Even if it didn’t feel that way.
So I’d open my heart, at least a little, and hope that it lead to love and not heartache.
Time passes and Blaise and Hecate stir. Blaise covers her in his kisses and runs his hands over her body. I’m uncertain what women want the morning after, or whatever the hell this is, but she touches me too, and then we all seem to be cuddled together. No one wants to get up, but we know we have to. We bathe again, eat another meal, clean up our camp, and head back to the tunnels.
Blaise leads this time. Hecate is between us, always between us from now on, I decide, and I follow.
It’s hard not to turn around. Not to look for my brother. The monster and my brother had both said that he would be there, we just had to have faith, but I need his reassurance after too long without it. And what’s more, I feel like I need my brother even more after the night with Hecate. It feels as if whatever spell she had weaved is pulling at the wall around me, but I’m terrified to let them fully drop.
So even though Blaise and Hecate make conversation as we travel, I can’t seem to find anything to say. At least, I can’t decide on the right thing to say, so I don’t speak. They cast me the occasional glance, but all I can manage to do is try to hide my uncertainty behind a blank stare.
And listen. Listen to her musical voice. Listen to her laughter and her stories, and feel that aching place in my chest seem to hum. Is this what it is to fall in love?
I have no idea.
But I enjoy her company more than I ever imagined, while still being silent and awkward. And it’s nice that Blaise finally has someone to talk to about happy things, not just my obsessions. There’s no doubt in my mind that she’d bring a lot of joy into our lives, if we let her.
I think I’m ready to let her.
Time has little meaning in the depths of the tunnels, but there’s no resting place, long past the time I would’ve expected one, so we keep going. Hecate slows after a time, and we both match her pace, not wanting her to know that we could go faster.
At last, the tunnel leads into another big room. But this one isn’t a dark cavern, it’s a massive garden. We all step onto the level surface and stare in shock. Huge butterflies fly overhead. Massive flowers rise above us. And golden crystals cover the entire ceiling, glowing like the sun. Even the air is sweet, and we hear the trickle of water.
“Beautiful,” Hecate says, and I look at her and see tears in her eyes.
I remember all the time she’s spent in Hades’s realm, all the time she spent as a prisoner, and I promise myself in that moment that she’ll be surrounded by light and beauty for the rest of her life, once we escape. Unable to stop myself, I take her hand, then brush the tears away that fall onto her cheeks. She looks at me then, and for the first time outside of sex with her, I feel like we’re staring into each other’s souls.
Damn it. She has me in the palm of her hand.
“This is another test, right?” Blaise asks, and the moment ends too soon as Hecate looks away.
Rubbing at my chest, I’m confused by the strangest emotion that seems to move through me. What is this feeling? I force myself to drop my hand. It doesn’t matter. I need to focus if I want to save us all.
“Everything here has to be a test, right?” Blaise repeats, lifting a brow as he looks in my direction.
I stare out at the garden again. Of course this is another test.
It’s strange that for one moment I’d only seen the good in this place. Is Hecate changing me? Or is it finding my brother? I’m not sure, but I’m indeed changing.
“Probably,” Hecate finally answers. “But I can’t decide if I appreciate a pretty test or not.”
“There’s some kind of plaque!” Blaise says, pointing.
I follow the direction of his finger. And, sure enough, there is a plaque.
We all move down the small path that weaves through the garden, and then Hecate reads the sign, “There’s a thin line between love and hate.”
“What does that mean?” Blaise says, frowning.
It’s confusing, but it probably means trouble.
I pull out my sword. “I don’t know, but we should be ready for anything.”
We’re all quiet as we slowly move down the wandering path. We pass benches carved into trees, trees with branches that reach nearly to the crystals far above us, mushrooms the size of houses, and bugs as big as we are, that move aimlessly through the huge garden.
After several minutes, we spot the exit, and our pace quickens. But before we can reach it, something drops over us, and we’re suddenly in darkness. Blaise alights his wings, and they blaze to life, illuminating the dark space. We’re in something about the size of a large closet. The walls seem to be made of...plant material, and there isn’t an exit.
“What the hell is this?” Blaise says, and I realize he’s holding his own sword.
A woman’s voice comes from somewhere outside of us. “You are currently inside a very deadly plant. Within the hour, it will devour you. Slowly and carefully. There is no escape. There is no way out. So accept your fate.”
“No!” Hecate looks horrified. “This isn’t right. We can’t have already failed this test.”
Above us is a pink stem of some kind. As I stare at it, it puffs out a cloud of pink, and we all start coughing. I use my blade to hack at the side of the plant. Blaise begins to do the same. Hecate murmurs strange words and launches balls of gold at the plant. But nothing we do matters.
The plant doesn’t even react.
My sword suddenly feels too heavy. The earth tilts, and I drop my sword and step away from the wall of the plant, confused. I look back at the others, and they look the way I feel: confused.
My gaze meets with Hecate’s, and I realize that if there’s no escape, at least I’m with her. So even though the world swims around me, I make my way to her. We kiss. We touch. We hold each other tight.
