by Sam Destiny
Knowing Tessa was most likely asleep, he didn’t even expect an answer, but it was still hard to push himself back up from the floor and get back to work. Tank was chatting away about the evening of beer drinking and hanging out with the guys while Jazz mentally was right there with Tessa, wondering how she’d take his message.
Tessa opened her eyes, but rested was the last thing she felt. She had maybe closed her eyes for three hours, four at max, but she had tossed and turned, dreaming of how she drowned in a pool and Jazz was the only one who could save her. Only he hadn’t been there because the girls had told him Tessa didn’t need him. Oh, but what a lie that was…
Still Tessa reached for her phone because Evy had been right. She was getting too attached and she needed to be careful with her heart. Plus, this would get her a few nights of decent sleep and maybe then the world would look a little better … and she’d know what to do about Jazz; what she was really feeling and what she wasn’t.
The moment she turned the phone on and saw his name her heart did a happy dance, only to plummeted the next second.
“Tessa, I won’t make it out to your place in the next two days. Let’s see if Wednesday will work out, maybe? I’m sorry. With the promotion and the tour coming up, I need to focus more on what’s important, and that’s my job. Ttyl, Jazz,” she whispered, reading the message once, twice, and then a third time, but nothing made this any better. Besides the fact that she had intended to say exactly the same thing, this text sounded terribly unattached, and that sure as hell wasn’t what Tessa was feeling at all. Yet for the moment there was no changing the fact and most of all, there was no changing of Jazz’s heart. Was she upset? No doubt. Did she hurt? Even more so, but Tessa couldn’t and wouldn’t let this dictate the rest of her holiday. She just would have to get to the same level of feeling unattached he was obviously feeling. Maybe then this would work the way her friends wanted it. Tessa decided she would take it day by day and then she’d see where life would take her.
Texting back, she told him that she had intended to say something similar, too, and that she was glad he saw it that way. It was a lie, and a big one at that, but that didn’t matter.
For now she hid the phone away in the drawer so she wouldn’t be tempted to text him. Forcing a cheery expression, she got out of bed, following the smell of food that tempted her nose, but left her stomach feeling strangely empty
Chapter Nine
Entering a room full of girls was the last thing Tessa wanted, but she still did it, reaching for the cup Aimie was holding out for her. Coffee was her salvation that day and Aimie seemed to know that.
“Good of you to join us, Tessa. Can you sit down? I need to … there’s something I want to tell you all,” Hilary said and Tessa took a deep breath. She was glad that something would keep her mind occupied, but she wasn’t sure she really wanted to hear how hurt her friend was.
“Oh boy, I didn’t prepare for drama today,” Emma grinned, winking at everyone. Tessa smiled, and so did Hilary, but her friend didn’t join them on the table.
“I’m gonna make lunch while we all talk … or better while I talk and you all listen. This might be a little overdue actually, but I just … I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that when you all just arrived, and when Tessa asked me about it, I suddenly didn’t want to tell her anymore. But of course, there is something going on with me,” Hilary started, and then turned away from them towards the stove.
The four girls at the table exchanged glances.
“Maybe we should get out the margaritas,” Emma mumbled, making everyone else chuckle.
“To be honest, I prepared strawberry-daiquiris for later, but I figured we should eat first. And listen. I want this over before solider boy drops by,” Hilary told them, not yet turning back.
“Well, I’m kind of sure you will be done talking by Wednesday night,” Tessa whispered, looking down at her hands. She didn’t want to look at Evy to see how proud her best friend was of Tessa telling him that they needed to cool off. After all, she hadn’t done it, and probably couldn’t have gotten it over with anyway, but then Jazz had taken care of that all by himself.
“Wednesday? That’s two days from now,” Aimie said and Tessa forced a grin on her lips.
