Once upon a time, lying alone in bed, sometimes in tears, sometimes twisted with fury, she had planned what she would say if she ever came across Jack Thornfield again. That was years ago and now all of her well-planned responses rushed from her mind as fast as a beck over a crag face.
‘Hello, Beth. Please come in.’
She flinched. Jack wasn’t shouting now. He said her name confidently and gave her a professional smile as if they’d never met or ever shared anything extraordinary at all.
Chapter 4
Seconds later, she was still standing by the door and she still couldn’t see Jack properly. Not because of the brightness of the office but because tears were scalding the back of her eyes. Adrenaline was pumping through her veins. The urge to fight or run away was making her feel shaky, light-headed.
‘Beth—are you OK?’
She wasn’t nineteen, naïve and in love. She’d grown up and got over him and built a life. So why did her legs suddenly feel like ice cream on a hot day? Why was her heart hammering as though she’d just climbed to the top of a cliff?
‘I’m going. There’s been a mistake.’
Jack was already halfway across the room. ‘Hey there. Hold on a moment!’ he called, reaching out his hand.
‘I think you’ve got the wrong person.’
‘No. No mistake.’
Briefly his fingers rested on her sleeve and she snatched her arm away as if she’d been branded. Jack held up his hands, palms outward. ‘I can’t stop you from leaving, Beth, but wouldn’t it be a shame to do that, now you’ve traveled all this way? You don’t want a wasted journey, do you, not after three hundred miles?’
‘I’ll live, Jack. All I know is you’ve got me here under’—Beth was struggling to give what he’d done a name—‘false pretenses.’
‘I’m sorry if you think I’ve wasted your time, but you’re wrong if you think I lured you here under false pretenses…’
Beth wanted to scream. ‘I know you can’t possibly want to interview me and I don’t know why you asked me, but if it was some kind of whim…’
He shook his head. ‘Now, that’s not a good pitch, is it? Believe me, I did not get you here on a whim. You sent in your résumé—and yes, I know you didn’t know I was in charge.’
‘Obviously. Or I wouldn’t be here. And that wasn’t a pitch, so don’t flatter yourself. I’ve just decided I don’t want the job after all.’
‘I know what you must be thinking…’ he said carefully.
‘Do you?’ she cried, her voice sounding horribly high-pitched all of a sudden.
‘Beth, just for a moment, listen to me. I can understand why you’re upset and angry but—’
‘Understand why I’m angry? If you can, you’d never have…’ Her words trailed off as she teetered on the edge of letting Jack see how much he had once hurt her.
He sucked in a breath. ‘Beth, I can appreciate you’re upset about what happened between us, but just for a moment, let’s forget the past. I need a new product manager and I’m interested in what you have to offer. Your résumé is very impressive,’ he went on, quickly back in control, the perfect player as ever. ‘So if you’re serious about having a job here, you’ll have to bite the bullet and stay, I’m afraid.’
Right now, all Beth could think of were the hopes she’d had when she’d set off that morning, all the things that were riding on this time away from her family. Jack had shattered her dreams once before; now he’d let her down again, when it mattered most.
‘Jack, I’m going to say this politely and one last time. If you think that getting me down here for some twisted reason of your own is ethical or professional, you’re misguided.’
‘Beth—’
She ignored him. ‘If you think I want to work for a company whose chief exec treats his employees like you have just treated me, you’re out of your mind. I won’t be used by you again, no matter how much I might want a job with your company. You can forget it. This interview’s over and you can tell your PA I ended it. Would you mind moving, please?’ she asked, as if he were a stranger blocking her way in the street.
Doubt flickered across his eyes and there was a horrible moment when she thought he might reach out and physically stop her from leaving. Instead, he took a step sideways, leaving her just enough room to squeeze past. Her hand was curved tightly around the handle of the door as his next words, spoken to her back, resonated through her body.
‘Are you absolutely sure you want to walk away from this?’
She wrenched open the door and felt warm air from the corridor heating her face.
‘I’ve never been more sure about anything.’
