The Lumberjack

by Erik Martin Willén

  “So that’s what happened. I saw it all, man. It’s a bloody mess, I tell you.”

  The old biker said, “You sure it was Little Noise?”

  BBB sobered up a bit when she heard the name.

  “Sure as I’m standing here. His head was gone, but I recognized them tattoos of his…and the Sheriff, he knew. They all knew. Noise was murdered, and it was bad.”

  A sudden shriek from BBB made everyone turn around as she hit the floor in a dead faint.

  * * * * *

  CARLOS WENT in through the back, feeling very tired. A major car accident and a homicide, Diego in critical condition, and the weather still wasn’t letting up. He was quiet as he walked up the stairs, avoiding his colleagues as the evening shift was gearing up. He opened the first door, and saw the standard envelope containing the day’s events on Ruth’s desk. He opened the envelope and eyed the few notes and phone messages. The last was a call from Malik. He walked into his office and was reaching for the desk phone when the intercom in his office came to life. It was the night shift receptionist, Manny.

  “Sir, we have an urgent call from the Last Post.”

  “We’ll have one of our patrols go by there and break up the fight or whatever it is.”

  “There have been gunshots, sir.”

  * * * * *

  CARLOS PULLED in right after Adrianna; Lucy’s car was already parked outside with lights flashing. He listened to the radio as Lucy asked for paramedics and a K-9 unit. The rain poured down, and once in a while the lightning lit up the entire region, followed by booming thunder. He could distinctly hear gunshots from the back of the building, and he wished Diego could’ve been there. Well, time to see what Adrianna was made of.

  “Your orders, sir?” she asked now.

  “Cover my back.”

  Both drew their guns and headed inside. There were a few people there, all looking scared and talking nervously. Nothing they said made any sense.

  Someone asked, “Is it true about a grizzly killing Noise and eating his head?”

  Carlos stopped in his tracks and turned towards the voice; he didn’t recognize the man who had asked, but he did, however, recognize the person standing behind him trying to hide: Mike Hudson. He gave Mike a withering glare, but he had more urgent business for now. Great. Before breakfast, everyone will know about the murder.

  Adrianna and Carlos headed to the back entrance; outside were a few overturned garbage bins, with their content stinking up the alley. Carlos was grateful that there was a patio cover keeping the rain off. The backyard behind the bar had a porch with a tall wooden fence built around it. There was a large entrance there made up of two gates for delivery trucks; both were wide open. The rear parking for the employees was outside the fence. On the ground lay the fat woman everyone called BBB, bleeding; a few patrons leaned over her, trying to help. A new kid he didn’t recognize, wearing a turban, held her head tenderly in his lap; there was blood splashed on his white apron and headdress. A number of people were talking at the same time, their conversation a confusing babble. Next to BBB stood old Joe, the bartender; he was trying to calm down the guy with the turban.

  “I believe you, Akash, all right? Now relax. That’s why we have an enclosure—we don’t want any animals going through the garbage, like bears and such. Must have broken open the old gate somehow in search for food.”

  “But it is my fault! I left her here!”

  “Stop it. If there’s anyone to blame, it’s me, I should have gotten her a goddamn cab and sent her home, all right? But I didn’t. You only followed my orders to bring her out her so she could sober up some. Got tired of hearing her shit on you, Akash.”

  Carlos listened, and painted a quick picture of what had happened. The bear reported earlier this day had probably looked for food, gotten in, and attacked. He relaxed some, hoping that was the scenario; but when he kneeled down and looked at BBB, he could smell the same fetid odor as he had earlier that day, and at the Harris site.

  A hidden memory from his past flashed through his mind, but he didn’t understand it.

  Shaken, Carlos turned on his radio. “Lucy, report.”

  “I’m behind the parking lot by the edge of the woods, Chief. Got a little problem with some gun-happy locals.”

  Carlos glanced at Joe and the young man still holding BBB.In a quiet but sympathetic voice, he said, “You can let her go now, son, she’s dead. Joe, gather up inside everyone, and make sure no one leaves.”

