by Anne Stuart
“Ellie,” he said hoarsely, lifting his head, trying to pull away, to regain the last tiny shreds of self-control. He couldn’t do this to her.
She put her hand up to his face. It was shaking, and there was blood on her fingertips. She pulled his head down to hers, and her mouth was waiting. And her choice was life, not death.
He tore at her clothes and she helped him, raising her hips so he could slide down her jeans and underwear and throw them across the room, lifting her head so he could pull off the bloody shirt and send it flying after her other clothes. Her own hands were just as eager, just as desperate, fumbling with the zipper on his jeans, digging into his shoulders as she pulled him over her, on top of her, into her, wrapping her legs around him and holding him tight.
No sooner had he slid into that delicious warmth when more shudders of reaction began to wash over her. He held himself still, reveling in her helpless response, and then he thrust deep, joining her in a white-hot blaze of heat that burned the past to ashes.
It wasn’t long before sanity and second thoughts set in. He lifted his head, guilt and dismay sweeping over him. Her eyes were closed, and the faint purple shadows surrounding them gave her a bruised look. Her mouth was soft, swollen, pale, and her face was blotchy with tears.
“Ellie,” he said miserably. “God, I’m sorry…”
Her eyes opened, her wonderful warm brown eyes, and they were shining up at him. She slid her hands up his back, under the shirt he still wore, and her mouth curved in a soft, tremulous smile. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Thank you’?” he echoed. “Ellie, I should never have…your arm…”
“Thank you,” she said again. She reached up, touching her mouth to his. And slowly, carefully, he deepened the kiss, until he felt the seeds of passion begin stirring within him, still within her, and felt her own rekindled response.
It was almost dark before he got around to fixing her arm. They were both weak, giddy, almost light-headed with exhaustion and relief. She sat on the side of the cot, wearing only his oversize white cotton T-shirt, and watched him attend to her wound.
“Do you know what this means?” he said, daubing her arm generously with hydrogen peroxide. She didn’t even flinch.
“You aren’t through with me after all?” she suggested brightly. “Ouch…don’t be so rough.”
“Don’t be sassy,” he grumbled. “It means that there really is someone out there. Your vigilante gang was still intact—it wasn’t one of them. It had to be the same person who’s been playing his nasty little games with everyone in town. Which means I’m not crazy or paranoid or guilty.”
“I never thought you were.”
“You were a majority of one,” he said flatly, surveying her graze with a professional eye. “We ought to get this looked at.”
“Why?” She craned her neck to peer at the angry wound. He watched her swallow once, just managing to keep her hard-won self-control intact. “You said yourself it wasn’t much more than a scrape.”
“Gunshot wounds are tricky things.”
“Then why don’t we go see Doc? Why didn’t we go straight there from the graveyard?”
He didn’t answer, just busied himself wrapping gauze around her upper arm.
“You couldn’t,” she said quietly. “You couldn’t believe Doc would be behind this?”
“He’s a logical choice.” Tanner still didn’t meet her gaze. “He was my father’s best friend, he went through Korea with him, was affected by a lot of the same things, both good and bad.”
“But why would he want to kill you?”
“Who says he did?”
“He shot at you.”
“I don’t think so, Ellie,” he said gently. “It was your car that had the brakes tampered with. I think whoever it was, was shooting at you.”
She sat utterly still for a moment. The cabin was warm, but a shiver ran over her body, and she tugged uselessly at the hem of the oversize shirt.
“My name,” she said tonelessly. “Someone carved my name in the monument at the bottom of the list of victims.”
He stared at her in shock. “When was this?”
“I found it this morning.”
“What the hell were you doing in the park this morning?”
“Trying to make up my mind whether I could miss the memorial service after all.”
“What did you decide?”
“I don’t know.” She looked up at him, her brown gaze calm. “Make me an offer I can’t refuse.”
He stared at her, wanting to pull her back into his arms, wanting to offer her everything. But he had nothing worth giving her, nothing but a lifetime of memories and a past that wouldn’t let him go.
