by Skye Winters
When I looked at her, Rowan dropped the cloth in a bowl of water and settled down beside me. She wiped her hands off on her jeans before removing something from under her shirt.
"My pendant." I swallowed. Hard. I'd always promised her my heart but—
"It's the only way I could keep it safe," she explained, quickly lifting it away from her neck before offering it to me. "Figured after last night you might want it back."
"But how?" I furrowed my brow. "It's never fallen off in the past."
Rowan shrugged. "You were in a hurry. Maybe it came off with your shirt?"
"I guess." Then, looking back to when I changed forms, I said, "But I sensed you shift with me. You were there, running at my side. You... you went back for it? You didn’t—"
"I did." She stroked my hair and kissed me on the lips. "You know why. If I’m the focus of your heart, and you're mine, I couldn’t leave it out there just so a stray could pick up." When I smiled, she said, "See? There are worse things you can bond to besides Devlin James."
"You always know how to put a spin on things."
"I try. It is my job, after all, to keep your heart and body happy."
Among other things. Heat brushed my cheeks, and I studied the pulsing amulet as it glowed erratically.
Rowan combed her fingers through my hair. "What happened back there anyway? You barely touched the ground before shifting. Anything I should be worried about?"
I sighed and sat up, placing my hands in my lap. "It's not something I want to repeat because I can't trust if what I heard is true. If I do—" Then what? If my mother was ill, the weight of my bond would be almost too heavy to carry.
Rowan lifted my chin, but I couldn't look at her. I was back at Devlin's house, listening to my father and feeling as uncertain now as I did then.
Rowan's gentle exhale brought me back to the present, and my heart sunk a little more. What if it is true? It would break her. It would destroy the entire pack. The other wolves liked me. They might have even loved me, but I could never compare—I could never replace—
"Anna, talk to me. Please." Rowan arced her thumb on my cheek. "Your silence worries me. I've cared for you and followed you since we were young. You're the closest thing I have to a sister, and if I can't hear your voice, if you cannot share this burden with me, I... never mind." She waved her hand dismissively, but if I knew Rowan, she'd take her worries with her until I brought their source to light.
Now I did meet her gaze, and the concern I saw in her eyes filled mine with tears. "I'm so sorry, Rowan." I pressed her forehead to mine. My voice was thick. Hard to swallow. Hard to think. But I felt everything. The fear. The pain.
Fighting back the nausea in my throat, I spoke. "My father, he..." My voice cracked, and Rowan took my hands in hers. I wet my lips and tried again. "He didn't see Devlin to talk about me. He went to discuss my mother."
I shook my head, but I couldn't deny the burning at the backs of my eyes or force back the tears that had already started to roll down my cheeks.
"Your mother? But why? What does your mother have to do with your bond?" She squeezed my hands tight. "I mean, the bond your father expects you to take."
"My mother has nothing to do with Devlin if what my father said is a lie."
"But if it's true?" The lift of her eyebrows urged me to continue.
I chewed at the inside of my cheek. It can't be true. I would've sensed it. Smelled it. "Have you visited with my mother this morning?"
"Not yet, no. What is it? You know you can tell me. I would never speak a word of it—"
"No, but our wolves can. You knew something was wrong with me last night, didn't you?"
She nodded. "I figured your wolf needed her space, so I backed off. I knew whatever happened in Devlin's house was the cause of your distress. Though I'm not sure of the reason for it." Her brow wavered the slightest bit as she held my hands. "What happened in there? Was it just your father's presence? Because, to be honest, if my dad had gone snooping around in a place I was breaking into, I'd freak out as well." She shrugged when I looked at her. "Just saying."
I took a breath and forced the best smile I could. "It was like that at first. Sort of. I was mostly angry at him, at his timing but..." I trailed off and held Rowan's gaze. It shouldn't be this hard to talk to you. My heart ached to hear what Rowan knew or what she may have sensed when my mother was near. But I also feared it. I could feel my wolf cowering at the possibility. At the truth I was afraid to face.
