She put her hand on his. “You can’t blame yourself.”
“It’s getting easier, but it’s still hard.”
She leaned in and hugged him. His falcon flew against his mental cage. He needed to be free. Connor struggled. None of the women he dated knew he was a shifter. It was easier when he didn’t feel any emotion. Now all he wanted was to take her in his arms, kiss her mouth, and hold her tight. He wanted to rip off her clothes and see the body hidden beneath. He wanted to pick her up, wrap her legs around him, and thrust himself deep inside her.
Her hair smelled of coconut and vanilla. She molded herself against him like a custom-made suit. He grew harder as her firm breasts pressed against him. He kissed her neck and whispered, “Tatum, I want you to spend the night. I want to see the sunrise with you next to me.”
She pulled back. “I don’t know.”
He straightened and leaned back. “Oh, of course. I mean we just met and everything. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.”
She put her elbows on the table and covered her face with her hands. “It’s not that. I worry how things will be after we spend the night.”
He reached for her hands to see her face. “Then let’s not worry about after. Let’s focus on now.”
She scooted to the edge of her seat. He scooped her up into his lap. They wrapped their arms around each other and pressed together. Connor felt her heart beat against his. He parted her lips with his tongue. Her soft mewl made him harder and enticed the falcon.
With her legs gripping his waist, he stood and sat her down on the table. In one swift push, plates and glasses dropped to the floor. She laid back and arched her back as she used her legs to hold him closer. He ran his hands on her stomach and cupped her breasts teasing the hard nipples. She pulled her shirt over her head and slithered out of her bra.
He bent to take a nipple into his mouth. He sucked and licked one while gently pinching the other. The more he teased her the harder she pushed him against her.
“We need to go someplace else,” Connor said between breaths. He helped her off the table and walked her back to his room.
He watched her slide off her shoes and shimmy out of her pants. Seeing her with no clothes on made it impossible to wait anymore. She sat on the bed and crawled back to the headboard. He took off his clothes and climbed on top of her. She was wet and ready when he thrust himself into her and pushed deeper. His falcon screeched “mine”, but his heart worried, afraid of scaring her away. He’d never been so conflicted before. He told the beast inside to wait and hoped he could control the primal urge to make her his forever.
Tatum raised her hips and ground herself against his hard shaft. She clawed his back feeling hard muscles flex with each push. He picked her up, sat back on his legs, and brought her onto his lap. This helped her bounce up and down going deeper and harder with each downstroke.
She’d met no one as powerful and eager as Connor. When he took a nipple in his mouth and pinched it with his teeth, she lost it and spasmed against his chest. Within minutes, he shuddered against her, and they fell on the bed, panting.
“Um, okay. I wasn’t expecting that to happen,” she said.
He rolled over and propped himself up leaning on his elbow. “I didn’t expect it either. I hope you’re okay with it.”
She rested on her forearms. “I’m more than okay with that. I want more.”
“That can be arranged.” He reached under her and brought her closer.
“Nah uh.” She smiled and pushed him back then wrapped a leg over his torso and mounted him holding herself up with her hands. “I need to return the favor.”
She kissed his chest and blew cold air on his nipples enjoying the shiver that cascaded over his body. “I know a trick or two you might enjoy.”
“You think so?”
“No, Connor, I know so.” She twisted off his hips and turned around showing him her tight ass. Wrapping her hands around the base of his sex, she stroked up and down as he grew harder and harder. She held her buttocks high with her legs slightly open exposing her nub and consumed his groin tasting the juices from before. He reached out and fondled her slit probing in and out.
Wrapping his arms around her waist, he sat her on his face and circled her jewel lapping up her exposed parts. Tatum moaned around his cock and took him in deeper. She’d wanted this to last longer but wasn’t used to a lover who cared about her enjoyment as much as he did. It drove her mad, and it wasn’t long before she shuddered with pleasure.
“Come up here,” he growled.
He moved behind her as she went to the head of the bed. Reaching around he settled inside her and they began rocking. He watched his falcon spread his wings wanting to take flight and claim her as his. He fought against the beast and focused on the way her body aroused him. Her walls tightened and quivered as the orgasm rocked through her body. With one last thrust, he let go and emptied himself.
They collapsed on the bed hot, sweaty, and out of breath. “Do you want something to drink?” Connor sat on the edge of the bed.
“Water is fine. Do you have ice?”
“I think so. One ice water coming up.”
She pulled up the sheet and sat against the headboard, resting her chin on bent knees. His absence gave her a chance to study his room. Another painting of the canyon hung on the wall opposite his bed. Various pictures of him and his brothers covered the dresser and a full bookcase leaned against the wall. His collection of science fiction surprised her. She’d loved reading as a kid, but once she stepped on the fast track through high school, college, and med school, she had no time for pleasure reading. She’d watched the movie adaptation of several books on his shelf. This would give her something to talk about with him.
How did their simple dinner lead to this?
He handed her a glass. “I had no ice, but it’s cold.”
She downed the water.
“I guess you were thirsty,” he teased.
“That was hard work.”