He stood up and moved away, packing the gauze and peroxide back in their compact container, ignoring the shadow that darkened her eyes. “For that matter I don’t really think it’s Doc. But I didn’t feel I could take any chances. It wasn’t just my life I was dealing with if I was wrong.”
“Doc wouldn’t hurt me,” she said with calm assurance.
“And I would?” He didn’t know what made him say it, but say it he did.
“Of course. You already have. You wouldn’t want to, but you can’t help it.”
“Why can’t I help it?” he demanded, leaning back against the table and watching her. She should have looked small and defenseless sitting there in his oversize T-shirt. He could see the faint line of scar tissue running up her bare leg, he could see her small, soft breasts through the thin cotton. Her chestnut hair was a witch’s tangle around her narrow, freckled face, but her eyes were calm and her soft mouth curved in a rueful smile.
“You can’t help it,” she said quietly, “because I love you and you don’t love me. And when situations like that exist, people are bound to get hurt.”
He moved so fast that he didn’t have time to think about what he was doing. He squatted down in front of her, gripping her arms tightly, noting her momentary grimace of pain and ignoring it. “What the hell do you expect from me?” he demanded in a low, harsh voice. “Do you want me to deny it, to get down on one knee and promise to love you forever?”
She smiled faintly. “Yes.”
“Knowing who I am, knowing that I’ve hurt you already, knowing that I’m entirely capable of walking away when the going gets rough?”
“Yes.”
He took a deep, shuddering breath. “Knowing that my father’s madness might hit me later on, that I might suddenly take a gun and wipe out everyone in sight?”
“That wouldn’t happen.”
“There are no guarantees in this life. Knowing that it could be hereditary, you still want me to tell you I love you?”
“Yes.”
He sat back on his heels and stared at her. “Your children would be Charles Tanner’s grandchildren.”
“They’d learn to live with it. With parents like us they’d have to be tough,” she said.
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” he demanded. His hands were no longer gripping her arms, they were gentle, caressing, soothing.
“Completely,” she said. “But you won’t have me, will you?”
“Honey, I’m a fool,” he said softly. “But I’m not that big a fool.” He dropped one knee on the scarred wood floor. “I’ll take anything you want to give me, and I’ll love you forever.”
For a moment she didn’t move. She just stared at him, hope and disbelief dancing across her face. And then she put her hands on either side of his face, and her fingers were cool and trembling. “Do you mean it?”
“I’m a lot of things, Ellie. But I’m not a liar. I mean it.” He took a deep breath. “The best thing I could do for you would be to walk out of town and never look back. But I guess I’m just too selfish for that. Two weeks ago I might have been able to go without you. Not now.”
“Oh, Tanner,” she said softly, “be selfish. Take me with you. Take me.” And she melted against him, tears running down her face, her mouth damp and trembl
ing against his as he pulled her into his arms.
* * * * *
There were no watchers that night. Ellie didn’t know why she was so certain, but as she alternately slept and woke in Tanner’s arms she knew that no eyes were peering in the empty windows, no cigarettes were being furtively smoked and crumpled out in the scrubby woods beyond the cabin.
She woke to the smell of frying bacon and coffee. She had a thin cotton blanket wrapped around her and nothing else, and she felt aching, bruised and absolutely glorious.
“How do you like your eggs?” Tanner was standing over the camp stove, wearing jeans and nothing more, and water glistened in this thick blond hair and on his tanned, muscled chest.
Ellie sighed luxuriously. “Cooked. What I’d rather have is a bath.”
“There’s a dammed-up pool to the left of the cabin. Be my guest.” He went back to humming softly under his breath as he deftly turned the bacon.
She pulled herself out of bed, her muscles groaning in protest, and wrapped the blanket around her. She edged over to him, leaning against his back, pressing against him. “I don’t suppose I can talk you into joining me?”
