A rumble of laughter rolls through me. “Made you stay? Jenna Abbott, I caught on pretty damn quick that no one can tell you what to do.” I kiss the top of her head. “Except that little boy of yours. Seems like Noah has you wrapped around his little finger.”
Jenna doesn’t say anything. She’s quiet for long enough that I think she’s fallen asleep. When she does start talking again, she changes the subject.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure. About what?”
“About the club.” Her hand goes to my chest. “How much can women know about club business?”
I think about it. “Old ladies can know a fair amount,” I say carefully.
She raises her head to look at me. “Am I your old lady?”
“You want to be?” I ask her. “I sure as shit know I can't make you do anything you don't want to do.”
Her eyes shine in the dark. “Yes. I want to be.”
“Well, then. There you are.” I kiss her deeply. “You taste sweeter as my old lady.”
“I wonder if I’ll feel different as your old lady,” she says saucily, wiggling her eyebrows at me. I’m instantly hard.
“Only one way to find out,” I say, reaching for her.
26
Jenna
“So, can I ask you about the club?” I say as we lie in the dark.
“You’re my old lady. You can always ask.” Cas pauses. “Old habits die hard, though. I’m not used to telling anyone anything about the Lords. What do you want to know?”
“Just… what’s it like, being in an MC?”
“Being in an MC, or being in this one?”
“This one, I guess.”
Part of me expects him to just brush me off, but he doesn’t. “Huh. It’s… like a family. Although the club doesn’t feel much like a family these days,” he says darkly.
“How so?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Everything’s tense. Seems like everyone’s out for themselves instead of a brotherhood like it’s supposed to be.”
Cas mentions a few names and how some of them are getting pissed about money issues. He talks a little about how the club is starting to have pressure from outside for the first time, with a rival club moving into territory south of town, too close to Tanner Springs for comfort. In a voice tinged with bitterness, he says that Rock doesn't seem to notice, or if he does he doesn’t seem to care.
I’m feeling awkward and nervous about bringing up what I have to. But I also recognize that Cas just gave me the best opening I’m likely to get.
“So… the deal you voted on yesterday,” I say slowly. “About the loan to my dad for the development. Is that part of the tension?”
Cas sits up and looks at me sharply, his eyes gleaming in the dark. “How do you know about that?”
I freeze for a second, trying to think of a good excuse, but I realize I can’t lie to Cas. “My dad came by to talk to me,” I admit. “He asked me to try to convince the club to change their minds.”
Cas frowns. “It’s already been voted on.” His expression is frank. “I was one of the ones who voted against it. I’m sorry, Jenna, but it didn’t feel right.” He sighed. “Angel voted against it too, by the way.”
I nod. “I know.” Shit. I’m feeling like I’m between a rock and a hard place. I don’t want to try to push Cas in a direction he doesn’t want to go. I don’t know the details of this deal, but I trust Cas’s judgment. If he feels like there’s something off about it, he might be right.
Hell, knowing my father, I wouldn’t be surprised.
Still. I told Dad that I’d try to help him.
So I do.
“Was the vote close?” I ask.
Cas lets out a breath. “Yeah.”
“Well…” I murmur, hating myself a little, “Can you put it up to a vote again?”
Cas is about to respond when there’s a noise at the door. I look over to see that the doorknob is turning. “Holy shit!” I whisper, clutching the sheet to me, but Cas stops me.
“It’s okay,” he says. “I locked the door.”
“Mommy?” Noah’s little voice comes from the other side.
“Yes, bug?” I motion for Cas to put something on. He reaches down and grabs his boxer briefs from the pile of clothes on the floor.
“I’m scared!”
“Okay, honey, just a second!” Looking around frantically, I find my panties and put them on, then in desperation pull Cas’s T-shirt over my head. It hangs down almost as long as a dress on me.
Cas looks over and gives me a low whistle. “Nice,” he says appreciatively.
“Mommy!”