You don't even know if it's true.
My father could've been lying, same as he'd done in the past. But my mother? The pain I heard in his voice?
No way this isn't real.
But then why hadn't he told me? Why keep it a secret?
"Anna?" Rowan's eyebrows lifted above her blue eyes.
"I need to ask you something, and it may sound insane, but bear with me. Okay?"
Deep worry lines creased along her brow. "Of course. You know you can talk to me about anything."
She reached out to caress my face, but even her touch was tentative. Uncertain. As though touching me would shatter me into a thousand pieces. I'd always been strong around her. She'd only seen me cry once, and it was at the loss of our former packmates. But for me to clam up like this? To freeze? It wasn't like me at all. Not her alpha, her lover or the wolf she'd known for so long.
"Have you sensed anything while visiting with my mother recently?" When she didn't reply, I continued. "Has your wolf smelled illness on her?"
"Not that I noticed. You know I would've told you if I had."
"Then my father must be spinning lies to push things forward."
"Is that why he was at Devlin's place?"
"It's what he talked about. He could've had other motives, knowing the way my father gets." I offered her a partial shrug. "I honestly don't feel sure of anything right now, but him being there and saying my mother was ill... It's made my wolf nervous and forced a knot in my stomach."
Rowan chewed her bottom lip—a nervous habit whenever she was deep in thought. "If it isn't true, perhaps you aren’t the only one with their paws in the mud."
"You think Devlin is against it as well?"
"He could be. It was pushed on him rather fast, especially since he’s from an opposing pack comprised mostly of mutts. It may be the only pack around—if we can even call it that—but joining them just to keep the veil up, not to mention some semblance of peace?" She shook her head. "No. You and I both know that isn't the case. The veil will be fine so long as we share the boundary and stay out of each other's way."
I averted my gaze. "But we aren't sharing it. Not really." And if we don't align ourselves with Devlin's pack—we'd be forced out of the boundary for good. Their numbers were far greater than our own.
"Exactly."
"But that's only if what my father said is true. Otherwise, we'd be the stronger of both packs." I exhaled and bowed my head. "My father telling Devlin of my mother's health—wouldn't it show a weak point to strike us at?"
"Until you speak with your father, anything we say is speculation. We could go on like this all day, chasing our tails, and end up in a hole for all our effort." She lifted my chin and kissed me. "No sense fretting about something that may never come to pass. Still, if Devlin thinks we're the weaker of the two packs, he may get cocky and try to fight us without thinking things through."
I smiled at that. "It's a bluff." It had to be. "You think my bond to Devlin was as much a lie as my mother's health?"
"One can hope. That coupled with your father going to see Devlin last night, it's very possible he's trying to get the pack to move in our favor. Devlin will think we're weak. Your father barely beat him the last time they met. But with these cards on the table, maybe, just maybe—"
"We'll overwhelm them." I breathed a little easier. Even with our lower numbers, giving Devlin false confidence could work. "That has to be it." My father had lied to other packs in the past for very similar reasons. "What I
can't understand is why he'd offer me to Devlin, an action that would keep the pack safe if I agreed to share my bond with him, then go and say we're weak. What reason would Devlin have to join me as alpha if he could just as easily force us from the boundary?"
"Because, even if your mother was ill, we'd still have a female alpha." She looked at me to make her point. "Devlin's pack is without one, and unless he agrees..."
I nodded. "The odds would still be on our side."
Something lifted from my shoulders. My wolf relaxed, and slowly, the knot in my stomach eased. I inspected my amulet, its darker coloration and confident pulse as my heart rate returned to normal.
"I should’ve given this to you a long time ago." I lifted the chain from around my neck and offered the pendant to Rowan, but when I did, she declined and closed her hands around mine.
"No. You know as well as I do that if you had, I would’ve been thrown from the boundary for agreeing to such a bond. And that’s a death sentence, which I know I don’t have to tell you."
