by Vi Keeland
“Nope. They sound like pirates,” she laughed.
I began to laugh. “Yeah, I guess you’re kind of right they do. Don’t they?”
We both laughed as I backed out of my driveway.
She told me the directions to get to her house. I was trying to figure out a way to keep her with me longer. But nothing was coming to mind.
As we were coming up on a Dunkin Donuts I asked, “You want to stop for a coffee or hot chocolate?” I had noticed she had shivered a few times.
“Nah, I’m good.”
“It’ll warm you up.”
“This may sound really weird. But I don’t drink anything hot.”
“You what?” I said flabbergasted.
“Yeah, you heard me right. I don’t drink anything hot. Not coffee, tea or hot chocolate.”
Giving her a puzzled look. “What do you drink then?”
She then gave me that beautiful angelic smile again. “Diet Coke.”
I laughed loudly. “Did you just say Diet Coke?”
“Yup. It’s my vice. I drink it first thing in the morning to wake me up.”
Making a face. “Yuck! Soda in the morning?”
She laughed. “Well that’s exactly how I feel about coffee. I can’t stand the taste let alone the after taste. Gross.”
Nodding my head. “Fair enough,” I said.
“My street is just past that light,” she said pointing.
I anxiously ran my hand through my hair. The thought of her slipping away was gnawing at me. Think, Garret, Think. I screamed at myself. I quickly remember about a party that was going on at Wales Park this weekend.
“My street is the next one,” she said waking me from my train of thought. “I’m the third house down on the left. The one with all the lights on.”
I pulled into her driveway and put my car in park. We both sat silently as she unbuckled her seat belt.
“Well thanks for driving me home. I’m sure my mother would thank you as well. She can’t wait for me to get my license,” she said politely.
“Oh, I didn’t realize you didn’t have your license yet. How old are you?” I asked.
Smiling she responded, “I just turned sixteen at the beginning of the month. Only six more months and I can get my license. I can’t wait.”
“Well since I missed your birthday that means I need to take you out this weekend so we can celebrate.”
“You didn’t even know me when it was my birthday. Why would you take me out for it?” She laughed nervously.
I moved my body closer to hers. “Well, I was trying to make up an excuse to see you again. But since you just called me out on it.”
“Oh, sorry,” she said innocently moving closer to me.
“I really want to see you again, Leila,” I said softly.
“I would like that,” her voice barely a whisper.
I inched my face closer to hers. “How about Saturday Night? I’ll take you out to dinner. Where ever you want to go.”
She nodded her head.
She then moved her face closer to mine and gently brushed her lips up against mine. I slowly pulled her into me pressing my lips harder to hers. I’d been waiting all night to kiss her. I wasn’t expecting her to make the first move.
Helen’s voice brought me back to reality. “Leila, is that why you don’t like Garrett telling this story? Because you made the first move?”
I could feel myself smiling at the thought of our first kiss. I turned my attention to Leila waiting to hear her response.
Leila sighed. “It’s not that. I just hate people telling stories about me when I am sitting right here.”
“Well I think it’s a brilliant story and I loved how you told it, Garrett. Thank you for sharing,” Helen said smiling.
“I would like to move onto another topic,” she said turning to Garrett. “Garrett I would like to know a little more about you. Leila has told me about what happened to you Afghanistan, but what I am curious about is after your recovery and return to the Marines. What have you been up to? I am fully aware of Leila’s past as I am sure you are.”
I glanced nervously at Garrett.
Garrett took my hand. “What do you want to know?” Garrett asked.
“Have you had any serious girlfriends?”
Garrett squeezed my hand gently. “No not really.”
“What does not really mean exactly?” Helen asked.
“Yeah, I dated girls.” He squeezed my hand again.
This conversation was beginning to make me nervous. I knew exactly where Helen was going with this. She and I had this same conversation when I first started seeing her. I began to fidget in my seat. I was completely content on knowing that he hadn’t slept with anyone. I really didn’t want to hear about his ex-girlfriends.
“Was there anyone special?”
Garrett hesitated before he spoke. “There was one girl her name was Amanda. We dated for about six months.”
“And why did it end?” Helen asked.
“She told me she loved me,” Garrett said softly.
“And you didn’t love her back?” Helen encouraged him to keep going.
“I cared for her but I could never give her my heart.” He paused. “I wanted to love her and I really tried to. . . But there was nothing there. My heart belonged to someone else. It always had. When I told her I didn’t love her, she was pissed. She called me a cold hearted bastard and hoped someday someone would break my heart like I did hers. I tried to explain that it was nothing that she did and that it was all me. But she just laughed at me. I never saw her again after that.”
I sat in silence not knowing what to do or say. I clenched his hand tightly not wanting to let go.
“How did that make you feel when she said that to you?”
“To be honest, I didn’t feel anything. I knew I was an asshole to her. I knew she was falling for me and I guess I hoped that maybe I could eventually love her.” He stopped and took a deep breath. “The only time I felt anything was when the needle hit my skin when I got a tattoo. I guess that is why I am covered in them now,” he laughed looking down at his arms.
