"Now, you listen to me, Jessica."
She involuntarily stepped back. She'd never seen him angry, and the power he exuded was almost shocking. She'd known the savagery was there, under the barely civilized veneer, but now that thin exterior was completely stripped away. Kaed Turner stood before her, suddenly more of a stranger than he'd been on that day nearly three weeks ago when the Choctaws had left him bruised and bleeding on her quilt.
The quiet seriousness of his voice demanded she do nothing but listen. His eyes compelled her to look at him, daring her to glance away. And even though he hadn't touched her physically, his presence was so commanding that she knew she was helpless in its grip.
She waited for him to continue, caught like a rabbit in a snare, unable to move away.
* * * * *
He stood quietly for a minute, his thoughts tumbling. He'd handled this badly. If Jessica was pregnant, he would never deny his child. Though he might stand guilty of being overprotective, of being too careful as a parent, he would never be accused of not loving the baby, or of being hesitant to assume the responsibilities of fatherhood.
He couldn't leave here with things as they stood between the two of them. He hadn't meant to hurt her. He'd only wanted to be honest about the situation, to explain why he was reticent about becoming a father again. It would be his greatest joy, and his worst fear. His most wondrous dream, and his most hellish loss.
Time had dulled the agony of his emotional wounds, but he would never, never forget them. Losing his own parents, then as a parent, losing his children. He wasn't sure happiness was ever meant to be his. The only way to right this situation was to be honest again.
Jessica crossed her arms, waiting.
He raked his hand through his sleep-tousled hair, frustration overcoming his anger. "Jessica, I love you. But right now, I'm so damned pissed off at you, I can't think straight."
She looked down.
"I told you, I'm coming back. Damn it, I know what Andrew Fallon is capable of!" He held up his mending wrist. "And I know how to be careful. I just had no choice when he had the girls."
"And now he's got replacements for the ones he killed."
Kaed nodded. "Yeah. But this time, I'm not alone."
Jessica bit her lip and raised her eyes to his. The worry that he saw there dissolved his anger.
He gave her a cocky grin. "And I've never been thrown from my horse."
"No matter what you say, it's still a risk for me, too."
"You're right, sweetheart," he said. "It's a helluva risk for you. Every morning since I've been here, I wake up wondering how I got so lucky." He sighed. "Jessi, I don't want to ride out of here wondering how I screwed everything up so badly between us. You gotta know this much about me; if we've made a child, I'll do all I can to be a good father—and a good husband—because I want to be. Not because I have to be." His voice softened, and finally, as he reached for her, she came into his embrace and laid her head on his shoulder, drawing an unsteady breath.
He could tell she was crying, trying not to, but unable to stop herself.
"You better come back to me in one piece."
He smiled into her hair. "You don't have to worry." His voice was rough with emotion. "Just stick with me, Jessi. I'm workin' my way through it. It'll come out all right in the end. As long as we love each other, we'll be okay."
"Even though I'm so young?" She sniffed and drew back to wipe her eyes.
"Hey, as long as you think I'm wise and worldly, we'll work everything else out. Besides," he added seriously, "you need somebody older to keep you out of trouble, I think."
"As if you are the person who walks the straight and narrow." She whacked his shoulder. He gave a sharp groan as if she'd hurt him. For a moment, her eyes rounded and an apology hovered on her lips. Then she saw his smile. "Faker. You didn't make that much noise when I set your wrist."
"Huh-uh. Didn't make any noise then. I'm only vocal when you're exceptionally pleasing. Like when you put your mouth on—"
"Kaed!" she gasped, blushing at his bold words.
He laughed, kissing her again. "I've got to go," he murmured when he lifted his head, serious once more. Reluctantly, he released her.
She nodded and stepped away from him, but he caught her wrist and pulled her to him hungrily again, his mouth capturing hers, possessing her completely.
"I'm coming back to you, Jessi," he muttered against her lips. "I promise you that. But I have to do this. I have to go."
* * * * *
Less than an hour later, Kaed had dressed, eaten, and was ready to walk out the door. He stood beside the dining table, his arm around Jessica, Lexi in her arms.