  Joey nodded to Carlos, and then he led Akash, still upset and trembling, back inside.

  Carlos joined Lucy and several armed customers from the bar, who were surveying the area beyond the back lot. None of the customers tried to conceal their weapons; he ignored the scofflaws for now, but he did memorize them, and he knew them all. Everyone just stared in the direction of the tree line on the hill above the lot.

  What really caught his attention and set his blood to boiling was a man leaning over two pit bulls, whipping them with a leash while cursing them. The dogs just lay there, whining, refusing to move. He grabbed the man’s wrist from behind and yanked it down hard, still keeping his eyes on the two dogs in the event they decided to attack him. He quickly subdued the man and Lucy had her cuffs on him in an instant.

  “Don’t move, motherfucker!” said a clear, high voice.

  He turned around and saw a large biker with a bowie knife standing right behind him; next to him stood Adrianna, with her pistol’s barrel at his ear. She got him on his knees and cuffed him too, finished with a kick to the man’s back that sent him face-first to the ground. Lucy nodded and did the same thing with the other guy. Not bad, Carlos thought, winking at her.

  You look concerned, Frank.”

  Frank smiled back at Christina as he turned off his cell phone. “I have to take a raincheck on that coffee, ma’am, the Sheriff needs my help. You’re sure you’ll be fine by yourself?”

  “I’m a big girl.”

  He smiled agreeing, “Yep, that you are. Any plans on how you’re going to get around?”

  “I planned on going shopping for a nice pickup truck on Monday or Tuesday, and I still have a lot of food you guys sent me, so I’ll be okay till then.”

  “Let me know your plans, and if you need any help getting around in the meantime.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  An exhausted Christina answered Frank’s goodbye by the closed gate before he got into his truck and drove away. She had hoped Robert would drive her home, but he had to stay at the accident site and do some cleanup work. She hadn’t even had time to say goodbye to him.

  She kicked off her sneakers and walked upstairs, straight into the master bathroom, and let her dirty clothes fall to the floor. While she was in town, she’d have to pick up a basket for dirty laundry, she thought. The floor would do for now, though. She turned on the shower, and soon a foggy steam filled the room, and damp mist covered the windows. She really had to struggle to get that sticky green—by now, black—sap from her face and arms, but at least she had a rough loofah to work with. Reluctantly, she stopped after a while; she wasn’t going to get everything cleaned off right now anyway, and besides, even though she was tired, she was starving even more. She’d been up for well over twelve hours, and all she’d had was her meager breakfast, and then a long workout on top of that. Someone had brought the rescue workers some sandwiches and coffee, but she had missed that, because she’d been playing the part of a living piñata during that time. Nothing like soda and popcorn while being entertained, she thought wryly.

  After drying off with one of the fluffy towels in the bathroom cabinet, she put on a pair of sweatpants, a sweatshirt, and socks. She kept the towel wrapped around her head as she walked downstairs to the kitchen. Her stomach reminded her that she needed to hurry. She opened the fridge and looked at a large pot with a sticker on it labeled Hunter Stew. She removed the lid, and a savory aroma rose from the contents. She took a spoon and stirred it a bit; it consisted of thick bro
wn gravy, meats of different kinds, carrots, potatoes, onions, and some other stuff she couldn’t identify.

  Christina found a deep plate and scooped some of the stew into it, then put the plate in the microwave for a few minutes. While her food heated, steamed, and popped, she took some pain riche and grilled it in the oven. She then grabbed a bottle of Chianti Rosso—the one with the basket, a cheap but tasty wine. While the food was warming, she walked to one of the walls and pushed what looked like a small wooden peg. A hatch opened, revealing a state-of-the-art stereo system. Her previous boyfriend had one just like it, so she knew how to work it. She scrolled through several lists of songs and albums of purchased music, and was glad that there were many she liked. She wanted to listen to something calm and soothing. Debussy’s Clair de Lune was a nice start for the evening.