“Why do you think you didn’t love her? Was it her? Or was it you?”
I felt Garrett’s entire body stiffen up at Helen’s question.
“I couldn’t put my heart out there again. I wasn’t ready. I was still. . .” He looked over at me. “I was still grieving.”
A single tear ran down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away before either of them could see it.
“What were you grieving?”
He ran his hand through his hair. “Everything. . . My leg, combat, the life I once had, the life I almost had.” He paused. “The life of our baby.”
“And now?” Helen asked softly.
“Now. . . I got my Babe back,” he said smiling at me. “I am ready to start my life with her.” He raised my hand to his mouth kissing it softly.
“Leila, how does what Garrett just shared with us make you feel?” Helen asked.
“It breaks my heart to know he spent time with someone else, someone that loved him,” I said softly. “But I don’t have anyone to blame but myself.”
“Leila you and Garrett are not here to blame one another and that is not what he just did. You two are here to heal and work through these things together. I already told you it wasn’t going to be easy.”
“I know,” I said, hanging my head.
“Leila you need to let go of the guilt. Garrett has already said he has forgiven you, now it is time for you to forgive yourself. I want to see you both back in two weeks.”
As we left Helen’s office, I felt like my head was spinning. I wasn’t exactly sure what just happened and again, I was feeling broken hearted by his words. I was beginning to really question if we were going to be able to move on from all of this.
“Leila? What’s the matter?” He asked with concern in his voice.
I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
>
He stopped me in the hallway of Helen’s office building. “It’s obviously something, Leila. Please tell me.”
“Can we talk when we get home? I really don’t want to do this here,” I pleaded.
He sighed. “Sure but I’m not letting this go you remember what Helen said. We need to keep communicating to each other and right now you are shutting me out.”
I sat silent in the car the entire ride back to my apartment rehearsing exactly what I was going to say. I knew he was going to grill me as soon as we set foot in my apartment. To be completely honest, I didn’t even know what was wrong. I was feeling jealous because some girl fell in love with him. I was angry that I fucked everything up between us. Then it dawned on me. I was upset and angry because what if he would have fallen in love with her too? My stomach began to turn, and I immediately rolled down the window for some fresh air.
“You need me to pull over? You don’t look too good.”
“No. I’m fine. Just get me home.”
I felt the car accelerate as he took my hand in his gently rubbing his thumb in my palm. Just the touch of his hand on mine made the butterflies in my stomach flutter. I couldn’t help but wonder if she had the same feeling when he touched her. I shifted around in my seat trying to stay calm, but I could feel my anger building inside. I had no one to be angry at but myself, but I couldn’t help it.
Garrett pulled into the parking lot, and I shot out of the car and raced up the stairs to my apartment. The only thing I could think about was him with her. Holding her hand, kissing her, touching her. How far did he go with her? Fucking Helen! I stepped through my door and immediately hit up the cabinet that held my vodka bottle. As I poured myself a shot Garrett walked in.
“What the fuck, Leila?”
“What?” I said as I raised the glass to my mouth.
“Is this how you are going to solve all your problems? By taking a shot every time something is bothering you?” His voice was getting louder.
“I don’t solve all my problems with drinking,” I snapped back.
“Oh really?” He said taking the shot glass from my hand. He leaned in close to me and led me to the couch. “Will you please talk to me? I can’t fix it or make you feel better if you shut me out.”
I let out a huge sigh and followed his lead to the couch. He sat down and pulled me onto his lap leaning his head into mine. “Spill it.”
I shook my head. “You are going to think it is the stupidest thing in the world.”
“How do you know that?” He smiled.
“Because it is the stupidest thing in the world.” I said rolling my eyes trying to get away from him.
“Let me be the judge of that,” he said pulling me into him then pushing my hair behind my ear. “Tell me, Babe.”
“I’m jealous.”
“You’re what?” He laughed.
“I’m jealous,” I repeated pushing myself off his lap.
He began to laugh even harder and pulled me back onto him.
“What the fuck are you jealous about? I’m sorry I’m laughing but you really have me confused.”
“You and that girl. . . I can’t stand the thought of her loving you.” I snapped.
“Are you serious?”
“Yes. I am serious. The thought of her touching and kissing you. UGH!”
“Babe, she was nothing. She meant nothing. I told you in Helen’s office I couldn’t give my heart to her, it was still with you. Please let this go.” He moved his head closer to mine and slowly and gently kissed my cheek. “I love you,” he whispered in my ear. “I always have and I always will.”
I slowly closed my eyes and exhaled, it felt like the weight of the world was just lifted off my shoulders by hearing him say those words. “I love you too.
Chapter Eighteen
Garrett and I were having a lazy Saturday afternoon lying on the couch watching what he called chick flicks on Lifetime when my phone buzzed. I glanced over at my phone on the end table.
“Oh it’s Nicole,” I said excitedly. I hadn’t talked to her in ages. Garrett had been taking up most of my free time.
“Oh Yeah? What’s she up to?” Garrett said with his head resting on my legs.