"Hey, Marshal Turner! You plan on ridin' with us sometime today?" a voice shouted from outside the front door.
Kaed grinned at the teasing of the disembodied voice, then looked back at Jessica.
"Jack Eaton. Back to his old obnoxious self," Kaed said. He released Jessica, then strode to the door and threw it open. The men were all mounted in the gray light of early morning. His own horse stood saddled and ready.
"Give me a minute to say goodbye, Jack," he said. "I'll be out shortly."
This was met with catcalls and whistles.
Kaed slammed the door shut, ignoring them. "Jess?"
"Go on, Kaed." She smiled. "I'll be here when you get back. Lexi and I, we'll be waiting."
Kaed walked to where she stood, leaned over to Lexi and kissed her cheek. The baby reached for him, and he took her in his arms. She looked up at him with shining eyes that told the world how she felt about Kaedon Turner. Kaed's heart melted. He could never deny Lexi, he realized. How foolish he'd been, to think he could separate his love for Lexi over any child he and Jessica might have. Or the children he'd had before. He couldn't hold himself apart any more than he could stop the westward swing of the sun across the lightening sky.
"Love your daddy, Lex?" he said. Lexi leaned forward and planted an open-mouthed, slobbery kiss on Kaed's cheek. He grinned at Jessica and wiped his face with his shirtsleeve. "Think she understood me?"
Jessica laughed and reached to take the baby. "I wouldn't argue the point. It seemed like she did. I know she does love you, whether she can say it or not." She kissed Lexi's nose, and the baby laughed. "And so do I," she finished softly, glancing up at Kaed.
Kaed turned to open the door, and for a moment, the three of them stood framed in the opening.
"Let's give 'em something to talk about, Jessi." He pulled her to him and slanted his mouth firmly across the surprised O her lips made at his sudden action.
* * * * *
She knew he was thinking about all they had said before. She couldn't let him go with the doubt in his voice, the uncertainty in his eyes. She felt the affirmation of faith in his kiss and returned it, shifting Lexi on her hip in order to put her arm around his neck, her fingers toying with the crisp dark hair that fell just over the top of his shirt collar. The kiss deepened and lengthened before Kaed released her and she drew away from him slowly.
As she raised her eyes to meet his amused gaze, warmth rushed to her cheeks. But she didn't look away. "That should do it, Kaed," she said. "Give them all plenty to talk about for a long, long time. And give you something to remember, as well."
Kaed's eyes crinkled, and he laughed. "When I remember, Jessica, it'll be more than that kiss." He grew serious, reaching to touch her cheek. "I'll be thinking about the way you feel under me when I'm making love to you. The way your eyes go all starry when you tell me you love me. The way you say my name when I come into you. The touch of your hand on my skin in the night. And—"
"And?" She breathed, her heart racing, pounding against her ribs at his words.
He gave her a faint smile. "The funny way your breathing sounds right about now when you want to say I love you and can't bring yourself to do it, because you know it means saying goodbye." He brushed her hair behind her ear. "I'll be back, soon's we get this business taken care of." He turned t
o go, then looked back at her one last time. "You don't even have to say it anymore, Jessica. Those stars in your eyes are a giveaway every time. I was reading you right by the third day, remember?"
"I remember, Marshal," Jessica said. "But I'll tell you anyway. As often as you want to hear it. I'm in love with you. Crazy in love. And I'll be waiting for you. Just be careful."
He grinned. "I won't let the horse throw me." He turned away and walked down the porch steps to where Travis held the reins of the big black.
"Andrew Fallon's much more dangerous than anything else out there."
Kaed swung himself up into the saddle one-handed as he barely touched the stirrup. "You don't need to worry on that count, either, Jessi. Fallon's a dead man. He should've made it good with me the first time around. He won't get a second chance."
Jessica followed him down the steps and stood, looking up into his eyes. Kaed Turner was her second chance, and she could hardly bear to let him ride away.
"I'll be back as soon as I can," he said in a low voice, leaning down to kiss her one last time. His hand rested in her hair briefly before he moved it away with the slow reluctance that she felt in her own heart.
"We'll be here."
He turned his horse away and rode after the others.
