by Lori M. Lee
I can’t save them.
Emryn gripped the edge of an embrasure as he struggled to his feet. He blinked hazily. A scuffing sound drew my attention to Cassia. She had Mason’s weapon in hand and was walking toward me.
“Cassia, don’t!” I shielded Reev with my body as I scrambled for his torch blade. My fingers wrapped around the handle, and I raised the weapon as Cassia swung downward.
My sword met empty air, but hers landed with a loud clang. She had severed the chain binding my wrists to my ankles.
“Stay still,” Cassia said. She had a wild look in her eyes that had nothing to do with Istar’s song.
Keeping Reev’s sword in hand, I stretched out my shackled wrists and ankles. She broke the chains, but the manacles couldn’t be removed without the keys or a more skilled swordsman. It was good enough. At least I was free to move now.
I didn’t thank her.
She threw down the torch blade and stepped past us, reaching for Emryn. She helped him up, but she couldn’t shoulder his weight, and they stumbled against the parapet.
“Can you make her stop singing?” I asked, looking out over the Outlands and Lanathrill’s army. With soldiers, Watchmen, and fallen sentinels choking the street and blocking the entrance into the city, the rest of Lanathrill’s army remained trapped outside the walls, away from the bloodshed. The excluded soldiers waved their weapons in the air and hacked impatiently at the dry earth, shouting and working themselves into a frothing mass. Soon, they would turn their swords on one another if Istar didn’t stop.
I searched the teeming bodies in case Istar had hidden herself among them. She had to be close by.
“It’s impossible,” Cassia said. “You should escape while you can.”
“Not without my brother.”
My gaze searched beyond the army, squinting at the horizon. A rocky outcropping rose against the flat landscape, past the army’s left flank. A figure stood at its crest. My nails bit into the stone parapet.
She was too far away to see clearly, but the silhouette of her full petticoats and the vivid red spot of her hair was unmistakable. Istar.
I would never be able to reach her quickly enough without a Gray, and I couldn’t leave Mason and Reev unprotected. Grinding my teeth in frustration, I turned to Cassia.
She was looking at Reev. “Your brother,” she said, sounding pained. “I see.”
“Your goddess is right there,” I shouted, pointing at Istar’s distant figure. “Are you really going to stand here and do nothing while they all slaughter one another?”
Pounding footsteps made me twist around. Soldiers were coming up the steps, their swords drawn. Mason was still lying at the top of the stairs.
I rushed them, raising Reev’s sword. The broken manacles weighed down my wrists and ankles, but I rammed myself into the first soldier. My shoulder struck his midsection, and he went tumbling down the steps, taking another soldier with him.
The next soldier was on me in an instant. I blocked her strike, but she struck again. I ducked and dropped to my haunches before kicking out, my heel striking her shin. Something snapped in her leg, and she screamed as she fell. I brought down the hilt of my torch blade against the back of her head, and she went limp. I hoped she wasn’t dead.
A burly Watchman came sprinting up the steps as I leaned over to drag Mason away. The back of Mason’s head left a red smear against the stone, and I gasped. He must have hit his head on the way down.
There was no time to staunch the wound. At the sight of me, the Watchman’s nostrils flared and he lifted a torch blade, which he must have taken off a fallen sentinel. I straightened, bringing up my sword to block. The Watchman’s blade struck mine with jarring force, knocking the handle out of my hand. My weapon landed a few feet away. I lunged for it, and then leaped back when the Watchman’s blade nearly bit through my wrist. His boot rammed into my shoulder. There was a sickening pop, and pain tore through me.
The Watchman advanced on me. I was breathless with agony as I scrambled back. I held my useless arm at my side as I looked frantically between Mason and the Watchman pursuing me. I shouted for help, but Cassia and Emryn had disappeared. They must have escaped while I was fending off the soldiers. Already, another soldier emerged at the top of the steps, his crazed eyes finding Mason.
