Vampires Need Not...Apply?: An Accidentally Yours Novel (The Accidentally Yours Series)

by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

  “Margaret?”

  “Yes?”

  “How do I open the portal?”

  She stared for a moment, clearly thinking over her response. “I think we should wait until we’re in Mexico. When Chaam is released, we open the portal for Ixtab. Otherwise, I have no guarantee they’ll free him.”

  Antonio stood up. “Ixtab will make sure that Chaam is freed, Margaret. She would not double-cross you because she’s good. I’ve never met anyone like the woman—so willing to sacrifice herself for the happiness of others.”

  Funny. Now that he thought about it, why was she the Goddess of Suicide? Ixtab wasn’t depressing or morbid. She was sexy, quirky, and strong. She was happy and wanted nothing more than the same for others. And wasn’t happiness one of her gifts? So why wasn’t she the Goddess of Happiness? Caray, if they got through this, he’d lobby the gods for a name change. She didn’t deserve such a horrible title.

  Margaret’s eyes reflected her concern. “I don’t know.”

  “Please, Margaret. Please tell me how. I know you want Chaam back, but you have to remeber this mess is Cimil’s doing, not anyone else’s. Now she’s behind bars, and the truth has been exposed. It is over. You’ve played your hand and done your part. Now the rest of us need to do ours.”

  “I can’t risk it,” she said.

  “Do you want me to beg? Because I will. Whatever it takes.” He lowered himself and kneeled on the floor in front of her.

  Margaret hissed. “Stop. Don’t do that. You’re breaking my heart. I’ll tell you…”

  Antonio sprang from his seat, grabbed her shoulders, and picked her up to embrace her.

  “Whoa, there, vampire.” She wiggled in his arms. “I think”—she grunted her words—“you’re forgetting how strong you are.”

  “My apologies.” Antonio set her down.

  She secured her robe and smiled. “To open the tablet, you must make a sacrifice.”

  “Sacrifice?” Diablos. He’d have to kill someone?

  “And it must be in the name of true love,” she added.

  Qué? “You know that sounds like a fairy-tale cliché, don’t you?” His mind started formulating how a sacrifice made specifically in the name of love would have any scientific bearing. Simply put, the tablet’s atoms reacted to external stimuli and energy patterns, so could this mean that love, an emotion, had its own frequency?

  “Yes. But it’s true,” she said. “It’s how I ended up trapped. My father had been trying to open the portal, hoping to bring my mother back from the dead. He was about to tear out Itzel’s heart—he must’ve translated the word sacrifice on the tablet and thought killing someone was the key to its power—when Chaam found him. I know my father was mad, his soul past the point of redemption, which meant Chaam was obligated to kill him on the spot for the good of humanity. That’s their law. Then I showed up, and Chaam had to choose between killing my father right in front of me or serving his duty. Somehow, and I don’t know how, but Chaam resisted his hardwiring to put his duty first. He broke his bond with the Universe to save me from the pain of watching my father’s death.”

  “You said he killed him anyway.”

  She nodded. “Yes. Chaam’s decision, his sacrifice to negate his duty opened the portal, but it didn’t change the fact that my father had turned evil. My father went for Itzel’s heart. Chaam stopped him just in time.”

  “I am very sorry to hear that.” It seemed like a senseless tragedy. One that he hoped would not go unpunished if Cimil had truly been the instigator. But that was a task for the deities to deal with. Right now, however, he needed to rescue Ixtab, who had sacrificed herself for him. Did that mean she loved him? Because the portal had definitely opened.

  His heart suddenly warmed at the idea. Could she truly love me? After everything they’d been through, it would be a miracle. And make it all worth it.

  She shrugged. “What’s done is done. Chaam deserves a second chance.”

  “We will make sure he gets one. Right now, I need to go and get Ixtab back.” He turned to leave, then had a thought. “Margaret, you said that you could see and hear everything from the other side of the portal.”

  “Not everything all at once, but it allows you to watch whomever you choose. Quite the superspy tool, if you ask me.”

  Antonio smiled. When they’d met, Ixtab had told him she was a spy. “Ixtab can hear me now, can’t she?”

