by Sarah Gai
Winter watched his Adam’s apple bob, his face seeming unsure of whether he had got the order right—an order she never even put in.
"So, you either have mind powers, hired a private investigator, or you have been stalking me."
Nolan laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling. It was adorable and Winter had to stop herself from sighing. "I'll go with the third option," he replied.
"Really?" she eyed him.
"Pretty close," he responded before giving her a wink.
Winter picked up half of her cut sandwich and bit in, her mouth watering as she tasted something only from her past. She finished the whole sandwich and her smoothie before she wiped her mouth with a napkin. "You went to Earl's Sandwich Shop," she stated matter-of-factly.
"I did."
"No one makes them quite like him," she grinned wide now that her stomach was satiated. “It’s really sweet, but you didn't have to do that."
"Yes, I did. You said no to my offer to lunch out last night and dinner. You didn't think I was giving up that easily, did you?"
Actually yes, yes she did. A part of her wished he would have given up. Another part of her, dormant for years, giddily did a happy dance inside.
"Besides, work had to be cut short. It's snowing too heavy out there today," he shrugged his shoulders.
"Well, thank you all the same," she smiled at him. "Anyway, I really should be getting back to work," Winter stood and grabbed her sandwich wrapper along with his and headed for the trash can. Nolan was right next to her reaching for the drink cups.
After they tidied up the table, she turned to look up at him. She swore he had grown taller since high school. He was tall back then, but right now Winter felt positively tiny. His hand came up and tucked a stay strand of hair behind her ear. The intimate touch sent tingles down Winter’s spine; she had no idea what was going on between them. This was the last thing she thought she would be feeling since arriving back in her hometown. What was this man doing to her? Her body was drawn to him—it was absurd! It had been years since they had seen each other and feelings Winter wasn't ready to admit stirred. But along with past adoration for him came memories of Connor; shame doused Winter like a bucket of ice-cold water. She backed away breaking their moment.
"I need to get to work."
"Go out with me Saturday?" he pleaded.
"I really can't, sorry."
"Why?" he asked.
Why? Winter had no idea what to tell him. It's not like she had any friends in town to visit besides Nicole.
"Look, let's just go out as friends. That's all. I'm a patient man, Winter."
She thought about it. She couldn't see the harm in going out as friends. It might even be nice. "Fine. Just friends." He held his hands up in promise and crossed his heart. "Now go," she pushed against his chest playfully, leading him to the door.
After he placed his coat back on he signed, "Seven o'clock, be ready."
She nodded and shut the door. Making her way back towards her laptop, she reached for it as she sat back down on the sofa. She hoped she was ready for Saturday, praying she could contain herself. There was no way she was going to fall for this man.
Winter
"So you're going on a date with Port Townsend's most eligible bachelor, huh?" Nicole bounced opposite her as they sat at the coffee shop.
Winter rolled her eyes, the action sure to become a norm now she was back home. "It's not a date. It's two friends going out for an evening."
Nic took a sip of her coffee as her other hand waved her off. "Gosh you're kidding yourself. It is most definitely a date. Do you like him?" After dinner the other night at her and Charlie’s place, Nicole had been making an effort to try her hardest to sign more. She was never really good at it, but she tried. For that, Winter loved her all the more.
"Yes, I like him. But it's not like I'm going to marry the guy."
"You never know," she raised her brow.
"Nic, don't start scheming. I can see your cogs turning," Winter warned.
Nicole's brows knitted together as she pinched her mouth shut. Reaching for her bag hanging from the side of her chair, she rummaged around inside of it like a woman on a mission. She pulled out an empty, opened envelope and a pen and began to scribble furiously. With a dramatic over emphasized full stop, she slid the paper over to Winter.
“I wanted to come out today and have coffee with my best friend, my future sister-in-law whom I have not seen in over five years. I wanted to catch up like we did way back when. I wanted to talk, open up, and confide in each other, but you won't allow us to do that. Now cut the crap and speak to me!!!!”
She was right. Ever since Winter got back, she felt like she had been going through the motions. Yes, she was home. Yes, she wanted to make up for lost time away from the people she loved, which she had promised herself. Yet some habits were hard to break. Winter had gotten so used to locking her feelings away; she walked through life, trying to rely on no one other than herself. She had leaned too much on Connor all those years ago and she didn't want to have to ask anyone for help anymore. She didn't want to feel helpless. She was afraid to let people close to her; she didn't think her heart could take losing one of them—but Nicole was right.
"I'm sorry. I don't know where to start," Winter signed
"Start wherever you like I'm here for you," she signed before reaching over and squeezing Winter’s hand quickly.
"I'm struggling to be home again. I'm trying not to taint the good memories with the bad, but everywhere I look, everywhere I go, is a reminder of Connor. I loved him so much and I am still struggling to move on," Winter confided, her eyes beginning to tear up. "Being here is hard; I am surrounded by stark reminders of the life I used to have. And then there is Nolan, who I have no idea what to do about. I find myself drawn to him and I don't want to admit that to myself. I mean I didn't come back to fall for someone. I came home because I thought my brother was dying." Nicole actually looked away briefly, her face showing remorse for her lie. "But the moment I saw Nolan, it’s as if my world shifted. As if my lungs took their first breath in five years and I felt alive."
