by Sky Winters
She was so close to him the breath he exhaled formed an invisible smog over her face, and almost immediately she felt like retching. She rushed to the back and into the bathroom for what felt like the millionth time that night. Upon her return Trisha saw Calvin looking oddly at her, just before he left the bar. She was relieved she wouldn’t have to face him at the end of the night, but her mood wasn’t lightened in the slightest bit.
The was looking at her strangely when she returned. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say…”
“No one asked you anything,” she snapped and cut him off. She spotted Ron coming in then, and she moved towards him. “Hey, I’m not feeling so good tonight,” she told him. She kept her eyes averted so he couldn’t read what was on her mind. “Would you mind if I left early? It’s only about three hours for my shift to end.”
“Yeah, yeah, sure,” he said. “I got this.”
“Thanks Ron,” she said and hurried to grab her things. The cool night air on her face relieved her somewhat of the nausea. She had just started walking to the corner when she saw him standing across the street. When he saw she had seen him, he skipped across the street and came right before her.
“Are you pregnant?” he asked her.
Trisha’s eyes peeled at the suddenness of his question. And more importantly its accuracy. “Wh-what?” she stuttered.
“I know the marks of it,” he replied. He stood there waiting for her to reply, and she shifted around on her feet and then stared at the pavement. “Did you plan to tell me? How long have you known?”
“I only found out this morning,” she replied. “I mean, I’ve been seeing some signs but I didn’t want to believe it.”
“Wow,” he said and raked his hair with his hands. “Wow.”
“Yeah, wow,” she echoed. She looked up at him then, and she was surprised at what she saw. He didn’t seem at all perturbed by the news. As a matter of fact, he was smiling. “You like this news?”
“Why the hell wouldn’t I?” he asked. “I am just…I didn’t once think it would happen again.”
“Again? You have been trying?!” she asked almost angrily. She didn’t want to think that he had been deliberately trying to impregnate her.
“No, not you,” he told her. She sighed with relief when he answered, but his intentions were not in question now; she was pregnant nonetheless. “So, how do you feel? How far along are you? Should you be around all that alcohol still?” The words flowed from him like water from a tap, but she just stood there looking at him.
“Are you even listening to yourself?” she asked him. “Calvin, I am already struggling to maintain my son and mother, and now there is another baby on the way,” she said as the tears began running down her face again. “I don’t know what I should do, or what I am going to do.”
“Hey,” he said and came over to hug her. She stepped back and held her hands out. “What…what…?” he wasn’t sure what to ask, or what to do as he found himself in extremely unfamiliar territory. “Look, it is a bit chilly out here. Let me take you home.”
She wiped her eyes and looked around. “That’s fine. I think I’ll take cab,” she said and backed away. When she was a few feet off she turned, and Calvin was left standing on the pavement wondering what he had missed. The elation he had felt earlier was suddenly replaced by concern and confusion as he watched her back disappear around the bend. Then he turned and went back into the bar; he needed something strong to drink.
CHAPTER 9
“Hey, you ridin’ today?” Crusher asked Calvin. The man was sitting on his motorcycle with a rag in his hand. He had been adjusting the brakes, and was now rubbing off the grease that had blackened his hands.
“Nah,” he replied and paid undue focus to the simple task of cleaning his hand.
“You sure?” Crusher asked. “Hornets were spotted fishing in our territory. Johnny…”
“If I hear that mother fucker’s name one more time…where the hell is he by the way?” Calvin spat. Ever since he had taken over the club Johnny had been nothing but a thorn in his side. It seemed he was in a permanent state of rebellion since he had wanted to take over ruler ship of the club; a position Calvin would have given to him if he had shown himself capable.
The only reason he had assumed leadership was because his brother had made it out to be an inheritance; something he had to do. But he had grown accustomed to the life, having lived it for several years, and being at the top for a few months. Now, the things he would normally be engaging in were slowly becoming shadows behind Trisha’s news of the baby. Johnny was the last thing he needed to deal with now.
“He’s around back with the guys,” Crusher answered.
“Let him stay there. You and the others can ride; that’s not for me today,” he said and tossed the rag onto the seat.
Crusher stood looking at him for a few seconds before walking off. The man had a distant look in his eyes, one he had never seen before, and he could tell company would not be the thing he needed. “Alright,” he said. When he turned the corner Calvin heard him whistle, then a few murmurs, and later, the sound of thunder as all the engines came to life at once. Calvin watched the cloud of dust that followed them out of the yard, and then took out his phone absently.
Trisha hadn’t spoken to him in days; ever since he had discovered her pregnancy. He slid his hand across the phone to unlock the screen, and dial her number-one he knew by heart. But as usual, it rang and went straight to voicemail. He was not content with waiting on her to show up, and with his heart in his hand, he got on his motorcycle and sped to her home.
The woman who answered the door looked him up and down before responding to him. He surmised she must be her mother, since he had not met her before. “May I help you?” she asked.
“I’m here to…” the words fell short when he saw her approaching.
