by Amity Hope
“More of his mind games,” I said.
He nodded. “I’ve been putting up with this my whole life. There are only a few months until graduation. Then I can get out. Just don’t say anything. I’m begging you to just let it go.”
“I won’t say anything tonight,” I relented. “But I’m not making any long term promises.”
CHAPTER 15
“What do you want to do on Valentine’s Day?” Seth asked when I showed up at his locker the next morning. He’d sent me a text as I was in the middle of my cappuccino, saying I’d have to drive myself because he had things to do right after school. He’d conveniently left already.
I didn’t fall for it. I knew he was avoiding me.
“Valentine’s Day?” I echoed. “Wow, a guy that actually wants to talk about Valentine’s Day. You must be desperate for a distraction.” I leaned against the locker next to his, letting him know I wasn’t going anywhere.
I said the words without humor. It was just as well because he did not look amused.
“What would you like to do on Valentine’s?” he repeated. “It’s already this weekend.”
I sighed and shrugged as my tone softened. “I really don’t care. As long as I’m with you, I really don’t care.”
“Okay, so,” he seemed to be thinking about it, or maybe he was just trying to kill some time, “maybe I can plan something.”
My heart felt torn between just letting things go, like he’d asked, or pressing him on the matter. I doubted very much that Seth wanted to talk about Valentine’s Day. Neither did I, not right then.
“You can’t just avoid the situation forever,” I said.
“I am sure as hell not talking about it here.”
He had a point. “You’re right. But I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t see anything last night. Or three years ago.”
His expression became hard. He slammed his locker door shut and took off. I moved to follow but Brent stepped in front of me.
“You should probably just let him go,” Brent said. “He gets like that sometimes. The guy is moody as hell.”
I snapped my gaze back to Brent. “Have you ever wondered why he’s that way?”
Brent made a face at me. His tone was sarcastic enough to match it. “I don’t know Harper. Maybe because he’s got an asshole for a dad and his mom took off? Why the hell do you think he’s that way? Since the two of you are so damn close?”
“Never mind,” I said. I tried to sidestep him. His hand reached out, latching onto my wrist, stopping me from taking another step.
“Sorry,” he said in a softer tone. “I didn’t mean to sound like a jerk. It’s just that Seth isn’t the easiest guy to get along with sometimes. When he’s in a good mood, things are great. When he’s being pissy, sometimes it takes him forever to snap out of it. He’d have a lot more friends if he didn’t act so antisocial all the time.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be his best friend?” I asked.
“I am his best friend,” he said. “I haven’t said anything to you that I haven’t said to his face.”
“Maybe you should ask him what’s bothering him,” I suggested.
“You think I haven’t?”
Of course he had. And he’d probably had as much luck at getting Seth to talk as I had in the past. Not to mention that guys weren’t known for their deep heart to hearts. I had wondered how our friends could’ve spent time with Seth over the years and never realized things might be wrong in his life. Now, I thought I had my answer. Before I left, we were all so young and naive. After, if everyone thought like Brent, they attributed his attitude to his mom taking off.
“Look, I just don’t think Seth is good for you,” Brent said, cutting into my thoughts.
“I don’t remember asking you,” I shot back.
I tried to tug my arm from his grip. He dropped it but his expression held me in place all the same. He held his hands up as if in surrender, or apology, or possibly both. He didn’t look angry with me. He actually looked hurt.
“How is that you come back and you fall right back into place with Alyssa and Gabby?” he asked quietly when I didn’t walk away. He glanced around, making sure no one was listening in. “And you and Seth pick up right where you left off too. And me? I thought we were friends too. But you act like I don’t exist. I don’t think we’ve had more than a single conversation since you got back. And it’s not because of lack of trying on my part.”
“That’s not true.” As soon as the words were out, I realized they were a lie. I had been avoiding him. It wasn’t out of spite. Gabby and Alyssa’s confession at the mall, telling me they thought Brent was about to ask me out had made me feel uncomfortable. After Seth and I started dating, I hadn’t wanted to hurt Brent’s feelings by rubbing it in his face. I also hadn’t wanted to cause any problems between Seth and Brent. So, yes, maybe I had been avoiding him even more than I’d realized. But I had thought I was protecting him, not hurting him.
“You’re right, I haven’t been a very good friend to you since I got back,” I admitted. “I’m sorry.”
“Whatever. It’s fine.” His tone implied that it clearly was not fine. He simply didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. He looked away from me, down the hallway in the direction Seth had taken off. Then he finally looked back at me again. His big blue eyes held a sadness that made my heart twist around painfully.
“I’ll go talk to him. But do you want to clue me in? Did you two have a fight or something?” He stopped. “Never mind, I suppose that’s none of my business. You barely even say hi to me, I don’t expect you to tell me what’s going on with you and Seth.”
I couldn’t be frustrated with his words because I deserved them.
“We didn’t have a fight,” I hesitated wondering what and how much I should say. “He had a bad night last night. Some stuff with his dad came up.”
“And he’s taking it out on you? Welcome back to the world of being friends with Seth,” he said in a resigned tone.
