by Lexy Wolfe
When the outer door opened to allow a gust of cold, damp air into the tropical warmth of the common room, everyone looked up at once. "Is anyone missing a rather handsome Illani Magus?" Bella called cheerfully as she stepped aside to allow Ash to come in. The woman smiled at the surprise and relief the others expressed. She approached Almek to take his hand and bow over it in greeting. "He encountered a minor shifter and managed to hold it to a draw until I got to him to dispatch it back to the other side. He's pretty good for a novice, Dusvet. I approve."
"Unsvet Bella," Almek greeted cordially, ignoring the approval comment completely. "Thank you for guiding Ash back to us. Storm and Terrence said he'd stepped out to meditate on some matters in private hours ago. We were becoming concerned."
Taylin blinked several times, her eyes falling to the bandaged hand. "What in the world happened to him out there?" she asked under her breath, rising until her husband put a restraining hand on her arm. She glanced at him in confusion. "Mureln, what--?"
"Shhh. His injury is obviously not life threatening, beloved. He will ask for your help when he is ready. Watch." Quizzical at the bard's whispers, she sat down again, eyes on the wounded Illaini Magus.
Ash nodded to the others, but his eyes were only for the Desanti woman who waited for the furor to calm, her expression one of studiously controlled worry. Despite the calm exterior she strove to project, everyone could sense the intensity beneath that composed surface. "Storm," the mage greeted quietly, not trying to hide the apology in his voice even a little.
So used to being watched constantly, Storm and Ash were oblivious to the scrutiny of their companions. Everyone quieted as she approached him. She reached up to touch his cheek. He closed his eyes under her light caress, capturing her hand to kiss it, but not relinquishing it. He scanned the group until he met the younger Illaini's eyes. Wordlessly, Terrence followed the pair to their room.
Bella blinked several times over the wordless interplay, then looked over the rest of the group with open curiosity. "Goodness' sakes! I see you have acquired quite the assortment of students, Dusvet Almek."
Studying the Vodani woman and her keen interest in the newcomers, Almek rested his chin in his palm, lightly drumming his fingers along his cheek. "Mm hm. Just mind yourself, Bella." The old man's voice held a note of warning under his otherwise affectionate tone. "I did not bring them here for your personal amusement."
The Unsvet affected an innocent expression, splayed fingers placed over her heart in overly dramatic false insult. "Dusvet, I am hurt you would think I would do anything--"
"Oh, give it up, Bella," Jaison said dryly from where he sat next to Almek. "If you want introductions, just say so. Your constant 'coy hinting' was old a hundred years ago." Playfully, Bella put her hands on Jaison's shoulders and leaned down to whisper in his ear. The copper-marked man flushed and growled, swatting at the sea green-marked woman.
Emil elbowed Mureln. "Well, what do ye know. A Guardian who acts somethin' like yer lovely 'betrothed' from Water's Resonance. How did Ilsa take th' news of yer settlin' down wi'out her?" Mureln groaned softly, covering his eyes at the mention of his persistent suitor of an arranged marriage he fled from. Taylin couldn't help but giggle, hugging his arm as she leaned against him comfortingly.
The Vodani woman stood before Mureln, openly looking over him without the flippancy she displayed only moments before. "Master Bard, may Vodanya's songs forever sing within your heart," Bella stated formally in Vodani, offering a deeply respectful bow to Mureln.
"May Vodanya's rhythms forever move within your soul," Mureln responded in kind. He studied her curiously. He switched back to trade common. "I have not heard that blessing for more years than I care to remember. You have bardic training?"
Bella smiled faintly at his surprised expression. "My family had a long history of producing bards. Unfortunately, I was not one of them." She glanced at Taylin, offering her a respectful nod in greeting before looking back at Mureln. "Almek had spoken of you years ago. I had told him he should not have been surprised when you left him. The Vodanya's call is as undeniable to the true bardic born as Her tides."
Mureln smiled at Bella. "Very true. But I am here now."
The woman chuckled. "Indeed you are. And in such august company!" She winked at him. "Perhaps we can speak more later. Taylin is staring daggers at me." Bella only smiled as Mureln flushed and put his arm around his wife, murmuring soothingly to her.
