Not that she was even contemplating it!
The very thought made her swallow thickly as she forced her eyes from him, shaking her head in a barely perceptible motion. To think, she’d been the one to insist that she wasn’t going to be his conquest, and here she was, daydreaming about peeling that goddamn shirt from what had to be a magnificent chest.
“What were you trying to do here?” She cleared her throat, trying to think more clinical thoughts. “This side of the equation’s an absolute mess. You know, it’s called balancing for a reason.”
“I did exactly what you told me.” He scooted close to her, closing the distance between them to bare inches as he stared down at the equation. “Carried there, made sure to do the same thing on each side.” He indicated each side of the problem as his delicious scent wafted over her. “What’s wrong with it?”
What was wrong with her?
No matter what Magda said, she was a scholar, not a vixen. Taking a deep breath, she turned to face Xavier, trying to steel herself against the beautifully structured face scant inches from hers. “Look, Xavier…I don’t know if I can do this.”
It wasn’t what she’d meant to say, exactly, but Helena didn’t know what else she could say. She knew she’d promised she would help him, but if she could hardly help herself, it wouldn’t be productive for either of them. She almost wished Magda was there to tell her some sexy way to put the man off, but, unfortunately, she was on her own.
He looked to her with apologetic blue eyes. “What? I mean…I’m sorry. I know I’m shitty at this stuff. I’ll try harder, I just-”
“It has nothing to do with Chemistry.” She had to be the most awkward woman she knew. Twenty two years old and she fled whenever she was attracted to a man. No wonder Magda thought she was completely and totally helpless. Closing her book, she cleared her throat as she attempted to lay her cards on the table. She wouldn’t be able to effectively tutor him if she was attracted to him and that was that. It was probably for the best. “I just…this isn’t working. I’m not…I’m not helping you.”
“You’re helping me tremendously.”
Suddenly, he was even closer to her than before, and the private study cubicle was much too hot. Helena felt her skin flush and her blood heat as his breath fell warm against her lips. “I don’t think you know how much you’re helping me, Helena.”
She couldn’t look away. While her every impulse might have been to leap from the table and run, Helena found herself rooted to the spot. She watched, transfixed, as Xavier removed his glasses –the only barrier that remained between them- so that they were closer than they had ever been. “This…this isn’t helping.” She managed in a low whisper, even as his hand came up to cup the line of her jaw more gently than she would ever have imagined.
She had to be dreaming.
How many times had she pictured this moment? Not only since she’d first run into Xavier a few weeks ago, but since she’d been a little girl, cowering in her room to escape her mother’s wrath. Since she was old enough to appreciate the idea of romance, she’d wanted a man to come and save her from the terrors that her life had dealt her. While she knew that it was foolish to expect any of that from a man like Xavier Thompson, she had imagined that kissing him would be pretty spectacular.
“On the contrary, I don’t think there’s anything that could help more than this.” With those words, he closed the distance between them, pressing his mouth against hers.
**
God, how long had he waited for this?
Despite how much his self-absorbed personality had mellowed in grad school, Xavier was not a patient person. When he wanted something, he wanted immediate gratifications. He had known the moment Helena had told him she wouldn’t be his conquest, however, that she would be a harder nut to crack.
It was the only reason he’d endured these god-awful Chemistry sessions for as long as he had. He certainly wasn’t taking Chemistry, and he’d hated science for as long as he could remember. In grade school, Brandy had physically tied him to his chair to get him to finish his science homework and his parents had never been pleased with his grades. Even his younger sister was better at science than he had ever been, and she was only thirteen.
Every time they’d met, he’d relished the mere sight of her. Usually, she was clad in sweatpants and an Antioch sweatshirt, her dark hair pulled into a haphazard knot atop her head. If she was attempting to hide her curves from him, it wasn’t working. The voluminous cloth covering her only made him work harder to imagine the amazing figure they concealed. While she tried to teach him concepts that he had no intention of learning, he absorbed himself in the curve of her neck and shoulders, the glorious fullness of her lips and the way she chewed the lower one when she was trying to figure out something particularly difficult.
He’d wanted to kiss her from the very first time they’d ever been alone together, but he’d made a promise he intended to keep…unless, that was, she looked like she wanted him to break it. To be honest, he’d watched her struggle almost as much as he had for the past three weeks. It was nothing cocky or overbearing for him to say that she was obviously attracted to him. It was evident in the way she avoided any physical contact with him whatsoever. How she could never meet his gaze and seemed flustered whenever he got too close.
He liked her flustered. When her cheeks reddened, her eyes widened and her breath started to come a little faster. He’d like nothing more than to see her the exact same way, spread out across his bed as he had his way with her.
The moment his mouth touched hers, Xavier groaned softly, low in his throat. She tasted like coffee, sweetness, and cherries. Her mouth was so goddamn soft and yielding against his that it was all he could do not to yank her out of her chair and into his lap to feel the decadent body of hers flush against his.