Nicole—
Sup beoytche. You guys wanna go out tonight? I really want you to meet Michael. Dinner and then to a club?
Me—
Yah! I wanna go. Let’s see what baby bitch over here says . . . I may have to entice him.
Nicole—
You better take one for the team and get your ass out with me tonight.
Me—
OK. Here goes nothing. BRB.
I looked back at Garrett. “She wants to know if we want to go out tonight with her and Michael. Dinner and dancing. . .” I said holding my breath. I knew this was going to over like a lead balloon. Garrett hated dancing. I looked down at him giving him my best pouty face. “Please. . .”
He let out a huge gasp and rolled his eyes. “Fine. . . I’ll go. You’re going to owe me,” he said, giving me a wink.
Me—
We’re in! What time and where?
Nicole—
How about that new steak place Texas Rodeo? 7ish.
Me—
Hell Yes! That’s the place with the mechanical bull? We are so there! I can’t wait to meet Michael. We’ll see you @ 7.
Looking down at Garrett, I gave him a huge smile. “Thanks Baby.” I leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. “I’m really excited to finally meet Michael. She really likes him. He’s all she talks about.”
“Anyone is better than that dude she dated when you guys were in high school. That guy was a fucking douche bag. What was his name?”
“Matt. Ugh, you had to bring him up,” I sneered.
Matt was Nicole’s first love and he treated her like shit and things with Garrett and Matt didn’t end well.
I never really knew Matt that well. He had transferred to our school our junior year. I can remember so clearly Nicole’s reaction the first time she saw him in the hallway.
“Who . . . Is . . . That,” she said nearly drooling.
I turned in the direction she was looking. “Oh, that’s the new kid. He’s in my Bio class. I think his name is Matt.”
“And why didn’t you tell me about him?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking hmmmm. . . He would be perfect for Nicole, right before I took my Bio test,” I said jokingly.
I could tell by the look in her eyes, she was interested. If Nicole was anything, she was determined. When she had her sights set on something or someone she was bound and determined to get it. She pursued him for over a month until she finally got him to ask her out. It didn’t take Nicole too long to start wearing his football jacket and class ring. The more she saw Matt the less I saw of her. He began to become very possessive of her, and he almost seemed jealous of our friendship. He wouldn’t let her hang out with me and Garrett because he didn’t like the fact that Garrett was older than us and that his friends hung out with us.
On the few occasions that the four of us did go out, Matt made no attempts to even get to know us. I tried my best to strike up conversations with him, but he would reply with one or two word answers. After a while, I just gave up and would act like he wasn’t even there. Needless to say, our double dates ended rather quickly.
I was glad to see Nicole so happy, but on the other hand, I really missed seeing and talking to her all of the time. We had been inseparable for so many years we were more like sisters than friends. Neither of us had the heart to mention going out on any more double date. We both made up excuses on why we couldn’t go to spare the other’s feelings.
Matt was one of the star players on our high school football team, and Nicole managed to drag me to all the home games to watch him play. One Friday night I even convinced Garrett to come to the game with us, he was less than thrilled, but he went anyway.
After the game, there was a huge party in the woods celebrating the upcoming
playoff game. If our team won the next game, they would be headed to the state championships. After the game ended the three of us headed to the woods. Matt texted Nicole after the game telling her he would meet up with her at the party. He told her the coaches wanted to go over the game with the team.
By the time we arrived at the party the majority of the junior and senior classes were already there. By the looks of it some of them had skipped the game and came straight here. We walked up to one of my classmates who was collecting $7.00 a head to drink. Somehow someone managed to get five kegs of beer. Garrett paid for the three of us, and we headed for the kegs.
“Hey, I see some of the player’s girlfriends over there, I’m going to say hi,” Nicole said to me.
“Okay.” I turned to Garrett and rolled my eyes.
“What’s the matter?”
“Oh nothing, they’re a bunch of stuck up bitches. If I knew she was going to ditch us as soon as we got here I wouldn’t have come.”
“Well, we’re here now so let’s have some drinks.” Garrett pulled me close to him hugging me tightly.
We mingled through the crowd and talked to some of my classmates. We ran into Howie and Joe, a couple of guys Garrett had become friendly with after attending other parties and school events, I had dragged him to. We hung around with them for about an hour before we both started to get bored.
I looked around the party and noticed Nicole hanging with her new friends, and I was pissed. I watched her from a distance she kept checking her watch and anxiously looking around. Matt and the other players still hadn’t shown up yet. Apparently, their football meeting was pretty damn important. This party was being held in honor of the football team.
Garrett leaned into me and asked me if I wanted to go. I felt relieved. I was so ready to go. I took him by the hand and led him to the opening in the woods. He pulled me to him. “Don’t you want to say bye to Nicole?”
I rolled my eyes. “She seems to be getting along just fine without me.”
“Leila, don’t be like that, you need to tell her we are leaving so she isn’t looking for us. Come on let’s go over and say goodbye,” he said leading me towards Nicole and her new friends.
We heard all sorts of cheering and we turned our heads to where the sound was coming from. It was Matt and the rest of the football players headed our way.