He turned, sliding his arms around her, sliding the blanket around them both. “You’re insatiable, woman,” he muttered, kissing her, a slow, deep, possessive kiss. “But I’ve got bacon to fry and coffee to make, and if I join you in the water we’ll never make it out of here.”
“Where are we going?”
“New Mexico.” There was the hint of a question in his voice, but Ellie merely smiled.
“Sounds good to me. Can we make it to the Montana border before the memorial service starts?”
“If you stop dawdling,” he said, giving her a gentle shove.
Ellie didn’t take long at all. For one thing, the water was icy cold, still chilled by the spring runoff higher up in the mountains. For another, the smell of bacon and coffee was too enticing to bear. If she’d had any hope that Tanner would give in and join her she would have waited, but the water was too cold and Tanner was too stubborn. Maybe the mountains of New Mexico would have warmer ponds.
It was lucky she’d wrapped the blanket back around her chilled, wet body. It would have been luckier still if she’d thought to take her abandoned clothes with her. They were probably still strewn all over the floor of the cabin where Tanner had tossed them. Doc’s pickup truck was now parked next to Maude’s old car, and some kindly soul had also driven back her own Buick. That meant two drivers, two people intruding in their all-too-brief idyll.
There was no help for it. She tossed one corner of the blanket over her shoulder, wearing it like a toga, shoved her damp hair back from her face, and walked in the door.
Tanner had that wary look on his face that she’d seen too often. She could guess what Doc had been telling him, urging him to let her go, and for a moment she was terribly afraid that Tanner might have listened.
He heard her, though she’d scarcely made a sound, and he raised his head, his eyes meeting hers. And then he smiled, a clean, beautiful smile, and Ellie’s fears left her.
“My, my,” Ginger said from her perch on Tanner’s narrow bed. “Don’t you look different!”
“They brought your car back,” Tanner said unnecessarily, his voice giving nothing away as he handed her a cup of coffee. She took a grateful sip of it, controlling the urge to spit it out again. The first thing she’d do when they got to New Mexico was to teach him to make a decent cup of coffee.
“That was very kind of you,” she said, shifting the blanket higher. Her clothes were still strewn all over the floor, and she waited for the familiar blush to stain her cheeks. It didn’t come, and that small triumph strengthened her.
“That’s not all,” Doc said uneasily, looking from Tanner to Ellie. “There was more trouble last night.”
“What was it this time?” Resignation and fear echoed in her voice.
“Blood,” Ginger said succinctly. “Blood on people’s porches when they got up this morning. Everyone who had kin murdered by this man’s father had a nasty little calling card.”
“It was probably cattle blood,” Doc said hastily. “Dave Martin’s looking into it.”
“Well, then, there’s nothing to worry about,” Tanner said cynically. “If Morey’s Falls’s finest is on the case then everything’s well in hand.”
“Shut up, Tanner,” Ellie said calmly.
“Did you still want a ride to the ceremony this afternoon, Ellie?” Doc asked. He was trying to keep disapproval out of his voice, but Ellie had known him too well and too long not to see that she’d shocked him. The knowledge saddened her, but not enough to make her regret one moment.
“I’m not going,” she said quietly, wishing she could spare him, knowing she couldn’t.
“Not going? Ellie, everyone’s counting on you,” he protested. “You know how important you are to this town, you know what you mean to everyone.”
“She’s not going,” Tanner said. “She knows what she means to this town, and it’s too much.”
“I don’t think I’d be wanted, Doc.” She kept her voice gentle, placating.
“Because of Tanner?”
“And because of me. I just help them live in the past. They have to learn to look forward, Doc. You know that as well as I do.”
Doc’s face creased in frustration, and he felt in his breast pocket for the cigarettes he no longer carried. He looked toward Tanner for a moment, then back again. It was clear he wasn’t going to ask Tanner for one blessed thing.
“Can we talk, Ellie?” he asked in deep concern.
“We’re talking.”
“I mean alone.”