She was tentative, her mouth firmly shut against his even as she leaned into the press of his mouth, a soft, almost inaudible moan escaped her. Her hand raised to his shoulder to rest there gently and Xavier took her face firmly between his palms to deepen their kiss. His tongue slid against the seam of her mouth a moment before she gasped, and he delved inside to absorb her sweetness. It was almost as if she’d never kissed before, the tentative way that her tongue probed at his, the way that she clung to him as if frightened that he would let go of her.
Christ, if he’d known she would be like this, he would have kissed her during their very first session. God knew she needed to loosen up. While he himself had taken a step back from parties and frivolity lately, it seemed like she could use a good dose of it. He would take her to a party, teach her how to cut loose a little, and then he would try his hand at luring her back to his apartment.
Where he could offer her a relaxation more profound than any she’d ever known.
Xavier drank from her, delighting in her hunger for more. The longer their kiss continued, the less tentative she became, her tongue sliding against his more and more aggressively until he was hard as a rock in his sweatpants, ready to knock every book on the table before him to the floor so he could take her right then and there.
That, he knew, would be unseemly. As absorbed as he was in devouring her mouth, he wasn’t willing to go any further with her in the library – where anyone might walk in on them. He reluctantly tore his mouth from hers, trying to will his erection into submission. God, she was gorgeous with her lips swollen from his kisses. Her gray eyes were slightly glazed over, and the heat there did nothing for his attempts to curb his libido. “Helena,” He breathed lowly. “Let’s get out of here.”
It was like some kind of switch had been thrown. The young woman’s eyes immediately cleared, widening as she gazed at him as if she’d never seen him before. “Oh my God.” She shook her head slowly. “I didn’t mean to…I mean…I’m sorry. I-”
He cut her off by kissing her again – this time softer, less intimidating. She was very obviously nervous. He hadn’t meant to suggest…well, that was bullshit. He certainly
had. But if he needed to choose between chasing her off with the desire literally burning a hole in his gut and slowing his roll, the latter was the obvious choice. “Not your fault.” Xavier murmured gently against her mouth as he released her, slower this time. “Helena, let’s go to dinner or something. Get out of this stuffy library.”
Staring at him, she blinked once, her expression hesitant. “This…wasn’t supposed to happen.” She managed. “What about your Chemistry-”
“I don’t take Chemistry.” He was taking a major leap of faith here. There was just as much a chance she’d be upset and storm off at his lie as there was that he could charm her into staying. When her face began to redden in anger, he rushed to improve his chances. “I apologize, OK? I didn’t mean to lie to you…I just needed some time with you. I want to get to know you…and you’re a lot more comfortable with books than with me.”
Slowly, the ire faded from the young woman’s face to be replaced but a look of confusion. “You seriously tried to learn Chemistry, even though you didn’t have to?”
He shrugged. When she put it like that, it was slightly more embarrassing. “Small price to pay.” For a moment, he thought that she would still leave. Helena’s eyes darted to the door and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat before, finally, she allowed him a small smile. What seemed like the first genuine smile he’d garnered from her since they’d started their tutoring sessions.
“You’re out of your mind.”
He chuckled lowly, relieved. “Yeah, maybe a little bit.”
“All this time, you were purposefully trying not to absorb a word I said?” Xavier winced, shaking his head as he let the truth come out.
“I have to admit that I was completely lost about seventy percent of the time.”
Sighing, the young woman shook her head – even though her smile never wavered. “You really are completely hopeless.’”
“As a Chemistry student, yes.” He was totally and completely willing to agree with her on that. “But there are other areas in which I happen to believe I’m pretty talented.” Trying to keep the suggestion from his voice, Xavier reached out to place his hand over hers gently. Helena started slightly, but she didn’t snatch her arm away – a definite improvement. “Just come to dinner with me, please?”
Helena’s gray eyes took on an uncertain sheen. When she spoke, her words were soft – almost shy. Very different from the assertive woman he usually dealt with. “Xavier…I’m really busy. I have so much to prepare for…and I’m not like the party girls you’re used to hanging out with.”
Oh. That again. How the hell was he going to convey to her that he could give a shit about party girls at this particular juncture? It was she who had caught his attention – and as long as she had it, he didn’t think he’d be running after any sorority girls anytime soon. “How about we discuss this at the restaurant?” Taking her hand in a gentle, but firm grip, he gathered up their books with the others. While she was free to break away any time she wished, Xavier realized that he was going to have to be a little more aggressive with Helena if she was ever going to realize what she did to him. “I’m pretty tired of studying.”
“Well, that makes one of us.” She quipped cleverly, rolling her eyes at him. Xavier cast her his sweetest smile before beginning to tug her from the study cubicle. To his surprise and delight, she didn’t pull from his grip. Of course, her face turned bright pink as he led her through the aisles of the library and half of the immense building’s occupants stopped what they were doing to whisper and stare, but she let him pull her all the way to his car in the main parking lot, whereupon he dumped their books in the front seat.