"Bella, what is it you want?" Jaison asked in mild annoyance as she continued her open appraisals of each of the newcomers.
"Oh, my," Bella purred as she met Skyfire's eyes after looking him up and down, ignoring Jaison. "How absolutely delightful! I do not think I have seen such a handsome physique since Jaison finally came into his own." Eyes dancing with mirth as Jaison growled under his breath, Bella said, "Dusvet, if this is what Desantiva hides away, I think I may take the opportunity to visit there myself."
Skyfire blinked as Lyra moved protectively between him and the new Unsvet, smiling faintly and putting a soothing hand on her shoulder. Noticing the hostility Lyra was regarding her with, Bella only smiled. Then her bemusement gave way to delighted surprise and keen interest as she took Lyra's hands, holding them out, palms up, to regard for a moment. "Another archer? Talented one at that." She looked over at Almek. "I should like the honor to assist training this one, Dusvet. There are so few of us born to the bow."
Almek chuckled a little. "I will consider your offer, Bella, once we know they have been accepted as full Adepts."
The Unsvet woman looked back at Lyra, quizzical at the reluctance in the Forentan woman. As understanding dawned, Bella leaned close to whisper in Lyra's ear, the young Forentan woman blinking several times in surprise. "Oh. Oh!" She blushed and clasped Skyfire's hand reassuringly as the tall Desanti looked between the two in confusion. Bella laughed merrily at the Desanti man's change in expression when Lyra whispered in his ear.
Jaison refilled his wine, arching an eyebrow as Bella suddenly took it out of his hand and drained half of it. "It is rare to find a Vodani that is not something of an exhibitionist." Putting his hand around the one that held the glass, Jaison pulled Bella down to sit in his lap. Bella laughed quietly, casually leaning against Jaison. "Or one that doesn't try to scandalize you."
Almek regarded the erstwhile Unsvet woman. "I am surprised it took you this long to make an appearance, Bella. You have always been fascinated by any new potential I have brought to Fortress."
"The Dulain had me out on patrols, or I would have been here to meet you, Almek," Bella said, her cheeriness fading to a more subdued seriousness. "Almek, I thought Jaison was going to die several times when he got snarled in visions about you."
Almek blinked. "Visions about me?" He looked at Jaison. "I thought you said that scrying was inhibited around me the moment we departed for Desantiva."
Jaison looked away. "They were not... normal visions, Almek. And I couldn't control them at all. I could see nothing, but I felt... what you felt. Your hopes, your fears... and your suffering. They seemed to happen shortly before the quakes reflecting the Timeless One's fears that would shake Fortress." Looking back, he added, "Since you have returned, both the visions and the quakes have stopped."
"Hmm. Interesting," Almek murmured thoughtfully. Shaking the snow white hair out of his eyes, he stated in a more upbeat voice, "So, Bella, I gather that since the frequency of your assignment to patrols has not diminished, your mischief making has increased?" The others laughed at the wide-eyed, faux innocent expression the woman turned towards him.
Chapter 23
Ash kissed Storm's temple briefly before reluctantly releasing her hand and turning to bring a carafe of water and bottle of wine to the sitting table with three cups. Without a hint to her thoughts or emotions on her features, the woman delicately sat at the foot of the bed nearest the table, crossing her legs. She accepted the cup of water Ash handed to her, but only cradled it in her hands.
Behin
d them, Terrence shut the door quietly. The younger mage could not bring himself to look up at Ash as he stood by the chair opposite the older Illaini and his lifemate. The silence stretched out until the younger man could bear it no longer. "You should... have Master Taylin see to your hand, Master Ash. It looks painful."
"Not right now." Ash approached the younger man, standing in front of him until he finally looked up. "Terrence, I owe both you and Storm an apology for my behavior this morning. I could say it was because these incessant nightmares are addling my head with exhaustion, but that would simply be an excuse. What I said... what I thought... was inexcusable."
