Holden stood there, his shoulders slightly hunched, eyeing her sheepishly. “Hey.”
Rachael felt like her heart could explode. After his silence, seeing him so suddenly made the telltale butterflies in her stomach go into a frenzy. “Hey,” she whispered back.
“Can I come in?”
“Oh—please. I mean, yeah, please, come in.” She stepped aside, waiting for him to cross the threshold before she shut the heavy front door behind him. “Daddy’s working late. Again. I mean, you probably knew that, but—”
“Yeah, I did,” said Holden.
“Holden, I’m so sorry,” she blurted.
He looked taken aback. “I—”
“I shouldn’t have pushed you. I didn’t mean to freak you out. I promise I won’t ask again.”
Holden exhaled slowly, but smiled faintly. “No worries. Really.”
Whatever tension was left in her uncoiled. Rachael returned his smile. Then, realizing they were still standing on the foyer, she said, “We can sit.”
With a nod, Holden followed her to the living room. Rachael sat at one end of the couch and he on the other. She noticed he gave her an odd look, but whatever it was he seemed to shrug it off.
“Did you find anything?” asked Holden gently.
Rachael shook her head, sinking into the old cushions. “No,” she admitted. “I looked and looked, but nothing.”
His beautiful blue-green eyes swam with sympathy. “I’m sorry.”
A weighted sigh heaved her shoulders. She forced a small smile. “It’ll be okay. Somehow.”
Holden looked at her as though she’d grown an extra limb in the space of her sentence. “Not to freak you out, Ray, but your brother’s days away from death.”
Something about the way he said it shoved a sliver of pain through her heart. Rachael stared at him, unable to comprehend why the boy she knew so well would say something so callous. He had before, she suddenly remembered, at Aaron’s house a couple days ago before she’d left. But he’d been in a pretty rotten mood then at the time. At least now she knew why.
Carefully, she said, “I know, but Aaron promised to do everything he could.”
Holden’s eyes darkened. “Yeah,” he muttered. His shoulders went rigid, and Rachael’s heart skipped a beat in the least romantic sensation. “I’m sure he did.”
“Holden...”
“I’m sure he swore that Jackson would live no matter what,” he went on bitterly, as though he hadn’t heard her. “He tells everyone in that same position the same thing. That he’ll do his best; that they won’t be the ones who have to go. But it always ends the same.”
“I can’t believe that,” she said in a small voice. “Jackie’s different.”
“Of course he’s different!” Holden pounded his fist against the couch, his eyes molten with fury. “I keep telling you Aaron has a thing for you. So yeah, he’s going to promise you the world. Jackson is not any different from the others. He faded, and he faded badly.”
Rachael stood from the couch, her legs feeling awkward and stiff. “My brother isn’t a killer, fade or not.” She tried to keep her voice firm, but the shakiness was there.
“It doesn’t work like that.” Holden followed suit, stepping closer to her. “It’s not a conscious decision, Rachael. It’s pure instinct. It’s hunting. If there were more lycans, we would be at the top of the food chain. You would be little more than cattle. When—when I was a kid, more people died by wolf attacks. Almost all of them were lycan, and many of those were in the fade.”
She met his eyes. “Then what makes you better than them? Why shouldn’t I be afraid of you?”
Holden leaned in close. “Because,” he said quietly. “I don’t consider myself lycan. At least, I try not to.” He brushed hair from her face, his eyes softening. “And I would never hurt you.”
He kissed her then, and Rachael couldn’t help but kiss him back. How awful, a part of her thought, to be doing this when her brother’s life was on the line. Yet she leaned into his hands as he cradled her head and just enjoyed the warmth that emanated from him.
Abruptly Holden pulled back, startling her. Rachael blinked dazedly, still reeling from their contact, before she realized his stricken expression. He kept his hands on her shoulders. Foreboding flooded Rachael.
“Holden?” she whispered tentatively.
He stared down at her body, not in a lecherous way but as though there was an enormous stain on her shirt. “I smell him,” he said softly. Then he raised his eyes until they drilled into hers. “All over you.”
