With that over, Frank and Elsie left to go home. Elsie managed the walk back to the car without too much difficulty, but she wasn’t at all happy. As they casually drove home, Frank wondered about her silence. He thought she would have been happy to have the cast removed and had expected a lighthearted, bubbly Elsie. But she looked gloomy; Frank asked her, “Are you okay, El? You seem a bit quiet.”
“No Frank, I’m not. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I can’t do my gardening now or go for walks, I’ve had enough.” She didn’t mean death; she just meant she was tired and annoyed, but that was not how Frank heard it.
She didn’t realize she hadn’t done the gardening for a very long time. Frank didn’t comment about that, he just said, “we’ll find something else for you to do, maybe you could do your macramé again like you did when we were young.” Elsie made no comment, she wasn’t interested.
When they were nearly home and had just turned into their street, a small city car came past heading the opposite way. Elsie took no notice but Frank recognized it as the car that had hit her. He had no ill feelings toward the driver as he knew what had happened, so it meant nothing to him seeing it again. It occurred to him that she must be a local if she was regularly driving around the district; he even wondered if she lived close by. He may have already passed the same car many times but would never have noticed it, now he did though. When they arrived home, Elsie seemed to relax and she let out a light sigh, she knew where they were. Frank helped her out of the car, he didn’t need to, but he just wanted to be sure she was capable of getting out without it causing pain. She managed to get out without any problem with Frank helping her take the weight. She was still on pain relief so there wouldn’t have been much pain at all. Once inside the house, she seemed to drift into a happy daze, she was obviously pleased to be back.
After several days of being back at home, Elsie had a slight realization of her condition. She would have times when she was aware of what was happening, although those times were occurring less often and not lasting as long. But during one of those times, she realized several things. She was not able to easily get in or out of a bath or go out walking now, this bothered her. Her leg didn’t feel right; it didn’t seem to want to fully recover. She now had to rely on Frank for most things. If she wanted to have a bath, she needed Frank to help her get in and out, and he would have to prepare it for her. That was more to do with her hip than her leg. Frank had decided that it was easier for him to bend if she needed a lift or if not, he would just stand like a post so she could hang on to him, and also he would remember that he was running a bath for her. She realized that the one thing in life she didn’t want, she now had. She was dependent on someone else just to get her through the day. She was pleased that it was Frank who was her caregiver as she wouldn’t feel comfortable with a stranger looking after her. She knew it had been mentioned about getting outside help, but she wasn’t at all keen on that. If she needed help to bathe or to get dressed or undressed, then it would only be her husband that she allowed to get that close to her. It was different on the ward she had been in as she left her pride at the door when she got there, but she picked it up again when she left. Having personal physical touches at a hospital was acceptable, but it wouldn’t be here in her home. But all of that would perhaps drift off again when she lapsed back into her confused state. Sometimes she allowed that condition to descend upon her; she even unconsciously encouraged it as it kept her safe and stress-free within herself.
Four days after after the cast was removed, the phone rang. Frank picked it up an answered, “hello, Frank Herbert here.”
“Hello, I’m Janine Morley; Ivan gave me your number and asked me to call you. He said you have some queries regarding home help and care-giving. If you want me to, I can call in sometime soon and see you for a talk. There’s more to it than what people think there is. Would you like me to call in sometime? I can’t give a specific date or time, but I could call in when I’m next in your area. If you would like to talk with me, may I have your address please?”
Frank gave her their address, he thought it would be good to have a talk, but he wasn’t prepared to make any commitment to full-time care at this point.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Frank realized that they hardly ever went out socializing these days. They had friends and neighbors who would occasionally come to visit them, but they no longer went out to dinner or to do anything just for fun. He had thought about the Over 65s club that had recently been mentioned to him. He thought it might be a good place to meet some people who would have an understanding of what life was like for them now. He rang the number he had been given and was told that they meet every Wednesday; he was invited to take Elsie along to see how she felt about attending. He was also welcome to be part of it if he wanted to. He decided to take Elsie along so they could be part of the group, that way they wouldn’t spend so much time alone here at home. If Elsie was to meet some new people, it may even trigger a power surge in her brain. Perhaps she would then remember their names and become more talkative than she was now. There was no certainty that it would help her at all, it was just a hope.
On Wednesday morning, he mentioned it to her, he had already told her about it but was unsure whether she had remembered or not. After breakfast he said to her, “it’s Wednesday, El, let’s go to the Over 65s club. We’re both eligible to be members, so let’s go today.
She replied, “okay, I’ll go. But I need to get changed first.” She went to get changed while Frank did some tiding up in the kitchen.
When she came back, he was a little puzzled by what she was wearing. She had her gardening clothes on. A pair of dark green slacks, which were a little ripped on the lower part of the right leg, with a small pocket that just hung off the side. On top she wore a blue shirt that was stained and faded and didn’t fit well, it was one of his old work shirts. She wore those whenever she was gardening so she didn’t care if they got dirty or ripped; they were her outside work clothes. Frank suggested that she get changed again, as it wasn’t gardening that they were going to do. She got angry at that, “oh stop fussing, it’s up to me what I wear. It’s none of your business what I wear when I go outside.”