  “Probably. If she’s with the demon, then so can he.”

  Good. He had something to say to both of them.

  Chapter Treinta y Uno

  Antonio stopped by Penelope and Kinich’s room to advise them of the change of plans—he would open the portal immediately. Of course, he heard nothing but loud animal-like grunting and howls so he’d opted for advising one of the Uchben soldiers. The plan was simple. They’d open the portal inside a holding cell at the prison and pull Ixtab out. If the demon was freed in the process, the cell—which Kinich said could contain any being—would prevent the demon from going anywhere.

  Except your body. Yet that was a chance Antonio was willing to take; this had to end and Ixtab would be freed. And if doing so meant he needed to sacrifice his life, then so be it. Even better if it resulted in that demon’s eternal incarceration. He only hoped he might be given a few precious moments to simply hold Ixtab again and tell her how he felt. However, if the cards were not in his favor…

  He slipped outside and looked up at the starry sky. So many nights he’d stared up at the stars, wondering where his fate might lead him, wondering the purpose to all his struggles and suffering. None of it seemed to make any sense then, but now it did: everything led him to her.

  “Ixtab, if you’re listening, I want you to know I am sorry for not seeing who you really were. I was blind when we met, blinded by my fear—fear of losing my brother, of failing him. I believed that saving Margaret was my only way out. What you don’t know is that it was your face I saw. It was your eyes I dreamed of and saw every time I closed my eyes. It was you, Ixtab. Always you. So if I do not get a chance to say this in person, I want you to know that I love you—you were meant to be mine. And whatever happens, I’m grateful for finding you.”

  He paused, a small piece of him hoping he might hear a reply or any sign that his message had been delivered. There was nothing but silence.

  “And Father, if you’re listening. I don’t care how many lifetimes it takes, I will send you back to hell. You’ll not win, not against me.”

  The wind howled, sounding as if it contained voices—shrieks and wails. “Yeah. Fuck you, too.”

  * * *

  Alone in the prison cell, Antonio laid the tablet on the cold cement floor and stared at the thing. This was it. Time to set everything right and make sure the demon never harmed another being again.

  His plan was simple. Open the portal and pull Ixtab out. Once she was freed, the guards were standing by to extract her from the cell. He only hoped he could do so before the demon emerged. Because once it was freed, this cell would never be opened again. Yes, the demon would stay here until the end of time or until the gods could find another way to deal with him.

  “What now?” he asked Margaret through the glass. Behind her stood Kinich; Penelope; the woman he’d met the prior day, Emma; and a dozen soldiers dressed in black.

  Margaret shrugged. “Do you have something to sacrifice in the name of true love?” Her voice echoed through the speakers and bounced off the sterile walls.

  He nodded. “Yes.”

  “Well?” she asked.

  He couldn’t reveal his plan. Not when Ixtab might be listening in; she’d never allow him to sacrifice himself to save her. “I can’t tell you, but I’m ready to make the sacrifice,” he said.

  “Try thinking of your offering,” Margaret suggested.

  He did that and once again nothing happened.

  Kinich and Penelope exchanged worried glances.

  “It’s a Maaskab relic,” Maggie said. “Everyone knows
the Maaskab use dark magic, which is highly unpredictable. Keep trying.”

  He did. He thought about the portal opening and the demon taking his body. He thought about seeing Ixtab’s face again. Nothing happened. Mierda. “Fuck this. I need to get my equipment up and running.”

  Margaret pressed her palms against the glass. “I already told you, that won’t work. Dammit! Try harder. Chaam is almost out of time!”

  “What do you mean?” Kinich asked her.

  She looked up at him with teary brown eyes. “I mean that if you don’t let Chaam out of that prison soon, we won’t be able to cure him. He’s poisoned with evil, and it’s been eating away at his soul. There’s almost nothing left of it—he’ll end up just like my father.”

  She looked at Antonio through the glass. “Keep trying.”

  “Something isn’t working,” he explained. “It’s useless.”

  Then Margaret’s pale face lit up. “No. It’s not useless. You can save Chaam. You can gobble up the darkness inside him. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of that before.”