Surprised at Ash offering him an apology of such sincere magnitude, Terrence shook his head. "You need not apologize, Master Ash. You are the Illaini Magus. You--" Terrence's words went silent when Ash suddenly grabbed him in a fierce embrace. As he overcame his surprise, he returned the embrace uncertainly. "Master?"
"You idiot," Ash growled, releasing Terrence to put his hands on his shoulders, looking at him with open affection. "Have you forgotten you are both master and Illaini now as well? You need not call me master anymore. Especially not in private. We are equals."
Ash shook Terrence's shoulder lightly with his good hand. "And yes, I do need to apologize to you. I never realized until now what kind of encumbrance I put on you, not talking to you about... gods. So many things I should have explained to you." He smiled sadly. "And I must apologize for making you feel that you could not bring what troubled you to me instead of suffering in silence. I neglected you, and I pray you can forgive me for my failings." He asked with mild exasperation, "Why did you not say anything? You never asked--"
Terrence closed his eyes, looking down. "But I was just an apprentice. I had no right to question you. Amelana said--"
Sighing heavily, Ash shook his head with weariness. "No, Terrence, you did have the right to question. It is the duty of an apprentice to ask questions. But I was new to being a teaching master. I allowed Amelana to distract me. I should have encouraged you more, not allow Amelana to poison you with lies and deception." He tilted his head to the side. "Terrence. You cannot learn without asking questions, and questions should not be limited to only 'certain' topics."
Pressing his lips together, Ash confessed, "I was lacking. At every stage of growth, a mage should always have a mentor to shepherd them through the transitions from apprentice to journeyman to master. I did not choose to have that benefit. Had my master... my grandfather... Bennu lived, he would have taught me more of what it meant to be a master, especially a teaching master.
"In my grief at Bennu's death, I demanded to be tested for mastery. In my arrogance, I turned away my uncle Ellis's offer to mentor me because I thought he was trying to claim control over a powerful lowborn. I had no idea I was Avarian as well, that we were family."
Terrence finished the explanation when Ash went silent, his throat tight with grief for his lost family. "And then the Knowing One chose you to be her Illaini, and there was no one who could have mentored you. The darkling tainted Se'edai Magus fanned the distrust and resentment she had fostered to keep you from finding the peace you needed."
Eyes closed, Ash nodded. "Nor did I think to turn to the Knowing One for Her guidance because I did not realize I needed it and She does not normally offer knowledge without being asked for it. I lost that time I would have learned what it really means to be a master." Soberly, Ash regarded the younger man. "Terrence, a master's apprentice is more than simply a student of magic. Even those who never apprentice to a master can test to become journeymen and masters. They only need apply themselves to their studies and practice. But that is mastery merely based on skill. They aren't leading or teaching masters. They are the technical masters who fill some other role, like those who tend the great trees."
"I did not think it was really a distinction when some were called masters and others were not," Terrence said in a low voice. "I had dreams of being more than a caretaker mage."
Storm frowned uncomprehendingly. "You have distinctions between masters? I thought all served Forenta and your goddess." She sniffed critically, crossing her arms. "You treewalkers always have to make things so complicated." Ash and Terrence traded a silent, knowing look.
Ash explained as clearly as possible. "You told me that Swordanzen would travel with promising students to teach them all aspects of their responsibility to Desantiva and His children, even after they have been Named, to pass on their knowledge, skills and experience. It is similar for mages, save we have some who are only technically skilled, but not adept in passing on that knowledge to others. Mages are mages for life, not as it is for Swordanzen who must stop after a time."
The woman silently considered his words. "Is teaching not what is expected of an Illaini, as it is expected of a Githalin?" Storm wondered quietly, head tilted to the side. "Why would your goddess claim you as her own if you were not ready to teach?"
"Teaching is expected, yes, and I did teach. But I was young for a master, and inexperienced. I was overwhelmed but too proud to admit I needed help. There are many things Ellis and Bennu would do that I never understood the why behind until much later. The last Se'edai Magus seized upon an Illaini's sacred responsibility to teach, disregarded that I had not transitioned properly into the role of master, and saddled me with students before I was prepared."
