A Beginner's Guide To Salad

by Jennifer Joyce

  ‘Are you talking about Erin?’ Jared narrowed his eyes and even though there was only a hint of vivid blue through the slits, they were still breathtaking. ‘Did she tell you that?’

  She had. I remembered too clearly the phone call in which she had told me she could barely walk, and how could I forget the love bite? But the look on Jared’s face told me I shouldn’t admit that.

  ‘No, of course she didn’t. I just assumed that the two of you went out and…’

  ‘And I jumped into bed with her?’ His eyes narrowed further, his lips a thin, mean line. I stepped back, sorry that I had offended him. ‘I don’t jump into bed with women.’ His face softened suddenly and he winked at me. ‘I’m not that sort of boy.’ Grabbing his cup of coffee, he marched out of the room, leaving behind a strange air. I stood for a moment, trying to figure out what had happened and how I had angered him over a simple assumption. Giving a shrug of my shoulders, I made Kelvin’s coffee, filled a plate with chocolate digestives and returned to my office. The phone was ringing so I dumped the coffee and biscuits on my desk to answer it.

  ‘Is my dumpy bastard of a husband there?’

  It was Susan Shuttleworth and, from her tone and language, I didn’t dare wind her up that day. ‘I’m afraid he isn’t, Susan. He had to go out for a meeting with Barnsley and Grotton. Can I pass on a message?’

  ‘Yes. You can tell the podgy prick that I’ll have the divorce papers ready by the end of the week.’

  I squealed with delight at the unexpected nugget of gossip, but luckily Susan had already slammed down the phone and didn’t hear. Picking up the coffee and biscuits, I skipped into Kelvin’s office and placed them carefully on his desk.

  ‘Susan just phoned.’ I kept my tone light, as though it was nothing important.

  ‘Oh, right. I hope you told her to where to go.’ Kelvin snatched a chocolate digestive, sinking his teeth into it and sending crumbs cascading down his tie.

  ‘She asked me to pass on a message.’ The corners of my mouth itched, dying to spread their wings and display my delight across my face.

  ‘Come on then, spit it out.’ To demonstrate, Kelvin showered me with damp biscuit crumbs.

  ‘She said she’ll have the divorce papers ready by the end of the week.’

  I took a couple of steps back, expecting fireworks to fly, but Kelvin dropped his half eaten biscuit onto the paperwork on his desk and threw back his head, his round stomach and jowls wobbling as he roared with laughter.

  ‘Divorce? Is that what she said?’ Kelvin removed his glasses and wiped tears of mirth from his eyes. ‘I should be so bloody lucky.’

  I left Kelvin tittering to himself, easing the door closed behind me before I rang Erin. ‘I have gossip.’

  ‘Work or home?’

  ‘Work.’

  Erin gave a gasp. ‘Sounds like skive o’clock to me. Meet me on the bench. You bring the coffee, I’ll bring the chocolate.’

  I was supposed to be dieting but I hadn’t worked out a new plan yet and this was a special occasion, so I tore into the Snickers and took two huge bites while Erin waited patiently. I took my time, dislodging a nut from my back tooth with my tongue as Erin’s patience wore thin. Her foot tapped and she arched her thin eyebrows at me as I took a gulp of coffee.

  ‘Kelvin and Susan are getting divorced.’

  Erin’s eyebrows drooped and she leant in towards me, looking more concerned than delighted. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘I heard it from the donkey’s mouth. Susan told me herself. She says the divorce papers will be ready by the end of the week.’

  ‘And she wasn’t kidding?’

  I gave a tut. ‘When has Susan Shuttleworth ever cracked a joke?’

  Erin nodded and gave a sigh as I finished off my Snickers. ‘It’s a shame, really, if you think about it.’

  ‘Is it?’ They were both vile people, and Kelvin was knocking off Angelina and probably any old slapper he could get his paws on. It was hardly a marriage to aspire to.

  ‘Well, you know me. I’m never getting married, but if I did, it may as well be for life. What’s the point otherwise?’

  ‘That’s way too deep for this time in the morning.’ Draining my coffee, I rose from the bench, about to return to the office. Spreading gossip wasn’t nearly as much fun when it turned serious. Remembering my conversation with Jared, I sat back down, pulling Erin with me. ‘Did you sleep with Jared?’