“I just want to make sure he doesn’t get too attached. The way he looked at me earlier, I worried he’d say the L-word soon and I couldn’t have that. After all, I’m not here for a relationship,” she explained, trying to make a joke and everyone chuckled, causing her to bite her lip. It more had been the other way around, but that sure wasn’t something the girls needed to know.
Daring a glance at her friends she saw Aimie watching her with an arched up brow. Her friend obviously had a lot to say, but Tessa guessed that would be something she’d hear in private.
“Yeah, well, if you think that’s necessary I won’t protest. I’ll sure like to get up and be the first one around in my kitchen,” Hilary teased, but Tessa could see the serious lines on her face. She could imagine too well how it felt to have a house full of girls and still yearn for some alone time. Especially in a group like this where quiet time didn’t come often enough.
“Anyways, so … just so you all know, this is not easy. I know that most of you noticed something…” Hilary glanced at Emma and the girl shrugged.
“What? I ignore negative vibes and tend to focus on the good stuff. I didn’t know something was off until Hilary mentioned fighting with Tessa about it,” she justified herself and Evy leaned over, hugging her friend.
“Yours must be a nice world,” Evy grinned and Emma laughed.
“Sometimes being oblivious really has its perks,” she agreed and then looked back at Hilary.
“I thought, too, that being oblivious would be the best thing ever, but as it turns out, that’s not true. So … are you ready for this really sad and disgusting tale?” she wanted to know and Tessa held out her cup.
“I still need another cup, then we are good to go,” she promised, letting Hilary give her a refill before silence spread.
“You know, you all being this deathly quiet makes me feel as if I’m telling you the tale of my own death,” Hilary fussed, but no one really laughed.
“Okay, here it is. Tess, you’re right. My hubby hasn’t lived here since two months. In fact, I replaced a lot of the furniture he and I had because he’s paying me. I guess he feels guilty. It’s just … I didn’t want to tell you all because you all always seem to think we have the perfect life and that everything goes so well. It’s not. It hasn’t been in a long time and I still thought if I turn a blind eye, the troubles wouldn’t come out. We were fighting a lot less than we used to.”
“And here I thought this was something good,” Aimie whispered and Hilary nodded.
“It’s what I thought. I didn’t think it simply meant that he stopped caring … or that he stopped really talking to me at all. I came home one day and the door was locked. I didn’t think about that. I couldn’t even have guessed something was wrong. But it was. She was bent over the damn couch. They were bare ass naked. Totally and completely, and I stood there in the hall and he was just fucking away, pounding in and out. Then he looked up. He met my eyes and smirked while he simply drove into her harder. He fucking smirked!” They heard loud banging as Hilary hit a spoon against one pot and then another.
“I am going to kill the bastard,” Evy grumbled, but Hilary spun around, looking almost manic.
“But wait, how about I tell you the fun part?” Tessa took a deep breath, shaking her head. This might actually call for daiquiris first. She got up, not saying anything, but Aimie instantly clapped in her hands.
“Oh yes, bring on the alcohol. Seriously, or I’m gonna go and hunt that bastard down,” Aimie called, making Tessa smile. She was actually happy that they knew each other well enough that words were unnecessary.
She opened the fridge and took out the cold drink, then she filled a glass for everyone but Evy.
“I want some, too,” he
r best friend fussed, but Tessa just picked up a brow and presented her with a glass of orange juice.
Tessa took a long sip from her drink, shaking at the strength. Warmth instantly filled her and she took a deep breath.
“Okay, I’m ready. What more can there be?” Emma asked and Hilary straightened her shoulders, preparing herself.
“I’m standing there and another woman came down the stairs. Naked. She looked at me and after a moment of being totally confused a smile broke over her face and she asked me if the party was getting bigger. She even told me I was totally her type, too.”
Tessa couldn’t do anything but stare. The others seemingly felt the same because no one said anything at all.
“I just stood there and stared. He brought her to orgasm. I mean he didn’t even stop while I stood there. Guess what I did?” Hilary asked and the girls exchanged glances.
“You kicked him in the nuts,” Evy suggested.