  She wished she had a candle or two, and placed them on her mental “to buy” list. After retrieving her edibles, Christina sat down at the kitchen table, which provided a beautiful view of the outdoors. The storm had not yet abated, and the lightning display was awesome in the far distance as it raced from cloud-to-cloud, occasionally stabbing down to the Earth. Where she was, there was only strong wind and rain. She knew that having the lights on wasn’t the way to go when there was lightning, but she figured it was far away; and if it got closer, she would turn hers off.

  She ate not one but two plates of the tasty stew, and drank half the wine. She was still thirsty after supper, so she had a large glass of water. She didn’t feel tired, strangely enough, so she walked over to the huge fireplace and started a nice fire. She took the rest of the wine and what was left of the bread, and lay down on a huge couch. She stripped off her socks and pulled down a blanket from the back of the couch, and half sat and half laid there very comfortably, listening to the classical music in the background, nibbling the bread while sipping her wine. Yep, she was getting a bit tipsy.

  "What a Saturday night... all alone in the most romantic place on the planet. No, wrong,” she corrected herself, “it’s not the place, it’s the person you’re with that makes it romantic.”

  She sighed. She knew the wine could have a depressive effect and put her to sleep if she wasn’t careful. Even though she felt exhausted from the rescue effort, her mind was alert, and she wasn’t tired, having gained new strength after her meal. But she didn’t want to be, or at least to feel, alone right now. Being alone was something she was very used to because of her profession, so she decided to call and bother her best friend, Tammy.

  She ran upstairs and got her phone, returned to her place in front of the fire, and called, letting heat from the fireplace warm her feet. On her second try, a cheerful voice demanded, “WHAT!”

  “If you’re on top of him right now, call back when you’re finished,” Christina replied.

  “Christina, what a nice surprise! And no, I’m not doing that anymore. Not at the moment.”

  Christina knew that there would be the usual warm-up chat about something that was taboo, because they didn’t speak with each other as often as they used to. “Anymore? What you’re doing then?”

  “Surfing. Well, I just got back, and I’m supposed to have a blind date tonight, so I was going to get ready for that. Though to be perfectly honest, I’ll rather be on top of a wave than a guy right now.”

  “Wait a minute, what about Mark?”

  “I gave him the pink slip. Got too controlling—and I guess some guys have problem when their girlfriend is more successful than they are. Puts a dent in their pride. Besides, I never got over the feeling that he used me to get closer to you…you know, like half my exes.”

  Christina sighed, “Sorry. Guess it’s the price you pay for knowing me.” She felt sad, because she had lost most of her girlfriends for that very reason.

  “No, I’m the one who should be sorry. I apologize for bringing it up, should never have mentioned it. It came out wrong.”

  Christina decided to brush it off. “And here I thought you two had the perfect relationship.”

  “Look who’s talking. You, on the other hand, really seemed to have had one.”

  “Yeah, well, he left me when his star rose over mine, go figure, and now he’s with a much more famous star…a blonde one.” Christina sounded sarcastic.

  “Hey! No blonde jokes. You seem a bit down… hang on, I gotta make a quick call.”

  After a couple of minutes, Tammy returned.

  “And so that date’s over, fired his ass too.”

  “You didn’t have to do that. Who was he?”

  “I wanted to, and I have no idea who it was. Called the person who set it up and told her I had more important things to do. Besides, when a sister sounds down, then I’d rather cheer her up.”

  “Thank you. How’s your work?”

  “My what…? If you’re going to ask me about that, then we might as well talk about the weather. Work is going very well…wait a minute, is that classical music in the background? Let me guess: you started off with Debussy. Yeah, you definitely need to get some.”

  “That obvious, huh?”

  “I know you like I know my vibrators, girl.”

  They laughed.

  “Just grab the one I got you for your last birthday, when Prince Charming left for that long film production that eventually led to you guys’ demise.”

  “Are you kidding? Bring that thing with me on the plane and get embarrassed again? No thank you. Been there, done that.”

  “Ha, you mean what happened in Canada?”

