“Doesn’t really matter what her age might have been,” Jacob replied. “It still hurt.”
“So that’s why she’s treating me like she is—all fire and spit?”
“What do you expect? You throw her feelings back in her face, disappear for ten years, then reappear as though nothing had ever happened.”
“But ten years is a long, long time.”
“Not where the heart is concerned.” Jacob turned and began walking again.
Jayce followed but waited until they were at the inne to say anything more. “I never meant to hurt her, Jacob. You know that. I never lead her to believe I cared more than I did. I wanted to explore the territory and travel. I wanted to live a life of adventure.”
“And that couldn’t have included Leah?”
“I . . . I didn’t figure she’d stay. I really didn’t figure either one of you would.”
“Well, you were wrong. We both love this territory. And if you would have bothered to give Leah a chance, you might have learned that for yourself. You might not have had to spend all this time alone.”
“What about you? You’re alone.”
Jacob shook his head. “Not by choice. If I’d had a woman that loved me as much as Leah loved you, I would have married her on the spot. Anyway, just leave her be—I don’t want anything to mess up our friendship, but I won’t see her hurt. Besides, we’ll soon be leaving, and then you won’t have to concern yourself with her.”
“What if I want to concern myself with her?”
Jacob eyed him warily. “What do you mean?”
“I mean . . . well, I’ve been thinking about Leah since I first left Ketchikan. I guess I’d like to know if we couldn’t find a way to put the past behind us—if she might feel the same for me now that she felt then.”
“Are you serious?”
Jayce ran his fingers through his hair. “I think about her all the time.”
“Jayce, you’d better think hard before you say a word to her.” He took a step closer, as if to reinforce his next statement. “I’ll deal with you myself if you hurt her again.”
“I promise you, I have only the best of intentions. I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially Leah.”
This answer seemed to satisfy Jacob, who then dismissed the conversation as though it were nothing more important than detailing the weather. “A bunch of us are going hunting tomorrow. Want to come along?”
“Ah . . . sure . . . I guess so,” Jayce replied, his voice sounding distant even in his own ears.
“I’ll get you up at three and we’ll head out. After we get back we can work the dogs.”
“Three in the morning?”
Jacob grinned as though the entire evening had been nothing but carefree. “That’s why I’m going to bed now.”
Jayce let Jacob go with that. He was still so surprised by the turn of the conversation—surprised, too, by the warning Jacob had given. Walking away from the settlement, Jayce tried to reason through the things his friend had said. He honestly hadn’t given any credence to Leah’s feelings ten years ago. He had figured her to be a love-struck child—nothing more.
His heart back then had been focused on Alaska, the land being his only focus. Leah had been fun and good to spend time with. Her quick wit and intelligence had helped to pass the time. Her love of God and strength of spirit, however, had been intimidating to the free-spirited Jayce. He hadn’t yet come to understand the importance of a life lived trying to please God.
Leah had tried to help him see the truth of it, but Jayce hadn’t cared for the truth. He preferred living for the moment—for himself. But things were different now. He had come to accept Christ after spending a long, lonely week in an isolated camp in Canada. Nothing had gone right in his life for months. In fact, he’d gone to Canada after a trip to New York where he’d run into several unsavory characters. Including the man he’d thought he’d seen earlier in the day.
That trip had been a waste of time and energy. He’d hoped to put some things to rest—to mend some fences and see his family’s miseries put in the past once and for all. Instead, he’d nearly gotten himself arrested, and all because of . . . him.
He blew out a breath and stared across the vast, open field. The snow was patchy and melting under the intensity of the sun. Would that it could melt the ice around Leah’s heart.
He looked back to the house where Leah was now departing with several of her friends. She was laughing and obviously enjoying their company. She didn’t see him, and Jayce was glad to be ignored.
“I can’t change the past, Leah,” he whispered. “I can’t right the wrongs of yesterday, but maybe I can make the tomorrows better.” But then again, such a thing would require her giving him a second chance, and that might be impossible. Jayce was set to leave for a summer’s worth of exploration. Not only that, but he was taking her brother too. She might not see that as an extension of the olive branch.
“There has to be a way,” he declared, shoving his cold hands deep into his pockets. “There has to be a way to make this right.”
Chapter Seven
Helaina stood on the deck of the Ally Mae, grateful to finally be heading to Nome. Her trip had met with nothing but delays: first the train travel west had been slowed by floods and other complications, then there had been problems with her ship passage. No doubt the Homestead was already in Nome awaiting her arrival. But would they wait long enough?
Her anxious nature was only heightened by unanswered questions like that. Her worst fears were that the Homestead would move north without her, and along with it her chance to catch Jayce Kincaid. She sighed and looked out at the choppy seas. The night had been unbearable with a squall blowing up to send them tossing and twisting on the water. Helaina thought she might very well be thrown from her berth. But at least here she didn’t need to worry about the Germans sinking them.
The captain promised them they would dock in Nome in two days if the weather held. But so far rain and fog had complicated the journey and Helaina figured to count on arriving in Nome only after her feet were safely on the shores of that town.
“Ma’am?”