"But isn't that a good thing?"
"Yes and no. I'm terrified to feel, Nic. I’ve shut myself off for so long. But it is not just that. I feel guilty, as if I'm doing wrong by Connor. He was supposed to my one and only. We were supposed to be together forever and I feel like I'm betraying him, what he meant to me. And then I just think I'm crazy because I've been back in town five days and all I can think about is wanting to see Nolan. And please don't try and tell me Connor would want me to move on and be happy—I know that. But I don't know if I'm ready for it," Winter finished, feeling exhausted. She had never told a single person since the day Connor died how she truly felt. It was as if she had shed fifty pounds of baggage.
Her friend looked at her sweetly. "Thank you. This is all I have ever wanted for us. I will always want to know how you're feeling. And Winter, Nolan is a really great guy. Just try and give him a chance, okay?". Winter nodded. "Okay, so let’s decide what you are going to wear for your non-date date tonight!,” Nicole signed excitedly.
Nolan
He was sweating buckets, needing two showers before he managed to leave the house. Tonight would be monumental. Winter may not have wanted to call it a date, but she was only kidding herself—this was going to be a date. This was the chance Nolan waited more than five years for. He had dreamed of this moment, rehearsing this night thousands of times in his head. He would be confident and a gentleman, sweeping her off her feet and if luck has it, making her his.
Now that the time had finally arrived for him to get in his truck and pick her up, he was nervous and unsure. He didn't know how many chances he would get to make this right. Winter wasn't like other girls who threw themselves at him on a daily basis. She was different; she observed every move a person made following the slightest shift in their posture or facial expression. People thought she was at a disadvantage by not hearing, but
it only made her other senses flare up. She would know if he was off his game tonight and he didn't want her to see that.
When he brought her lunch the other day he saw the suspicion in her eyes; how he knew all of her favorite things when really they had barely spent any time together before she left for Seattle and were only around each other due to Charlie. If she only knew how much he really did know about her and how he knew she would run and he would never have a chance. He had to play it safe; watch how much information he let slip. Besides, there was still plenty to learn about her. A lot can change in a matter of five years.
Nolan took one last look in the full-length mirror in the hallway before he left. He opted for a sky blue button-up shirt, dark navy jeans, and tan chukka boots. Leaving his hair ruffled, he had at least made the effort to shave off the stubble he let grow the last few days. He grabbed his keys and took a deep breath as he locked the house door and headed to pick Winter up.
He didn't want to look eager, but he couldn't help it; he was fifteen minutes early picking her up. Nolan contemplated driving around the block a few times or just sitting in his car, but he bit the bullet and rocked up early. He couldn't wait to see her. If he had his way, he would spend every minute looking at her face, memorizing every tiny detail, soaking her in.
He jumped out of the car and managed to walk at a casual pace towards her front door, in case she could see him through the window. Holding one hand behind his back, he pulled his phone out from his back pocket. "I’m at the front door," he texted. He didn't want to barge in like he did the other day; this night was different. He was going to be the gentleman his mother raised and pick a girl up for a date the old-fashioned way.
Winter opened the front door and Nolan almost shut his eyes in pain, his heart almost pumping its way right out of his chest. She was more than beautiful; she always had been, but that night words could not describe how much she made skinny jeans, black pumps, and an off-the-shoulder, fitted red sweater look hot. With her hair falling in soft waves over her exposed shoulder and her red lipstick highlighting her white teeth that were biting at her bottom lip unsurely, she was almost the undoing of him. She was not in his league and for a moment Nolan thought about ditching the whole plan and hightailing it back home. How would he ever deserve such a woman?
"Hi," she waved. Nolan just continued to stare. Winter began to look uncomfortable. "Should I get my coat?” she signed.
Nolan couldn't say anything; he just pulled the hand from behind his back and pushed the gift towards her.
Winter reached out and gently took it. With a smile, she hugged it to her face. Tucking the gift under her arm she responded, "You bought me a snowflake pillow? You remembered," she tilted her head, looking sweet.
Of course he remembered. The note she wrote him that day by the creek, the day Connor...he wasn't going to go there tonight. Tonight would be about them.
"Of course I remembered, Snowflake. You gave me permission to call you that as I recall. Well at least I hope you did." She nodded.
"Thank you, it's a much wanted gift and I’ll treasure it forever," she promised.
"Wow, you look beyond beautiful tonight," Nolan signed to her.
She blushed and demurely signed, "Let me just put this inside, grab my jacket, and we can get going."
Nolan stood at the door waiting for her to return. He ran a hand through his hair trying to calm himself. Get it together, man. What has gotten into you?
Winter returned a few minutes later and frowned at him, "Is everything all right?" she wanted to know.
She noticed everything. What could he do but tell her the truth? "I'm nervous," he admitted.
"Well, don't be. It's just two friends having dinner, right?" she smiled.