I grappled for the threads. Time slowed. I somehow found enough breath to scream through the pain as I struggled to my feet. Ducking under the Watchman’s descending blade, I hobbled back to Mason’s side. With a glance backward, I realized my mistake. The Watchman was now a mere foot away from Reev.
I held on to the threads with a shaking grip, but I could already feel them growing taut with the need to spring free. No, no, no. I looked between Mason and Reev. Then, with a strangled cry, I lurched back toward Reev as my grip broke.
Time sped forward. The Watchman’s sword smashed into the stone where I’d been, spraying chips across the wall. A beat of confusion followed before he lunged for Reev.
With a heave, I plowed into his back, sending him screaming over the ledge.
Pain racked me. I dropped, rolling onto my uninjured shoulder. My lungs refused to work. For excruciating seconds, my vision went black. I struggled to hold on to consciousness.
Please. I wasn’t even sure what I was asking for. I stretched my working arm, my hand slapping against the stone until I touched Reev’s tunic. I wrapped the material around my fist, Reev’s body heat warming my bloodied knuckles. I needed help. I couldn’t stop Istar and protect them on my own. I closed my eyes. Please, Avan.
If I were Infinite—
A sudden roar vibrated through the battlements. From below came a flurry of screams and inhuman snarling. The wall shook as something monstrous climbed the steps.
I forced my eyes open. The soldier hovering over Mason’s torn body had turned back around to face whatever new threat had arrived. Before he could even raise his weapon, razor-like claws cut through him.
An enormous chimera climbed up onto the wall. The stone cracked and buckled beneath its weight. It stood directly above Mason. Terrified, I fumbled for the threads.
The chimera lowered its huge head and shoulders. I gaped, forgetting the threads in my astonishment.
Sitting between the bony spines of its upper back was Avan.
CHAPTER 36
DUMBSTRUCK, I WATCHED Avan dismount from the chimera’s back. The creature bent its forelegs, pressing its chest to the wall, allowing Avan to use the crook of its massive arm as a foothold.
He paused to search Mason’s bloodstained neck for a pulse. The sight jolted my senses back into order long enough for me to rasp Mason’s name.
“Alive,” Avan said, and my breath came in a shuddering sob. But the blood beneath Mason’s body continued to expand.
“Help him,” I pleaded, using my good arm to try to lever myself up. “Avan, help him.”
Avan flicked his hand at the chimera. With a low grunt, the creature reached down for Mason with one immense, clawed hand. I swallowed a sound of distress as it picked up Mason, with startling gentleness, and deposited his limp body between the back spines of another chimera that had lumbered up the stairs. I bit the inside of my cheeks to keep from crying out at the sight of Mason’s injuries. The soldier who’d attacked him had cleaved clear through Mason’s shoulder, nearly taking his arm off. The weapon had caught his jaw as well.
The chimera bearing Mason turned and sped away down the main road, toward the White Court. The hollows who’d remained in the city after Irra’s departure would know what to do when they saw him. Surely, Irra had left some healing tonic behind. If Mason’s own healing ability kept him alive long enough for tonic to be useful . . .
I rested my head against my arm, shuddering weakly. Hands touched the back of my head, and I looked up to find Avan kneeling over me, his face tight with concern. I was too shocked by everything that had just happened to even react to his presence. There were so many questions running rampant in my head that it was
impossible to settle on one.
His fingers lightly probed my shoulder. I hissed with pain, recoiling from his touch.
“It’s dislocated,” he said.
Even through the confusion, the sound of his voice made me want to lean into him, to ensure this wasn’t a dream born of pain and delusion. I thought I’d lost him. My eyes stung, and I took deep breaths to keep from breaking down. If I let this deluge of emotions engulf me, I might never find my way back to the surface, and that was more terrifying than the chimera.
“Avan,” I said, gripping his arm with my good hand. “You have to stop Istar. She’s in the Outlands, past the army on some rocks—”
“Kai.” Avan lowered his face so that our noses brushed. I went still, swallowing the rest of my words. “Listen.”
I held my breath and listened.
The wind was silent. The singing had stopped.
