“If Pop gets banned, I’m not coming, and I’m usually the one getting tortured,” Temple said to loud muttering agreement. “Jim’s my friend, so he works out with me. He’s also the top contender for the romantic interest with my character in the sequel to ‘A New Beginning’.”
That statement met with enthusiasm, but a few of the regulars were eyeballing Temple speculatively. I didn’t blame them. I, on the other hand, had one dog in this hunt. “Jim and Temple are best of friends now. This new opportunity to star in the sequel to such a popular movie will mean a new star here in torture central.”
I saw Temple whispering in Jim’s ear. He nodded like a happy raccoon with table scraps. A second later, they both began to hum the melody of Je T’aime… Moi Plus. They sang it to each other beautifully, clutching each other throughout to the end with Temple perfectly in synch with Jim. Apparently learning to memorize movie lines and songs in an instant was another Temple superpower. That they were a hit is an understatement. Their performance was so mesmerizing I never noticed Lo until the end.
“Jesus… God in heaven, Rick. What the hell did you do to these two?”
“I blasted them with an item from past Cantelli-land – that song,” I whispered. “I meant it for Stacy, but Jim rolled me in the GMC on the way home. When he heard me do it with Stacy for the first time since we were kids, Jim decided nothing on earth would keep him from doing it with Temple.”
“If he keeps that up, it won’t be the only thing he’ll be doing with Temple. What have we done, partner? Do we even have enough time on earth to enjoy all this new shit?”
“As you said, if I don’t limit the ‘doing it’ part, you really will be Great Aunt Lo.” I listened to them end their duet, barely remembering where they were until their audience began clapping wildly. They stumbled apart, smiling and acknowledging, but wishing they had been alone. Temple brushed away tears.
“Oh crap… she’s got it bad,” Lo said. “I don’t even have the heart to make her drop and give me a hundred, which is what I should do.”
Lois walked around me, and gripped Stacy’s chin in her hand. “So you and Hooterville sang Je T’aime to each other when you were young kids. How old were you?”
“Sixteen,” Stacy answered with a slow smile. “He bought me the album, and we learned it in French.”
Lo released her, and patted Stacy’s shoulder. “That’s a good one. He ran right home today after nearly bludgeoning a guy to death to sing it to you I’ll bet.”
“I didn’t know about the guy, but yes… he did. It…it was wonderful.”
Lo nodded and stepped aside. “Okay… so what the hell do we do with the fire-ants?”
I watched the two of them talking to their fellow gym-rats, their hands clasping each other’s. By the looks on the faces near them, there wasn’t a single woman there who didn’t suspect Temple of lust in the thirteen year old degree. “Try to keep the female fire-ant out of jail is all I have.”
Thankfully, the workout room was filling up, and with it came our coworkers with significant others in tow. It looked like everyone made it. They joined us while watching our teen celebrities in action.
“What happened to the toned down friendship?”
“Hooterville decided to spring the most erotic song ever done on them in French, Skipper,” Lo informed her. “Ever hear Je T’aime by Jane Birkin and that French guy?”
“Sure… I… holy hell… what were you thinking, Rick? Let me guess. Those two already have it memorized.”
“And performed it for a live audience with the floor under their feet beginning to smoke,” Lois replied.
“I wish I could have heard it,” Shelly said. “That’s so romantic.”
“That goes double for me,” Karen said. “I’m wondering if we could fit it into the movie. What did you think of the way the kids did it together, Rick?”
“Let me put it this way, if there’s anyone in the movie audience that hears those two sing Je T’aime with each other, and isn’t moved, the coroner will have to be called – because they’re dead.”
“I have a feeling we’re going to get upstaged bigtime, Karen,” Trish said. “I’m getting chills, and I missed the live performance.”
“The addition of Jim is going to rocket the sequel into the Stratosphere,” Karen replied. “I’m calling Cheech after the workout. I’ll get the kids to do another performance after we get done, and record it to send him.”
“I doubt you’ll need to coax them into it,” Stacy said.
“How did you remember that song, Rick?”
I shrugged. “I was a kid when I first heard it, Max.”