As she closed the door on him, the click seemed to fill the empty corridor. She felt moisture against her cheek and wiped it hurriedly on her sleeve. Then she quickened her stride, her heart racing in dread that Martha might appear and ask her what the matter was. Moments later, she was in the lift, punching the button for the ground floor. The glass cage bobbed, the doors whooshed open, and she was back down to earth again.
Freya glanced up hastily from the computer as she approached the desk, her head held high.
‘Would you mind getting my case, please?’ she asked.
‘Erm… right now?’
‘Yes, please. If you could.’
‘No problemo,’ said Freya, taking a key from her desk and starting to unlock the storeroom. ‘How did it go? How did you get on with He Who Must Be Obeyed? You didn’t seem to be in there long, if you don’t mind me saying.’
Beth used her last ounce of self-control to smile at Freya, wondering how she kept her amazing sense of humor while working for Jack. ‘He was called to an urgent meeting so we had to cut the interview short,’ she said, not caring that her lie might soon be found out.
‘Oh God, what a pain!’ exclaimed Freya, her eyes full of concern as she handed over the bag. ‘Can’t you come back tomorrow?’
Beth seized her case and tightened her fingers round the handle until her knuckles whitened. ‘I don’t know, but maybe it’s for the best. I’m not sure working here is the right thing for me, after all.’
Chapter 5
Somehow, Beth managed to find the hotel which had been booked for her by Martha. She’d trudged around the West End for who knew how long, gazing in shop windows at clothes she couldn’t afford and didn’t really need. Thousands of people flowed around her, leaving her stranded as they went about their lives, shopping, doing deals, talking, holding hands.
Wandering the streets had been an escape, she realized as she pushed open the door of her hotel room later that day. While she’d been surrounded by strangers, she’d been able to hold herself together. Pretend she was just another girl up in town for the day on business, hitting the shops on her lunch break, maybe off to a bar later for a night out with the girls.
Now, alone in her hotel room, the façade crumbled to dust. Kicking off the evil heels, she flung herself on the bed and sobbed, not caring who might hear. A hundred questions raced through her mind. What did Jack want by dragging her all this way? What could he hope to achieve? Did he think she’d fall at his feet and be grateful he’d even considered her for the job?
‘I hate you, Jack!’ she shouted to the empty hotel room. ‘I hate you…’ The words trailed off into the pillow and finally she abandoned herself to big, loud sobs that weren’t only for today’s disappointed hopes. She knew, deep down, they were for the past too.
***
Hours later, Beth woke to find the bed and night stand littered with damp tissues. Her clothes were a crumpled mess; her eyes were gritty and the early evening sun was slanting in through the plate-glass windows. She lay on the bed for a while, trying to find the energy to get up, before fishing her phone out of her bag and reluctantly turning it on. What if Jack had called? Or Louisa had phoned to ask her how she’d got on? What would she say to her sister? She knew they’d be disappointed to hear she hadn’t got the job. They’d be stunned if they found out s
he hadn’t even given it a shot. She’d have to lie. But then, she reminded herself, that’s what you got from messing with Jack Thornfield.
After a shower, she pulled on jeans and a T-shirt, dug her wedges from the depths of her bag, and closed the door on her room. The concierge pointed her in the direction of the nearest cinema. In the dark, she sat among smooching couples, halfheartedly watching a Bond film with a tray of nachos and a Dr. Pepper.
Back in her room, she flicked on the phone again to find a message from her sister.
Well? Lou x
Beth texted back.
Will have 2 w8 and c B x
Well, she consoled herself, it wasn’t exactly lying, was it?
Later as she drifted in and out of sleep, she dreamed she had a writhing Jack strapped to a table in a futuristic laboratory. She was laughing maniacally and aiming a laser gun at his crotch, as a countdown blared out above her head. He was giving her his raised eyebrow look and trying to persuade her not to push the button while the countdown droned on. ‘Ten seconds and counting…’ All she knew was that the whole world would explode if she didn’t zap Jack soon…
‘God!’