Oh, no. Rachael took a steadying breath. “It’s not like that.”
“I know,” he snapped. “I know it’s not like that, because you’re not like that. So then why—do—I—smell—him?” His tone grew more and more ferocious, and it was all the more frightening because he managed to convey his rage without raising his voice.
Rachael tried to lean away, but his hands kept her still. Stiffly, she said, “I hugged him. It’s not a big deal.”
Holden stared blankly at her.
Defensively, she said, “It’s not a big deal, Holden. He promised to help Jackie, and I hugged him. I’m grateful for what he’s done.”
Holden shook his head in disbelief. “Don’t you listen to me?” he asked. “Did you forget everything I told you about him? What he’s done to me growing up? What he’s doing to me now?”
It had been a long, long time since Rachael had been afraid of her friend, but she certainly was now. “I do listen,” she insisted. “I just… maybe he’s not what you think he is. He can be harsh, but he reminds me a little of Daddy. Maybe he just sees you as one of his kids, you know?”
Flatly, Holden said, “No offense, Rachael, but your dad sucks.”
She felt rigid in his grip, and all the blood left her face. “Offense taken.”
“How are you even defending that... that bastard after everything he did to you? With Jackson, with your mom, with your whole life these past two years?”
“I’m not trying to defend him, I’m just saying—”
“Well, for not trying, you’re doing a great job of it!”
Rachael jerked out of his grip. His wounds ran deep, she knew. But she hadn’t thought it was this bad. And now her thoughts were all over the place, making it difficult for her to make sense of everything. “Don’t yell at me.”
Holden opened his mouth like he was going to, thought twice, then growled and stalked past her toward the front door. Panicked, Rachael hurried after him.
“Holden, wait,” she protested, grabbing at his arm.
He spun suddenly, swinging his arm in the same motion and slapping her hand away. “Don’t touch me!”
“Holden, please,” she begged, reaching out for him again. She stopped just shy of grabbing his jacket, her fingers curled in hesitation. Then she forced her arm back to her side and tried to appeal to his good sense. “I know he’s done rough things to you, but he told me… that is, if I think of it from the viewpoint of a lycan instead of a human, Aaron says—”
In an instant her words were cut off as Holden rushed her. Rachael yelped and scrambled back until she hit the wall. He didn’t stop until he was within an inch of her. The heat of fury roiled off him, making the air around them painfully thick. Rachael had a terrifying, hysterical moment where she couldn’t draw a good breath.
“I don’t even want to hear his name,” snarled Holden. The gold flecks in his eyes blazed like wild embers. “He kicked me out of the pack. I don’t have anything left. If I’m dead to him, he’s dead to me.”
Rachael slowly nodded, her heart thudding painfully against her chest.
Holden searched her face, looking for anything to suggest she was going to attempt sympathy for his former alpha once more. When he didn’t find it, his shoulders finally loosened a little and he backed up. Rachael inhaled, blinking rapidly to keep the tears back.
For a few moments Holden just stood there. He stared down at the ground, his fists
clenched into sharply knuckled balls. Then, slowly, he lifted his head and murmured, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have scared you like that.”
Rachael could only nod.
“I—I think I need to go,” he said.
“Yeah,” she whispered faintly. “It’s late.”
He blew out a gust of air then offered her one of his sheepish, crooked smiles. “I’ll call you tomorrow?”
Rachael nodded and forced a smile of her own.
“Okay.” Holden leaned forward, and it took everything she had not to flinch as he placed a chaste kiss on her forehead. “Sleep well, Ray.”
Still desperately trying to keep her terror at bay, Rachael tried to relax as he opened the front door. “Yeah. Good night.”
Once the door shut behind him, she collapsed to the floor. She didn’t hear a car, so she assumed he had shifted into his wolf form. That just caused her even more confusion, especially after he had so vehemently denounced lycans.
What was that? thought Rachael numbly. What just happened to us?
Chapter Eighteen
Though she’d just taken a shower, Rachael couldn’t get out of her pajamas fast enough to take another. This time she scrubbed ferociously. She had to get the smell off, she knew. One shower hadn’t done the trick. Holden had claimed he could still smell Aaron on her.