“We sang it together when we were only sixteen,” Stacy added. “Rick sang it to me tonight when he came home with Jim. We’re having dinner at the restaurant after the workout. Would you all like to come with us?”
Karen’s husband, Danny Tilson, was the first to reply. “No gun battles though, right?”
“Is that a deal breaker, Danny?” My question drew the laughter I’d hoped for. “It helps no one knows we’re going.”
“Count us in.” Max Hulme put his arm around Shelly after getting nodding agreement from her. “That’ll be fun after the torture session.”
“I already tipped Bone off,” Lo said. “I told him to get a limo in case we don’t have enough designated drivers. He’ll fetch Frank on the way.”
“All that talk makes me want to skip the workout, and head to the restaurant,” I admitted.
“That’s because you did your workout today in the sand, slacker. Step up.”
“Hey… Cantelli-land,” Jadie called out, joining us with Ken Arlington, who never ceased to get amusement from the mention of our fabled land of darkness and shadow. “What’s going on?”
Lois quickly filled her in on all the teen angst, and restaurant plans.
Jadie gripped Ken’s hand. “We are so in. Don’t record the kids until Ken and I cut loose from the workout, Karen.”
“Done,” Karen agreed.
“We need to get started, and the teen stars are sabotaging our timetable. Do you want me to interrupt their party, or would you like to do it, Lo?”
“I’ll handle it, Jadie. I need to get that little minx in line.” Lois walked over and grabbed Temple by the ear.
“We need to get this workout done on time, you little trollop. Get into position, or you’ll be doing pushups until I get tired of watching you.”
“Ow… ow, ow, ow… okay!” Temple danced in pain for a moment. “Help me, Jim!”
Jim popped to attention, and recited his name, rank, and serial number once again. “Pain is our friend!”
Lo laughed, and released Temple, who massaged her ear. “Gee… thanks, Jim.”
Jim placed a guiding arm to escort Temple to our workout spot amongst appreciative laughter over the Lois/Temple ingredient. “Aunt Lo only respects showing no fear.”
Temple glanced back at the grinning Lois. “I don’t think the no fear stance is possible for me with the Harpy.”
Jim waved at Lo while patting Temple’s shoulder. “We’ll work on it.”
* * *
The workout proceeded in the usual comical form, although Temple with Jim at her side portrayed a different countenance. He joked, and imitated Jadie’s directions to much humor from our surrounding participants. Using Jadie’s imitation phrases from Jillian Michaels, Jim would stab in a ‘don’t phone it in’ or ‘work the glutes’ or a myriad of workout phrases Jadie used in hilarious staccato form. He did draw an arms folded Darth Vader type appearance from Jadie in person though before the session ended.
“Are you undermining me here, you little Cantelli clone?”
Jim jumped up, doing name, rank, and serial number, finishing with a ‘no ma’am, yes ma’am, and anything you say ma’am’ recital that had Jadie laughing her ass off.
“Damn it… Rick! Control your clone.”
“It’s too late, Jadie,” I replied, working the plank and leg spreads
. “He’s out of control. Pop back down there, kid. Quit making a mockery of this sacred workout!”
“Don’t you start, Cantelli!”
Jim dropped down into plank position doing leg spreads with the laughing Temple, but I popped up, giving my own name, rank, and serial number at attention. Even Lois lost it, rolling onto her back, laughing like hell.
“I swear… Cantelli-land will be ostracized from now on if I don’t get some compliance to class guidelines!”
I bowed. “Your will be done, Mistress of Pain!”
Yeah… that did disrupt the class for a few moments.
* * *
We were all in a good mood as the session ended with Jadie and Ken barely able to contain amusement during the Cantelli-land adlibs. There were no participants upset at the added session comments, but word had leaked about a repeat performance by Jim and Temple of Je T’aime. When we finished, no one left, not even the ones who had heard it before class. Karen had her iPhone out seconds after class ended.
“Do it, you two. I want it in the sequel if it’s as good as I’ve heard.”