“Coming!” I unlock the door and open it to find Noah clutching Chip-Chip, his eyes wide and frightened.
“I heard noises. I heard people talking.”
Oh. We woke him up, I guess. Apparently we weren’t whispering as softly as I thought we were.
“It’s okay, baby. It was just Cas and me talking.”
The words slip out before I really think about what I’m saying. I still hadn’t figured out whether I was going to have Cas stay tomorrow to be here when Noah woke up, but I guess that problem’s solved now, for better or worse.
But if I thought having to explain to Noah why he stayed was going to be difficult, it turns out I was wrong. Without a word, Noah toddles over to the bed and gets in, curling up to Cas for protection.
I freeze, and wait for Cas’s reaction. I’m not sure what I’m expecting, but I watch in amazement as he puts his muscled arm around Noah and settles him in so he can sleep between us.
The two of them look so natural like that that I freeze for a moment, just watching them together. My God, it’s so obvious they’re father and son to anyone who looks closely. Noah has Cas’s eyes, and his dark hair. Even his jawline looks like a miniature version of Cas’s square one.
“That’s because we’re buddies, right?” I can hear Cas saying to Noah earlier tonight. Buddies. Suddenly, I want to cry. How will I ever tell Cas Noah’s his son? How will I ever manage to explain to him why I didn’t tell him right away? How could I have left it so long? I think in desperation. Things are going so well between us. Somewhere along the way, I think I’ve fallen in love with him. Now, I can’t see any way to tell him about Noah that won’t ruin everything.
I watch as Noah snuggles into the pillow, his thumb sneaking toward his mouth. My God, what will I do — what will we do — if I’ve ruined the possibility of a future with Cas? What if telling Cas that I kept this a secret from him for almost five years makes him so angry that he leaves us?
“Cas!” I blurt out, even though it’s impossible, I can’t tell him now with Noah here between us. But he puts a finger to his lips.
“Sshhh!” he whispers, motioning for me to come over. “Come on, let’s go to sleep.”
So, because there’s nothing I can do right now, I get into bed and watch as Cas calms Noah until he falls asleep.
When finally Noah’s breathing begins to even out, Cas looks up to find me staring at him. “What?” he says.
I’m seconds from telling him. If Noah wasn’t between us, I would do it. But I just can’t. Not when everything feels so right. I can’t bear to wreck everything right now.
Instead, I give him a little smile. “It’s just crazy to see you like this. The big bad MC man. I never pictured you as the family type.”
He shrugged. “I never had much of a family growing up. My dad and my grandma raised me, but I was kind of an afterthought. A family is something I always wanted. That's why I joined the MC.”
I knew his grandmother and his dad growing up, from seeing them around town, but I didn’t know much else about Cas’s family life. I resist the urge to tell him I’m sorry.
“But brotherhood has nothing on this,” he continues with a grin. “C’mon, we should go to sleep. I wore you the hell out already tonight.”
“Do you want to move Noah?” I ask him.
“Nah. Let him sleep here. He’s n
ot hurting anyone. Though,” he smirks, “you could do with a bigger bed.”
We pull the covers over us, and I lie in the darkness for close to an hour, my head a swirl of conflicting emotions. I listen to Noah’s and Cas’s deep, even breathing and tell myself to remember this, to record every second of this, and how it feels. Because I’m afraid it can’t last. And even though it will be painful as hell to remember it after it’s over, right now it’s the most beautiful moment of my life.
27
Cas
The next morning, the three of us are eating breakfast — pancakes, because Noah asked for them, and bacon, because hello, bacon — when Jenna suddenly says, “Uh-oh.”
“What?” I set down my coffee mug and look at her curiously.
“Uh. I just thought of something.” She glances at Noah. “Bug, Cas and I are going to go in the bedroom for a couple minutes to talk about something. You holler if you need anything, okay?”
Noah rolls his eyes. “Mom, if it’s grown-up stuff, you don’t need to leave. It’s too boring for me to listen to, anyway.”