“Are you complaining?”
“No, but we should talk about it.”
“Okay.” He sat next to her leaning against the headboard. “What do you want to say?”
“This is weird. I don’t normally go from dinner straight to sex.”
“Do you date a lot?”
“Not really. There’s never enough time and most guys just want one thing.”
“A fast car?” He smirked.
She used her pillow to smack him. “Right that’s what guys always think about. I spend almost all my time at the hospital. Having sex with anyone there would complicate matters too much.”
“Do you get any time off?”
She adjusted her pillow then laid on her side facing him. “When you’re in a fellowship program, you practically live at the hospital. I can’t tell you how many times I lost track of the days. Even when I was off, it was better to stay on campus. Besides, it’s easier to get noticed if you’re there at the right times.”
“Is getting noticed a good thing?”
“Totally. I made sure all the doctors learned my name as fast as possible. Sometimes, I got to assist them because they knew my name and so they didn’t have to rely on a random student.”
“Do you like being a doctor?”
“There are moments. I remember the first time I watched an open-heart surgery. The doctor performed a cardiac massage.” Connor grimaced. “Don’t look like that. It wasn’t gross. It was fascinating. I was the closest student, so he let me hold the man’s heart once it started again. It was the most humbling experience I’ve had in my life. I was afraid, nervous, and aroused all at the same time.”
“I can’t even imagine what that must have been like. Are you going into cardiology when you’re finished?”
She shrugged. “If my dad were alive, he would push me into a specialty like that. It’s good money, but competitive. There aren’t many women in that field, either. I’d be good at it. But there is something about the unpredic
tability of the emergency room that drives me to be better.”
“Isn’t that more stressful?”
“Well, it’s not like you see on TV. Most of my time is spent entering notes and codes for billing. I bet I spend a minimum of an hour at the computer for each patient I actually see and most of the time I am finished with them after fifteen minutes. I’ve seen some crazy shit come through there though.”
He scooted down and laid his head on the pillow, held out his arm, and invited her to snuggle next to him. “What’s the craziest thing you ever worked on?”
“I’m always amazed at what people can insert into their many orifices. It’s like people don’t get that certain holes are exit only.” She laid her head on his chest.
“Don’t discount the backdoor. I bet I can show you another use for that one.”
She sat up with a smirk on her face. “Hmm, I can’t say I’ve ever experienced that.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
She laid back down. “So. I’ve told you about being a doctor. What’s it like being a model?”
“I think it’s a lot like being a puppet. There was always someone else pulling my strings. They told me how to walk, how to smile, and how to stand. I rarely ate what I wanted. Though I’m luckier than most in that regard. I’ve got a fast metabolism. A lot of models live off of cigarettes and salads.”
“Is that the secret to staying so thin? Maybe I should take up smoking.”
“I think you look great.” He ran his hand along her hip and backside to emphasize his point.
“Are all models real bitchy like it shows on TV and the magazines?”
“There are some. Most of us didn’t control the image created by our agents. If there was a big job that involved a sweet innocent photo shoot, an agent might try to set up the model on an ordinary coffee date. If it was something high class or ritzy, they might arrange for some kind of diva-like scene. Most of us spent our free time sleeping or exercising.”
“That doesn’t sound like any fun. Did you like it?” She played with his chest hair.
“At first it fed my ego better than anything before. Girls threw themselves at me. I dated someone new every night. I never paid for clothes. And I traveled a lot.”
“What made you quit?”
“It got old and hard to pretend I felt something I didn’t. I also aged.”
“You’re not THAT old.”
“In model years, I’m ancient. Each year the models started younger. I watched kids playing at adulthood. It was too easy for them to get lost in the business. As long as they brought in money the agencies didn’t care about them as people.”
“Is that what happened to your friend? The one in the picture?”
He sighed and bent his head to see her face. “I don’t know what happened. We started around the same time and often worked together. People claimed we made a cute couple, whatever that means. The year before she died, we drifted apart. I heard about a botched surgery and her bookings going down. I kept meaning to connect with her, but life got in the way. When I had time, I forgot, and when I remembered, I didn’t have time. That night she called me crying. I told her to hang on I would be right there. They told me she must have taken the pills before she called me because it didn’t take me that long to get there.”
His pain made Tatum’s heart ache. She caressed his face with her hand. “I’ve seen several suicides come in the ER. They are never easy to deal with. You know it wasn’t your fault, right?”
“That’s what people say, but I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if I’d gotten there earlier or talked to her the day before. When I quit and came to the retreat, I was really messed up. I was a big ass. It took Caleb beating the shit out of me one night to make me realize that this wasn’t what Leah would have wanted.”
The heaviness of their emotions covered them like a blanket. Neither one said anything and soon their breathing slowed.
Connor nudged her. “Are you asleep?”
“No.”
“Can I ask you another question?”
“I guess.”
He propped himself up on the side with his forearm. “What happened to the guy who hit you?”
Tatum’s eyes shot opened. “Why do you ask?”
“How could anyone do that to a girl.”