  She wanted him to drain the dark energy from Chaam as he’d done to those Maaskab? Antonio mulled it over. Chaam was immortal, so there was no risk of killing him. “But that doesn’t get Ixtab back,” he stated coldly.

  A cackle erupted from somewhere in the complex. It sounded like Cimil. “Peekaboo! I can’t see you!” she screamed. Of course, she couldn’t see them because they were in a separate cell toward the back of the prison. “Peekaboo… can’t see you!” Cimil hollered again.

  Batshit loca.

  Maggie’s head whipped toward the sound and then back in Antonio’s direction. “I have a solution.”

  He waited.

  “You’ll have to trust me, Antonio, but I figured out how to get Ixtab back without risking the demon being set free.”

  He hoped Cimil hadn’t been her inspiration because that would be bad. Very, very bad given Cimil’s legendary panache for lying, cheating, and causing death and mayhem. Add that Maggie had already proven she’d do almost anything to free Chaam…

  “No,” he said. “Your trust ran out the moment Ixtab became your sacrificial lamb,” he told her.

  “Antonio,” she said, “why would I double-cross you? You’re the only one who can save the man I love.”

  She had a point, however…

  “You’re asking me to go to Mexico, have the gods free this evil deity Chaam, attempt to cure him, and then simply trust you’ll be able to open the portal and free Ixtab while dealing with the demon?”

  She nodded. “Yes.”

  “Y la puente apestosa?” he said.

  “Huh?” She quirked a brow.

  “And the stinky bridge?”

  “Okay. Thanks for translating. Once again, huh?” she said.

  “You are trying to sell me a bridge made of bullshit. No?” he said.

  Maggie’s nostrils flared. “Haven’t you learned anything? I. Am. The only one here you can trust.” She glanced at Kinich and Penelope. “No offense, but saving Chaam isn’t on the top of your list.”

  “The loss of my brother in our lives has troubled me deeply,” Kinich said. “We are not of the same blood and bone as human siblings, but the deities are connected by something much greater: the Universe.” He looked down. “I have felt the loss of Chaam’s presence. Deeply. As have we all. And there’s nothing I would not give to have my family whole again.”

  Well, that was one hell of a guilt trip. Now Antonio had to save this…Chaam. He couldn’t deprive a family of the chance to save their brother. Not after everything he’d gone through to save his.

  He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer that Ixtab would come back to him. “I will help Chaam.”

  Kinich gave him a look that needed no words. Gratitude. “I’ll let the Uchben down in Mexico know we’re coming. Let’s get you on a plane.”

  “I will—” He saw Maggie making a beeline for the door. “Where are you going?”

  “I’ll see you on top of the temple! With Ixtab! Don’t worry!” She disappeared out the door.

  Christ almighty. He couldn’t believe he was actually putting his fate, his destiny, in the hands of this strange woman who’d popped out of the portal.

  Antonio couldn’t help but feel like a rat running through the maze, every turn, every twist just part of some bigger plan.

  “You okay?” Kinich asked. “You look pale all of a sudden.”

  “I’m not sure, but I have the distinct feeling that none of this is happening by chance.”

  “Welcome to my world,” Kinich replied.

  Chapter Treinta y Dos

  Twelve hours later. Ten kilometers north of Bacalar, Mexico

  Antonio could not believe that such a short distance from an innocent-looking, sleepy lakeside town, nestled in a lush tropical forest, existed a large Maaskab structure, where a deity of epic evil proportions stayed incarcerated. Then again, why the hell not? Compared to what he once believed, the world was nothing but one giant illusion.

  He still digested the shocking facts, scientifically impossible facts he’d learned of from Kinich on the plane ride down. For example, not only were deities and vampires real—not so strange, he supposed, given his heritage—it seemed the immortal races were mimicking the humans and undergoing their own genetic evolution. In other words, they, too, were turning into one giant melting pot: ex–deity vampires, ex-vampires who were now demigods, fallen angel vampires, the human offspring of an angel who now housed the power of a deity (Penelope), offspring of deities who were mortal (Payals), and children being born of parents from the various combinations. It made him wonder what his and Ixtab’s children might be like if they should someday be so lucky. Could female deities even have children? he wondered.

