by Amity Hope
We had just passed the oak tree, which caused me a bit of confusion because it blew apart my assumption. The smattering of trees ended and the open field was straight ahead of us. The sky…was astonishing.
I inhaled sharply at the sight.
“Amazing, right?” he asked. I could hear the smile in his voice. He dropped my hand to spread out the quilt Paula had gotten him. He lowered himself down, tugging me with him.
Overhead, the Northern Lights shimmered and swirled, blasting the sky into a canvas of glowing, iridescent color.
“I’ve never seen them like this!” I exclaimed as I lay down next to Seth. The truth was, I’d really only seen them one other time. I was probably six or seven, camping with my family. Dustin had spotted them first. We’d peered out of the windows of our cabin—because Mom’s version of camping would never include a tent. They lasted only a few moments before they faded away. Even then, they were nothing like this. The intensity of that night paled in comparison.
“I don’t know how long they’ll last,” he said. “I’ve seen them quite a few times. But yeah, never like this. They just started up when I turned down our road.”
He slid his hand over, encapsulating my bare hand in his, wedging them between our nearly touching thighs to keep them warm. I stuffed my other hand into the pocket of my parka to fight off the chill. The quilt Paula had fetched for us was thick, absorbing the worst of the cold from the snow beneath us. Frosty puffs of air floated away from me with each breath I took.
We watched in silence as the gauzy shades of sapphire, emerald and violet danced, flickered and floated across the sky. It was mesmerizing, otherworldly. Magical. It held me completely captivated during the short time that it lasted.
I felt a sense of loss as the colors began to fade. The entire, breathtaking display probably lasted less than ten minutes. Yet, I was sure, right then, that they were ten minutes I would never forget. As the last wispy, fiery trail of green bled into the darkness of the sky above, I let out a sigh.
“That was…wow,” I whispered.
Seth let out a chuckle at my response. “I thought so too.”
I turned slightly to face him. The snow crunched under my weight. The air surrounding us was almost unbearably cold but I wasn’t ready to give up this moment quite yet. Seth remained on his back but rolled his head to the side to look at me. It was incredibly dark this far out in the country. Even though my eyes had adjusted to the night, I was just barely able to make out the outline of his face.
“I don’t want it to be over,” I admitted. “I think that was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
He reached up, touching my icy cheek with his equally icy hand. “One of the most beautiful,” he said.
“Do you remember,” his tone changed along with the topic, “when we were kids and we used to sit out here in the summertime? We’d watch for shooting stars. We’d spend hours waiting to make a wish. Some nights, we never got to wish at all.”
“Of course I remember,” I said with a smile.
Like our games of Truths and Dares, wishing on stars was something else we had our own rules for. The first to see the shooting star got the wish, but if we wanted, we could give that wish away. More often than not, I’d given my wishes to Seth because he had always seemed so desperate for them. Other times, I’d only pretend not to see and let him claim the star as his own.
“After you left, sometimes I’d sit out here and wait all by myself. I knew I was too old for it. But it made me feel closer to you,” he admitted. His voice, as he spoke of the past, had turned melancholy. It reminded me of the conversation I’d had with Gabby. Her words, that Seth seemed happier now, echoed through my mind.
“What did you wish for?” I asked, not really expecting him to tell.
“You.”
“Oh, really?” I kept my tone light, wondering if he was teasing.
I saw him nod in the darkness. “I used to wish that you’d come back. After Mom and Lily left, I realized how stupid it was to wish on stars so I stopped wishing for anything.” He rolled his head so that he was facing skyward again.
“But I’m here. I did come back. I don’t think wishing and hoping for things is stupid at all. I mean, you have to have something to hold onto, right?”
“What about you? Did you ever wish on the stars after you moved away?”
“No. I couldn’t even really see the stars. We lived in town. I didn’t like that at all.” It was just one of the many things I missed. I missed starry nights, the sound of leaves blowing in the trees, and the scent of the wild roses when we walked through the back field. And the snow. I hadn’t realized until I returned just how much I missed the snow. But now, as my body was on the verge of shivering, I realized I’d even missed the cold for no other reason than because it reminded me of home.
“And now?” he asked. “If you could wish for one thing, what would it be?”
There were so many different ways I could answer that question, so many things I didn’t dare say. Everything I wished for right then, I wished for him. I didn’t want to ruin the moment. Instead, I chose my words carefully and filled them with honesty. “I wish for a million more nights, just like this, to spend with you.” If he was with me, I wouldn’t have to worry about him. I would know that he was safe.
“I don’t want you to be disappointed but I don’t think that’s going to happen. Seeing the sky like that, that might be a once in a lifetime thing,” he said quietly.
“I wasn’t talking about the Northern Lights. I mean, yes, they were phenomenal and yes, I’d love to see them again. What I really meant was that I just want it to be like this, with you. Just talking and being together,” I explained.
“Well that,” he said as his tone lightened, “is something that just might be possible.”
“What about you?” I asked. “What would you wish for these days?”
“Now that you’re here and I don’t need to wish for that, I guess what I want most is to be in control of my own life,” he said without hesitation.