Jessica stood watching him until he had disappeared into the woods. She looked at Lexi. "Do you think we'll get that second chance, Lex? Think he'll come back to us?" She bit her lip, raising her eyes once more to the now-silent woods beyond the creek. When she glanced at Lexi again, there seemed to be a hint of reproach in the baby's trusting chocolate eyes. Jessica kissed her wispy head. "I know he will if he's able," she whispered. "If he stays safe."
Chapter Twenty-Three
"Kaed seem preoccupied to you?" Eaton turned his bulky frame toward Tom Sellers and nodded in Kaed's direction. They'd finally stopped to make camp after yet another grueling day in the saddle.
Tom grinned. "Hell, yes, Jack. It'd be unnatural if he wasn't. If I had to ride out and leave a wife and a kid after losing—" He caught himself and amended what he'd been about to say. "—after being with them such a short time, I'd have plenty to think on, too. Kaed's no different. He worries."
"Don't seem like worry, so much." Eaton shook his head. "Don't seem like anything ever draws him up too short. Sometimes it's like he ain't even…well, human."
In the firelight, Tom's eyes connected sharply with Eaton's hazel glance and held. He'd never forget the nightmares that had haunted Kaed when he was younger, the unthinkable reality that had set them in motion. But he'd checked what he'd been about to say, because he was the only one who knew it.
He shifted on the ground, stretching his long legs out in front of him. "Well, now, Jack, I figure he's plenty human. Just 'cause he don't wear his feelings on his shirtsleeve don't mean they ain't there."
Eaton grinned widely. "I'll swan, Tom, you're gettin' all bristled up. Don't take offense. He don't belong to you any more'n the rest of us, just because you trained him." Kaed stood talking quietly with Travis, several yards away. From time to time, he gave an easy smile at something Travis said. Eaton glanced at Kaed's bandaged wrist and forearm. "Wonder what all Fallon did to him? He'll never say." He gave a long sigh. "I sure was relieved it wasn't him in that grave, but he was hurt bad. He shoulda stayed there with his woman and the kid."
"He ain't slowin' us down none, Jack."
"Shit, Tom, I ain't talkin' about us. I'm thinkin' about him. He's pushin' it."
"He always does," Tom said. "But I reckon as long as we're here, he's safe enough."
Eaton struck a match and cupped his hand around the light. He drew on the smoke and shook the flame out, tossing the spent match into the dirt beside where they sat.
They'd been gone two days now, and they were closing in on Fallon and his men. Eaton had made Fallon's tracks earlier that day, then lost them, but Standing Bear's warriors had made them again a few hours later.
It had been early evening by then, and the tracks weren't old. But the men had been in the saddle nearly two days straight with only four hours' sleep the night before, and though they knew the distance was closing, they were bone weary. They had collectively decided to stop. Eat and sleep a few hours. Then continue on before daylight.
Eaton smiled. "Gotta protect him from himself. All in all, these youngsters don't seem to've had it too hard. Take Frank, for instance. I know Trav give him a hard go, but hell, that's prob'ly the toughest thing he's ever gone through. Maybe it'll grow him up some. And look at Trav. Hardest thing he's ever had to worry about was measurin' up to what Kaed expected of him. Even Kaed. I know he lost his parents in a 'Pache raid, but he come out all right—"
"My God, Jack! You was holed up in that whiskey bottle longer'n I thought!" Tom regarded his old friend incredulously. "You don't know shit! Best you just hold them thoughts and don't let no more of 'em out." Then he added, "If we survive this little set-to with Fallon and his boys, I'll give you a family history lesson when it's all done."
Tom stood up and walked away before Eaton could reply. He'd known Jack Eaton a long time, just hadn't realized how little Jack knew of the other men they worked with. They all knew about Harv losing his wife and boys to the Apache, about Travis and his attitude, and Frank's ignorance due to his youth. But as Tom walked away, he couldn't help remembering all the other things he knew about the rest of the men. Especially the one they'd been discussing.