She shuddered in mid-scrub. Her knuckles went white around the pale blue loofa.
It was fine, she kept telling herself. Everything was fine. She’d always known Holden hated his former alpha. No wonder he’d been upset when she pushed. Anybody would feel betrayed in that situation. He just needed time to cool down. After all, he’d told her he’d call her tomorrow. She should feel relieved.
But then why did she want to throw up?
Rachael didn’t turn off the water until she was certain she was scentless. Stepping out of the shower, she grabbed a towel—a new one—and dried herself off once more. She hadn’t overdone anything, she assured herself. All she’d done was ensure Holden wouldn’t get upset again. She hated seeing him like that.
But it wasn’t his crooked smile she saw when she crawled into bed for sleep. Instead his infuriated gaze came to mind, the blue and green smashing together like waves in a tsunami, the gold flecks sparking dangerously.
She let out a shuddering whimper and pulled the blanket over her head, praying to her mother for a good night’s sleep.
When a woman called him once, it barely registered. When she called twice, Aaron took note. And if she called after she’d obviously been crying, his hackles rose.
He tempered his voice to a low cool and said, “Good morning, Ms. Adair.”
“Hey,” said Rachael. She sounded smaller than she ever had before. Aaron’s brow drew down into a knot as she spoke. “Um... I know it’s a school day, and that you said I can’t do anything, but... can I come over?”
He resisted the urge to correct her can I? to may I? “Are you asking me for another lift?”
Faint static met his words. Just when he was convinced she was going to hang up, Rachael mumbled, “Yes, please.”
An ominous sensation crawled down Aaron’s spine. He mildly agreed before ending the call. Then, with purpose, he slipped his phone in his pocket and strode toward the hall closet. “Jackson, stay in the house,” he called up the stairs. “Nathan, stay with Jackson.” Though he didn’t need it, he pulled out one of his favorite tailored jackets and pulled it on over his shirt.
“Where’re you goin’?” piped Nathan from the kitchen. Jackson poked his head out of his room, eyeing his alpha from the top of the stairs.
Aaron bared his teeth slightly. He was still irritable with his brother, who maintained his silence when confronted with his sketchy behavior. As such he was bound to the house with Jackson. What an undignified situation his pack was in, he thought in disgust. Sanjana would have been disappointed in him.
“Out,” was all he said. Then, glancing over the hurt expression of his brother, Aaron snatched his keys from a small table in the foyer and swept out the front door.
Warmth lit his face the moment he stepped into sunlight. Temperatures had risen a few degrees overnight, but the air was still crisply autumn. Aaron decided he was going to miss the area when they inevitably left. The weather was particularly pleasant most of the year, and even better for lycans.
It was a shame Rachael was not a lycan as well, thought Aaron as he unlocked the car door. She might have loved a run in this weather.
Within moments he was on the road.
When he arrived she was waiting for him on the front porch. She sat on the ground, her knees curled up to her chest, hair hanging loose and catching in her eyelashes as a continuous breeze toyed with the strands. Once she saw him she picked herself up and hurried to the car, slamming the door shut harder than necessary.
“Easy,” said Aaron mildly. “It latches perfectly fine. You do not need to be rough with it.”
“Sorry,” she muttered. While she buckled herself in she refused to look at him.
He looked into the rearview mirror as he backed out. “Perhaps you would like to explain why you are calling me instead of Holden.”
In his periphery she winced. She almost seemed to shrink against the inside of her door, as though trying to wiggle as far away from him as possible. “He’s busy,” she murmured.
Aaron felt his muscles tense, but he forced himself to relax. “Holden is never too busy for you. I find it particularly unbelievable that he would abandon you at a time like this.”
Rachael bit her lip. Her fingers twitched nervously inside the sleeves of an oversized blue hoodie.
“Well,” continued Aaron. “In that case, I will be certain to have Jackson find out.”
That got a reaction from her. Rachael stiffened, and then slunk down in her seat. This time Aaron didn’t rebuke her.
“I’m sick of everyone threatening me,” she said.