“She told all their naked butts to get outside,” Emma gave back.
“You gave them a smile and told them to have fun, then you headed upstairs?” Tessa guessed.
“She stayed where she was and just stared at them,” Aimie explained.
Hilary closed her eyes, leaning back against the counter before she answered. “I asked if anyone wanted some coffee since I was making a pot anyways. They all dressed, one of the women drank a mug and then they left.”
With everything Tessa knew about Hilary that was the last reaction she had expected. She probably would have cried instantly.
“What happened to you? I thought you would have gone crazy on their asses!” Tessa couldn’t help but grin at Emma.
“I broke his nose after they left. He came and wanted to hug me. He thought I was okay with it,” Hilary explained and finally Tessa noticed the silent tears that fell down her friend’s cheek. Pushing her chair back she went over to her and hugged Hilary tight. To her utter surprise Hilary hugged her back, holding her tightly. She was finally sobbing outright and apologizing quietly over and over again.
“I should have told you right away. I wanted to. I was crying so often and there was no one here. They all knew. All those people I considered friends. They knew. He had told one of them he did it because I was emotionally cold. And because I wasn’t experimental in bed. He said he did it because I just wasn’t enough for him,” she whispered, but it was so quiet in the house that the rest of the girls heard it as well. Chairs scratched over the floor as each girl got up, being propelled forward by the need to wrap Hilary into a hug. It was a mess of arms and bodies, ending in a group hug.
“I love the couch,” Aimie said, making Hilary laugh through her tears.
“I figured since I have to buy a new one anyways I would buy one large enough for all of us to fit on,” she explained and Tessa turned back to the sofa, grinning.
“I like it. We can now have lunch, get drunk and watch all the Channing Tatum movies we can find,” she suggested and everyone nodded in agreement. She knew not every girl there loved Channing, but that didn’t change the fact that his movies were good for the heart.
“I haven’t allowed myself to cry since it happened. I figured he wasn’t worth my tears. He came back almost daily and told me that his need for more sex didn’t change the fact that he loved me. He dared to suggest that if I allow him to have sex with those two once a month, we’d get married and have an awesome life. I looked at him and suggested that we could simply have more sex, but he didn’t like that. Honestly, I don’t even know what to think. I was hurt, so much, and I didn’t manage to hurt him back. I know revenge isn’t the right way, but I just can’t change it. I want to know he hurts. He hasn’t been back since you’ve been here. I don’t know if he actually remembers, or if he’s just…” She shrugged. “… Busy.”
“God, Hils, I don’t even know what to say,” Tessa admitted, looking at the other girls before she went over and emptied her glass in one gulp.
“So, what will you be doing now?” Aimie asked while Hilary took out plates and passed around noodles to everyone.
“I’m staying in this house, trying to find new friends and prove that I’m leaving this behind with my head held high. And I like making out with strangers without needing to worry. I don’t think there are any guys out there that really plan to stay. They’re all jerks. Hell, his friends congratulated him on being a real man and managing to satisfy two women at once while his girlfriend had no idea. I talked to his mother – and they refuse to take him back. She’s so ashamed of him and supports me. We were supposed to get married. Seriously, that was the long-term plan. Kids and all that shit, you know?” She shook her head.
Tessa sat down, eating slowly while thinking more than chewing. There wasn’t much she could say – in fact, there probably wasn’t anything anyone could say, but at least she now understood Hilary’s motives.
“Guys are assholes. I wanted to prove that to you, too, when I showed at Jazz’s base,” Hilary said.
“Yeah, you know, about that. Thank you for that, but I think I might tone it down a lot with him. We don’t want him to fall in love with me, right? Especially not when I’m not ready for something so serious,” Tessa told them, giving everyone a smile before continuing to eat. Not that she had any appetite left really. She still hoped to change the topic and it worked.
“You are kidding us, right?” Aimie asked, but Tessa just gave her a pleading look. She probably would break down and call Jazz right away, asking him if he was serious.