"But now I’m stuck trying to fight for my heart while keeping my bond to you a secret. Maybe if I speak to my father—"
"Anna, the needs of many far outweigh the desires of the few. Your father would never understand. Neither will the pack. Our law thrives on strength by numbers, and the numbers aren’t something either of us can offer unless we agree to—"
"I'll never agree to it. The old laws must be changed."
"Well, unless you can get the phases of the moon to turn in reverse, I have a feeling we’re at a loss. I know I’ve earned your heart, and I’ll always keep it safe. But if the pack doesn’t have an alpha—"
"They’ll have one." I set my hands and the amulet in my lap. "It just won’t be me. I’d much rather die outside the boundary than follow pack law. Going against my heart, no matter how well it may serve my family, isn’t something I’m programmed to do."
She leaned into me and released a breath that tickled behind my ear. I shivered, set the pedant to the side and turned my head so our lips touched. Now it was Rowan's turn to shiver, and as I put my arms around her, she melted in my embrace.
My father would be checking on me soon, but for now, in this room, all that mattered was the woman in my arms. Her gentle breaths. Her smooth skin. Her warmth. The way she looked in the shower as streams of water ran down her sides. Her breasts.
My clit throbbed at the thought of seeing her—of touching her naked body. I bit my lip to suppress a moan.
"Join me," I whispered.
Rowan lifted her head enough to look at me. "For?"
For a run, my wolf begged. Please, run with me. Get naked with me. Get feral with me.
"A shower," I said. "Please. Please tell me you'll join me. Because this..." I nodded to her in my arms. "This isn't enough. Not now. Not today." I needed more. I needed Rowan.
Her eyes brightened, but she didn't smile. "You know what will happen if we get caught."
I held her chin and pierced her lips with my tongue. Her body tensed. Relaxed as she returned the kiss with just as much fervor.
When we came up for air, I said, "Looks like you're screwed either way. I'm horny as hell, and I'm sure you are as well."
Her hands on my arms and her lips on mine was answer enough for me.
"Besides," I said between kisses, "you're supposed to be bathing me anyway. You are my keeper, after all. Wouldn't be right for you to leave me a ragged mess after last night's run."
She laughed and, God, I loved it when she laughed. "So I am." She pried herself from my embrace and held out her hand which I accepted as I slid off the bed. "Is my alpha ready to get washed up?"
"With you in the same stall?" I lowered my voice and couldn't help my soft moan when she shuddered in place. "Always."
We separated, and as I headed for the door, Rowan grabbed my amulet and presented it to me once she reached the doorway. "Better if you keep this on you at all times."
I smiled and lowered it around my neck. "Let's go."
Chapter Three
The first time Rowan and I had ever kissed, she was tending to my hair. Her fingers had passed over the nape of my neck as she weaved my hair this way and that, slowly braiding the three groups until they met at the bottom. Once she'd finished, Rowan tied the ends, moved the braid over one shoulder and lightly kissed the back of my neck.
It was endearing. Something she'd done before, much like the way she kissed me on the forehead after finishing a task I'd sent her to do.
But that time was different. The kiss wasn't as light. It had lingered longer than usual, and even as she drew away from me, the warmth of her kiss remained.
She'd slid off the bed, kissed my forehead and knelt down, looking up at me. Like always.
I'd fallen into those eyes and lost myself somewhere along the way.
Almost two years later, walking the hall between my room and the shower was exhilarating. Any one of those doors between our departure and destination could’ve opened, but they didn’t. I hated keeping my feelings for Rowan a secret, but even so, standing this close to her and feeling her pulse race under my fingertips made our silence worth it.
Room after room, we strode by, faster and with more urgency as we closed in on the bathroom at the end of the hall. What I wouldn’t give to kiss you right here, out in the open. Rowan kept her eyes forward, but the blush on her cheeks assured me she was thinking much of the same.
Closer. Almost there. My heart skipped as Rowan turned the knob on the door. She opened it, and as we slipped inside, I took my small window of opportunity. I pressed her against the inside of the door, tilted her head back and kissed her.