He thought perhaps she had gotten confused so said gently, “we don’t need to do any work here today, let’s go and meet some people, then have a takeout lunch. I know of a group of them who meet together every Wednesday, let’s go there and have some fun.”
She looked a little puzzled by that. She wasn’t quite sure what he meant, “okay, let’s do that, but I need to put some shoes on.”
Frank hadn’t noticed she had been barefoot. He said, “I know what you look good in, how about I choose your clothes. Let’s impress our new friends.” She just nodded and walked back to the bedroom, Frank followed close behind her. When she opened her closet, he was disturbed at what he saw. Her once well-organized closet was a mess. As she had spent many years working for a clothing store, her own clothes were once hung in order of design and color and usage. But now many of the items weren’t even hanging, and what was hanging was not in any sort of order at all. It was a very large clothes closet, which Frank never opened as he had his own, he had seen inside it but not lately, clothing didn’t interest him.
He didn’t say anything about the state of it so as not to anger her; he reached in and placed his hand on a pair of slacks. She hadn’t worn dresses or skirts for years, she liked slacks, he just said, “look here El, you look good in these, and there’s that top that you like. And those shoes would be good, too. I’d like to see you in those, they go well together, and you look attractive in them.
She smiled at that, “okay, I’ll put those on then, won’t be moment.”
Frank left her to get changed while he went to get the car keys; he hoped she wouldn’t take too long.
He was surprised when she came up behind him just a few minutes later, wearing what he had suggested, and with her shoes on. “You look good, let’s go
.” He was pleased, that was more like the old Elsie’s way of dressing, quick and effective. He had praised her in the hope that she would remember his reaction and so take note of what she wore in the future.
As they walked out to the garage to get in the car, there was no internal entrance; Elsie knew what she needed to do. Frank opened the garage and unlocked the car, but there was no Elsie to be seen. He went back to get her, but she was just standing still looking painfully at her garden. She looked upset by what she saw; Frank wondered if the clothes she had put on had sparked up something in her mind about gardening. He said lovingly, “come on, we can sort the garden later, it’ll still be there when we get back.”
She looked sad. “What’s happened to it? I need to do some work in it; it seems to have overgrown itself.”
“It must be the season. We can do it later, okay, let’s go.” Frank kept an eye on her this time as they walked back to the car, he didn’t walk ahead of her.
They got to the car and headed off downtown. Frank was annoyed at the traffic, but was once again pleased he hadn’t ditched his car, it gave them freedom. The drive took just fifteen minutes by following the directions he had been given. The person he had spoken to knew of a quicker way to get there, avoiding the mainstream traffic flow, and they were right, it was quick.
When they got close to the club, Frank began looking for a car park, he was delighted and impressed when he saw a sign saying, ‘OVER 65s CLUB, CLIENT PARKING ONLY’, with an arrow pointing in the direction he was to take down a long driveway. When he got to the end of the driveway, there were many empty parks available, he liked this.
He parked close to the building; most of the other cars were also close to it. When they walked toward the entrance, it was a flat easy walk, no stairs or other obstacles. Upon entering the foyer, they were greeted by a woman who seemed casual and friendly but also professional who seemed to be in control of the venue. “Hello there, I’m Irene, welcome, come in. May I please have your names? Frank introduced himself and Elsie. She said “pleased to meet you both, come through to the group and I’ll introduce you.”
Elsie seemed to have an added zest about her that Frank hadn’t noticed for a long time, he thought they must have done the right thing by coming here. They entered through one of the main doors, there were two large doors that would open very wide if need be.
Off to his left there was a small group that were painting, over to his right there were a few people sitting and reading books, in the center was a very long table where many were playing cards, chess, dominoes, and Scrabble. Over next to the far wall, there was a couch and a few arm chairs where a few were just sitting and talking. That looked like the group that would suit Frank.
Irene raised her voice and said loudly, “attention please, I’d like to introduce Frank and Elsie Herbert; this is their first time here, please make them welcome.” There were several who looked and smiled but many paid no attention at all to what had been said. Irene then left them to fit in where they wished to.
Frank made his way over to the social group by the wall with Elsie at his side. They got to where there were two empty armchairs for them. When they were seated, a couple came over and a woman greeted them, “hello you two, I’m Bernadine and this is my husband, Jason, welcome.” They began to chat away together with Bernadine filling them in on what went on at the club; Frank noticed Jason looked distant and uninterested in talking.
Elsie got up and went over to the group that was reading. There was a metal framework with several shelves stacked full of books attached to the wall. Frank and Bernadine talked for a while about the club, it sounded like a good place. Later, Bernadine said to Frank that Jason had Alzheimer’s disease so not to expect too much by way of friendship or communication. Jason had gone back to his chair to sit alone, so was out of earshot. She mentioned that several of the couples here had become friends, and would socialize outside of the club, if Frank was interested in doing that.