I struggled to my feet. Avan helped me up, letting me lean on him as I looked out over the city.
Chimera had overtaken the main road. Citizens had been chased back into their homes while the Watchmen had retreated, likely all the way back into the White Court. Emryn’s soldiers, those who’d made it into the city, had either rushed out the gate into the Outlands or slipped into the alleys to escape. The fallen sentinels were waking. Finding enormous chimera hovering over them would be a shock, but at least they were alive. My chest felt heavy at the sight of so many bodies, at the bloodstained cobblestones, at Mason’s uncertain fate.
I swung around, searching past the parapet. Two chimera now lingered on those rocks where Istar had been standing.
“I found her,” Avan said. “But I’m sorry. She escaped.”
Nearby, Reev stirred. He rolled onto his stomach, his arms bending to raise himself off the ground. His forehead was creased with confusion. Avan leaned over to help him.
Reev’s baffled look turned into a scowl. Before I could say anything, Reev struck out.
Avan ducked, narrowly dodging Reev’s elbow.
“Reev, stop!” I shouted, and then gasped.
He was immediately at my side, his hands skimming over my shoulder. “What happened?”
“It wasn’t Avan,” I said.
Whatever else he’d been about to say was cut off when he saw the chimera. He crossed the wall to the ledge, looking down at the pack of chimera waiting docilely in the streets below. “Someone explain,” he demanded, glaring at Avan.
It must have felt like the world had gone crazy while he was unconscious. I guess it had.
“Istar’s song knocked out everyone with a collar, and it drove everyone else into a frenzy. I had to fight off a few soldiers. Mason . . .” My voice wavered, and I shook my head, discarding what I’d been about to say. “Avan was able to stop them.” I looked at him. I didn’t know what to think, but I knew how I felt. “He saved us.”
“How are you controlling them?” Reev asked Avan, gesturing to the chimera. His distrust wouldn’t be so easily mollified.
“When Ninu died, Kalla and Irra removed his mark from your collars. But no one removed them from the chimera. Since I am Conquest now, I learned how to call on that connection to them.”
“You brought them south?” I asked.
He nodded. “I wasn’t sure it would work until I saw them arrive with Lanathrill’s army.”
Avan’s control over these creatures was every bit as unjust as Ninu’s had been. But if he hadn’t intervened, the city would still be ripping itself apart. The Infinite had always been mercurial, going out of their way to help me in one instant and then flinging me into danger the next. It wasn’t the least bit comforting to realize Avan had become like them.
“So what now?” Reev asked, looking out at Lanathrill’s fleeing army.
If Emryn and Cassia were still alive, they would probably regroup their scattered army and run back to Vethe to plot their next move. I didn’t believe Istar was ready to give up.
“Lanathrill will retreat,” Avan said, his eyes finding mine. “And Ninurta will be allowed to make its own choices.”
“Why?” I asked, needing to hear his answer.
Avan spoke only to me. “I won’t lie. I was ready to let Istar have her way. She wanted conflict and blood. Her powers are strongest in wartime because she feeds off the strife of humans. I would handle the aftermath—order and control. Part of me still thinks that humans are too irresponsible to be allowed to lead themselves. But I guess another part of me agrees with you. They should be afforded the right to choose.”
“You couldn’t have come to this conclusion a week ago?” Reev asked skeptically.
Avan’s eyes glowed, but it was a gentle pulse of warmth, and I felt that warmth echo in my chest. “Not without Kai.”
But that isn’t exactly true, I wanted to say. There was goodness in Avan even without me here to remind him of that. Avan had worked to unsettle Ninurta from within as Istar plotted with outside forces, but wouldn’t it have benefited him to keep the peace within the sentinel ranks? Miraya might have sent her sentinels to help Lanathrill, where they would have been killed. It would have devastated Ninurta’s defenses, just as Emryn had wanted. Instead, Avan’s interference had kept those sentinels here.
I wanted to believe that even then, he’d been unable to send them off to their deaths. And I doubted he’d known that Irra would send the hollows.
