someone who fully understands the nature of the beast. Come on. Let’s have a cup of tea while we talk. I think I could even manage some toast.”

  As they settled at the kitchen table, Holly nibbled her toast whilst Ellie drank her tea.

  “I was telling you about my mum and dad and how they got the idea why my marriage had ended. When I was in my senior year at school, they caught me in bed, naked, with a friend. It was obvious what had happened.” Holly looked down at the table. When she looked up, Ellie could see her eyes were full of tears. Holly reached across and took a tissue from the box on the table, dabbing the tears as they fell.

  When she spoke again, Holly’s large green eyes still had a film of wetness. “Not my finest hour. They came up with all the usual suspects—my future, grandchildren, what had they done wrong, etcetera.” She took a drink from her tea, picked up the toast, and then quickly discarded it. “A few months later, they moved to Australia after I was hurriedly ensconced at my aunt’s house, and I’ve seen very little of them since in person. We Skype quite often though. They love talking to Leah.”

  The heat of the kitchen was making Holly’s scent drift towards Ellie on the thermals of warm air. It was so exciting, the perfume making Ellie’s body react on its own. She found it out of context with the chat, and very disconcerting. She was trying not to react to it. Tethering the tingling but not completely letting it go.

  “Have they ever met Leah, in the flesh?”

  “Yes, when she was about five. They said they wished they could make the trips more often, but said the cost of the airfares made it a no go. I don’t believe it for a minute. They still manage to sustain their country club lifestyle, so I know money isn’t a problem. Let’s face it, the Australian authorities wouldn’t have let them into the country without proof they wouldn’t be a burden to them. They even offered to pay for my wedding, which I declined.” Holly wiped away the tears again. The rims were beginning to redden.

  Ellie reached across and held Holly’s hand. Nothing she could say would make the situation any easier, but at least she had given Holly the opportunity to share. “I’m going to take a stroll down to the shops. Why don’t you look in on Leah and then watch a little TV until I get back?”

  “I could run you to the supermarket if you like,” said Holly, looking surprised.

  Ellie shook her head. “No need. I could do with the exercise.” She smiled at the perturbed looking Holly. “I won’t be long.”

  Whilst Holly was speaking, an idea had popped into Ellie’s head. It was time for the pressure to ease a little on Holly, and Ellie thought she could accomplish it quite easily.

  10

  When she got back from the shops, Ellie went straight to the kitchen and put the shopping bags on the countertop. On the way to hanging up her coat, she popped her head around the corner of the lounge. Holly was sitting upright on the couch—asleep. Her head tilted backwards in such a fashion, Ellie wondered how she was managing to breathe. She decided not to disturb her and pulled the door closed, then made her way up the stairs to Leah’s room.

  She knocked gently on the door but got no audible response, just a shuffling sound. The door opened. A freshly bathed Leah answered the door dressed in some cute pyjamas depicting unicorns and intermittent rainbows. Leah waved Ellie into the room, and then scrambled back into bed, pulling the duvet up to her waist, and then picked up the book from the bed beside her.

  “Hi, Leah,” said Ellie with a big broad grin. “I’ve come to ask you a favour. Your mum’s feeling a little bit down so I thought I’d treat her to dinner tonight. I’ve been to the shops and bought all the things I need to make it here. I have you a little something too. Do you think you might come down later and help me make it? I can do the cooking, but I still have no idea where anything is, apart from tea, coffee, fridge, and toaster. I’ve no idea even where you got the pan from this morning.” She let out a little giggle. “Do you think you’re well enough to help?”

  Leah gave the thumbs-up and rewarded Ellie with a broad grin.

  “By the way, have you had any lunch?”

  Leah pointed to a banana skin on her bedside table.

  “Drink?”

  Again, she pointed, this time to the computer desk at the other side where there was a glass of what Ellie suspected was Ribena. “Great! See you about six then?”

  Leah nodded again.

  “We’ll send your mum for a nice long soak with bubbles and candles. You could help with that too.” She smiled at Leah who returned it, as she excitedly bounced up and down on the bed.

  Ellie left Leah in a very happy place.

  After Ellie stored her purchases in the fridge and freezer, she retrieved the pan from the dishwasher and cleaned it by hand. She cut a couple of chicken thighs into small pieces, chopped onion, leek, carrot and a stick of celery into the same size as the chicken, then tossed the whole lot in a little oil and then added chicken stock, seasoning and a few herbs. After bringing the conglomeration to a boil, she then put it on a low simmer with a lid on, keeping the goodness in. She grabbed her book from her bag and joined Holly in the lounge.

  Ellie sat on the opposite couch, so as not to disturb her. Holly had now changed her position. She was sittin
g slightly sideways on, facing Ellie, so the side of her head was resting on the back of the couch. Ellie noticed the dark shadows beneath Holly’s eyes and wondered how well she slept at night. She’d never noticed them before. Perhaps the bullying episode, then Leah’s illness, plus Phil’s behaviour, were having an impact on Holly’s sleep routine. She’d obviously been keeping her emotions under wraps for a long time, especially regarding her mum and dad’s obvious rejection when she was a teenager. Leah’s troubles were the last straw.

  She picked up her book and tried to concentrate. When she’d read the same paragraph three times and still couldn’t take in what it said, she gave it up. Although she desperately wanted to read, other thoughts were hijacking her brain. She thought about what her own mother said when she told her parents she was a lesbian.

  “Well, I’m educated enough to understand you don’t have a choice in the matter, Eleanor, but I have to say, it’s disappointing. We were so looking forward to having grandchildren running around. Oh, well…” Dee’s eyes were downcast and genuinely showed sadness.

  Her father, on the other hand, didn’t say a word. He held his daughter in a hug so tight—she thought he’d never let her go.

  Tears formed in Ellie’s eyes. Despite her mother’s reaction, she knew both her parents loved her. They were up-front about Ellie’s sexuality as soon as Ellie told everyone she needed to tell. None of them had tried to hide the truth. Both she and her parents had lost friends when they found out. Her father had been stoical. “Not worth having as friends if that’s their attitude.”

  He was right, and none of them had been missed.

  At twenty past four, Holly began to stir. After muttering under her breath for some while, she gasped, and her eyes flew open. They showed a look of panic. “Leah,” she cried and rushed to her feet, swaying as she did so. She dropped back down onto the couch with a thump. That’s when she noticed Ellie.