Her hand slapped down on the phone, which was buzzing fit to burst on the pillow next to her. The clock read seven-thirty and she still hadn’t pulled the trigger and blown Jack away.
‘Uh…’
‘Beth?’
‘Um… hello, Marcus…’
‘You sound weird.’
‘Oh, sorry, I’m under the duvet,’ she mumbled, poking out her head. ‘And it’s um… quite early, really.’
‘Yes. Well. I apologize, but I came into work first thing to get some paperwork done before the day starts. We’re clinching a deal on a fleet of Audis for an accountancy practice and I won’t have a moment later.’
She rubbed her eyes. They felt like sand had been thrown in them. In fact, her whole body felt abraded from the inside out.
‘And, of course, I wanted to know how you’d got on with the job,’ he said ominously.
Her heart sank. Oh God, he knew…
‘You see, Beth, I called round to the bike shop last night. Your dad told me you’d gone to London for an interview. I tried you last night, but your phone was switched off.’
She felt like crawling into a hole. No wonder Marcus sounded so distant. He must be furious with her for just taking off, and she couldn’t say she blamed him. She knew she should have discussed her plans with him—except she’d already guessed what his reaction would be. None of that mattered now she’d blown her chances out of the water with Jack. She propped herself up on one arm. ‘I’m really sorry. I know I should have told you I was coming down here.’
‘It would have helped,’ he said deliberately.
‘I was going to tell you, but… I didn’t want to upset you.’
‘Actually, not knowing was worse.’
‘We’ll talk about it when I get back, I promise,’ she soothed, about to put him out of his misery and confess she’d decided against the job anyway.
‘So where were you last night? With them?’
‘I… I went to the cinema,’ said Beth, propping herself up on the pillows. ‘To see a Bond film,’ she added unnecessarily.
There was a silence on the end of the phone.
‘Well?’ he said.
‘Well what?’
‘How did you get on? Have you got the job?’
‘Erm… not exactly.’
She almost heard the relieved sigh. Poor Marcus. ‘I have to say I’m glad, actually. So you’ll be back home tonight?’
She couldn’t blame him for being annoyed and upset. She should have trusted him with her plans but there was something about the tone of his voice—the way he expected the answer to be yes—that was making her hold back.
‘You don’t need to take this job, of course,’ he went on as she hesitated. ‘I know why you’re doing it and you know I could help you out.’
Dismay flowed through her. Marcus meant well, but this wasn’t what she wanted. She didn’t know what she wanted, but a choice would have been good. Suddenly, she was no longer absolutely certain what that choice should be.
‘Beth, are you sure you’re not ill or something?’
‘I’m fine,’ she said with a sigh. ‘It’s just early. I’m not thinking straight and I haven’t slept well.’
‘Guilty conscience?’
‘Air-conditioning.’
‘Hmm. So, I’ll collect you from the station about 8 p.m.? I believe that’s the train your dad said you’d planned on taking? I should be all done with the new clients by then.’
‘Well, no. Actually, I’m not sure when I’ll be home, Marcus,’ she heard herself saying.
‘Why not?’
She crossed her fingers and hoped a thunderbolt wouldn’t strike her down. ‘Because when I said I hadn’t got the job what I actually meant was that they haven’t interviewed me properly yet.’ She felt sick even as she said it. ‘The managing director was called away to an emergency, and they asked me if I might be able to go back later today and—’
‘That’s very inconvenient. Bloody rude too, in my humble opinion.’
‘Yes, it is. Very. But it can’t be helped and… oh, Marcus, I want this job.’
It wasn’t a lie, she acknowledged even as the words slipped out. She did want it. She wanted it a lot. Because if she didn’t get it, she was letting Jack win. She was allowing her feelings for him to ruin her chance of a great career, the chance to help her family out, to be independent. By running away, she was allowing Jack to control her.
Marcus’s voice came again, sounding tight and annoyed. ‘Forgive me, Beth. You think you need this job. We’ll talk more about this when you get home. I still say there’s no need for it. Call me when you get to the station.’