He let out a long, slow sigh as his thoughts turned to the young man Kaed had been when they'd ridden together, before the War. Half-wild, he'd been, with a secret locked so deep into him that Tom had sometimes wondered if the boy wasn't just barely this side of crazy. He took risks no other man would have taken, gambled with his own life as if it meant less than nothing to him, but was never, never careless with the lives of the men who rode with them.
And that was what had got Tom to thinking. The boy had to understand the value of life, or he wouldn't have shown such care for others. It was just his own existence that was expendable.
Little by little, Tom had drawn it out of him, gathering the clues slowly as they were dropped in casual bits of conversation, and what was left unsaid at times between them.
The nightmares that invaded Kaed's sleep forced the truth from him, finally. Tom would awaken in the night as Kaed fought in his sleep, tossing his blankets away, mumbling unintelligible words and phrases in at least three different languages that Tom could make out. His face damp with perspiration, he would wrench himself awake. Eyes wide with disbelief and horror, breathing heavily, Kaed would wipe his face, take a deep, shaky breath, and turn immediately to see if he'd awakened Tom.
Tom smiled to himself, thinking of all the nights he'd feigned sleep for Kaed Turner's sake, until he'd figured out that saving Kaed's pride and saving his sanity were separate things altogether. The next time it happened, he had met Kaed's wide-eyed stare unblinkingly.
After Tom had convinced Kaed to talk about what had happened, he did some confiding of his own. It had changed their relationship, sealed the bond between them even tighter, and built a new level of trust.
Tom walked on into the woods in the moonlight. Maybe he shouldn't have been so rough on Jack, but sometimes Eaton wore him down.
Tom's steps slowed. He'd had very few private words with Kaed since they'd caught up with him. There hadn't been time or opportunity. They'd been riding hard, and he agreed with Jack. Kaed shouldn't be riding with them yet. The grueling schedule they were keeping was hard enough on the rest of them, much less someone with the injuries Kaed had suffered.
Tom stopped, leaning his lanky frame against a sturdy elm tree. He took out his tobacco and packed his pipe with care. The full moon made dappled patterns of soft light through the leaves. He stood quietly, listening to the camp sounds at his back. Striking a match, he drew on the pipe until the tobacco took. That woman of Kaed's was a beauty. Miss Jessica. Seemed awful nice, too. She'd be good for Kaed. He grinned. Long as she knew p
lenty of medicine.
It hadn't been hard to see the love for Kaed in her eyes. Every time she looked his way, it was like a physical caress. Kaed had always been good at keeping his feelings hidden, but not this time. The quick exchange of secret glances, the lingering touches, and the easy smiles were all testimony to the feelings Kaed and Jessica shared. Tom had never been in love, but he recognized it when he saw it.
He'd all but given up on love, but damn, this life was lonely. Sometimes he thought he might like to buy a few head of cattle and settle down to ranching.
He grimaced wryly. Stupid. What was he thinking, anyhow?
* * * * *
"Tom?"
Tom turned as he took a deep draw of aromatic tobacco. "How're you holdin' up, Kaed?"
Kaed grinned, closing the distance between him and Tom. "You worried?"
Tom made a dismissive gesture. "Hell, no. I'd'a been worried if I'd seen you fresh, just after it happened. Your woman seems to be a right passable doctor. I reckon you look a damn sight better now than you did a few days back. Just glad I didn't have to look at you then. I mighta been tempted to go after Beckley and kill him myself, if he hadn't already been dead."
Kaed grew somber and took a deep breath, letting it go on a sigh.
"Knowing Fallon, he took his time about killin' Mitch."
Kaed nodded. "He did. I've been over it a thousand times in my mind, wondering, you know, could I have changed it? Should I have gone in sooner…" His eyes were distant, as he replayed it in his mind.
"What'd you come up with, boy?" Tom's voice was gruff.
Kaed shook his head. "It was pure luck I came in to the office when I did, that Frank told me where Mitch was headed." A wry grin touched his lips. "Never dawned on me that he wouldn't tell anybody else." He was quiet a moment, then, "Mitch acted on his own. There was nothin' I could've done any different, especially after seein' that Fallon had those girls. I'll tell you though, Tom, that was hard to listen to. They kept Beckley alive a good long while, and from the sound of him, they didn't let up the whole time."
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