“No,” she said.
“Yes,” Tanner said at the same time.
“But I don’t want…” Ellie protested.
Tanner had already pulled her to one side. “Don’t you trust yourself?” he asked in an undertone.
“Of course.”
“Then let them try to talk you out of it,” he said. “I have to go return Maude’s car and say goodbye to her. And we’ll need to make arrangements for the horses. Why don’t you meet me out there in about an hour? That should give them long enough to make you see reason.”
“I’m not a reasonable person,” she said stubbornly.
He grinned. “Don’t I know it?” Leaning down, he brushed his mouth against hers, pulling back when she would have deepened the kiss. “One hour,” he said, grabbing his shirt and heading for the door. He didn’t say a word to his unwelcome visitors.
She stood there, listening to the sound of the car as he drove it away, and then she drained her cup of coffee. She’d known Doc and Ginger all her life, and she was about to do something they’d never forgive. But if she didn’t, she’d never forgive herself. She’d lived the last fifteen years for other people—now it was time to live for herself.
With matter-of-fact grace she began to pick up her discarded clothes from the cabin floor. “Go ahead,” she said. “I’ll listen.”
“Ellie, do you have any idea what you’re doing?” Doc demanded, his voice harsh with repressed emotion. “What the hell is going on with you two?”
A small, secret smile lit Ellie’s face. “You’re too young to know, Doc.”
He waved his hand in a gesture of disgust. “Ellie, he’s no good for you. He won’t offer you any future. In another few days, a few weeks at the most, he’ll be gone, and you’ll be left with the people you turned your back on.”
“He’s leaving today,” Ellie said. “And I’m going with him.”
She’d never realized how old Doc was until that moment. His face was gray, ashen, his features sunken, the leathery skin sagging. He looked old and tired and beaten, and a small, loving voice inside Ellie cried out in pain for him and for all he’d been and done for her.
He simply looked at her. “I guess it’s settled then,” he said finally. “You’re not going to listen to common sense.”
“No, I’m not. I’ve been se
nsible for more than thirty years, and that’s more than enough for one lifetime. I’m going to do something foolish, and I bet it’s going to turn out to be the smartest thing I’ve ever done.”
“Don’t count on it,” Ginger drawled, still sprawled on the bed. “What do you two know about each other? Not a damned thing. Take it from an expert—hormones can only carry you so far before reality sets in and you find you’re trapped.”
Beneath Ginger’s cynicism and jealousy Ellie could detect the hidden stirrings of real concern, and she made a final attempt to explain. “Sometimes you’ve got to trust your instincts, Ginger. I know this is right. There are too many things against it for it to be anything but right.”
“What about Tanner?”
Ellie couldn’t help the wistful smile that lit her face. “I think he’s been around long enough to know what he wants. God bless him, he wants me.”
The two Barlows didn’t move for a long moment. Then Ginger rose, slowly, languidly crossing the room until she stood by Ellie. Suddenly she put her arms around Ellie’s smaller figure, hugging her tightly. “Then take care of each other,” she muttered. “And tell him if he hurts you I’ll kill him.”
As quickly as the moment came, it passed. She pushed Ellie away and strode out of the cabin. “I’ll be waiting in the truck,” she called over her shoulder.
Doc nodded absently. His eyes were so weary, so sad. “You’re sure you know what you’re doing, Ellie? You’ve been like another daughter to me.” For some reason his voice stumbled over the words. “I hate to see you ruining your life.”
Ellie nodded. “I’m not ruining it, Doc. I’m saving it.”
There were no last-minute hugs from Doc. He just stood there, halfway across the room, resignation and something else in his body. “I’ll tell them at the memorial service.”
“Tell them I’ve gone with Tanner, Doc. Don’t let them have any illusions.”
“I’ll tell them. You’re not doing this as an act of rebellion…?” At Ellie’s dreamy smile his words trailed off. “No, I suppose you’re not.”
“Be careful, Doc,” she said.