Sighing, she ended the call. She could just picture him, shaking his head, annoyed at her, exasperated but indulgent. Marcus was the type of man who didn’t think a woman should shoulder the responsibility of a household. He’d always made it plain that was a man’s job. He didn’t exactly think she should be tied to the kitchen sink, but she knew he’d rather she dabbled at something than took on a demanding career.
She sat on the bed, surrounded by scattered clothes, empty wrappers and bottles from the mini-bar. Was this the mess that was her life? She’d come down here to get a job she knew she deserved to have. To help her family. And what had she done? Allowed Jack Thornfield to turn her dreams upside down again.
As the digits on the bedside clock rolled to 11 a.m., Beth found herself still perched on the edge of the bed. A cup of cold coffee stood beside her and little balls of paper littered the duvet where she’d rehearsed and discarded what she was going to say.
Her finger hovered above the green ‘dial’ button on her phone. Outside a car backfired, making her heart thump harder. She took a deep breath, pushed the telephone symbol, and pressed the phone to her ear.
‘Good morning. Jack Thornfield’s office.’
‘Um… Good morning. It’s Beth Allen. Is that Martha?’
Martha sounded concerned. ‘Ah… Beth. Are you feeling better? Jack said you felt unwell during the interview and had to go back to your hotel. You should have called me. We could have had the company nurse take a look at you.’
‘That’s very kind of you but it’s OK. It was just a migraine. I’m feeling fine now.’
Her heart flipped. She’d wondered just how Jack had explained her sudden disappearance from the office. Had he deliberately left the door open for her? Did he know she might call back? Or was he just protecting himself?
‘Would you like to rearrange the interview?’ said Martha.
‘Is that possible?’ she asked, hardly daring to hope she could get the meeting rescheduled via Martha without even speaking to Jack.
‘Well, let me take a look at his calendar. Hold on a moment, please.’
She held her breath in suspense. Once she’d made up her mind after Marcus’
s phone call, she’d become as frantic to have another chance as she had been to blow the first away. She wanted the job; she sure as hell was desperate for the money, and, it was no use denying it, she wanted to show Jack she was over him. Perhaps, a voice whispered to her as she waited for Martha, she needed to prove it to herself.
‘Hello, Beth.’
At Jack’s voice, her stomach whooshed and all her rehearsed replies fluttered from her mind.
‘I was hoping we could talk?’ she managed.
There was a pause. ‘Yes. But it will have to be later. I’ve got a conference for most of today. I’ll be back about six. Is that too late?’
She knew she would have to get a later train, but it couldn’t be helped now. ‘No. I mean, yes. That’s OK.’
‘Six, then. My office. Come straight up.’
‘Yes,’ she said, her heart racing. ‘Is this a formal interview?’
‘Do you want it to be?’
‘Yes. Yes I do.’ Her throat felt dry suddenly. She caught sight of the pieces of paper that had slithered onto the carpet. ‘Jack, we have to get something very clear first.’
‘Say it, then.’
‘I want you to interview me as if you’ve never met me before. As if I were just another candidate. No favors, no special treatment.’
There was a silence of a few seconds that echoed round the hotel room.
‘I wouldn’t dream of doing anything else.’
The line went dead as she sat, trying to make sense of the roller coaster ride of events and emotions of the past twenty-four hours. She thrust her phone in her handbag, crossed to the window, and stared out over the London skyline. However it had happened, she’d got what she wanted: a second chance at the job, on her terms.
Chapter 6
Beth spent the day wandering around the Natural History Museum (free), window-shopping in Oxford Street (also free), and sitting in Starbucks (almost free, if she made a latte and granola bar last an hour). When she finally pushed her way into the Big Outdoors foyer, Freya was not on reception; instead, a security guard waved her up to Jack’s office. This time, Beth barely had time to lift her hand to knock before he opened the door. He couldn’t have been back from his conference long, she guessed, because he still had his suit jacket on, complete with security pass pinned to the lapel.
Wish You Were Here Page 3