by Damian Serbu
“They want to live underground?” Xavier asked.
“Apparently. Because she asked about it the other day, and now earlier today left me this note. I moved other people out of there because they hated it. I tried to give her a different space, but they want the seclusion. What do you think?”
“If they want it, give it to them. It’s empty space otherwise.”
“Settled. I’ll talk to her in the morning.”
As if on cue to move their conversation along, a servant entered the parlor and announced that Michel had arrived. He wanted to know if he should send their brother to them in the parlor, after he freshened up in his quarters. Catherine raised her eyebrows at Xavier as she told the butler that that would be fine.
“He must be out of hiding,” Catherine said. They speculated about their brother’s activities for several minutes and over another glass of wine before Michel came into the room.
“What happened to your commoner’s garb?” Catherine asked. “I thought the king was using you as a spy? Or did he promote you, after last year when you tried to help him escape?”
“One gets promoted for successful operations, not an attempted escape that failed and sent him back to prison.” Michel leaned over and kissed his sister on the cheek. “Especially if you try a second time and it fails again.”
“You tried again?” Xavier asked.
“A week ago. With the same result, and now the suspension of the monarchy. I told my men to keep order when possible but otherwise protect themselves.”
“So are you still in the military?” Catherine asked, surprised.
“I don’t know. I don’t know who’s in charge or giving orders.”
“You sound more calm about it than I would expect,” Xavier commented.
“Perhaps I’ve grown weary. Or cynical. Still, I try to do my best. Which means that I must head out again immediately. I only came to clean up and see that you were both safe.”
Catherine straightened herself in the chair, a sure sign that she was about to scold her brother for protectiveness, but Xavier turned his head and narrowed his eyes at her, keeping her at bay. “Thank you, Michel,” he said.
Michel nodded and hugged them both goodbye.
When he had gone, Catherine said, “I thought losing his authority would either devastate him or increase his attempt to control us.”
“You can’t help yourself, can you?”
“What?” Catherine grinned slyly. “It’s true.”
“Let’s change the subject.”
“Agreed. How is Thomas?”
“If you can’t pick on one brother, you’ll go after another?”
“Actually, you made me think of him. You mentioned him first. I thought earlier that perhaps your concern about Marcel had to do with your own situation. You keep bringing up that Marcel left abruptly and remind me that lovers don’t do such things to each other. Perhaps you’re just worried about Thomas doing that to you.”
“Your situation with Marcel has nothing to do with my friendship with Thomas.” Xavier drank the remainder of his wine in one gulp. “As you pointed out, we’ve known each other for two years, something that friends do. If any insinuation you’re trying to make were true, he would not just wait around. He’d leave. Friendship, on the other hand, comes with no such restrictions.”
“It’s my turn to apologize, if any insinuation offended you. But you should know that some people have different levels of endurance. Time passes differently for some than for others.”
“I think you’ve had too much wine.” While Xavier had perceived her reference to his relationship with Thomas, something he was not about to discuss with her, this last turn of conversation had made no sense.
“Two years isn’t always understood in the same way.” Catherine brushed a strand of hair from her forehead. “Some may wait longer, not thinking about the passage of time. But they won’t wait forever.”
Catherine got up and announced that she had to oversee the preparations for dinner. She patted him on the shoulder and then let her hand linger on his cheek as she looked down at him, concern showing with the way that she wrinkled her brow.
Xavier’s stomach hurt again after she left. Here came the churning in his stomach, the nausea, the secret and not so secret longings. Catherine sounded as if she had heard Thomas and Xavier arguing again the other night.
Over a year ago, Thomas had agreed to give Xavier time, shocking Xavier by not bringing up their relationship for several months. He had still come to visit almost every night, and accompanied Xavier everywhere. Xavier had asked for a year, and Thomas granted it and more. Until the other day, Xavier thought that perhaps he could pretend that nothing would ever need to change.
“What would I do without you?” Xavier had slipped two nights ago and asked Thomas.
“Find a new friend, I should suppose,” Thomas had answered tersely.
“You’re more than that. I just don’t know what to do.”
Thomas calmed faster than Xavier had expected, brushing his hand across Xavier’s cheek in a way he hadn’t since the moratorium placed on them by Xavier. They hugged. And since then, they once again had wonderful, peaceful nights, followed by uncomfortable conversations of trying to negotiate their status. What would Xavier do if Catherine proved right, and Thomas ran out of patience?
Part VII: Intro the Quagmire
Xavier: The Pope's Effigy
17 July 1791
XAVIER SAT QUIETLY at his desk, a rare moment of solitude, when Denys Girard, the head of his parish security, burst in unannounced, clearly agitated.
“Abbé, come quickly.”
“Where are we going?” Xavier asked as they raced through Paris.
“The Champ de Mars.”
“The military staging ground? Why?”
“People were celebrating the anniversary of the Bastille’s fall when rioting broke out. They’re still fighting because the National Assembly sent a garrison out to put the rebellion down. They declared martial law, and things only got worse.”
