by H. P. Munro
Maddie sniffed and chewed on her lips.
“And, that you’re a fool if the rumors are right and you think that Alex had anything to do with those idiot ideas. I’ve known her since she and that devil of a brother of hers moved here when they were ten, and she doesn’t have a malicious bone in her body, and for that matter I’ve known Peter Campbell since he was a hundred and ten pounds and had a white boy afro. We played in band together and he’s not the kind of man to like lying to you. Sam on the other hand was an All-State wrestler and he took a lot of blows to the head. What I’m trying to say is…if you’re goin’ ’cause you’re all up about being a doctor in a big city hospital then okay, but if you’re running ’cause you think people here don’t care ’bout you, then you’re dumber than you look. Post my damn phone back,” she finished.
Maddie sat listening to the static on the line as the message clicked off. She sat for several minutes before dropping the phone into her bag and pulling out her own cell and typing the message ‘Back to plan A, will be with you tomorrow night.’ She pressed send then flopped back on the bed.
***
Alex lay awake staring at the ceiling above her bed; her fingers, clasped against her chest, were tapping furiously against the back of each hand. She was done being upset about what happened, now she was working herself up into a tizzy. Her jaw worked as she ground her teeth thinking about how annoyed she was with Maddie and the situation and what she wanted to tell the doctor about her reaction to it.
“I can actually hear you think!” Teddy grumbled, twisting until she lay on her stomach. She propped herself onto her elbows and rubbed her grainy eyes until she could focus on her best friend, “I stayed so I could get some sleep and now what with the tapping and the grinding that you’re doing, and that’s just the noise from your brain, I can’t sleep!”
“You stayed ’cause we drank the best part of that bottle and you couldn’t see your finger in front of your nose,” Alex countered, “and you could have stayed in the spare room. You were the one that insisted on sleeping in here.”
Teddy rolled her eyes. “I don’t like sleeping in Bear’s room,” she mumbled, positioning her arms under her pillow and flopping down. She kept her face turned towards Alex, “So what’s going on?”
“I’m mad,” Alex growled, turning to face Teddy and resting her head on her hand. “She didn’t even give me a chance to defend myself, she just took off. I mean who does that?”
Lifting her chin, Teddy looked into Alex’s eyes, “You know when Bear first enlisted, he said all the teenagers were excited, everything was new and different, it was an adventure.”
Alex frowned wondering what her friend was trying to say.
“Then when he got older, he said you could spot the guys that had seen conflict, you could see it in their eyes, the sheen was gone, they had grown up. They carried scars.”
“I don’t,” Alex started, her mouth hanging open as Teddy shushed her.
“And then he said you could see the guys who were older and who had seen more, they were acutely aware of their own mortality and what they had to lose. For some the slightest noise or movement would take them right back to relive their experiences.”
Alex blinked. “Are you comparing what she did to PTSD?” she asked incredulously.
Teddy snuggled against her pillow, “None of us are getting any younger Alex and we all carry around scars of previous relationships, maybe she has PRSD. Post Relationship Stress Disorder,” she clarified when she saw Alex frown. She thought back to the previous evening when Jessica had mentioned Bear, “A look or a set of circumstances can scratch a scar, or sometimes blow a freaking big hole! What I’m saying is that maybe what she heard sparked something and that wasn’t necessarily related to you.”
“You think I shouldn’t be angry?” Alex asked laying her head down on her pillow and considering Teddy’s words.
“I think that you,” Teddy pursed her lips thoughtfully. “I think that you shouldn’t look back in regret, it happened and you should take the positives from it. You allowed yourself to like someone and, yeah, you don’t know what was going on in her head,” Teddy opened her mouth wide to stop Alex interrupting her, “an’ she should have used her words rather than driving out of here like a bat out of hell, but what’s done is done.”
Alex rolled onto her back again and looked up at the ceiling. “So what’s your triggers?” she asked quietly. “Your PRSD?”
Teddy snorted quietly, “Where do I begin?”