She gasped and pulled me closer. I exhaled, prematurely breaking our kiss when our breasts touched. So close. And yet, there was far too much in our way. Too many layers.
Without placing more space between us, I sought out the buttons on her blouse, unbuttoning them one at a time. Slowly. Painfully. And as I did, Rowan's body tensed even more.
"You okay?" I kissed her on the lips. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't need this but—" God, why is it so hard to breathe in here? I inhaled, taking in her sweet smell which sent cold fire down my spine. "If you... if you'd rather..."
I moaned as Rowan curled her hands at the nape of my neck. Her body molded against mine. And every thought, every fucking thought was thrown to the wayside. She'd been shy with me before, but like usual, she'd warmed up. Now I was the one who needed a breath.
My hands shook as I tried and failed to unbutton however many buttons were left on her blouse. Even as we kissed, I could feel her smile against my lips. Mock all you want, I wanted to say, but the way she kissed left me tongue-tied.
Somehow I'd lost my footing. I'd lost control. Or maybe I offered it to her. It was hard to tell. But when she kissed me like that and turned me so my back was to the wall, I didn't care. Not so long as her nails dug at my neck. Not when her breath shook of so much need, I knew we wouldn't be leaving the bathroom until we both finished.
I let my head fall back against the wall as she trailed kisses on my lips, behind my ear and along the side of my neck. Fuck. She bit down, right near my jugular. A deadly bite if she were a wolf, and all the more intoxicating when she did it as a human.
So much power behind those jaws, yet I was still standing. Still breathing. And the most alive I'd been since the last time we'd fallen into each other's arms.
Rowan snaked her hands under my shirt, lifting it up and off once I moved away from the wall enough for her to do so. I'm not quite sure when I put my clothes on, but I had a feeling after my long run, Rowan had been the one to dress me. And now she's taking one article off at a time.
I wanted to growl at her. To hurry things along. But we still had time. In this room, right now, it was just us. An alpha and her mate, bonding the way the laws intended them to.
But she's female.
My heart couldn't tell the difference. Neither could my body. And my mind had packed up and left the bo
undary ages ago.
I shivered as I leaned against the cold wall, which in turn forced me as far into Rowan's arms as I could get. The laugh I felt bubbling in her chest never made it through her lips, but it didn't matter. Holding me steady with an arm, she removed the other from her shirt, alternating between the two until the fabric fell at our feet.
I reached for her pants, but a firm grasp on my wrist held me back. I could've fought her. Overpowered her, but for once, I wasn't the alpha. I wasn't her alpha. We were equals, sharing equal parts of the power when it came to our relationship. One minute I was in control, then her, and back to me again.
It was a dance I'd grown to love and one I looked forward to even if it did end much too soon.
Following her lead, I removed my pants and undergarments while she did the same. Her eyes focused on the lock to the room, which I quickly took care of before seizing her lips.
She sucked in a breath. Pressed her breasts to mine. The room was spinning. I felt as though I were falling and instinctually went to grab the counter.
"Here," Rowan breathed, turning me so I had my back to the counter.
Kissing me, she ran her fingers down my sides and along my ribs until she reached my hips, and that's where they stayed. Holding me in place. Controlling my every move as she kissed my chin, my neck, between my breasts. Down and down she went. Kissing above my navel, the inside of my legs.
Shit! Her tongue against my clit. I drew in a shaky breath and resisted the urge to take over. To pull her against me.
Shuddering, I teased her nipple between my thumb and forefinger, squeezing her breast, then twisting the nipple until her moan vibrated against my clit.
Her nails bit into my hips, and I held back a moan.
We hadn’t gotten around to turning on the water, but the air was already humid. You should see if there’s fog on the mirrors. I didn’t doubt it. Not with the way she pressed the flat of her tongue between my pussy lips, or how she flicked it over my clit, just like that.
The hesitation she may have had back in my room was long forgotten. I loved it when she was like this. Mad with need, just as much as I was. Discreet. No sound. Slow movements. Shallow breaths so no one else could sense us.