  “No, before. The one that happened during the security check at the airport in L.A.”

  “Fucking bastard had to hold it up so everyone could see!”

  “Yeah, he wasn’t a fan, I bet.”

  “Use a fucking cucumber.”

  “All out. Got hungry and ate them all.”

  There was a brief silence.

  “You’ve met someone, haven’t you?”

  Again there was a brief and awkward silence between them, before Christina said slowly, “I don’t know yet.”

  “What do you mean, you don’t know yet? You either have or you haven’t!”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “It’s always complicated with you. Get on your knees and uncomplicate the fucker!”

  Christina couldn’t help laughing at Tammy, knowing her friend was the best, and a bit crazy, while being outspoken like no one else she knew. That’s why she loved her: she was so very honest.

  “So, do you like the place?”

  “I love it.”

  “Good, I can hear it in your voice. Hate to see you move, though.”

  “What are you talking about? Ever since your promotion a year back, you’ve lived in San Diego!”

  “Yeah, but still. We should see each other more often.”

  “You’re welcome anytime.”

  “That does it! I’ll check my schedule on Monday and then I’ll call you back, but it might be a week before I can go. How’s that, and will you survive without me till then?”

  “I’m sure I will. Besides, I need to get settled in before I have any visitors. You’ll love it here. Anna would have loved it, too.”

  Both were silent for a while, then: “Life isn’t fair.”

  “You got that one right, Tammy. Sorry for mentioning it.”

  “Don’t be, she’ll always be part of us. Remember the three hottest beach señoritas? That was what we were. So you love it there, huh? Is it a nice place?”

  “Yeah, but that’s not what I was referring to.”

  “Then what? …fucking nature?”

  “The male species. Seems most of the men I meet here are giants, very tall and strong. Not sure what the heck their mothers fed them, but it sure did the trick.”

  “Yeah, well, do they have any brains? Nah, never mind, don’t answer that. No man on this planet has one anyway. Not above the waist.”

  “Be nice.”

  “Now I know why you want to live in the deep, dark forest. You’re on th
e prowl, chasing your own big sexy lumberjack, aren’t you? So you’ll have your own boy-toy to ravish now and then.”

  “In your dreams.”

  “Well, yeah. I’ll get up there and visit you as soon as I can, and don’t you worry about your lack of vibrators. I’ll get you a new inventory, because I don’t give a shit about airport security. If anyone tries to embarrass my ass, I’ll fucking show them how to use the little fuckers, right there in front of everyone, and then we’ll see who’s fucking embarrassed. Fucking men!”

  “And what if it’s a woman?”

  “I’ll show her too!”

  “Didn’t know you liked that.”

  “You’re telling me you’ve never done it with a woman before?”

  “Nope, never.”

  “Huh. Should I give you a couple of titles of the movies you’ve been in?”

  “Not fair. That doesn’t count. Wasn’t real.”

  “Come to think of it, after all these years we’ve known each other, we never talked about that.”

  “Because we’re straight. Well, you might be a little confused.”

  “Maybe I’ll do you, then.”

  “Or I’ll do you.”

  “Money talks, bullshit walks. Yeah, well, let’s shut up about that, or I’ll regret not going on that date.”

  “You might still have time.”

  In a more serious voice Tammy said, “No, I don’t have the time, because you need my time, and I also need yours.”

  They talked for another hour about more serious topics, until suddenly Christina felt as if a shadow fell over her; and with it, she became very sleepy. They said goodbye to each other, swearing holy oaths that all men were pigs and that they would start their own nunnery soon, and so on. Or at least a male brothel.

  When the conversation was over, Christina checked the fireplace; there were only a few embers and ashes left. She secured the glass cover over it, and left the wine glass, bottle, and the plate with the leftover bread on the nicely carved table in the family room, being too tired (or lazy) to clean it up right then. Her bed was calling her name. She staggered upstairs, checked a security monitor, and then crawled into the bed and got under the blankets. Moments later, she was dreaming of Robert.