They lay quietly for a while. Teddy felt herself start to doze off again when Alex’s voice broke the silence. “I don’t think I have any,” she said turning her head to look at Teddy. “Triggers I mean. I’ve been laying here thinking and I don’t have any,” she turned her head back again and closed her eyes, allowing her brain to finally close off.
Teddy opened one eye and started to sing quietly, “Strumming my pain with his fingers. Singing my life with his words. Killing me softly with his song, killing me softly with his song, telling my whole life with his words. Killing me softly with his song,” she bobbed her head to an imaginary beat as she impersonated the intro. “Beeeeong beeeong beeeong.”
“Oh God,” Alex groaned. “Okay so the Fugees may be a trigger.”
Smiling to herself Teddy closed her eye again. “One time,” she murmured, earning a slap from Alex.
***
Maddie pulled the handle of her bag further onto her shoulder and raised her fist to rap on the door; she examined the hallway as she waited on the white door being opened. She could hear footsteps against the hardwood floor on the other side of the door before it finally opened and she was looking at her friend, dressed in a long sleeved grey T-shirt and baggy checked pajama bottoms.
“Hi,” Maddie said timidly. “I’m sorry it took me longer than I thought.”
Pushing the door open wider, Zoe moved out of the way to let Maddie enter. “It’s okay, you’re here now,” she reached down and took the bags from Maddie’s hands. “C’mon in, there’s coffee brewing or I have wine if you need something with a kick.”
“Wine please,” Maddie replied wearily.
She followed Zoe into the loft apartment that was to be her new home. Zoe dumped the bags on the sofa then called out from the kitchen, “Red or white?”
“White please,” Maddie replied flopping on the sofa.
“So?” Zoe asked, as she returned with two glasses of wine. “What happened?” she asked, handing Maddie a glass.
Maddie opened her mouth to speak. However words eluded her, she shrugged as large teardrops fell from her eyes into her wine.
“Oh sweetie,” Zoe soothed, taking the glass from Maddie’s hand and wrapping her arms around her friend. “You don’t have to tell me tonight. You look whacked. Why don’t I show you to your room?” Maddie nodded against her friend’s shoulder and allowed Zoe to pull her from the sofa. “I haven’t unpacked your boxes; I just sort of stacked them in the corner,” Zoe said apologetically.
“Thank you,” Maddie replied almost mechanically.
“I’ll leave you to get some sleep,” Zoe murmured as she pulled her friend into another tight hug. “I’m just down the hall if you need anything,” she gave Maddie’s shoulder a supportive rub then left her standing in her new room.
Maddie stood still, looking at the closed door that Zoe had just exited through, she sighed and gave her new bedroom a cursory once over. Her space now consisted of a large dark wood bed, a tall chest of drawers and a wardrobe. She walked over to her boxes and moved them aside until she located the one that she wanted. Pulling at the brown tape sealing it closed she opened the box, reached inside, and pulled out a thick blanket. She smiled as she felt its familiar touch under her fingers as she ran her palm over the different textures. From her teens wherever Maddie lived, her blanket went with her and made her feel as though she were home. She laid the blanket onto the duvet then sat down on the edge of the bed.
“Home sweet home,” s
he murmured, pressing her lips together. She slowly flopped back onto the bed and breathed deeply closing her eyes tightly, “Home sweet home.”
***
The sound of activity in the main living area and the gentle waft of coffee woke her. Rubbing her eyes she realized that she had fallen asleep still dressed in the clothes that she’d driven in and her shoes. She gave an exploratory sniff and decided that the shower would have to wait until she had inhaled some coffee and brought up the remainder of her belongings that she had left in the trunk of her car. She pulled open her bedroom door and walked hesitantly out into the apartment.
“Coffee?” Zoe asked, as Maddie padded into the kitchen.
“Please,” Maddie replied.
“You’re looking much better this morning,” Zoe remarked, handing over a mug of coffee and perching on one of the stools. “So what happened? I thought that you were going native?”