Jadie and Ken joined the group, unknowing of what Karen was referring to. Jim gripped Temple’s hands as they faced each other. He began humming the gripping melody of Je T’aime, with Temple beginning a recital I’ll never forget. Stacy clutched my arm, trying not to sob. Good Lord! We were lost. I had no idea of the consequences, but these two would be in each other’s minds forever. The expressions as they sang/recited the erotic song ended in an embrace I knew could lead to jail time… not that the two teens gave a crap.
Then, after a moment past the ending, applause erupted with whistles, good natured catcalls, and acceptance I had hoped for. Unfortunately… as with all things… Cantelli-land awaited nearby.
“What the fuck?!”
I had been so absorbed in the damn kids’ performance, I forgot everything else. I looked back toward the interruption. A contingent of young people dressed to the ultimate fashion descended on our group from the entrance with a perfectly coiffed guy in his early twenties, leading the pack of five hangers on. When the leader tried to stride into Temple’s face, he met Jim instead. The guy was a few inches taller, and carrying at least twenty well worked out pounds more. Jim stayed quiet, without a flinch.
The young man saw danger in Jim’s young eyes and stopped. He pointed at Temple. “You… you had a boyfriend movie role and you didn’t actually think to give me a chance at it? Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?”
Lois and Trish slid up next to the movie gangsters on each side. The posers noticed. The girl nearest Trish reached for her in thug fashion. “Don’t even think to…”
The hanger on was deposited on the floor in a Trish hold a split second later. “The only reason I don’t beat you until even your mamma cries out in anguish is I think my friend Rick wants to talk this down.”
“What she said, and this,” Lo added, lighting off the stun-gun in her hand. “Stay still, or I light up everyone. It’s all good, Rick. Let the cheap punk spout off whatever he came to say.”
Damn thought thief! Lo was right. I figured this was Temple’s ladder climber: Bret Chretien. I nearly fixed him, realizing good things don’t automatically lead to good endings. “Okay, Lo.”
With his crew of who knows what disabled, Bret looked into a committed Jim’s eyes with doubt he did not plan on. “Get out of the way, punk. I want to talk to my girlfriend. By the looks of it, you’re too young to even get a hard-on, so step the fuck off!”
Jim grinned at Bret. He stuck out his hand, surprising Chretien completely. “I’m Temple’s friend, Jim Bishop. Glad to meet you.”
Lo and I suppressed laughter as we glanced at each other. It was the perfect opening gambit. Bret ignored the proffered hand, staring beyond Jim to Temple, who had wound her arms around Jim. “Listen, you little…”
“Stop! I told you Temple’s my friend. You need to leave. If you finish that sentence, you won’t be able to leave. I’ll make you kick my ass, and you won’t have a good time doing it.”
“I’ll body slam your ass, and stroll right past you. You’d best scurry away before you get hurt, boy.”
“You need to take your friends and go away, Bret. I didn’t choose Jim for the role opposite me. The owner of the film wanted him for the role. I like him so much more than you, I also think he’s perfect for the role… you cheap, backstabbing slime.”
Bret’s face twisted into psycho land. He tried to go through Jim, but he quickly found out the kid doesn’t move. I gestured to everyone I wanted the situation resolved by the immediate participants. Bret grabbed Jim’s shirt front in both hands. Jim bitch-slapped Bret with a real zinger across the face, his feet briefly lifting slightly for momentum gathering.
“Back off, Bret!” Temple moved to Jim’s side.
I saw Bret’s shock as he released Jim, unconsciously rubbing his face. I could tell Jim saw it too. Bret had never taken a punch or a slap before, which curtailed a response. Jim smiled.
“I don’t know if I can take you or not, Bret. I do know I can take a punch. Before you put me down, I’m going to bust that pretty nose of yours all over your face. Then I’m going to teach you a few dirty tricks I’ve learned. You won’t like them either. Leave now… or I do damage to you until I pass out.”
It was over. Bret muttered some face-saving bullshit, but he valued his face more than he did proving he could beat a thirteen year old. A few moments in Lo and Trish’s custody made Bret’s crew want to be anywhere but here. I made a mental note to start Jim’s training tomorrow. If he planned to be The White Knight, he was going to need a few more moves. The bad part I noticed is Jim had no fear. He featured the look of a kid who had been in fights where the participants wonder if walking away in one piece afterwards would be possible. It changes things inside a kid’s head.