“And besides,” Avan added, looking at me, “Istar wanted to sacrifice you. That was unacceptable.”
“Reev, please help me up,” I said, clutching his forearm. I rose to my feet, trying to move away from the support of the parapet.
“Kai, you shouldn’t—”
“Help me or move aside,” I said. I didn’t mean to snap at him, but my shoulder was in agony. Reev helped me stand.
Avan understood what I wanted, because he didn’t wait for me to reach him. He rushed forward, his hands replacing Reev’s. His fingers trailed up my neck to cup my face as he rested his forehead against mine. I closed my eyes, focusing on his warmth and his breath.
“Does this mean you’ve finally figured out what you want?” I asked quietly.
He didn’t answer right away, and I opened my eyes to see a flash of dimple and the barest of smiles. “Want has nothing to do with it,” he said. “Want is something born of will and weakness. To want is to lack something, and I feel nothing of that with you.” A line formed between his brows. “Seems so unfair . . . for him to have loved you this much, and to be repaid with—”
It took a moment for me to realize Avan was speaking of himself—his old self.
“I promise you that he never meant for things to end that way. He hadn’t wanted . . . I didn’t want to die.”
I was trembling, from pain and emotion, but I managed to whisper, “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.”
“It wasn’t your duty to protect me. But Kai . . . I don’t know who I am now. All I know is that even when I was trying to let you go, I failed. You give me light and life.” He ducked his head, his lips passing over my cheek. “You’re my energy stone.”
I’d been holding my breath, and I released it slowly. “I hope you know that when I heal, I’m going to punch you. Really hard.”
Avan’s lips curved against my skin, and he tilted my head back with a gentle finger beneath my chin. His mouth touched mine. I savored the contact, however light. But when he pulled away, his smile was tinged with sadness.
“Avan, no.”
That kiss had been a good-bye.
“I have to—”
“You can’t leave. Not again.”
“It’s only for now.” His thumb rested against my bottom lip. “I have things that I need to figure out.”
“Avan—”
“I am Infinite, but I want to remember what it means to be human, too.” He brushed his lips along my jaw until his mouth reached my ear. “I will never betray your trust again, and I will spend a thousand lifetimes if necessary proving it to you. Someday, Kai, we’ll have forever. Y
ou and me.”
His words left me aching, and I could no longer decipher one pain from the other. Then he backed away, taking his warmth with him.
“Stay safe,” he said, turning away.
I was so taken aback by those two simple words that, for a moment, I could only stare dumbly at his retreating back. My hand lifted, and Reev stepped in to support me, refusing to let me follow.
“Avan, I can help you,” I said as he walked to his waiting chimera. “I can bring back your memories.”
But he only gave me another sad smile and climbed onto his chimera’s back. He didn’t understand. He didn’t know that I had seen the severed threads of his past, had held them in my hands and heard the call of my magic to mend them, and I was an idiot for not telling him sooner.
I shouted his name, but he was no longer listening. His chimera rose to its full height, maneuvering itself awkwardly over the wall as it turned to descend the steps.
“Reev, stop him,” I demanded, but Reev only watched him go. “Wait!” I stumbled forward.
My legs gave out. Reev caught me around the waist, but that only jarred my shoulder. I screamed, and this time, I couldn’t fight the lure of darkness.
CHAPTER 37
THE HALL OF Memories was always empty. This suited me fine as I perused the columns, my fingers tracing the finely carved images. Light from windows high up on the walls slanted across the columns, illuminating the dust motes as they drifted through the air.
I found what I was looking for in the far corner. Standing on my toes, I reached up to brush my fingertips against the meticulous details of a fauhn herd. Their stunning double horns curved high above their heads, twining into branches that sprouted tiny, delicate leaves. They were elegant animals, relics of a past when magic had been as common as bread. All that history and all those creatures . . . lost because the mahjo had refused to accept a rapidly changing world. In that way, I understood Emryn’s desire to restore a time when Vethe had been so much more than a magnificent tomb.