Maddie turned her attention from looking longingly towards the delicious smelling coffee. “Yeah…I,” she paused, thinking about her time in Grace Falls, “I guess that being impetuous doesn’t suit me,” she laughed bitterly. “God Zoe, I honestly thought that I had found something.” She shook her head to rid her mind of what she had hoped that she had found; something that her previous relationship had promised but failed spectacularly to deliver, “But, really, I mean who in their right mind would throw away their speciality, that they’ve worked their ass off for, to switch to family medicine?”
“Well I did wonder,” Zoe said cautiously, taking a sip of her coffee. “I mean you’re such a city girl. What the hell could a hick town in the middle of nowhere offer you?” she waved her hand dismissively, trying to perk her friend up. “Apart from poison ivy and snake bites,” she added.
Maddie gave a sad smile at Zoe’s assessment, for a moment her defenses dropped and she was in Ruby’s Coffee Shop, surrounded by the smell of the coffee being brewed. She could see Alex standing behind the counter wiping her hands on a towel as she laughed at something being said, her dimples creasing her cheeks, her blonde hair tugged back into a messy ponytail, curls escaping around her face. She swallowed hard at the lump forming in her throat.
“Maddie?” Zoe said gently. “I asked you what you wanted for breakfast.”
“God…sorry I was miles away,” Maddie apologized. She brought her coffee to her lips for a careful sip.
Zoe held up her mug as if toasting Maddie, “Well, you’re here now…Welcome to San Francisco.”
Chapter Eleven
Two weeks later…
Alex took in a deep breath and rolled over; she opened one eye slightly towards the direction of the clock on the nightstand. Both eyes sprang open as she registered the time on the display.
“Crap!” she exclaimed, pushing the covers off her she leapt from the bed. “Jessica! Honey, get up we’re late.”
She ran into her bathroom and stripped off her nightclothes, grabbing her deodorant and opting for the shower in a can approach to her ablutions. Running naked through her room to her closet, her toothbrush in her mouth, she listened for movement in her daughter’s room, hearing nothing she pulled her toothbrush out and yelled encouragement, “Jessica…Up…Now!”
Alex yanked on her underpants and shimmied into a pair of jeans, then raced around with the button and belt undone as she tried to locate her bra. She quickly put it on and grabbed a T-shirt, pulling it over her head and getting it snagged with her toothbrush, she cursed softly as her head eventually popped through. She ran to the bathroom and spat out toothpaste, throwing her toothbrush after it into the sink.
Storming down the hall, Alex pulled her hair into a ponytail as she wobbled her feet into her sneakers. “Jessica, you… oh,” she looked surprised at the sight of her fully dressed daughter sitting on the floor drawing. “You’re ready.”
Jessica looked up and smiled.
“Well come on, let’s get you to school or your Aunt Teddy will kill me.”
“Miss Roosevelt,” Jessica corrected. “She’s Miss Roosevelt at school and Aunt Teddy at home.”
Sighing, Alex rolled her eyes, “Well Miss Roosevelt will kill me, so get a wriggle on.” She ushered her daughter out of the door, frowning as she saw the pile of paper that she had been drawing on; each page had drawings of skeletons or bones.
“Can I have breakfast?” Jessica asked as she shrugged her backpack on.
“You can have a banana Squirt, that’s all we’ve time for,” Alex tossed the fruit in Jessica’s direction before hastily fastening the brown leather belt around her waist. She picked up the keys to the coffee shop and headed towards the front door. “Hup to it,” she called over her shoulder as she went.
“Mama, can you sign my permission slip?” Jessica asked, waving a scrunched up piece of paper. “We’re going to the Falls tomorrow.”
Alex huffed out as she grabbed a pen from the small table beside the door. “Now you ask! You had all last night,” she complained, scrawling her signature onto the folded paper. She thrust the paper back towards her daughter who tucked it into her pocket. “Now can we go?” she asked with her eyebrows raised, as she pointed through the open door. Jessica skipped past her mother and Alex closed the door behind them.
Jessica turned as she entered the door to the school and waved to her mom, who was standing watching from the sidewalk. Teddy raised her eyebrows and pointed to her watch in mock anger; Alex held her hands out and raised her shoulders in apology before letting out a long breath and heading towards the coffee shop.