The rioting had calmed by the time they arrived. People screamed and occasionally someone threw something at a soldier, but the combat had ceased. Yet this restored order came at a great loss because with the monarchy successfully toppled, Parisian unity crumbled.
Xavier jumped when a small group of people suddenly started mocking the soldiers, who went after them. Xavier looked at Denys. “It’s time. We’re protected by the tricolours and need to stop the violence.” The two men walked through the crowd, trying to calm people. “Please, don’t risk your lives with these men. We can make our point another way!” Either Xavier’s words worked or exhaustion caused people to listen and pause from the rioting.
And so it went on this day at the Champ de Mars when, out of nowhere, Maria appeared.
“Maria. And how is it that you’re here?”
“Don’t act so surprised. Did you think I’d let you have all of the fun? I slipped away to come help. I haven’t seen you in a quite a while,” Maria said.
“No, I’ve been busy.”
“Just because the church is in disarray, you still need to be careful.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Xavier said crossly.
“Yes, you do. You see Thomas too much.”
“Maria, for pity’s sake, I’ve been meeting with him for over two years. I hardly think that someone will materialize out of nowhere and condemn me for it.”
“But you’re more careless now. There was a group from your parish at the house the other night, assisting us in the hospital. The women were talking about their priest and his friend. I couldn’t hear them but I know it was about you and Thomas.”
“So?”
“So they see you. They know.”
“Why does it matter? Let them gossip.”
“You’re offending me,” Maria said.
Xavier sat on a stump, suddenly exhausted and exasperated. He rubbed his eyes then looked at Maria. “I’ve no id
ea how my personal life offends you. Why do you pry into it?”
“It’s not about your personal life. What about the church? Why do you forsake it? You’ve abandoned your faith.”
“The church that you and I intentionally defied for all these years? The church that ignores the poor, forcing us to operate clandestine relief efforts? You’ve abruptly changed your stance and come to its defense?”
“Not the church, your faith,” she answered and dropped to the grass before him. “You used to love serving these people first and foremost. Now, Thomas comes first and everyone else second.”
Xavier hated how people used guilt against him, especially because he succumbed to it every time. “I’ll watch myself,” he said, in an effort to shut her up.
“Do I need to say more? Is that what you want?”
She scrambled off the ground and paced, her large hips swinging back and forth. Then she stopped and pointed at him.
“You were arguing. They said that they’d never heard you raise your voice, but that you and Thomas were right there in the street shouting at each other before he yanked you inside the church. So that’s appropriate behavior? What are you thinking?”
Xavier remembered the quarrel, typical as it had become. Thomas loved Xavier, Xavier loved Thomas, Thomas wanted a relationship, Xavier couldn’t. “You’re right. I need to be more careful. Now can we please forget about it?”
“Are you just saying that to keep me quiet?”
Xavier laughed, which even made Maria giggle.
“At first, yes. I can’t stop seeing him. But I’ll be more vigilant and stop the public scenes. I’m listening to you.”
“Good.” She sat down and patted his knee, then grinned mischievously. “What made you angry? I’ve never seen you as they described.”
“We disagree about our relationship and what it means.”
Maria laughed. Through stifled grunts, she said, “You astound me. So it surprises you that he thinks you’re in some relationship, does it? What on earth do you call it?”
“I see your point.”
“But that doesn’t explain why you shouted at him in public.”
“No, Thomas had started a new mantra. Well, not entirely new but he gave it a new urgency and I’ve told him a million times that I won’t leave Paris.”
“He wanted you to leave?”
“He’s terrified that a mob will come after me.”
“Does he still come only at night? If he’s so damn worried, maybe you ought to find out where he goes through the day.”
Xavier sensed another lecture coming when unexpected shouting erupted behind them from another angry mob, but this time, it seemed the Church was the target. Xavier’s heart pounded and he broke into sweat, for the first time afraid for his safety. Even Maria sat immobile. It was a small band of dirty men, perhaps twenty, who screamed at each person and demanded that everyone acknowledge their rage against the church. To wild roars of approval, one of the men lit an effigy of the pope on fire and held it high above the throng. He swung it over their heads and chanted against the church.
Mesmerized and frightened, Xavier turned to Maria, but she had disappeared. Had she fled? Or was she hidden within the crowd, which was growing larger, with more participants and now gawkers?
“Isn’t he one of ‘em?” someone shouted from within the rabble.
A man, covered in grime with but a few teeth, pointed directly at Xavier, who recognized him as the brother of a groom from a clandestine wedding.
“He ain’t no damn priest!” An unknown woman draped herself over Xavier from behind him.
“He is! Let’s get him! A live bugger to burn!”
“Nah, he’s my man, and no priest can do a woman like this one. I should know.” She grabbed Xavier’s crotch from behind, kissing him heavily on the neck. Bewildered, Xavier finally turned to see who held him and saw Anne Hébert’s glowing brown eyes.