Helaina turned to find an older man of maybe sixty or so. He looked rough, rather worn from life. “Yes?” she asked in her reserved manner. She lifted her chin slightly and eyed him in an almost grave manner.
“Are you married, ma’am?”
Helaina had already suffered the proposals of a half dozen men headed to Nome. “I am a widow.”
The man’s face lit up. “Well, I’d like to change that for you. I’m looking for a wife.”
“But I, sir, am not looking for a husband,” she replied flatly.
“But I’m a good dancer—good kisser too.” He grinned and leaned forward. “I could show ya.”
Helaina felt sorry for the old man, but at the same time detested his forward actions. “Sir, I thank you for your offer, but I have no desire to marry again.” Or kiss a grizzled old man, she thought but said nothing more.
She turned her attention back to the water. The old man cleared his throat as if to make further comment, then seemed to think better of it. He sauntered away without another word, for which Helaina was very grateful. She could imagine Robert laughing at the scene. She had always been what he called a “handsome woman,” and had known her fair share of attention. In fact, she often used her looks to her advantage. She only hoped that Jayce Kincaid could be swayed by such a simple thing.
The boat heaved right as the waves seemed to increase in size. Once they moved away from the Aleutian Islands, the water and weather were both supposed to have calmed, but so far that hadn’t proven true. She’d never traveled to this part of the world, and so far she wasn’t that impressed. The cold and isolation weren’t at all to her liking.
Once when she and Robert had been courting he had mentioned that he cherished time alone, left to himself in the wilds of the woods in New Hampshire. “I like the solitude, Helaina. There’s something refreshing abou
t the silence.”
“Maybe for you, but that holds no appeal for me,” Helaina had told her husband. “I find being alone like that to be a bore.”
He had laughed and hugged her close. “Then you just haven’t been alone with the right person in such settings.”
The memory made her smile. Despite the grief she’d known in Robert’s passing, she wouldn’t have traded her marriage in order to have avoided the pain. Sharing the short time they had together was better than no time at all. She had watched other people become consumed by their grief and sorrow. They were unable to be productive—to find a usefulness in life. Well, not me, Helaina thought. I won’t be like them.
A quick glance at her watch confirmed it was well past time to turn in. The lighted skies were deceptive, and Helaina wondered if she’d ever get used to the odd days and nights. Making her way to her cabin, she calculated that, if all went well, she might be able to find Jayce Kincaid and head home within the week. That would be ideal, as far as she was concerned, because already she had been gone from civilization longer than she liked. Even Seattle had paled compared to her homes in New York City and Washington, D.C. Home had always been important to her, even though she traveled many days out of the year away from their comfort. In New York there was always something to do—someone to see—and Mrs. Hayworth to fuss over her. In Washington, D.C., she had Stanley—her last link to family.
For the first time in a long time, Helaina felt homesick. There was a longing deep inside that refused to go away. The only problem was, she was pretty certain it wasn’t a place that she longed for. And if not a place . . . then might it be a person?
“What a ridiculous thought. I’m not about to lose my heart—my life—to another person again. I don’t want to lose another man as I lost Robert.” She looked around, startled to realize she’d spoken the words aloud. No sense in people thinking her daft. Still, the aching persisted. She didn’t belong here.
The truth was, she didn’t belong anywhere. Maybe it was a place she was longing for. A place where she might belong and feel a sense of security and peace.
————
Two days later, with the storms behind them and calmer waters prevailing, Helaina found herself and her things deposited in Nome. It wasn’t much to look at. The dirt streets were narrow, no more than twenty feet wide. Dilapidated buildings lined the thoroughfare—sad reminders of better days gone by. Why, at the turn of the century this city was in its heyday. Gold was found nearby and everyone wanted to be in Nome. Twenty thousand people had called this place home. Helaina remembered hearing stories about it from her father. He’d thought every single gold-fevered ninny to be ignorant, ill-advised, and insane.
Now looking at the sad little town, Helaina could only wonder if he hadn’t been right. A strong sensation of loneliness washed over her. This was a town of defeat and desolation. It seemed appropriate that she should come here to nab Jayce Kincaid.
“Ma’am, can I carry your bag? Where are you staying?” It was the grizzled old man again. Already he was reaching to take hold of Helaina’s large black bag.
“I’m not entirely sure,” Helaina said, glancing up the street. She allowed the man to make himself useful.
“Well, I know a place not far from here. Just up the way. Couple of native women have rooms. There’s also a couple of hotels, but they ain’t much better.”
“Thank you, I believe I would prefer a hotel.” She had no prejudice against the natives; however, she’d learned anonymity was easier to maintain in a crowd. Surely the exploration team would also have rooms at the hotel, making it easier for her to blend in.
The man shrugged and headed toward the town. “How long will you be up here?”
Helaina tried not to be annoyed. After all, the man had been kind enough to carry her things. “I’m to join the ship Homestead. Are you familiar with it?”
“No, ma’am. Where’s it bound?”
“North. It’s an expedition to map the Arctic islands and coastline.”
“Seems out of place for a woman like you, if you don’t mind my saying so.”