But with Elsie away and Jason not close, Frank wanted to know more about how Bernadine cared for him. He asked her, “so how do you care for him, do you just cook and maintain the house or is there more to it?”
She responded, “I do care for him, but not the way you mean. We have professionals come to the house to do that. Each morning, someone arrives and prepares breakfast, they also administer his medication and give him a bath if he needs one, and if he has any toileting problems they take care of that as well. I’m just his wife and his companion, I tried doing all that, but it was too stressful, so now I can just relax. I’m not too well myself, so it wasn’t wise to try and take care of him on my own; now I have helpers, there’s no stress. I look after our home but others ensure he’s clean and well, and sometimes they check for other things I wouldn’t notice. I was doing all right for a while looking after him, but it got to a stage where I was getting a bit too casual about it.”
Frank explained the situation he was in; Bernadine pushed the point of him getting in professionals to ease the strain. She understood how it could get a bit rough at times.
The conversation carried on for a while and then Bernadine mentioned euthanasia, which fired up Frank’s interest. He was keen to hear her opinion on that. She told him that she believed it should be legal, if it were up to her she would ease the burden on Jason; he had physical problems with his kidneys and prostrate as well as his mental state.
Frank asked her, “Why do think it should be legal? And who do you think should be allowed to do it?”
She said, “I think if someone’s terminally ill and they don’t want to go through the long, drawn-out process of passing away in pain and confusion, then it should be legal for someone to assist them in suicide. It would have to be medically proven that they really are terminally sick without hope of recovering, but if that really was the case, then the law shouldn’t punish us for helping to ease the suffering of someone we love. I can’t see it ever being that way, but I think it should be. Jason wouldn’t know how to end it all himself, he asked me to do it for him a few years ago, but prison isn’t somewhere I want to go. I don’t believe it’s murder if they have asked us to help them with it. I know if I ever got to be in the condition he’s in now I’d want someone to put me down, but gently and painlessly.”
Frank liked her opinion but couldn’t see her as one who would actually do such a thing; it was easy to talk about it, harder to do it. He didn’t mention his own thoughts or opinions on the subject, it was better that he kept his thoughts to himself when talking with strangers. But he did ask, “So if you did do it, how would you do it? It surely wouldn’t be an easy thing to do.”
She replied with a smirk, “I’d ask a doctor to give him a jab of something; I hear morphine would do the job if it was an overdose. But a doctor would know best what to use, it wouldn’t be cheap though, they would charge a lot. The problem would be finding one who would help out; I don’t think normal doctors would do it. It would have to be a shady sort of doctor, maybe a foreign one from a country where that’s normal. But if the law changed, then I’m sure some doctors would do it. It would depend on the person’s condition of course. But Jason will never get better, so he’d fit the criteria.”
Frank wondered about this woman, talking to him this way after having just met him. It didn’t seem right to him. Had they known each other longer, he may have gotten more involved in the discussion, but he wasn’t about to share what his thoughts about Elsie were. He felt it was time to end this.
He stood up and said, “well, nice talking to you, but I need to get to Elsie, I’ll see you again sometime.” Bernadine just smiled and nodded as he walked away.
He went over to see Elsie, who was sitting with a book on her lap, but not reading it. Some others were sitting with books that they weren’t reading but none were talking, they were all shut down, just staring blankly at nothing. He took Elsie over to where some others were painting pictures thinking it might stimulate her interest; she saw a painting that s
he seemed to like. Frank began talking with the man doing the painting when Elsie began to act upset, it looked like she was about to cry. She was feeling confused and disorientated with her surroundings; she didn’t know any of these people and was a little afraid of them. Frank thought perhaps something about the painting had upset her; the artist was painting an erupting volcano. It was time to take her home. He said good-bye to the artist, then took Elsie out. He held her hand to help her feel safe, and secure, she knew who Frank was.
As they walked into the foyer, Irene approached them, she said to Frank, while glancing at Elsie, “is everything all right? You’ve not been here long, has something happened?
Frank relied, “I just need to get Elsie home as she’s a bit upset.”
Irene said, “if you’d like to ring me and tell me of any medical problems you face, that would be good. I like to be aware of a person’s medical status in case something happens that we need to help with. It does help to be in tune with those that are here. Or you could talk with your doctor and they could tell us what is relevant medically. We are a registered club so your doctor would know who we are. If you want to be a full member of the club, we do meet every weekday. Wednesdays are primarily for those who aren’t well, others may of course come along with them, but other days are often busier as many don’t come on a Wednesday. Many who do come on a Wednesday don’t come other days. We are focused on the unwell today, so feel free to come again and enjoy yourselves any other day. We don’t open weekends, though.”
Frank said, “yes, I understand that, I’ll get them to send you what you need.” Irene handed him a card with the clubs phone number on it.
“If you want to, you can give your doctor permission to send us your details, they could fax us the relevant records.”
Goodnight, Elsie Page 9