Man, was she really going to play this game? Was he really going to play this game for her? Nolan reached out, his thumb tracing down the side of her face. Stepping closer, he pulled his hand back. "You know as well as I do this is a date. Don't overthink tonight, Snowflake. For once in your life, let go and have fun."
He reached out and entwined his fingers with hers. He felt the resistance as he tried to then lead them towards the car. He noticed the stiffness in her posture and for a moment he saw panic on her face. Then he watched as her mind decided whether to end the night right there, but then the moment came when he watched her eyes soften. With a small nod of her head, she started to move and Nolan's heart settled. She was letting go of whatever frightened her about them and taking the chance—one he was not going to squander.
Winter
She almost hightailed it back into the house. She knew it was a date, but there was a safety in trying to convince herself it was just two friends out for dinner. When Nolan turned up and she answered the door, her body almost melted into a puddle of goo. A man should never be that handsome; his jeans were the perfect fit, his shirt showed his muscles, yet was not too tight, and he had shaved, showing the face of a man, yet reflecting the boy she once knew.
She could tell he had been nervous. No matter how hard he tried to hide it, Winter had a keen eye. When he looked at her after she answered the door, she watched him swallow deeply as his breathing sped up. It was endearing.
When he gave her the snowflake pillow, her heart soared. He remembered. For a brief moment, she thought about her father and how she was his little snowflake. She also thought about that day all those years ago and what she wrote to Nolan on that piece of paper. She begged her mind not to go to the tragedy that happened later on; instead, she looked up at Nolan standing at her door with so much hope. She wouldn't taint their night.
Nolan opened the passenger door for and helped her step up into the cab of his truck. He untangled their intertwined hands and the warmth went with him. Winter tried to slow her beating heart as she buckled herself in, watching Nolan run around the bonnet and climb into the driver’s seat.
"Ready?" he signed.
"Almost. Tell me something first. It might sound silly, but do you still have the note I wrote you that day?"
He looked away briefly. When he turned to look at her again, he was biting at his lip, as if unsure what to say. "If I tell you yes, will you think I'm some creeper? Because if you did think that then the answer is no," he smiled unsurely.
"The jury is out on that one," she let him know. Winter didn't want to admit that if he had kept it her feelings about him might have just grown.
She wasn't blind; she saw the genuine look in his eyes and watched the way he looked at her. Her stomach did somersaults at the thought. He could have been pursuing anyone—why her? Why a broken vessel of a girl who struggled to make it through a day? Who couldn't seem to move on from her past? Did he know what he was getting himself into? Did she know? Were they really ready to find out?
"Yes, Winter, I still have it. That was the one moment we got to share that no one else was privy to. It was special."
And that did it—she was officially smitten. Winter was one hundred percent certain she was going to panic about this later, but for that night she was going to relish the feeling. Her chest exploded with...she didn't know, but it was working overtime.
"Now don't think of trying to escape. You're buckled in and I'm pulling out of the driveway," he signed, laughing at the same time. He quickly turned over the engine of the truck. It vibrated to life and just like that they were out of the driveway.
Winter didn't want to run. Her curiosity piqued at how the night would go. She wanted to experience a long overdue moment of happiness. She wanted to be wherever this man was.
They were in the car no more than five minutes before Nolan pulled into the parking lot of O'Brien’s. She watched as he put the truck into gear and turned the engine off. She wondered whether to let herself out or wait for him to open the passenger door, but he was out of the car before she finished that thought and like a gentleman he had it open, a hand out ready to help her down. For the twentieth time since he had picked her up, Winter's heart skipped a beat and they weren't
even having dinner yet. She wondered how she was going to make it through the night.
As she exited the truck, Nolan didn't let go of her hand; instead he linked their fingers together again. He led her to the door of the bar and Winter looked up at him, frowning. It was a strange place for a dinner date. Nolan opened the door for them and pulled her inside out of the cold. The bar was warm and she could already smell the food. As she looked around, she watched the people going about their business, some playing pool, couples in the booths talking intimately, and young girls sitting at the bar, dressed to the hilt in hopes the night would be lucky for them. Nolan caught sight of her frown and let go of her hand.
"Okay, so I know this isn't fine dining, but I wasn't sure how you were going to react to our date. So I booked us a booth at the back there and, besides, they do have the best ribs in town," he smiled down at her.
Oh, he was good, Winter thought. He purposely wanted to take the pressure off of her and for that she was grateful. He really must be a mind reader, she thought to herself.
"No, it's great," she responded.
"Really?" he questioned.
"Yes," she smiled.
The hostess seated them and they shuffled into the booth, shrugging off their coats, as the waitress handed them some menus and asked if they would like anything to drink. Winter signed her order of red wine to Nolan who in return gave it to the waitress. Winter didn't miss the strange look she had been given. She was used to it, so it didn't bother her in the slightest.
After their drinks were brought to the table and they had ordered their food, Nolan wasted no time. "So, tell me, what have you been doing the last five years?"
What could she tell him? That she moved away and barely lived. That she punished herself over and over every day for missing the boy she loved. That her only real friends were her aunt and Holly. Sure, she had work friends, but they had never known her pain. She never told them, had never confided in anyone about how she felt or how she grieved or how she didn't know how to move on.