***
“Are you even listening to me?” Lou waved a hand in front of Alex’s face.
Shaking her head slightly Alex turned to focus on her assistant. “Huh? Sorry, what did you say?” she frowned, trying to recall if she had registered Lou’s words.
“I said. We’re running low on marshmallows, you need to add them to the supplier’s list.” Lou narrowed her eyes, “Were you thinking about the doctor again?”
“What? No!” Alex shook her head indignantly. “At least not today, no,” she gave a small smile. “No, I’m worried that Jessica is going through another death obsession.”
Lou’s top lip twitched, “Oh God please not again.”
The last time Jessica had become interested in mortality it had unfortunately coincided with the death of Ruth and Lou’s mother the previous year.
As both regarded it as a normal part of life Alex and Sully had decided to let her attend the funeral due to her inquisitiveness around the subject. As parents they both wanted to shield her from hurt but they had agreed early on that they would be as honest with her as possible. However, no one was prepared for her young voice to ring our during a quiet point in the burial, announcing that she ‘Couldn’t see anything and was Mrs Anderson in the ground yet?’ Fortunately, Ruth had a rather dark sense of humor and had seen the funny side. Lou on the other hand, was more sensitive in nature and had taken Jessica’s approach to death somewhat personally.
“She’s been drawing skeletons for weeks and keeps asking about bones. She fell out with Teddy over the funny bone.”
Lou snorted, “She’s never forgiven Teddy for telling her that electricity came from a giant glow worm’s ass.”
Alex laughed, “Nope, she still brings that up on a regular basis.”
The door opened, the ringing of the bell above signaling a customer, both women looked up in greeting.
“Afternoon.”
“Afternoon Mack,” they called out simultaneously.
“Haven’t seen you for a while,” Alex remarked, pouring out Mack’s usual drink.
The small nurse let out a long sigh, her lips twisted, “No doctor to replace Marinelli, so I’m commuting back to St Anton again. We’re thinking of moving there. It don’t matter none to Harvey since he works county-wide, but I can’t do the commute with Lewis at school here, it’s not fair on him.”
Alex passed a mug of coffee and reached her hand out, placing it on top of Mack’s, “I’m sorry.”
<
br /> “Not your fault the one doctor that people seemed to like took off,” Mack replied, hoping that Alex believed that she wasn’t responsible for Maddie’s departure. The door opened again and Jessica entered the coffee shop, Mack turned towards her with a wide smile on her face. “Well look at you. Have you grown?” she asked, pulling the girl into a hug.
“I’m almost the same height as you!” Jessica replied, wrapping her arms around Mack’s waist as far as she could.
Mack snorted, “Well that’s not a whole lot to aspire to.” She cupped Jessica’s face so they were looking into each other’s eyes. “Do you know what these are?” she asked, holding her hands up.
Jessica grinned, knowing the response to the often-asked question, “The first hands to ever touch me.”
Alex smiled softly to herself as she listened to the conversation, her mind recalling the times she’d heard her grandmother ask the same question to a number of Grace Falls residents.
“And?” Mack asked, her eyes wide and a smirk on her lips.
“The first ones to smack me if I get out of line,” Jessica answered, bouncing on her tiptoes. “Mama,” Jessica said, turning to look at her mother. “Daddy is outside waiting, he wants some Rocky Road.”
Alex raised an eyebrow. “And he sent you in?” she looked out of the window to where Sully was hovering, he grinned goofily and waved through the window. “Tell him that sending you in doesn’t get him extra,” she told her daughter, her eyes narrowed in mock anger. She pulled out a bag and started to fill it with pieces of Rocky Road, putting in a couple of additional slabs. Twirling it around to seal it, she handed it across to her daughter and leaned over the counter for a kiss, “I’ll see you tomorrow Squirt, behave at your Daddy’s.”
“I will,” Jessica said, taking the bag.
“I’ll pick you up from school tomorrow,” Alex called after her departing daughter.