I laugh. “You got a point, Noah.” But I get up and follow Jenna into the bedroom, anyway.
“You sure this isn’t just an excuse to get me into bed?” I murmur as I grab her ass.
“Sadly, no,” she shakes her head. “I just thought of something kind of… I don’t know. Weird.”
“What is it?”
She sits down on the bed and I sit with her. “You know when my dad came over a couple days ago to talk to me about the loan deal with the club?”
“Yeah.” I still don’t know what to do about it like Jenna asked me to, and I’m a little afraid she’s going to ask me about it.
“Well,” she continues, “The whole conversation with him felt really weird to me at the time. I couldn’t figure out why he thought I would have any influence with the club. Why he thought I’d be able to change their minds.” She looks at me, her expression strange. “He said, ‘You have Angel’s ear. And Casper’s.’ I didn’t think about it much at the time, but the more I think about it, the more it bugs me. There’s no way he should know I’d have your ear. I’m almost positive he shouldn’t know about you and me.”
“Huh.” I’m quiet for a moment, thinking. “So you think, what? That Angel’s figured out about us? You think he told your dad?” I ask.
“I dunno,” she frowns. “No, not really. It doesn’t make sense. If he does know about us, he sure hasn’t said anything to me about it. You’d think he’d have asked one of us to make sure, first.”
I turn it over in my head for a few seconds. “Yeah, I don’t think it was Angel,” I say finally. “Something tells me he won’t take it quietly, when he does find out.”
“You think he’s going to want to fight you?” Jenna looks at me.
“Yeah. But don’t worry about it. It’ll be fine. He’ll land a few punches, and we’ll call it a day.” I wasn’t really sure it’d be dealt with that easily, but no reason to alarm Jenna about that now.
“So, if it’s not Angel — and like I said, I don’t think it is — what do you think is going on?” I ask.
“I’m not sure,” she says slowly. “Maybe Dad’s having me watched, or something?”
“That’s fucked up,” I say angrily. “Who would have someone spying on their own kid?”
“Yeah, I know. It does sound crazy, but I can’t think of anything else.” She shakes her head. “The thing is, I get the feeling my dad’s involved in something. Maybe something bad.” She meets my gaze. “He seemed really desperate for this loan with the Lords to go through when I talked to him. I get the feeling that whatever he’s involved in, maybe he’s not the one in control. He seemed so worn out and stressed when I saw him.” She pauses, and then frowns, almost like she’s disagreeing with herself. “Cas, do you think it’s possible he’s being blackmailed?”
I open my mouth to reassure her, but then something clicks in my head.
The Abe Abbott I know is a wheelin’, dealin’ son of a bitch. I’d never say that to Jenna about her own father, but it’s true.
The shit he’s been involved in, she doesn’t know the half of. And I’m not about to tell her any of it.
But if there’s one thing I do know about him, it’s that he’s not above breaking the law to get what he wants. And he’s sure as hell not above playing people off each other to get what he wants.
Including his own daughter, I’d bet.
He’s no stranger to corruption. And if he’s scared of something? That’s not a good fucking sign. If he’s scared, then he has good reason to be. I’d guarantee it.
“Cas?” Jenna interrupts my thoughts. “What are you thinking?”
“I have to go out for a little bit.” I tell her, rising. “Call Jewel and get her to take Noah if you can. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”
I come back to Jenna’s place to find her alone.
“I brought you a present,” I tell her when she lets me in.
“A present?” Jenna’s confused. “What, you ran out to get me flowers or something?”
“Hardly,” I say grimly.
I reach back and pull the gun out of the waistband of my jeans. Jenna lets out a little shriek when she sees it.
“Jesus, Cas…” she breathes.
“It’s for you to protect yourself." My eyes lock on hers. “And to protect Noah.”
“Do you really think that’s necessary?”
I take a deep breath and let it out. “I think it’s better to consider the possibility.”