“Whether you say so or not, that’s where I’m bound,” Helaina replied.
The sourdough had been correct in his analysis, Helaina thought as they approached a well-worn building. The hotel wasn’t much to boast about. The paint was peeling and the two-story frame seemed to sag as if tired. Still, she wouldn’t have to sleep on the streets, and hopefully she’d meet up with her companions.
“Now if they don’t have rooms, I’ll take you on down to my friends.”
“I’m certain to be fine. Thank you.” Helaina reached out for her bag. The old man seemed reluctant to hand it over, but he finally let it go.
“You remember, too, my marriage proposal still holds good.”
Helaina nodded. “I’ll remember.”
Inside the dark hotel, a heavy smell of cigar and cigarette smoke nearly choked Helaina. A foursome of men hunkered down in the corner over cards. The smoke was as intense as the expressions on their faces. They didn’t even notice her.
Helaina glanced around. There was no one else in sight; even the front desk was unattended. Moving closer to the desk, however, she spied an open door to the left.
“Hello in back?” she called, presuming there might be an attendant hiding out.
A large man appeared, cigar in hand, frowned, and then glanced around the room. “You here alone?”
Helaina nodded. “I would like a room.”
He approached the desk, still acting as though he didn’t believe he was really seeing her. “Well, I got a nice one—best in the place. What brings you to Nome? You lookin’ for some disappeared husband?”
Helaina smiled. “Hardly that. I’ve come here to join an expeditionary group. Perhaps you could tell me if the Homestead has come in?”
“Come and gone.” He looked at her skeptically. “You say you were to join them?”
She felt as though she’d been punched in the stomach. “Yes. I’m to assist the map maker.”
He rubbed his jaw and shook his head. “Well, they’ve gone on without you. Left a few days ago.”
————
Leah gently turned the book of poems over in her hand and thought of Jayce. Why had he given her this volume? Most of the poetry within dealt with romantic notions and love. She felt confident it wasn’t his intent to imply a feeling of love for her, so why had he chosen this particular book?
Jayce’s continued presence troubled Leah more than she could say. Even more bothersome was that he was taking her brother away. And with their departure looming, the idea of Jacob risking his life chilled her to the bone. She knew Jacob would only tell her that life in general was a risk—that living in this harsh territory was a greater threat than most folks would ever know—but it didn’t comfort her. Many men had lost their lives going north to explore the Arctic. That part of the world was unforgiving.
She put the book aside and made her way to Ayoona’s inne. The old woman had invited Leah to come and help her cut up seal meat. The hunts over the past few days had been successful. Seal, walrus, and a variety of fish and birds had made themselves available, ensuring that the famine of the winter was behind them.
Leah got down to crawl through the long narrow entrance into Ayoona’s traditional inne. The tunnel gave her a sense of being trapped, but Leah pushed through, peeking out as she entered the house. “Hello!” she called.
“Lay-ya, come in and help me,” Ayoona called. Her daughterin-law Oopick was working to boil some seal flippers. They jokingly called them seal’s bare feet once they were cooked and ready for eating.
Leah took up an ulu, a popular knife with the women. Its curved blade and wooden handle made it easy to use in cutting thick flesh. Ayoona was already hard at work on the blubber.
“I thought you would be working outside today, but then I fought against the wind on my way over here. I hope it won’t blow up a storm.”
“It won’t b
e bad,” Ayoona promised. “But I get too old to fight the wind. Figured it not too hot to work in here.”
“How’s the baby doing?” Leah asked Oopick, knowing how proud she was of her first grandson.
“He grows strong,” she answered, looking back over her shoulder and grinning. “He’ll chew the blubber soon.”
“No doubt. I saw him yesterday. He looks very strong,” Leah said, trying to keep the yearning from her voice.
“You seem much too sad, Lay-ya,” Ayoona said. “The days of sun are with us. We can make much work together. The hunts are good again and there is plenty of food. Why are you sad?”
Leah hesitated only a moment before the words tumbled from her lips. “It’s about Jayce Kincaid.”
“The man who buys your brother’s dogs?”
Leah nodded. “We knew him from long ago. . . . I think I already told you that.” She toyed with the ulu, forgetting the seal meat momentarily. “I thought he was the most wonderful man in the world. I gave him my heart, but he said I was just a child and that I needed to forget about him.”
“But you didn’t forget.”
“No,” Leah said softly. “I didn’t forget.”
“How do you feel about him now?” Oopick asked.
“I . . . I still care for him. I thought I’d buried all my feelings long ago, but now I realize I care just as much as I did then . . . if not more.”
“Then you tell him this,” Ayoona stated. Her weathered old face showed no sign of emotion.
“But he hurt me, and I don’t wish to be hurt again.”
Ayoona shook her head and went back to work. “You cannot hold the man’s foolishness against him. Doesn’t the Bible say so?”
“I forgave him for what he did.”
“How could you and still hold it in your heart?”
Leah swallowed hard. Was Ayoona right? Had she really not forgiven Jayce? “I don’t know what to say,” she finally admitted. “I thought I’d forgiven him.”
“You need to talk to him. See if he still rejects you.”
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