“Mama, it’s okay,” she said as she hurried down the hallway. “What are you doing here?” she asked him. She stood uncomfortably with the grocery bag across her midsection.
“Do you mind?” he asked as he held his hand out so he could to assist her.
She shifted on her legs and then nodded. He took the bag and followed her inside. Her mother was still sneaking looks at him, but she never volunteered an introduction. It took him by surprise when she ambled over to him.
“Are you the man who got my Trisha pregnant?” she asked directly. She stood there looking at him as she waited for the answer.
“Ma!” Trisha replied as she tried to shut her up.
“I want to know, because you already have a child without a father, so I want to know if this one will do better,” she said, as she folded her arms across her chest.
Calvin stood there, looking from one to the other and not knowing exactly how to respond. “I..” was all that came from him, so stricken was he with embarrassment.
“Well?” the woman asked as she looked him over. “You seem like a capable man, despite those ugly marks on your skin. Do you have any more children?” She was referring to the one tattoo on his forearm that was visible now that he wasn’t wearing a jacket.
Calvin had never undergone an inquisition but he suspected now what one must feel like. “No, ma’am,” he replied, as if choosing his words. “I had one.”
Trisha’s eyes went to him then, as he spilled information she had no knowledge of before. “Ma, just leave him alone,” she defended again. The woman made one last sweep before walking off, just as Aiden came running in. Calvin watched her leave with the toddler, and then he returned his attention to Trisha.
“I didn’t know you had a child,” she told him, as she turned her back to unpack the small parcel of groceries.
“There are many things you don’t know about me,” he replied and made his way over to her. “And even more you didn’t even bother to ask,” he said as he insinuated their unborn child.
“There is nothing to talk about,” she said.
“I think there is,” he said and
forced her to face him. “Do you think you have to do this alone?”
“I think I might,” she told him, her voice suddenly getting shaky. “Look at you, and the life you live. It was a mistake to get so caught up, and now we have involved a baby into things and I…” She sighed, as the words died in the air. “I just don’t want to do this.”
“Are you hinting at something?” he asked accusatorily. He could tell in her voice she had been contemplating an abor…he couldn’t even bring himself to think the ugly word.
“I just think it would be better if…”
“Don’t even think about it Trisha,” he almost shouted. “This is my child too! My child! You have no right to do anything without talking with me. You don’t have to want him, but I do.” He was getting more emotional than he had ever known himself to be, and he could feel the fire growing to enormous proportions within him.
“So, what do I do?” she asked, tears coming to her eyes.
“Nothing,” he replied. “Just let me handle this.” He walked off then and she followed him to the door.
“What does that mean? Handle what?” she asked.
He stopped when he was in the hallway. Then he turned and looked at her, and she could see the hurt in his eyes. “Just don’t do anything without me.” And then he turned and walked away.
She stood there watching him as he opened the door to the stairwell and disappeared inside. She felt her mother come up behind her, which meant she had been listening all along too.
“How old is he by the way?” she asked.
“Ma,” Trisha replied in an irritated voice. “Just leave it alone.”
She followed her daughter back inside, and closed the door behind them. “I hope he was wrong,” she said.
Trisha pretended not to hear her, but she was already feeling ashamed of even having thought about it.
CHAPTER 10
The following days she was plagued with a sense of guilt and increasing anxiety. Her nausea had abated, if even for the moment, and she appreciated it. She was half expecting Calvin to show up later that night. But he didn’t. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Johnny enter, and then some of the other men. But no Calvin. Immediately she thought that he must be angrier with her than she had assumed. She held her head down and was overly attentive to the glass she was wiping.
“Hey!” she heard someone shout. “Refill?” The man was banging his glass on the counter and seemed to have been trying to get her attention for some time.
“Sorry Reg,” she said and moved to the man.
“What’s got you so out of it?” he asked when she got to him.
“Just family issues,” she replied. She poured the drink without another word and he didn’t ask. She kept watching the door, but her hopes were constantly dashed when each time the door opened it admitted another person she was paid to serve.
What she couldn’t ignore was the weird looks she kept getting from his men. They didn’t say much, but they were less rowdy than usual. And that didn’t change for the following three days. On the third night since he had visited her home, she had all but given up hope of seeing him. It didn’t make any sense to her why he would have gotten so passionate before, only to disappear after. She didn’t need another day to make up her mind about what she needed to do, and come the following day she had a necessary trip to make.
Her feet dragged behind her as she crossed the busy intersection. Her mind was swirling when she got to the door to the doctor’s office. She stood there, rooted to the spot as her heart thumped in her chest.
“Are you coming in?” the security guard asked as he held the door back.
She looked at him blankly, almost as if she was looking right through him. Then she stepped back, and started sobbing as she hurried back to the corner. Her eyes were so wet with tears, and the sound growing louder in her head the longer she stood there, that she was blinded to everything else around her. She wheeled madly around when she felt someone touch her, and she blinked rapidly to clear the mist.
“Trisha,” he whispered when he saw her.
“Just go Calvin,” she told him. “As if I wasn’t confused enough, you have made things even worse for me.”