“He looks like the priest who married my brother and his wife,” the man continued, unconvinced.
“I’m taking him home and stripping him down to see if he’s a priest. Leave us alone.”
She yanked Xavier away, clinging to his body and kissing his cheek, though some followed. His heart slowed the farther away they got, but then he halted.
“Wait. Maria’s still back there.” He turned to run but Anne stopped him.
“You’ll cause suspicion, and I already took care of her. She left, probably halfway back to the house by now.” She pulled him back and they hurried through the streets. They had gotten away from most of the people, but the one who recognized Xavier followed with a couple of friends in tow.
“Don’t say a word,” Anne said softly. “I don’t think you can help with this. This is my territory. And if he recognizes your voice, we’re really in trouble.” They moved onto a busy road. “Where’s that Thomas when we need him? He’s the one that ought to be saving you. I know, you’re not lovers. But he’d be helpful here. If only that damn sun would sink faster.”
“What does the sun have to do with anything?”
Anne howled with laughter, her cackle comforting Xavier.
“Nothing, forget it. More important, what were you doing with that mob? Maybe you didn’t hear their opinions of the church?”
“They’d never attacked me before. I was always safe.” But he wasn’t as convinced as he had been about his safety.
“Well, that isn’t true anymore and you’d better start watching yourself better.”
“Thank you for saving me,” Xavier said lamely despite a profound gratitude.
“Don’t mention it. I don’t take kindly to compliments. You’re my friend, and I’d expect the same from anyone I loved if I were in trouble. Let’s not dwell on it, and I don’t want you selling me your Catholic soul. Besides, that was a nice kiss you gave me in return, and a little extra surprise—”
“Anne, please. I’ve lost enough dignity. What brought you to the Champ de Mars, anyway?”
“Now, abbé, are you starting this between us? You know I don’t believe in accidents. I went there because that’s where I was needed. Don’t ask me how I know. We don’t agree about such things.”
Xavier stopped their trek across Paris. Had their pursuers given up? He grabbed Anne and hugged her tightly. His heart had stopped beating as quickly but his hands still trembled.
Xavier jumped when he heard footsteps behind him, but it was only Denys.
“Abbé,” he said, “they killed a priest. They went into a church and dragged him into the street. When he wouldn’t take their oath, they murdered him. I couldn’t find you. I thought that I failed.”
“Calm down. I’m fine. Anne got me away from the mob.”
Xavier led them to the Saint-Laurent home, where they said goodbye to Denys and waited for Catherine in the parlor.
“I suppose that he attacked because he doesn’t know me. That’s the only explanation.” Xavier tried to understand why that man had pointed him out.
“But he did know you,” Anne said.
“He knew what I did for a living.”
“He knew that you did something nice for his brother.”
“What are you telling me?”
“I just don’t want you blinded to reality.”
“You think I’m naïve?”
“Well that’s nothing new between us. I just hope you’re learning from these things that you must be more careful!”
Without warning, the door crashed open and Catherine swooped in, more frenzied than usual.
“What did they do? Are you hurt? Who was it? Denys told me that they came after you—what happened?” She grabbed Xavier’s face and checked for physical harm.
“Catherine, I’m fine. It was nothing.”
“I hear that a mob attacked you and you expect me to think it’s nothing? Xavier, for the love of God, someone tried to kill you.” She stared into his eyes, agitated, then clutched his face to her. He had to forcibly make her release him.
&nb
sp; “Catherine, I’m fine.”
After finally calming Catherine, Xavier listened patiently to a litany of rules that Anne and Catherine expected him to follow every day for his safety. He promised to do so a thousand times. This last brush with a mob had startled him enough to obey.
Strangely, they never mentioned the night and brushed it aside as if he hadn’t said anything. Of course Thomas always protected him, but what about when he left for the night? Surely Thomas slept, and what then? Again they laughed it off, but he let them forget it for fear of more rules.
Xavier: Three Womab
17 July 1791 Late evening
XAVIER SAT ALONE and exhausted at the Saint-Laurent home after a long afternoon, trying to forget the man and his henchmen who had come after him, instead thinking about the three women in his life.
After he calmed Catherine and Anne, Maria showed up and they went through the same conversation. Remembering several afternoon appointments, Xavier tried to leave but all three made him repeat everything. Then Catherine asked about his appointments and exploded when she heard that he had a secret baptism and wedding to perform in the church.
“Absolutely not,” she said with agreement from Anne and Maria.
“You can’t stop me.”
Maria, red with anger, began to shout when Catherine cut her off.
“You may do it on our terms. You’ll use the chapel in this house for such occasions. It’s small, so I’ll transform the outer room for you. We’ll say nothing else of your clandestine activities so long as they take place here and Maria helps.”
Xavier left soon after with Denys and returned to the house shortly with his entourage of parishioners seeking various rituals. He spent his afternoon administering to one person after another.