  Half incubus-vampire, half deity. Now that would be interesting. Especially considering Ixtab’s multitude of abilities: happiness, seasoning, toothaches… death. Gods, I hope we don’t have a daughter; her mood swings might be a threat to humanity. Then again, a tiny Ixtab would be… simply adorable. And you’d never have to worry about the boys touching her.

  Hmmm…

  “Bueno. So, you’re trying to tell me that no one comes here? No one knows about it?” Antonio asked Kinich. The noon sun glimmered off the shiny black pyramid before them, blanketing the structure with blurry waves of gaseous heat.

  “The Maaskab built this place and we took it from them in a battle. The grounds are heavily warded with their magic. Humans intuitively stay away,” Kinich replied.

  “Don’t planes fly overhead and see it?” Antonio asked.

  “The wards make them believe they see only jungle,” Kinich explained.

  “And where did the Maaskab go?” he asked.

  “Many were killed in our last battle,” Kinich responded. “The rest are in hiding, waiting patiently for their next opportunity to attack. I’m sure they are watching us now, though I’m also sure they’d think twice about engaging; this place is heavily guarded by Uchben.”

  Antonio heard a trickle of doubt seeping into Kinich’s voice and glanced over his shoulder. A very tall barbed wire fence ran the perimeter about fifty meters back from the base of the pyramid. Frankly, if these Maaskab where as powerful as everyone said, he couldn’t see how a bunch of humans, i.e., the Uchben, and a fence could stand against them.

  “So how the hell are we getting him out of there?” Antonio asked. Was there a door or secret tunnel?

  “There is an opening at the top of the structure. It’s a straight drop down deep inside the pyramid where Chaam is held.” Kinich pointed to the soldiers who expeditiously unloaded pulleys and ropes from the Jeeps they’d arrived in and carried them up the face of the pyramid.

  Antonio also noted a large cage. “Deity reinforced?”

  “Yes,” Kinich responded. “Just in case we are unable to cure Chaam.”

  Not a chance. Gods, I’m fucking hungry…

  “Who’s going inside to get him?”

>   Kinich looked uneasy, a fact that did not sit well with Antonio, but at this juncture, a little bout of nerves was no match for his determination.

  “I will go,” Kinich replied. “This is why I asked Penelope to stay behind with Emma. It would make her very uneasy to witness what I am about to do.”

  Probably a wise choice given the high concentration of evil vibrating through the air; it was no place for a pregnant woman.

  “I think I should go down and attempt to cleanse him before bringing him up,” Antonio suggested.

  Kinich scratched his golden-brown stubble, and his eyes flickered from turquoise to gray for a brief moment. “No, he may be conscious, and given his state of mind, he may resist you. I have a better chance of pulling my brother out.”

  But the evil energy, even from outside, was extremely potent. “What will happen if you’re exposed to whatever is inside?” Antonio asked.

  “I’m sure a few minutes of exposure won’t be fatal. Plus, I will have you and Ixtab to help me if anything happens. Yes?”

  Antonio only hoped that Margaret would keep her word and deliver Ixtab as promised.

  A caravan of black Hummers pulled up on the dirt road and stopped. Antonio immediately recognized the deities unloading from the vehicles. The man with ankle-length hair and the enormous headdress (that fit in the car, how?), the lady with the beehive hat, the one who seemed drunk (though he wore a toga today), Fate, and a few others whose names he didn’t remember.

  “And I have them,” Kinich added, jerking his head toward his brethren. “They’ll make sure nothing bad happens.”

  “You are certain you don’t want me to go in?” Antonio asked.

  “You simply need to focus on your part: draining the darkness from Chaam’s body once we emerge.”

  One of the soldiers called for Kinich. About twenty men at the top of the pyramid had erected a triangular structure with a pulley system. Kinich grumbled. “Wish me luck.”

  Antonio hesitated to follow. Where was Margaret? She’d said she would have Ixtab freed before Chaam came out.