Blaise comes and wraps his arms around us. We cling to each other. Something within us won’t let us keep fighting, but something also won’t let us just crumble in that moment. We have this strange instinct to draw together. To live or die together.
And then the plant lifts, and the pink smoke drifts away.
We’re all just standing in the middle of the path, heads still swimming, feeling lost and confused. A blonde haired woman, the same one that had been in the bar illusion, is sitting on the top of a mushroom, swinging her legs and whistling.
I stumble over and grab my sword, then head for her. “What the hell is this?”
She finally looks up, and there’s something unreadable in her gaze. “It’s a test. Surely Ryane warned you about them.”
“How do you know she gave us the map?”
“Because my best friend is the only other person who knows about this path other than Persephone and me.”
“I don’t understand,” I say, frowning.
Hecate speaks from behind me. “You’re Persephone’s lover!”
The blonde looks surprised.
“I’d heard it whispered that Persephone never loved Hades. That she stayed here only when she had to, and that there was someone else that she loved instead. But the rumors were always changing, dancing between different people and completely different stories. I always suspected most of the rumors were planted by Persephone herself to protect a secret lover.”
The blonde slowly speaks. “It’s true. Persephone and I are in love. In the months she’s allowed on the surface, we’re together and happy. In the months she’s forced to stay in the Underworld, I visit her as often as possible. But she had this path made for me, so that it was safer. The only restriction was that it had traps setup to ensure anyone escaping wasn’t evil. We didn’t want to possibly create a path straight out of the Underworld for all the monsters and terrible people.”
“That makes sense,” I tell her begrudgingly.
“So did we pass the tests then?” Orion asks, his voice hopeful.
“Well…” Sh
e taps her fingers. “If you had more hate than love in your hearts, you all would’ve killed each other when the flower’s poison was released. And if you were bad people, you wouldn’t have let even the illusion of a woman be taken and hurt at the bar. So you passed those tests, but I’m afraid you’re not free yet.”
Love in our hearts? I glance at Hecate and my blood races, but I don’t think she’s focused on the same part of the strange woman’s words as I am. And I remind myself that love should be the least important part of all of this. So, I try to calm my racing heart and focus on Hecate.
Hecate’s frowning at the woman. “There are more tests?”
The woman shakes her head. “No, we didn’t need much to restrict the bad people. They would’ve failed both tests. No one has even gotten this far. But, I’m afraid, there’s something far worse in these tunnels than my tests.”
A shiver crawls down my spine. “What?”
The woman is quiet for a long minute before she speaks. “Nothing should be able to enter these tunnels. None of Hades men. Not even Hades himself. But I felt something...something evil. It’s rushing up the tunnels. It’ll overtake you soon.”
“What is it?” Hecate asks, and I hate that there’s fear in her voice.
“Something capable of killing you all, I’m afraid, if you’re not too careful.”
I want to punch something. I want to scream. Isn’t it enough we’re escaping from the Underworld and that I can’t even look back to be sure my brother is there? Something evil is coming for us too?
“I just wanted to warn you,” she says, hopping off of the mushroom. “Persephone cares a great deal for Hecate. She has never forgotten how hard you tried to find her when Hades kidnapped her. I didn’t want you to mistake what came next with a test from me. If you see something in these tunnels, kill it first, ask questions later.”
“Thank you,” I say.
She gives a little nod, a frown on her lips.
But as she turns to go, I stop her with my question. “Can you tell me if my brother’s, Andros’s, soul follows behind us?”
The blonde looks back with a frown. “I can’t tell you for sure, but the rule is that he gets one chance to escape.”
Hecate staggers beside me and would’ve fallen if not for me catching her arm.
“What’s wrong?”
Hecate slowly looks up and meets my gaze, all the color drained from her face. “But Andros and I already tried once.”
“But did you reach the tunnels?” the blonde presses.
I hold my breath.
Hecate nods. “Once.”
The blonde’s entire body stiffens. “The rules aren’t known for certain. If his soul can only be brought up once, or once per person. He may still be behind you, if he’s following your men out this time.”
“But he could still be trapped in the Underworld?” Hecate asks, her voice small.
The woman nods. “I’m so sorry,” she says, then she turns and walks away.
For a moment I’m completely overwhelmed by the thought that we could’ve done all of this, and my brother isn’t even with us. The old instinct to curl up inside myself and give up...give up on everything, rears its ugly head, and I almost let it swallow me. But then I look at Hecate, and everything seems to freeze inside of me. I’ve never seen the kind of pain I feel reflected on another person’s face, but I see it now. The shock and horror that changes her expression calls to something deep within me, and I can’t help but reach out to her.
She jerks and her gaze goes to mine. Unshed tears fill her eyes. “If he’s not with us, we have to go back.”
And in that moment, I see it. I see just how much she loves my brother, and it only makes me care for her more. My brother was her guard, in the worst place in existence, and she still managed to see the goodness in him.
Whatever happened from here, I swear to myself that I will get Blaise and Hecate to the surface, even if afterwards I have to come back for my brother. Even if I have stay in the Underworld with my brother. But I stay quiet, hiding my thoughts from the others, and watching as Hecate’s gaze moves from mine to Blaise.