The sound of Paula’s car starting floated back to us.
“I suppose I should let you get back inside,” he said.
I wanted to protest but my teeth chose that moment to start to clatter together. Seth let out a laugh as he sat up. He got to his feet and pulled me up to mine. He grabbed the quilt and shook off the snow. I took two corners and we quickly worked together to fold it up. He tossed it over his shoulder as we began our trek back to the house.
Dad had the porch light on for us. When we walked back inside, I could hear him clanging around in the kitchen. “Come on in here, you two,” he called.
When we did, he was standing at the counter filling three enormous mugs with homemade cocoa. Dad was a pretty good cook, even if he tended to be on the messy side. Cocoa powder was dusted across the countertop along with a sprinkling of sugar. The top to the vanilla, Dad’s not-so-secret ingredient, was nowhere in sight.
“How were they?” Dad asked as he finished topping off the last mug. “Paula and I took a peek out the picture window but they were a little hard to see through trees.”
“Absolutely amazing,” I said.
“I know it’s getting late,” Dad said, more to Seth than me, “but I thought maybe you could both use something to warm you up. I don’t have any whipped cream but if I remember correctly, you both used to love marshmallows. And you’re never too old for marshmallows.” He was already moving toward the cupboard to pull out the bag. “Unless you’re in a hurry to get home?”
I had been tired, ready for bed while I was doing my homework. Now, I was wide awake. I glanced at Seth who was grinning, already reaching for a mug.
“I’m not in a hurry at all,” he said.
CHAPTER 19
Over the next month, Seth constantly reassured me that things were better at home. I wanted so badly to believe him and he really never gave me a reason not to. Now that hockey season had come to an end, it gave him more fre
e time.
We spent a lot of weekends out with Alyssa and Logan and Gabby and Hunter. Gabby had broken up with Mason shortly after Valentine’s Day. He was still single. She was happier than I’d seen her since I moved home. Hunter was quiet but he was a complete sweetheart and a much better fit for her. If neither Seth nor I were out with our friends, we were likely together.
Seth was at our house every free night he had. Dad didn’t seem to mind at all. In fact, he couldn’t have treated Seth any better if he’d been family. And in a way, that’s exactly what he felt like.
Dustin’s spring break fell a week before ours. He didn’t come for a visit. I wasn’t surprised. Disappointed, but not surprised. He did double his number of phone calls to make up for it. Or maybe all the phone calls were his way of making up for Mom ignoring me.
In the past month, she hadn’t called me at all. After the last call, when Dad had taken the phone from me, she was giving us all the silent treatment. Perhaps I should’ve been hurt by this. Instead, I only felt relieved. I knew my mother well enough to know that she was furious with me. She was not used to being denied anything. I was sure that when I finally did hear from her, I would be treated to an extended guilt-trip, or another argument, or both. So in this case, I preferred the silence.
Our spring break wasn’t actually a spring break. Not in my opinion. It was just an extended four day weekend. It was Gabby that suggested we all go skiing on the first day of vacation. By the time all of the arrangements were made, there were at least a dozen people going.
Bright and early Thursday morning, I double checked the bag I’d packed for the day. I had tossed an extra outfit inside, just in case I had a repeat of the hot chocolate disaster of freshman year. My skis were sitting next to the door. I hadn’t skied in a long time and I was excited to spend the day with a group of friends.
Seth showed up earlier than I expected him to. Even more unexpected was the fact that he wasn’t alone.
“Hey guys,” I said as I stepped aside, making room for both Brent and Seth to come in.
I barely registered the pissed-off look on Seth’s face before he started talking.
“I can’t go.”
“What? Why?” He had to be joking. We’d had this planned for weeks.
“Dad came into my room this morning with a bullshit list of things he wants me to do by the end of the day,” he explained.
“Today? Why today? He knew we were going skiing today didn’t he? Why can’t you do them tomorrow?” When I saw the look on his face, I stopped my whining immediately. Seth obviously didn’t like this any more than I did. He had been looking forward to today as much as I had. What the hell did I expect him to do? Argue with his dad over it? Hardly. I could only imagine how that would turn out.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I really can’t go.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m sorry. If you can’t go, you can’t go. I can stay here too. If we work on the list, you’ll get done in half the time. I’m sure we can find something to do in town this afternoon,” I offered.
“No way,” he said. “You’re going. I know how excited you were about it. I’m not going to let him ruin your day too.”
“But I was supposed to ride up there with you.” I was pretty sure everyone’s vehicles were full.
“And now you’re riding up there with Brent,” he said firmly.
I hadn’t forgotten Brent was there, not exactly. I just had been so caught up in the conversation with Seth that I hadn’t given any thought about why he was there.
I wanted to argue about that but I didn’t know what to say without making Brent feel bad.
“I thought you were riding with Logan?”
“And Alyssa, and Gabby, and Hunter? Yeah, I was going to but his car is going to be damn crowded. I wasn’t looking forward to sitting in the backseat between two chatty girls with my knees crammed up to my chin. I was thinking about driving up by myself anyway. Now I won’t have to drive up alone if you ride with. It works out for both of us,” he said easily.