“Oh, but you have been mistaken,” he told her as he gripped her by the shoulders and turned her around to face him.
“You said you wanted this child, and then you don’t turn up. Is that what I’m to expect? Your mind swaying back and forth indefinitely?”
“Trisha, it wasn’t deliberate,” he defended. He let go of her and wiped his hand down his face. “I…this wasn’t an easy decision for me.”
“It still isn’t for me,” she replied flatly. “How are you going to be a father when you are running around with a gang? I should have known better,” she said and began to walk off.
He grabbed her by the arm and stopped her. “I gave it up,” he said.
She froze after he spoke, and then turned around. “Excuse me?” Her eyes were hopeful, but still reluctant to believe what she thought he was saying.
“That’s what I was doing these last few days,” he replied. “After I found out, I knew I couldn’t risk losing another child, and I knew you wouldn’t want me if I was still riding with the gang. So, I gave it up.”
Fresh tears stared springing into her eyes, and she quickly brushed them away. “Are you saying what I think you are saying?”
He smiled and took her face in his hand. “I want this,” he told her. “You, our baby, and everything in between.” She felt paralyzed, and then her knees started to buckle. He caught her when he saw her swoon, and pulled her to him. “I got you,” he told her.
They stood there on the pavement, at the corner of the street, and as the world went about its business, and the people passed them by, they remained fixed in the universe they had created. Calvin looked into her eyes, smoothed her check with the back of his index finger, and then his lips found hers. Trisha was never one to display emotions outwardly, or encourage public shows of affection. At the moment, she didn’t seem to mind doing either. She held onto Calvin, and received his kiss gladly. He crushed her to him, and transformed her earlier pain and anxiety to euphoric bliss.
When he let go the tears were still coming. He chuckled and wiped them away with his thumb. “You have a lot of those,” he joked.
She sniffled and leaned back. “I guess so,” she said.
He put his arms around her shoulder and led her away. “Come on, let’s get you home.”
The two walked off home, an unlikely duo, attracting the attention of a few passersby. But they were incognizant of it as they basked in their newfound happiness.
************
“What are the odds?” she asked Calvin as the two sat together on the park bench. Aiden was busy chasing the neighbor’s dog and rolling around as he lost the battle continuously.
“What?” he asked, a contented sound pervading his mood.
“That you and I would be sitting here, doing this,” she said and leaned so she could rest her head on his shoulder.
He lowered his head and kissed her forehead, and his hand moved over her stomach that was now six months old. She no longer held the job at the bar, for obvious reasons. Calvin had sold his apartment for a bigger one, and the two were to move in together the following week.
“Neither did I,” he replied eventually. “I mean, I knew I didn’t want to be the head of the Devils for too long, but I didn’t see this coming.”
Trisha sighed contentedly, and smiled as she watched her older child. Life would not be perfect, and she didn’t wish for it. But they had each other, and at the moment, she needed nothing else.
THE END
Outlaw’s Baby
Changing lanes turned out to be harder than she thought as Joy signaled to the sleepy, oblivious drivers surrounding her that her exit was coming up. She found herself suppressing a short burst of anger toward them, until finally someone waved her in front of them. She smiled appreciatively, startled
to discover that it was a friend of hers from high school, Mary Anne Jenkins. They didn't have time to acknowledge their bond as Joy pulled in front of her, onto the exit that would lead her to her rural hometown.
She hadn't been back home in over ten years. She'd been desperate to get out of the small town where it seemed like nobody could possibly understand her. They were all so close minded and simple, and there was a whole world out there that they couldn't possibly imagine. She felt an ache in her chest as she drove, passing by familiar landmarks as if they were images from an ancient dream. She hadn't known how much she would miss it, spending all her time in the city, meeting one wrong man after another. It had been exciting in its way, the adventure and danger of being with somebody so unpredictable and passionate, but all of them turned out to be far too self-absorbed, and wound up hurting her.
When she phoned her sister and told her about where she was at—broke and stranded after a man had taken her for all she had and moved on to somebody else, her sister had been concerned.
“You've been away from home for far too long,” Kayla said. “You forget what you deserve if you're not around the people who treat you right. Why don't you come and stay with me for a while?”
The offer had made Joy cry, and the next day Kayla had wired her some money so that she could afford the trip back home. The asshole had robbed her blind. She'd thought he was different from the others, but he had been the worst one yet. His name was Gordon, and although he'd been sweet to her at first —they all were—it wasn't long before the viper in him came out. He was awful to her and had scarred her in more ways than one, especially the night he decided to take off with all of her things. She'd tried to defend herself but it hadn't gone well, and his looks had clearly told her that if she called the cops on him, they would find her and she wouldn't get away with it.
She shuddered as she pulled into Kayla's driveway, his face in her thoughts until the screen door opened, and a tiny child hurtled toward her car. This must be her niece, Penny, a three year old bundle of energy. Kayla was bounding out shortly after, swiping the toddler up swiftly and carrying her over her shoulder as she approached Joy's beat up old car. Joy couldn't believe the old sucker had managed to make it through the long journey.