“It’s better that way. After all, this could never work out and Tessa will never come back here. It’s just the smartest way really. And after what we just heard,” Evy explained, giving Hilary a much-saying glance, “I think we should change our focus on healing the broken hearts we have here rather than causing any new ones.”
As much as Tessa knew that Evy was just looking out for her, she couldn’t help but grind her teeth at her best friend’s words. She did have a point though: They needed to make sure Hilary’s broken heart was starting to heal. Luckily the Disneyland visit was coming up soon and until then, the girls could just get themselves in the mood.
“Exactly. So, I am all in for movies and plenty of girls-time mixed with this.” Tessa pointed at the drinks and then got up. She dumped her noodles, knowing that she wouldn’t eat them anyway. Instead she helped cleaning up the kitchen, almost jumping as Aimie suddenly showed up next to her.
“What the hell?” Aimie wanted to know, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Evy is right. I shouldn’t see him as often as I do because I might end up going back with a broken heart. There’s no future to be had here and…”
“Oh, lady, I know you probably don’t want to hear it, but the two of you are already in too deep. The way he looks at you? That boy gave you a piece of his heart and you handed him a piece right back,” Aimie mumbled, but Tessa just shook her head in protest.
“If you don’t recognize this, then you’ve never been in love before, gorgeous,” Aimie told her, the dismay clear in her friend’s voice. “My advice? Use all the time you have and then deal with whatever comes once you go back, because you’re going back broken-hearted either way, only if you go through with this now, you’ll always regret not having used the chances you had.”
“Evy just thinks of me and - ” Tessa began
“Well, Evy thinks wrong,” Aimie instantly interrupted while Tessa rinsed off the plates.
“She’s not. Jazz wrote me before I ever got the chance to text anything. He said he couldn’t risk getting out here and then almost falling asleep behind the wheel. As much as I hate to say it, Jazz obviously thinks the same way Evy does.”
“Not Jazz, babe. That asshole Tank does. And he most likely talked to Jazz just like you talked to Evy. Damn, why do unhappy people believe they have a right to kill everyone else’s happiness?” Aimie sounded seriously pissed and it surprised Tessa since she had always pegged Aimie for the peaceful one, the one longing for harmony.<
br />
“Look, I think with Hilary we have our hands full and I do want Jazz to get his rest because I couldn’t deal with the fact that he may end up hurt because of me. So for now I’m going to keep my head focused on Hilary and my heart hoping for a nice Wednesday with a guy that makes me feel good. I do not want to force myself on anyone, so if he wants to see me, it’s fine. If he doesn’t, it’s fine, too. I can handle it. Just promise me that you won’t cause any trouble with Evy because…”
“She’s frustrated and doesn’t want you to be happy?” Tessa gaped at Aimie. She would never think something like that about her best friend.
“That was way out of line, I’m sorry, but I can’t help but wonder why she would first encourage you, and then when it gets serious, starts telling you to pull back. I know having a heartbroken friend sucks, but, Tessa, can you honestly say that you are okay with not seeing Jazz tonight?”
Tessa shook her head. She didn’t want to think about Jazz because Hilary had a real heartache, caused by a guy she had known forever; whom she had fully trusted. Tessa hadn’t known Jazz for that long and even though she knew everything about the college courses he had taken and hated, she had never been his girlfriend. They had never talked about happily ever after. In fact, they hadn’t even talked about what would happen once she’d go back. Would they occasionally text or not? She had no idea. Hilary though had planned a life with the douche.
“I’m fine, Aimie, okay? Thank you for worrying about me, but I’m absolutely intact, whereas Hilary is in pieces, no matter what she says. We all need to pick them up and glue her back together until she’s all pretty again,” Tessa whispered.
Aimie watched her for a long moment, then she grinned. “Don’t tell her I said that, but I think she was missing some pieces from the beginning. After all, she’s not really sane, is she?”