Jenna is frightened, but she doesn’t argue.
“Do you know how to shoot?” I ask her.
“No,” she answers in a small voice.
I nod. “I thought maybe you didn’t. Come on,” I say, pushing open her door. “We’re going to the range.”
The gun is a Smith and Wesson Shield, nine millimeter. It’s a big enough pistol to stop someone in his tracks, but still small enough and easy enough to handle that it should be less intimidating for someone like Jenna, who’s small and who’s never shot a gun before.
Once we’re at the range, I grab us some targets and some eye and ear protection. I explain some of the basics, show her the magazine and how to load ammo into it, and talk to her about recoil. I let her ask as many questions as she wants and give her some time to handle the gun while it’s unloaded, so she can start to feel more comfortable with it.
I can tell she’s a little scared at first, and that’s as it should be. It always worries me when some jackass picks up a gun for the first time and acts like it’s a goddamn water pistol. When it’s time for her to shoot, she takes it seriously and gives it all her concentration. I see right away that she’s got a good eye. She’s a quick study, and after helping her figure out the sights, she’s shooting consistently within a few inches of the bullseye after an hour.
We quit when I can see she’s starting to get tired. I’m feeling a little better knowing that she’s at least capable of handling the gun. Jenna seems to look a little less worried, too. She even asks me if we can come back to the range again soon, to practice.
“Of course, darlin’,” I tell her, pulling her in for a kiss. “You’re a natural, do you know that?”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” she smiles, but I can tell she’s proud of herself. And she should be.
We walk out of the range, and when we get to my bike, Jenna puts a hand on my arm. “Thanks for doing this for me, Cas. But the more I think about it, the more I think we’re probably overreacting about Dad.” She shakes her head. “We must have just slipped up and he saw us together. Or maybe one of his friends saw us and said something. Dad’s got a lot of friends in this town. It’s probably nothing.”
“You may be right,” I nod. “But just in case, I want you to keep the gun handy. I’ll come back home with you and figure out a safe place to store it so you can get to it quickly, but it’s still away from Noah.”
“Okay. And Cas?”
“Yeah?”
“Please do what you can for my dad.” Her voice is sad. “That’s all I’ll ask.”
I cup her chin and raise her face to mine. “I promise, babe. I’ll do whatever I can.”
28
Jenna
Riding back to my place with Cas, I’m still feeling the adrenaline rush from spending an hour at the gun range. I’ve always been terrified of guns, truth be told. But even so, I can’t help but admit to myself how powerful it felt to shoot such a precision machine. Every time I hit the target close to the bullseye, I felt like cheering. I felt like a badass. Even though afterwards, I kept remembering why I was learning to do this, and suddenly wanted to throw up.
The vibrations from the bike calm me down a little, and I snuggle in tighter to Cas. Even though there’s a slight possibility I might be in danger, he makes me feel safe. The solid heat of him makes me feel protected. Calm.
When we get back to my apartment, Cas looks around until he finds a little cubby high up in my bedroom closet. He shows me how to store the gun there safely, so that I can reach it on a moment’s notice. It’s a good spot, far too high for Noah to get up to, even if he found the highest chair in our apartment.
I’m scared to have a gun in the house, in a way. It’s not something I ever considered doing before. But given that we don’t really know what’s going on right now, I’m also a little scared not to.
“That should about do it,” Cas eventually says, closing my closet door. “You did good today, girlie.”
“Girlie?” I snort. “Seriously?”
“Hey, nothing wrong with being a girl,” he says, drawing me to him. “Girls can kick ass. You just proved that out on the range.”
“Yeah, well, let’s hope I never have to prove that.” My heart starts to pound again with nervousness at the thought. But then Cas bends down and kisses me, and the pounding changes to a fluttering. “Cas,” I breathe as he presses me to him. “We still have a little while before I have to go pick up Noah.”
GUNNER: Lords of Carnage MC Page 30