At last, he speaks. “But if we turn around,” Blaise begins softly, “and he is with us, we will lose him forever. If Hecate led him out once before, but Orion and I are this time, and we go back, then none of us can ever try to save him again.”
Blaise’s words make complete sense. So why don’t they make me feel any better?
“I can’t just leave him behind.” Hecate is breathing so hard that I’m worried she’s going to start hyperventilating.
I don’t know what I’m doing when I wrap her in my arms, but I say, “He’s behind us. I can feel him. Can’t you?”
She’s tense in my arms.
“I can feel him,” I say again, whispering it into her hair. “I can feel that he’s coming for us in my heart.”
Slowly, she looks up. Some of the tears have escaped and tracked down her cheeks. “That’s what he said about you. He was always so sure you were coming to rescue us. And he was right, so maybe you are too.”
I hold her for a while, and she slowly relaxes. My gaze meets Blaise’s. I expect him to look jealous, or even to look left out. But I’m pleasantly surprised when he just looks relieved, like he’s glad someone else can truly understand what it’s like to be scared that we aren’t rescuing the person we love. And for some reason, this moment alone makes me feel like this thing between us is really possible.
As long as Andros is with us.
Without him, the string that ties us together might unravel. Then, I don’t know what we’d be left with. Definitely a mess. Definitely a strange connection. But also impossible heartbreak.
Hecate finally pulls back and draws her thin shoulders up, all evidence of her tears gone. “So, something evil is coming for us? Well, we’re going to be ready for it. And when we emerge on the surface, we’ll all be together.”
She straightens her spine, then strides toward the exit to the gardens.
Blaise and I exchange a smile, then follow after her. Yes, we should probably just be worried and sad right now. And there is some of that at the back of the mind, but Hecate brings something out in me. A need to be brave and take care of her, but also a need to hope for the best. And, I suspect, it brings out the same for Blaise.
This strange witch...she is good for us.
So, we follow her. Because what else can we do?
20
Hecate
Time is strange in the tunnels. I truly have no idea how many days have passed, but we’ve slept for three days. The two guys take turns guarding us at night, just in case. I always plan to take my turn, but I pretty much just collapse after we eat each night. I don’t know if it’s because I’m exercising for the first time in years, or if it’s the baby, but I’m so tired most of the time that it hurts, from my sore feet to my very soul.
I feel guilty when I find the guys awake before me each morning and always consider telling them about the baby, but something always stops me. Some part of me knows it’ll change something between us, and that’s the last thing I want when I’m enjoying being with them so much.
So I keep pushing as hard as I can and keep my secret to myself, and my men keep making the journey as easy on me as possible. Any time I slip, one of them is there to keep me steady. Any time I’m hungry, one of them is there with food. Orion smiles more and more, and I find him a constant and strong presence, while Blaise always manages to make me laugh.
The trip isn’t easy by any means, but the good company makes it easier. And the slight prickling every so often along my spine made me hope that Andros is right there with us, watching as we grow closer, and encouraging us to connect.
The other good thing is that we hadn’t seen any signs of this great evil that Persephone’s lover spoke of. Even though we’ve all been on high alert since. Part of me is hoping the strange woman was wrong.
Today is like every other day. We’ve been walking in
the dark tunnels for so long that we’re all searching for any signs of a place to rest for the night. Orion is behind me, and Blaise is in front of me.
At the beginning of all our “days,” we talk a lot. They tell stories about the surface and how much it's changed since I was imprisoned, telling me wild stories that are hard to believe, and I tell them about Hades and Andros in the Underworld, and even my daughter. I even finally feel comfortable enough to tell them about her parentage, and about how I secretly fear what consequences being half-demon will have for her on the surface. To my relief, they neither seem to judge me nor my daughter, which is necessary if we have any hope of being together.
Because once we get to the surface, all of us will be a family, including my daughter. If they can’t love her too, then nothing real can ever be between us.
But near the end of our days, we’re all quiet. Breathing hard. And solely focused on climbing. Like now, when my mind keeps going blank, and my feet seem to drag as I stumble. I keep telling myself the resting place has to be just up ahead, but time drags on and there’s nothing to indicate that we’re going to be able to rest any time soon.
Suddenly, I stumble and I fall back. I hit Orion’s chest like a brick wall and fall down, my chest and belly hitting the dirt. Panic rolls through me as I grasp my stomach, my heart racing.
“Are you okay?” Orion asks, kneeling down.
Blaise turns and comes back to me.
“I’m fine,” I say, but I know they can hear it in my voice. I’m not.
“Hecate?” Orion sounds worried.
I finally look up at him. At first I’d subconsciously just not talked about the baby. But as time passed, I was scared to mention my pregnancy. I know how precious pregnancies and babies are to the gargoyles, and I don’t want Orion’s feelings to be influenced by it. But now, I know I have to tell him, and I’m scared for so many reasons.
But mostly because I need the baby to be okay. I don’t even feel pregnant yet, but I love the child growing inside of me.
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