“I was drunk and thought I had control of the situation. I should have never left my friends to go outside with him.”
He rolled her over to face him. “Do you think that gave him the right to hit you?”
She tried to roll away, but he held her in place. “The moment I agreed to go outside with him, it gave him the idea that I was a willing partner.”
He scooted down to lay face to face. “No guy has the right to ever hit a girl like that. You did nothing wrong.”
“I guess.”
She avoided his face.
“Tatum, look at me.” He tried to lift her chin. “Tatum.”
When she wouldn’t move, he rolled over, turned on the light, and sat next to her.
“Tatum, look at me.”
She acquiesced and sat against the headboard.
He took her hand. “It doesn’t matter if you were drunk or sober. If you are with a guy and things ever get out of control, you have the right to say no, and he needs to stop. It’s that simple.”
“Well, I haven’t had a drink of alcohol since then. I think about it all the time, though.”
“The alcohol?”
“Yeah. I drank when I couldn’t sleep. I drank when I was bored. I drank when I was happy. The whole thing has made me think about my life a lot.”
“You said there was an off-duty police officer.”
She hugged her knees. “Yes. He took care of it. The police came, and the guy confessed right there and then.” Her lips trembled, and tears formed in the corner of her eyes.
He turned off the lights then reached around and brought her to him. He held her through the night.
Connor’s shoulder ached. It confused him when he couldn’t move it. He opened both eyes and inhaled the soft scent of vanilla. Tatum. During the night she rolled her back to face him and he spooned her. He smelled the sun sneaking over the horizon. Still dark outside, he didn’t want to wake her. She moved a little and mumbled softly in her sleep when he slid out his arm, but never woke up.
Connor had a hard time understanding her. She was more passionate than he expected, but it was obvious she was uncomfortable with her family and herself. He wasn’t convinced she was happy. He knew family issues. His brothers never let him forget he was the baby. None of his family accepted his career choice. They changed their minds when he bought enough of their shares in Libre Volare to be an equal partner. His brothers didn’t like to admit it, but he saved them from bankruptcy. His talent for business led to their first profitable year.
He opened the sliding glass door and stood on the porch. There was nothing better than flying as the sun rose. He rolled his head and stretched his neck. Though not satisfied, his falcon gave him enough peace during the night for a good sleep. But now they both itched to move and explore.
Each time he flew over his canyon, he saw something different. Living in New York forced him to discover new ways of hiding after shifting. More than one homeless person living in Central Park saw him. Most of them blamed alcohol or drugs. He met a homeless witch once. She spent hours talking with him about the transformation. He brought her coffee and a croissant each time they met. One morning, she stopped showing. He never found out what happened.
Born a shifter, he’d been shifting for years. Each time grew easier. Now the breaking bones and stretching limbs was as natural as breathing. His legs shrank, and talons replaced his feet. His arms melted into their sockets as feathers bloomed from his shoulders. With one expansion of his wings, he pushed off and took flight.
The flat edge of the ground rushed away under him. The air temperature dropped as a current blew from the bottom of the gorge. Eroded cliffs
showed monochromatic variations of erosion. Assorted hues of red and pink showed the age of the cliffs outlining his canyon. Brackish water from the estuary created a strong divide where the fresh water started. Steep-sided valley walls held in the cold from the night. Foam capped rapids echoed against the rocks. A lone rock formation stood as a sentinel on the highest peak. Sediment lined the still, quiet part of river current and a waterfall cascaded down one mountain. Rocks adorned the caves where cliff dwellers lived a lifetime ago. Steam rose from a secluded mineral spring. As the sun climbed the morning sky, the falcon heard animals stirring.
He followed his shadow before landing on a weathered plane. His head twitching alert to the subtle changes of the canyon coming to life. His heart wanted to share this with Tatum. Would she see the world like him? Would she accept him? At an early age, he knew not everyone understood the vast differences in the human species. As progressive as she acted, acknowledging the uniqueness of the shifter world demanded an open mind and heart.
He debated the best way to share himself during the flight home. He landed outside his bedroom. A gentle breeze parted the curtains as he changed. The loud scream scared him into a defensive stance preparing for danger. He scanned the area and saw nothing of concern, but then saw Tatum staring at him. All the color drained from her face and her mouth hung open. She began to hyperventilate shaking her head and muttering.
“Tatum, it’s okay. It’s me, Connor.” He walked through the door with open arms.
“You … you are n-n-not Con-Con-Connor. What the hell are you?” She stepped backward butting up against a wall.
He tried to hold her, but she kicked him in the balls and danced around him grabbing her clothes.
He doubled over in pain, holding his breath. Through clenched teeth, he said, “You don’t need to be afraid. I won’t hurt you.”
“How do I know that?”
“Because it’s me. I haven’t hurt you yet.”
Crap that was not the way to say that.
“Yet! You haven’t hurt me, yet? Does that mean you are planning to hurt me?”
“No, I would never hurt you. Have you never heard of a shifter before?”
Forgiveness For My Mate: Sassy Ever After (Sanctuary for My Mate Book 1) Page 6