“What do you mean?”
Now he looked like he wasn’t sure of what or how much to say. “It’s just that you can tell when things are shitty at home. He kind of shuts down. Of course, he denies it when I tell him that. You know, his mom taking off like that, whatever her reason was, it really did a number on him. I used to go to his house once in a while, not often, but once in a while. Now, if any of us show up to give him a ride or whatever, he’s out the door before we even get all the way down the driveway. He acts like he can’t wait to get out of that place.”
“Wait. You said his dad’s an ass. What did you mean by that?”
He shrugged. “Back when I used to go over there, I remember him having screaming fits if Lily’s toys weren’t picked up by the time he got home. One time, Joanne made something for dinner that he wasn’t in the mood for. He dumped the whole pan of it on the floor. He didn’t realize Seth and I were just walking in for dinner. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to see that happen. Another time, I stopped by without calling first. Seth was supposed to have mowed the lawn but the lawnmower was out of gas. He went ballistic.”
“Anything else?” I pressed. I wanted to know if he’d seen anything similar to what I’d witnessed last night. I didn’t dare come right out and ask.
He cocked his head to the side. “Yeah, actually. A lot of shit. Like what specifically?”
“Nothing,” I said as I backtracked. “I just haven’t ever really liked Mr. Ryerson that much either. I thought maybe it was just me.”
He let out a mirthless laugh. “Hardly. I can’t imagine he’s changed for the better over the last few years. That’s why I never stay mad at Seth for too long when he starts pulling an attitude with me. I just don’t want to see him do it to you. You don’t deserve that.”
In that moment, I wanted to tell him there was more to it than that. Seth wasn’t just giving me attitude. He was, in his eyes, legitimately upset with me. I couldn’t explain that to Brent without divulging
too many secrets.
“I’ll see if I can track him down,” he said. “Not that he ever listens to me but,” he shrugged, “there’s a first time for everything, or so I’ve heard. At the very least I’m going to tell him he better treat you right.”
“Brent?” He stopped and gave me a questioning look. Before I could over think it, I pulled him into a hug. “Thanks.”
He squeezed me tightly. “No problem. If you ever need anything, all you have to do is ask.”
Neither Seth nor Brent showed up in the cafeteria at lunch time. I still sat with my friends. He still sat with the hockey team. Today, his absence was impossible to miss. I was actually glad that he was likely with Brent. I wondered where they’d gone off to. We were allowed to leave during our lunch hour, but this time of year, most of us chose not to.
As I slid into my chair last hour, I started to worry that the two of them had decided to skip the rest of the day. I hadn’t seen him after lunch, but that was normal. However, it wasn’t normal for me to get to class first.
Seconds before the bell rang, Brent came stumbling through the door. Seth followed immediately behind him. As Brent walked by, he reached out to mess up my hair. I gave him a tentative smile and he winked back. Then Seth slid into his seat, pulling my attention away from Brent.
Mrs. Perrault was already talking. Seth reached for my hand under the table and gave it a squeeze. I squeezed his right back, hoping that meant that for now, at least, everything was okay with us again.
*****
“Is everything okay with you and Seth?” Gabby asked as she tossed herself onto the couch. “You seemed really stressed out at lunch but I didn’t want to say anything in front of Caitlin and Tricia.”
“Yeah, we’re good,” I said as I flopped down next to her. After class, we’d talked briefly but at least we’d talked. He’d told me he was heading over to Brent’s after school. I wasn’t going to remind him that he supposedly had things to do. I thought maybe spending some time with a friend might be good for him.
For me, too. I’d invited Gabby and Alyssa over but Alyssa had already made plans with Logan.
Gabby reached for the remote and I gave her a minute to flip through the channels.
“I’ll be kind of glad when hockey season is over,” I cautiously said.
She laughed. “What, you don’t see enough of Seth right now?”
“No, that’s not it. I just feel bad that he’s so banged up all the time.”
“What are you talking about?”
“From hockey. He’s always covered in bruises. Isn’t Mason?”
She shrugged. “Yeah. Some. I guess. I mean, maybe not. I guess I really don’t know.”
“How do you not know?”
“I think,” she said slowly, “that I haven’t seen him with his clothes off that often. Or, make that ever. So I guess I haven’t noticed.”
I thought back to New Year’s Eve and raised my eyebrows at her. “Really? Because at Caitlin’s…I don’t know. I thought things were kind of serious. I mean, when I left, you two had already, um…”
“Oh,” she said. Then her eyes widened. “Oh, no! It wasn’t like that. Not at all. He was so drunk he passed out. That’s why I brought him upstairs. I knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. He was supposed to drive Seth home that night. Please tell me Seth doesn’t think he stayed because of me.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I mean, he didn’t say that. He knew that Mason had too much to drink. That’s why he asked me for a ride. I guess I just assumed when I shouldn’t have. Sorry.”
It was possible I was making other assumptions as well. That’s why I wanted to find out if Seth really got as banged up in hockey as he claimed.