  ‘Why? Are you interested in him after all?’ Erin grinned at me while I sent a silent plea to my cheeks to behave.

  ‘No. I told you I wasn’t.’

  ‘Good. Because he’s gay.’

  It took a moment for Erin’s words to sink in. ‘But you said you’d slept with him.’

  ‘Did I? When?’

  ‘When the two of you had that night out.’ She’d clearly said they’d had sex and quite rampant too by the sound of the aftereffects.

  ‘I had sex that night, yes. But not with Jared. I obviously gave it a go – who wouldn’t? – but it turns out he’s not into girls.’

  Jared’s words in the kitchen floated back into my mind. I don’t jump into bed with women and I’m not that sort of boy. No, clearly he wasn’t. He was the kind of boy who jumped into bed with other boys.

  ‘He’s gay.’ Strangely, the revelation was a relief rather than a disappointment. I never stood a chance with Jared, gay or straight, but at least now my crush wouldn’t get in the way of our friendship. Jealousy would no longer blacken my mood – and think of the shopping trips!

  ‘Yes but he isn’t a feather-boa-wearing, shout-it-from-the-rooftops gay, so keep it quiet. I’m not even sure if he’s out or not.’

  I mimed zipping my lips closed. ‘I won’t say a word.’

  My new-found knowledge gave me the confidence to ring Jared as soon as I was back in my office to invite him out for a drink after work. We met down in reception and walked across to The Bonnie Dundee, which was as empty as ever. We sat by the window and I decided to get straight to the point.

  ‘I’m trying to lose weight.’ Jared looked taken aback by my sudden admission but I kept going, explaining about the reunion and the bullying I’d suffered while at school. For some reason, I kept Zack to myself, not wanting to admit I was doing this for a man. I no longer felt embarrassed about pointing out my figure with neon fat signs to Jared, as there was no possibility of him finding me attractive whether I was fat or thin.

  ‘I was bullied at school too.’

  I choked on my diet coke, snorting bubbles out of my nose. Jared wasn’t the kind of person I expected to be a victim of bullying. He was gorgeous and in fantastic shape. Had he been really ugly as a child? But then I remembered his sexual orientation. Kids could be cruel little shits and would use any slight ‘difference’ to pick out a kid to torment.

  ‘I was into ballet. It’s all I wanted to do when I grew up. I was pretty good too but I broke my ankle when I was seventeen. It was a bad break and it weakened my ankle and destroyed my career.’

  I found myself reaching across to give Jared’s hand a squeeze. ‘I’m so sorry. That must have been hard to deal with.’

  ‘It was. The worse thing was, I almost gave up myself, a few years before. The bullying got so bad that I was going to give up dancing. I was battered on an almost daily basis, always outside of school and with a crowd watching and laughing. I just wanted it to stop. I loved ballet, loved how it made me feel when I performed and I’d worked so hard since I was little, but I couldn’t take it any more. It was the humiliation more than the actual punches and kicks.’

  ‘What made you decide to keep going?’

  Jared smiled, his whole face lighting up despite his story. ‘I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t give up something I loved so much. I wanted to dance more than anything and so that’s what I did.’

  I stared at Jared with renewed awe, more out of admiration of his strength and commitment than his beauty this time. I wished I was as strong as Jared, that I could be who I was
no matter what other people thought of me. I also wished that Jared wasn’t gay because right at that moment, more so now that I knew him a little better, I wanted to throw my arms around Jared and kiss him.

  TWENTY-ONE

  Jared

  Jared had been a member of the Roxy Fitness Centre since he’d started working at H. Woods. The multi-storey gym was located at the entrance of the business park, meaning Jared could fit a workout in before or after work without going out of his way. Despite the ankle injury destroying his dancing career, Jared had kept up his fitness regime ever since. It had been strange discussing his old aspirations with Ruth as he never really dwelled on them anymore. He’d had tougher heartache to deal with in recent years so his love of dance had been put to the back of his mind, along with the taunts he’d endured throughout his childhood. The other kids didn’t understand his passion and had assumed he was gay and they’d tried to take away their disgust by beating him repeatedly. They’d perceived Jared as being weak, but he was far from it. His love of dance was so strong that he wouldn’t let them win, although in his most bitter moments after his injury he’d thought he may as well have given up back then and saved himself the bruises.