They were on his terms now – and he fully planned on making the very guarded beauty comfortable with him by the end of the evening.
Xavier chose a restaurant about a half an hour away from the school’s campus – far from all the student chatter and the college crowd. It was probably a place into which they shouldn’t have been admitted dressed as they were, but one look at his face, and the hostess simply beamed and led them to the nearest available table.
Once they were seated, slowly but surely, Xavier got started chipping away at the defenses of the woman across from him.
It was harder than he anticipated. At first, all his attempts at making conversation were rebutted. Helena had excuses on top of excuses. She needed to get home to study, she had to prepare for her next exam – which happened to be four months away - she thought her roommate might be locked out of their dorm…
It was only when he got onto the subject of what she planned to do in the future that she really seemed to calm down. Indeed, it took less than five minutes before she was lost in the conversation; and to his surprise, she didn’t drone on and on about Chemistry and science. Instead, she spoke of what she wanted to do with the skills she worked so hard to master.
“A doctor.” When she said the words, her face lit as if a star shone from deep within her. “I know it’s a long shot for me, but I’d really like to help people. I’m not sure what my specialization will be yet, but I’m thinking maybe a pediatrician. I like kids.”
“That’s a lot more school in the future.” He pointed out teasingly, secretly impressed at the young woman’s vast ambition. Sure, she always tried to escape into her books, but to acknowledge that you needed to study – and to dedicate yourself to it? That was something he himself couldn’t do. He’d had a natural talent for coding ever since he’d started as a teen, and had done relatively little to hone his skills.
“Eight more years.” She smiled at him over a forkful of her salad, her eyes gleaming in anticipation. “I can’t wait.”
He couldn’t help but smile. She was utterly adorable all excited like that. “What made you want to be a doctor?”
The question made Helena’s smile fade somewhat, and for a moment, he was mortified, worried that he’d asked her the wrong question. However, though she looked more downcast, it didn’t seem like Helena was about to flee. She put her fork down, reaching for her water glass to take a sip. When she spoke, her voice held both melancholy and admiration. “My father. He was a doctor. One of the best in the state, actually. He was really dedicated to his job…he loved to help people. He helped me…when I was in a place where I didn’t think I could be helped.”
Xavier proceeded as carefully as he could. “You mean…your mother?”
The raven-haired girl’s eyes darkened. “I don’t really want to talk about it. Suffice to say that I was with her for most of my life. We lived across town close to Maynard…and my life was a living hell.”
Maynard. Everyone in town knew the name of the street. It was like an invisible line you crossed over where the town suddenly became dangerous. People only lived in Maynard when they could afford to live nowhere else, and they got out as soon as they were able. His family being who they were, Xavier had only driven through that part of town a scant few times, but every time he had, his parents had turned their noses up at the poverty there and he himself had cringed at peoples’ living conditions.
Helena had been raised in Maynard. The revelation gave him an entirely new perspective on the way she operated. It was one thing to study because you liked it. It was another thing to study when you believed that it would elevate you from a life that had tied you down. “So you left for college, I assume?”
“A little before, actually. When I was sixteen, my mom and I had a…falling out. My dad wasn’t supposed to have custody of me. He didn’t even have visiting rights. But I had nowhere to go. I was lucky enough to have him take me in. He was the one who introduced me to medicine…and a lot of other things. Since that point, I haven’t really looked back.”
When she talked about her father, it was with a reverence and respect that children rarely used to speak of their parents. He himself didn’t usually afford his mother and father such luxuries. Why should he? They were barely present in his life unless they wanted to show him off – and quite honestly, both of his sister
s were better at tolerating them than him in that arena. “He must be really proud of you.” The young man smiled at Helena over his meal. “You’re like a fucking Organic Chemistry machine.”
She laughed softly at his comment, before toying with her salad once more. “I hope he is.”
Xavier’s brow shot up in inquiry. “You hope? Did something happen between the two of you?”
Helena’s eyes darkened once more. “Yeah. Pancreatic Cancer.”
Fucking shit.
He thought he had it rough with parents that wouldn’t allow him to do what he wanted and a family name that hung over his head like a noose. Xavier didn’t think he’d ever met anyone with actual problems….not until Helena. Three or four years ago, her sad story probably would have driven him away. At that point, he’d been all parties and debauchery, with no reason to slow down or check himself.
What a strange thing maturity was. Sitting across from her, he found himself entranced by Helena’s story. What had he ever had to overcome in his life? A little resistance from teachers and parents? This woman had a mother who obviously abused her, and a beloved father who had died before she’d made up for the time she hadn’t spent with him. Now, she was trying to make it on her own.
And if her history was what was driving her, he had to berate himself for being an insensitive clod. “Helena, I’m sorry.”
Her head jerked up at his low apology, gray eyes inquiring. “Sorry for what?”
He sighed, putting his fork down to run his fingers through his hair. “For being such an asshole. I didn’t mean to come off as such a…a…”
A Kiss of Color: A BWWM Interracial Romance (Book 1) Page 5