He did not notice Terrence wince guiltily at the 'saddled' remark. "I allowed Amelana to distract me from Terrence's needs. I did not notice he only ever questioned things about magic, not about... the more 'mundane' things. I should have. I failed him."
"It is not your fault! Amelana was senior to me," Terrence stated matter-of-factly. "I was just--"
Ash growled a little. "That was the first thing I should have told you at the outset. I did not want Amelana for my student. I only wanted you. But the Edai Tredecima as a whole forced the issue because most listened blindly to Ysai. Ellis pushed the issue because he hoped I would wish to marry Amelana and become an Avarian again without revealing it was my birthright."
"It still makes little sense to me they would hide the truth of your birth," Storm stated.
"Bennu and Ellis both feared I would be targeted by some unknown agency. Ellis told me once I recovered from Amelana's trial that they had witnessed decade after decade many gifted highborn die before their promise could be realized. They used Forentan bigotry against the lowborn to protect me. But I was acknowledged as a master before Ellis could arrange a marriage into the Avarian family for me. As a master, no one could force me into a marriage, and he hoped I would eventually decide to make Amelana my wife and return to the Avarian family that way.
Storm snorted softly. "The family name was the only worthwhile thing about that woman. A lame drizzen had better breeding." The men could not help but chuckle at the blunt opinion.
Ash looked back to the younger man. "Terrence, the Edai Tredecima said the only way I could take you for my student was to take her. I argued for weeks, but they were relentless and I finally had to give in to keep you. You were gifted. A quick study. I wanted to ensure your growth was not stunted because of the bigotry towards lowborn." Ash closed his eyes, looking away in shame. "But I wasn't truly ready for one student, let alone two. I let myself get caught up in focusing on..." He sighed heavily. "On appearances. I tried to teach someone who didn't care to be taught because of Ysai's opinion that a student's progress reflects his master's ability, regardless of the student's own effort or lack thereof. You reflect well on me; I hardly deserve credit for that."
"You... fought for me?" Terrence stared at his drink. "You wanted me... that much?" He raised his eyes to meet Ash's. "Even with my flaws?"
Ash looked at Terrence, smiling faintly. "Yes, Terrence. I wanted you as my student that much. I realize now that I allowed myself to get caught up in the game Ysai played, worrying about my reputation more than my student. Amelana had been Avarian. I could only imagine the poison Ysai would have spread if I failed to get her t
o her mastery. Which was impossible as she never truly earned her journeyman rank." Ash grimaced. "She would have said I was inadequate as a teacher. That I purposely was trying to do harm to a highborn family and raise a lowborn like myself to highborn status. That the goddess was flawed because I was flawed. Faith in the Knowing One had suffered for generations. I couldn't--"
"Divine or mortal, it does not matter. We are all flawed," Storm said quietly, drawing both men's attention to her. "Even perfection is a flaw in an imperfect world. It is better to know one's flaws because they will become the weapons of your enemy if you hide them away in shame." She turned her face away. "Ash, Terrence was not going to tell you about Dzee. But I knew he could not wait. Not now because the shadows can see his light.
"I encouraged him to tell you the truth, because I knew you would see the Totani's touch as a flaw. He was ashamed to be Githalin, and your reaction only reinforced that shame. An enemy who discovered his secret could have used it as a wedge between you at a critical time that might threaten more than our lives. I could not allow that to happen." A tear coursed down her cheek. "He was ashamed of his love for Desantiva because he is Forentan, and in Forenta's eyes, we are inferior to you. I am… inferior."
Ash sat his glass aside, embracing her fiercely tight. "Storm, forgive me. I should not have called the Totani's touch a taint. I did not mean--"
Storm smiled sadly, returning his embrace. "No, Ash. Do not lie to me or yourself. You meant it." Both men flinched at her quiet words, Terrence more in sympathy for Ash's guilt than any of his own. "You are Forentan and I am Desanti. In your heart, you hold your people superior to mine. Desanti will never openly admit they agree because of what your people took from us in the Great War." She cupped his cheek in her hand as he looked away shamefully. "Perhaps, someday, you will love me for all that I am. Not in spite of it. But right now, you do not. I accept that in you, no matter how much it hurts."