I bit my lip, unsure of what to say or how I felt about this new, unexpected plan.
“Unless you really don’t want to go with me.” His tone was hesitant. I hadn’t wanted to hurt his feelings and now I felt like I was doing that anyway.
“She wants to go skiing. She’s been talking about it all week,” Seth told Brent. “And I don’t want her driving by herself in case the roads get bad.”
“You know what?” Brent said to me. “I’ll just grab your skis and give you a few minutes to talk. Just come on out whenever you’re ready.”
“Thanks,” I told him.
He grabbed my skis and my bag. When he was gone, I turned around to face Seth. “I really don’t mind staying home.”
“I don’t want you to,” he said firmly. He took my hands in his. “Please, just go and have fun. And don’t be mad at me for calling Brent. I didn’t know who else to ask. He really seemed fine with it because he didn’t want you to drive up there alone either.”
I let out a resigned sigh because his tone implied that his mind was made up.
“Fine, I’ll go,” I relented. “Maybe you can come over tonight when I get back?”
He hesitated. “I’m not sure. You’ll probably be getting back really late. I don’t want you to come back early, cut into your skiing time because of me.”
“Okay,” I said the word slowly. “Tomorrow then?”
“Uh…”
I didn’t like the tone of his voice. I also didn’t like the way his gaze drifted away from me. My insides suddenly flipped over in an unpleasant way.
“Not tomorrow either? Are we going to get together at all over break?” When he didn’t respond my heart lurched. I said, “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head but his tone wasn’t comforting.
“Then why are you sending me away for the day with Brent? And acting like you don’t want to see me?” My eyes suddenly started to prickle. I’d been upset about him having to back out of today, but this morning just kept getting worse. “Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me? Because this feels like it’s coming out of nowhere.”
“No. It’s not like that,” he said, his tone was soft. “But we’ve been seeing a lot of each other. It wouldn’t hurt anything to maybe do our own thing for at least a few days. Or maybe a few weeks.”
I blinked back the start of tears as the morning continued to worsen.
“Harper, don’t do that.” His expression looked pained. He tried to pull me in but I pulled back.
“Don’t do what? Get upset when you tell me you don’t want me around?” I tugged my hands from his so that I could swipe at my face. No tears had fallen yet but they were embarrassingly close to spilling over. I turned away from him to pick up the mittens I’d left sitting on the floor.
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then what are you saying?” I asked without turning around. “Because it sounds like you want to take a break from this relationship. And taking a break is just a few words away from breaking up.”
He looped his arms around my waist from behind, pulling me into a backwards hug. He held me for a few moments, not saying anything. I immediately melted against him when he kissed the top of my head. The action did not feel like a prelude to a break-up.
“You know I want to spend time with you,” he said, his voice was close to my ear. “But I just can’t right now.”
“If you want to then why—” I cut myself off and twisted around in his arms. “This is because of your dad.” It wasn’t a question and he didn’t answer. “Are you just not allowed to go with me today? Or did he say you can’t see me anymore?”
Mr. Ryerson had taken his time. But I was sure this was his way of retaliating against the conversation he and Seth had on Valentine’s night.
“I don’t know.”
I raised my eyebrows at him. How could he not know?
“This morning, he started in with
telling me I needed to do more around the house. Then he said not just today, but from now on. He said I’ve been spending too much time over here and it needs to stop.” His tone was apologetic, as if this was his fault. I had no doubt he was leaving out the majority of what had been said.
“What did you say to him?”
He let out a bitter laugh. “Believe me, with the mood he was in, I wasn’t about to argue. He tossed out the ‘you live under my roof, you follow my rules’ line. I figure if I give him a few days, or a few weeks, he’ll cool off. Let him feel like he’s getting his way. Laying down his law, you know?”
“Why now? Isn’t this out of the blue?”
“Not really. It’s been building for a while,” he said. “I should’ve figured it was coming. He’s been too quiet for too long. I thought about just taking off, heading up there with you today anyway. Maybe—”
I was already shaking my head because I didn’t want him to pay the consequences of that. “No. Don’t. It’s just one day. We can go skiing another time. I just feel bad that everyone else is going and you’re not.” I didn’t point out that we wouldn’t be going skiing together this year. We had just gotten a pretty decent snowfall but this time of year, it wasn’t going to last.
“It’s really not that big of a deal. But you know what? You need to get going. Brent’s waiting for you. So, go with Brent, have fun. Tell me all about it later.”
“I can’t believe you’re sending me away with your best friend on what was supposed to be our day away,” I pretended to grumble.
“I’ll make it up to you. I promise,” he said. His tone lightened before he went on. “Now, give me the kind of kiss that’s going to get me through the day.”
*****
“It’s just one day, Harper,” Brent said. “I’m sure he’ll be able to go next time. But he made me promise to make sure you have a good time. So don’t make me a liar, okay?”
The groomed ski hills of the resort had just come into view. Skiers already dotted the slopes. The sky was a steel-gray, the same color as Seth’s eyes. It was a beautiful backdrop to a picture perfect setting.