She waved me off. “It’s fine. I probably would’ve assumed the same thing. But no. It’s not like that with us. Not because of his lack of trying,” she said with a scowl. “That’s for sure. I just don’t think he’s the one. And until he proves he is…” She shrugged as her words trailed off.
“No. I get it. That’s how I felt about Brady. I was just never sure. I mean, we were together for kind of a long time but I just wasn’t sure. Now I’m really glad I waited,” I confessed. “Because he was definitely not worth it.”
“Yeah, I’m afraid that I’ll be saying that about Mason pretty soon. I should probably just end things.” She gave me a guilty look. “But I’m just not ready to give him up yet. I don’t know why.”
“Sometimes we just want things that don’t make sense,” I said. I, for instance, had wanted Galen at one time. Talk about not making sense.
“I suppose.”
I thought the conversation was over but she sliced a narrow-eyed look my way. “Have you and Seth…?” I was already shaking my head, giving her an answer. “No? But you’ve seen him without his clothing, I take it,” she with a teasing smile.
I laughed and pointed to the double doors that led off the living room. “Hot tub.”
“Oh, that makes sense,” she said. “Here I thought maybe you had something interesting to share.”
“You do realize we’ve barely been dating a month, right?”
“With the history you two have? That is so not the same as say, Mason and I dating a month.” After a pause she went on. “I know I’ve said it before but I’m saying it again. I’m really glad you’re back. I know Seth is too. You’ve been good for him.”
“Good, how?” I wondered.
“When you moved away, he took it really hard. Then his mom and Lily left. He tried to act like it was no big deal when we all knew it was a huge deal. Now that you’re back he seems more…I don’t know. Relaxed maybe?”
Seth, relaxed? The boy almost always seemed tense to me.
“He just seems different. In a good way,” Gabby assured me. “Happier. He definitely seems happier.”
I found it interesting that Gabby thought he seemed happier with me around because frankly, I always felt like I was the one stressing him out.
CHAPTER 16
“You really don’t have any idea what he has planned?” Paula asked with a smile.
“No,” I said as I carefully placed the dessert into a storage container. “He did say that he was horrible at picking out gifts. That’s why he asked me not to buy him anything.”
“But he asked you to make him a dessert?”
I nodded. “I feel like I should’ve gotten him something else. But this is what he asked for. He said it’s all he wanted.”
He had told me that he was making my gift. When I’d asked him if there was anything in particular that he’d like from me, he’d thought about it for a minute. Then he’d given me this grin, like he’d just had the best idea, and he’d told me he thought I should make his gift too. For a moment, I’d panicked. I don’t have an artsy-craftsy bone in my body. When he clarified and asked for a dessert, I’d been relieved. I could handle that.
But now that it was sitting in front of me, I worried that it was a bit inadequate. I’d tried to pry information out of Seth. I couldn’t imagine what he was making me. Unless something had changed substantially over the years, I was pretty sure he wasn’t all that creative either. Every time I had asked, he’d shaken his head at me and told me it was a surprise.
Maybe he’d secretly taken up woodworking. Or metal sculpting. Also doubtful but I was making myself a little bit crazy trying to figure out what he was up to.
“You two seem to be pretty serious considering you’ve only been dating for a month,” Paula said. Her tone was curious.
“Why do you say that?” I followed her into the living room and dropped myself down on the couch. Seth was supposed to be here any minute to get me. Paula was meeting Dad here so they could head to Ridgecrest as soon as he got off of work.
“You spend so much time together,” Paula said. “When I was your age, trying to get some quality time with my boyfriend usually consisted of me hanging out at his house, waiting for him to finish playing some ridiculous video game. S
eth’s here a lot. I think it’s really sweet.”
“I’ve known Seth almost my whole life,” I told her. “I can’t remember a time when I didn’t know his favorite color, or his middle name, or his birthday, favorite sport, all of those things. And yet, apparently I don’t know him well enough to have figured out what he has planned for tonight.”
“Whatever it is,” Paula said, “I’m sure you’re going to love it.”
“I think so too,” I admitted with a smile. What I did know was that I was going to be spending the evening with him and that alone was enough for me. “It sounds like you and Dad have a nice weekend planned.”
“I really didn’t think your dad was going to go,” she admitted. They were heading to the ski resort not just for tonight, but for the whole weekend, as originally planned a few months ago. “I thought for sure he was going to change his mind.”
“Why?” I asked.
Her eyes darted in the direction of the Ryerson’s and then back to me. “I think it bothers him that your boyfriend lives next door.”
“That’s silly,” I said. “My last boyfriend lived on the other side of town. That didn’t stop him from driving to my house whenever he wanted.”
“That’s what I told him,” she admitted. “At your age, with everyone driving, it really doesn’t make a difference where he lives. If you want to see him, you’re going to see him. I don’t think it made him feel a whole lot better,” she said with a laugh. “But I think he understood what I was saying.”
“I’m glad he decided to go. You two deserve a nice weekend.”
“Thank you, Harper.”
The sincerity in her voice made me smile. I liked this woman a lot. I knew my dad did too.
“Did the two of you go away a lot before I showed up?” I wondered.