  Jared had felt a connection as he’d sat chatting to Ruth in the pub, which was strange as he’d started off the morning full of anger towards her after she’d suggested he slept around. He hadn’t slept with anyone since Frances – how could he when he still loved her and would do anything to get her back? But they’d shared something that evening and Jared felt a bond forming. He understood Ruth’s pain and she understood his and so when she had asked for his help, he’d been happy to assist.

  ‘I’d been praying it wouldn’t come to this.’ Ruth’s usual cheerful demeanour had vanished, replaced by slumped shoulders, a glum expression and shuffled steps as they headed towards the entrance of the gym. A few days had passed since Jared suggested she join but Ruth had yet to come round to the idea.

  ‘You’ll be fine. You might even enjoy it.’

  Ruth pulled a face as Jared opened the door and allowed herself to shuffle into the reception area. A blonde woman with a swishy ponytail and gleaming white teeth greeted them.

  ‘Hi. I’m here to…’ Ruth swallowed hard. She couldn’t even bring herself to say the words out loud. They’d sound ridiculous coming from her fat mouth.

  ‘She’d like to join the gym.’ Jared stepped forward to help, fearing Ruth would bolt from the building if it were left to her.

  ‘Fantastic! If you could fill out this form, making sure you enter your bank details carefully, I’ll see if we have a trainer available to show you around and give you a fitness assessment.’

  Ruth’s face had drained of colour as soon as the fitness assessment was mentioned and she was barely able to breathe, let alone speak, so Jared thanked the receptionist and grabbed the clipboard and pen before guiding Ruth to the set of chairs beneath the noticeboard. She filled the form in with shaking hands before the receptionist took her photo and handed her a membership card.

  ‘If you’d like to follow Courtney, he’ll explain how everything works.’

  Courtney was sickeningly gorgeous; tall and broad with smooth brown skin and a wide, dazzling smile but while he was muscly, he wasn’t overly Hulk-like. Jared noticed Ruth’s enthusiasm leap up a notch as the trainer shook her hand and introduced himself. She could barely spit out her name as she gawped up at the man and Jared felt himself turning away, unable to witness the adoration on her face.

  ‘How about a tour of the place?’ Ruth nodded, mouth agape, at Courtney’s suggestion and duly followed him around the premises. Jared had seen it all before, of course, but it was new to Ruth and her enthusiasm waned with every room they entered. She turned a deeper shade of green with every piece of equipment she spotted and looked terrified by the time they made it back down to the ground floor.

  ‘Are you ok?’ Jared gave her hand a squeeze as she nodded, her wide eyes telling a different story. ‘You’ll be alright. I’ll be with you.’

  ‘Shall we pop in here for your fitness assessment? It shouldn’t take too long.’ Courtney opened one of the doors close to the reception desk, holding it open while Ruth plodded inside as though she were being led to her execution.

  ‘Is your boyfriend coming in with us or would you rather he waited out here?’

  Ruth snorted, the noise jabbing Jared in the gut. ‘He’s not my boyfriend.’ She giggled at Jared while he tried hard not to appear wounded. Was it so ridiculous that she would be attracted to him? She hesitated a moment, trying to weigh up the pros and cons of having Jared witness the humiliation of her fitness assessment. ‘Would you mind waiting out here?’

  ‘No. Of course not.’ Jared took a step back and the door was closed behind them. He wandered to the chairs in reception, sitting down and returning the receptionist’s smile. She wiggled her fingers in a wave and gave a giggle before she busied herself with work. Jared swivelled in his seat and read the notices above him two or three times and then Ruth and Courtney emerged from the room.

  ‘So we’ll repeat the assessment in six weeks to see how you’re getting on. I’ll take you through to the women’s gym and go through some warm ups and show you how to use the equipment.’

  Jared had risen from his seat as the door opened but he sat back down again at Courtney’s words. ‘I’ll meet you back out here then,’ he told Ruth and she gave a wobbly smile in reply.