“Nothing to see here folks,” I announced after Bret moped out with his gang. “I’m sorry for the unfortunate intrusion. Great workout. See you all Wednesday. Don’t forget to cast your ballots with Jadie if you want to vote me off the island… no hard feelings.”
That was good for a few laughs. The kids mingled with the crowd. It seemed the song, and almost a movie type script confrontation, cemented them into our workout group’s favorite’s list. Jadie and Ken had listened to the song from amongst the crowd. They wandered over with us as we prepared to adjourn to the showers.
“That song was amazing! We have to get them to do it at the restaurant,” Jadie said.
“I sent the video of it and the confrontation to Cheech,” Karen replied. “He texted me a moment ago the song will be in the movie. He’ll work on getting the rights to do it tomorrow. We’re all having dinner at the restaurant. Would you and Ken want to join us?”
“Of course! I’m getting that song. Where the heck did it come from?”
Stacy explained it to her, adding our story of learning and singing it to each other when we were sixteen. “In our hometown, I couldn’t get a boy to talk to me in coherent sentences, let alone sing to me in French. I was lost. Rick rolled me bigtime.”
Even Lo enjoyed Stacy’s recital of our teenage dream quest. By that time Jim and Temple joined us. Yeah… I noticed Temple was wrapped around him like a cheap suit. All it took was one finger wave from Lo to startle her into only gripping his hand.
“You two owned the crowd tonight,” Lo said. “So that was Bret, your walk on the wild side, huh Shortcake? Are you stupid?”
“I was lonely!”
“Get a dog.” Lo reached to grab Temple’s ear. “Let’s hit the showers, so Rick and I can sip a couple together after the day we’ve had.”
“Ow… pain is my friend… ow… pain is my friend… ow…”
* * *
Lo, Frank, and I sat at the bar. Cheech arrived at Karen’s invitation, excited as hell after seeing the kids’ impromptu audition in the gym. He showed the video to his movie people. Apparently, it was such a hit, they wanted to move up the produ
ction date. The director, Quincy Wolf, insisted on coming along with Cheech to meet Jim. They all stayed at the table talking movie shop, and investors. Stacy stayed on the wagon, so we other three geezers adjourned to the bar. I could tell even Bone and Carlene were excited being in on the movie mogul meeting. Our regular bartender, Jerry, served three Bushmill’s doubles. We toasted and sipped, and it was good.
“Lo told me your run in the sand with Speedy, triggered all this with Jim the movie star.”
“We had another noteworthy plus this evening, Frank. We actually entered the restaurant tonight without a gun battle. You’re right though. My playmate Speedy triggered a few memories both pleasant and unpleasant. The good one seems to have launched Jim’s movie career for real. Even I know it’s weird for a guy like Quincy Wolf to come in person unless he smells blockbuster. Jim was very impressive in the gym facing down the celebrity boyfriend. Damn… he shocked me when he jumped, and bitch slapped Bret.”
“You think you were surprised,” Lo replied. “Did you see Bret’s face? He didn’t know what the hell to do. I could tell Jim’s been in the mix a few times. I suppose you received Carl’s update on Largos, huh?”
I nodded, finishing off my first, and pushing it forward for a refill, which Jerry took care of right away. “Yeah… I skimmed it before we left for the gym. The prick has a beautiful ranch hideout in Prescott. I’m thinking he may have the same stupid habits Chas Velez had in Nogales. What is it with these bastards and Arizona ranchland?”
“People mind their own business there, Rick,” Frank said. “I’ve done plenty of business with companies in Nevada and Arizona. If this Largos guy doesn’t upset the natives like the Velez character in Nogales you took care of, he probably goes completely undetected. His ranch could be a base from which everything passes through.”
“Very true, brother,” I admitted. Lo and I wanted this prick bad, but these kingpins with estates in the desert were hard to get at. I lucked out with Velez. I could tell in Lo’s face, and tight lipped frown, she was considering the same thing.
Rick Cantelli, PI: Into the Darkness (Rick Cantelli, P.I. Detectives Book 3) Page 26