Holden? For the moment, Aaron kept his curiosity to himself. Aloud he said, “Then do not consider it a threat. Consider it only fair for your brother to know you are struggling.”
Rachael groaned.
They approached a turn, and Aaron slowed to ease around the corner. He fixed his eyes on the road, waiting patiently.
At last she whispered, “We’re talking.”
Aaron made a noncommittal noise, tapping the steering wheel with one finger.
Straightening from her slumped position, Rachael stared at the side mirror as she spoke. “He came over last night to apologize. I ended up being the one to say sorry. We talked and then... he went home.”
None of that answered his initial question. Aaron pressed his lips together, willing his theories to stay silent so she had ample opportunity to continue her confession.
Several minutes had gone by with no sound but the wind passing over the car before she spoke again. “He scares me.”
Aaron had to do a double take. He looked over at the girl, still hunched over and worrying at one of her nails. Then he looked forward again, swallowing the fury that bubbled in his throat. In fact he found his voice to be remarkably calm as he said, “Please explain.”
“No,” she said suddenly. “I don’t want you to hurt him.”
Her damnable feelings for the pup kept getting in the way. This was precisely why alphas couldn’t take a mate. Romantic ties lessened objective perception. Evenly, Aaron stated, “If it will help, I promise not to hunt him down for whatever slight he may have visited upon you.” He fixed her with a dark stare. “So, please. Once again. Explain.”
Her gray eyes clouded over further, until they were so dark they could have burst with raindrops of their own. But her eyes remained dry. Rachael took a steadying breath, and then the dam exploded.
“He hates you. I’ve always known that, but he hates you. And sometimes I see why. You’re mean and cruel and you’re not—not human. But that’s just it: you’re not human. And this whole time I’ve been holding you to human standards, but that’s not
right, is it? But the thing is Holden hates being a lycan. So he doesn’t consider himself one. He thinks he’s a human in love with me; with another human. But then when he gets mad he’s all lycan. And his eyes... his eyes are just...” She stopped, gasping for air as though she’d just run a long distance.
It was as though molten steel poured over Aaron’s muscles, hardening them as they cooled. He continued to drive, not saying a word, but inside he saw nothing but red.
Rachael covered her mouth with one hand, tears finally spilling from her eyes. “Aaron, what did I do wrong?” she whispered. “I even showered, but he still smelled you on me. Just from that hug. I thought he was going to hit me.”
“Holden does not hit women,” said Aaron tightly.
She flinched. “I—I know. He didn’t.”
He hadn’t meant to aim his ire at her. Aaron tried to let the anger bleed out, but it kept pouring back in as fast as he could let go of it. If he wasn’t careful it would build and boil over. Right now that was the last thing Rachael needed.
With deliberate care, he said, “What I mean is, if you were genuinely afraid then he is worse off than I thought.”
Brokenly, she asked, “How do I fix him?”
His jaw set. “He is not a toy, Ms. Adair,” said Aaron quietly. “He cannot be fixed. He needs to want that for himself.”
Rachael frowned out the window. Then she said, “Honestly, sometimes I wish I never met any of you.”
Well. He certainly couldn’t blame her there.
Aaron entertained fantasies of clawing asymmetrical gashes into Holden’s face as he made their final turn. In the seat beside him, Rachael unbuckled herself and opened the door before he even came to a full stop. Aaron shook his head. In her more impulsive moments, like Holden, she had a knack for becoming a little less likable for the smallest things.
As she scurried into the house, he laconically got out of his car and shut the door. Aaron lit a clove cigarette and smoked as he walked around the front yard, content to give her time alone with her brother whilst he brooded over the Holden problem.
And it truly was a problem. In the face of Jackson’s issue and Nathan’s silence, Holden just seemed content to add another layer of infuriating insolence to the mounting pressure. Even when banished from the pack, he managed to cause Aaron trouble. Worse yet was he knew that if he just packed everyone up and left both the exiled pup and Rachael behind, none of this would be of any trouble.
Secrets in the Fade (Secrets of the Sequoia Book 2) Page 16