  ‘We’ll be about an hour or so,’ Courtney told him so Jared decided to head to the weights room in the meantime. He’d sometimes pop into one of the equipment rooms to have a run on the treadmill, but the weights room was where he spent most of his time while at the gym. He’d barely begun his workout before he was back in reception and found Ruth waiting for him, her pink sports bag by her feet as she sat on one of the chairs.

  ‘How was it?’ he asked as they made their way out of the building.

  Ruth gave a shrug. ‘It was ok, I guess. Not as bad as I thought it was going to be. And how hot is Courtney?’

  Jared felt his lips twitching but he stopped them before they pulled up into a sneer. ‘I can’t say he’s my type. Do you want a lift home?’

  ‘Thanks. That’d be great.’

  They wandered across to H. Woods’ car park and climbed into Jared’s car, Ruth chatting about the fitness assessment and the scary looking equipment, mentioning Courtney’s calves on more than one occasion. Jared felt that jab in the gut again. He prided himself on his calves. She continued to chatter for the duration of the drive, only stopping as Jared pulled up outside her house.

  ‘So we’re going for our first session at the gym tomorrow then?’

  Ruth nodded, the colour draining from her face. ‘I suppose so, yes.’

  ‘What do you fancy doing first?’

  Ruth unbuckled her seatbelt and grabbed her sports bag. ‘The sauna?’

  ‘I was thinking more along the lines of a workout.’

  ‘I think I’ll stick with the safety of the women’s gym. I don’t want any menfolk catching a glimpse of my tree-trunk thighs.’

  ‘Don’t be daft.’

  ‘I’m not being daft. I’m being realistic.’ She opened the door and swung her legs round to step onto the pavement. ‘Thanks for the lift. I’ll see you in reception at five tomorrow.’

  Jared waved as Ruth backed away from the car, waiting until she was inside her house before he let his face fall. He couldn’t help feeling disappointed. He’d been looking forward to spending time with Ruth without work or Erin as distractions, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen with Ruth holed up in the women-only gym.

  His sister lived quite close to Ruth, so Jared decided to pop by on a whim, not feeling up to spending the evening alone with his memories. Being in Ruth’s company left him confused. He liked her more than he’d liked any woman since Frances and he enjoyed spending time with her. She was fun and laid back, and when he was with her Jared felt the old spark of happiness
beginning to ignite. Although his feelings for Ruth were nothing compared to his feelings for Frances, he couldn’t deny that he’d been jealous as she’d rattled on about Courtney and his manly calves. He had manly calves! He’d been a dancer for years and he’d kept his body in top condition ever since, but it seemed Ruth wasn’t attracted to him in the slightest. It shouldn’t have bothered him. He wasn’t supposed to be interested in other women. But it did. It bothered him quite a bit, which only made him feel bad about Frances. She was the love of his life and even though he knew she would never come back to him, he felt disloyal.

  Ally and Gavin lived in a little flat above a hairdressers on the main road. He rang the bell and was buzzed up by his brother-in-law.

  ‘Ally’s not in. She’s over at Freya’s. Man trouble or something.’

  ‘Again?’ Jared followed Gavin through to the tiny sitting room and flopped onto the old leather sofa.

  ‘She’s broken up with the latest. Mick? Josh?’ Gavin gave a shrug. ‘I can’t keep up. Beer or coffee?’

  ‘Coffee, please.’ In the mood he was in, Jared knew one beer wouldn’t be enough. It wouldn’t be enough until he was passed out, all thoughts of Frances banished through his drunkenness.

  ‘So what’s up?’ Gavin placed the coffees on the little side table squeezed under the window and joined Jared on the sofa.

  ‘Nothing. Why?’

  ‘I’ve known you long enough to know when there’s something bothering you.’

  He was right, of course. Jared and Gavin had always got along well, more like proper brothers really. When he and Frances had become engaged, he’d asked Gavin to be his best man. Not that he’d needed Gavin’s services in the end.

  Jared threw back his head with a sigh, covering his eyes with his hands. ‘It’s that girl I was telling you about. Do you remember?’