‘You’re welcome, good night, Alex.’
‘Good night, Castle.’
I hung up and drained the remainder of my drink as I wondered if I should have told her the whole truth. But just like she wasn’t ready to share all aspects of her life, neither was I. And I hadn’t lied, I’d just not shared information.
I headed inside to take a cold shower, which did nothing to dampen my libido, and I found myself masturbating for the second time that day to my current muse. I had a feeling I was going to regret inviting Alex Bishop into my life. If only for the torture of having something I wanted so close, but so far out of reach at the same time.
Chapter Eight
Alex
Tuesday
SUNRISE WOKE ME UP just after six a.m., which was far less jarring than being woken by the blaring alarm on my phone, but I hadn’t set that to go off for another four hours. I groaned and rolled over, pulling the white sheet up over my face to try and block out the light. I’d had to have a few drinks to make me drowsy after talking to Castle last night, which had helped to knock me out, but I still hadn’t slept for nearly long enough.
I tried to tune in to the calming sound of the ebb and flow of the water below me, but my head was too full of everything new I’d be experiencing today, of the unknown. Living under someone’s control for so long, had meant that when I left I’d seized it back, but I hadn’t yet learned how to master spontaneity. My daily routines were my choice, but I tended to plan them in advance. I didn’t like surprises. And yet here I was, after four days of unexpected drama, somewhere unfamiliar, putting my trust in someone I barely knew. And I was about to face goodness knows what in a therapy session, the thought of that alone was terrifying. No wonder I couldn’t sleep.
I threw the sheet back and got up, lifting my arms above my head as I stretched and yawned. I felt groggy and decided I needed to do something to make me feel a bit more energised. Opening the doors, I ventured out onto the warm deck and made my way down the steps to the sunbathing platform. Walking to the far edge I looked down. The beach shelved from the shoreline on a steep gradient, and the water here looked quite deep, but I’d never seen anything so clear. Not being the owner of a bikini, or even a swimsuit, it was either keep on what I was wearing, or take a skinny dip. My vest and sleep shorts were going to have to do.
I went to the steps that led down into the sea and started my descent, laughing as the warm water wrapped itself around my legs. I hadn’t been swimming since I was a child, so as I got chest deep and saw there were still more steps to take I considered turning back. But by accepting Castle’s offer to come here, I’d already taken steps to confront my fears, I wasn’t about to give into them again so soon.
I took a deep breath and gently pushed off with my feet, my arms stretched out in front of me, and laughed as I suddenly felt weightless. That feeling didn’t last for long as I started to sink. I flailed my arms and legs in a frantic attempt to keep myself afloat, but only succeeded in making myself more panicked. I screamed and took in a lungful of seawater. A small swell hit me as I choked and pushed me backwards.
Narrowly missing the steps, I banged my head on the platform and desperately scrabbled with my arms to reach up and grab the edge. My fingers clung on to it for dear life as I coughed and spluttered while kicking my legs, then was buffeted by another small wave. That was it. My attempt at swimming was officially over. There was no way I’d survived Richard, only to drown in a relatively calm ocean. I manoeuvred myself to face the platform, too scared to try and make it back to the steps, and instead hauled myself up out of the water and landed with a thud on my front on the decking.
‘Jesus, Alex,’ I rasped. Maybe it would be a good idea to have swimming refresher lessons before I tried that again. This was what happened when you were spontaneous. I coughed up some of the water I’d swallowed and rolled onto my back, my legs dangling over the edge of the platform as I tried to catch my breath and calm myself down. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the early morning sun on my damp skin. With the noise of the water below me, I started to feel myself drifting off to sleep.
‘She’s here.’
I screamed to hear an unfamiliar man’s voice and snapped my eyes open to find a stranger with shaved dark hair looking down at me.
‘Is she okay?’ Castle’s voice yelled.
‘What the hell’s going on?’ I demanded as I bolted upright, placing a hand over my rapidly beating heart.
‘You pressed the panic alarm,’ the man stated, lifting his hand to his mouth before speaking into his watch. ‘Stand down, Tiger is safe, I repeat Tiger is safe.’
‘No I didn’t. And what the bloody hell is tiger?’ I uttered. The man stepped to one side and Castle appeared, wearing nothing but a pair of extremely tight fitting, black Lycra shorts, the sight of his toned upper body made me start choking again.
‘What the hell happened, Alex?’ he demanded, his hands moving to his slim hips. My eyes bounced from his bulging biceps and broad shoulders, to his firm pecs, and defined six-pack, then back up again. I had no idea where to look that wouldn’t make me blush any harder. ‘Why did you press the alarm?’
‘What alarm? I didn’t press anything.’
‘She was lying on it, sir,’ his security guy said in a less than impressed tone. I grimaced and lifted one of my butt cheeks to take a look and sure enough, there was one of the little red panic alarm buttons anchored to the deck. ‘I’ll leave you alone.’
‘Thanks, Alves, sorry for the false alarm,’ Castle sighed as he scrubbed his hands up over his face. ‘Jesus, Alex. Don’t do that to me. I’ve never run so fast in my life. I thought something bad had happened.’
‘Sorry. I decided to have a swim, only it’s been so long it appears I’ve forgotten how to. I must have landed on the alarm as I hauled myself out of the water.’
‘I put you in a house on stilts over the ocean and now you tell me that you can’t swim?’ His hands dropped as he looked at me aghast.
‘You don’t really get given lessons when you’re being held hostage for ten years, and I’ve been too busy setting up my career to think of trying again since.’
‘Then might I suggest you stay out of the water unless you’re accompanied in future?’ he replied in a droll tone.
‘Well, I wasn’t planning on a repeat performance.’ This time I did roll my eyes, which only made him narrow his at me. My throat, already hoarse from swallowing water, was going dry. Sitting down here looking up at him, his whole insanely ripped body was on display and it was getting harder not to make it obvious that I wanted to give it the full appraisal it deserved.
‘What the hell are you wearing?’ he asked as he cocked his head to scan my outfit. I looked down and quickly crossed my arms over my chest. My white vest had gone completely see-through and my nipples were standing to attention.
‘I don’t own a swimsuit, so I thought my pyjamas would do.’
‘You’re unbelievable. Who comes to a tropical island without swimming gear?’
‘Someone who doesn’t swim,’ I retorted, then coughed again.
‘Take my hand, I’ll help you up. And, as I’m here, we might as well do our island tour instead of leaving it until tomorrow.’
‘Sorry to have been such trouble,’ I said as I reached for his hand and let him pull me up. I heard him take a sharp intake of breath and he quickly turned my wrist over. I yanked it out of his grasp and held it protectively against my chest. He’d just seen some of my scars. I usually wore lots of bangles on my right wrist to try and camouflage the faded circular marks, but of course I’d taken them off for bed.
‘He did that to you?’ he growled.
‘Yes and no,’ I said, taking a step back from him. I could feel the simmering anger radiating off him, and while I knew it wasn’t directed at me, it was an emotion I found hard to handle.
‘It’s a yes or no answer, Alex. There is no middle ground here.’
‘He chained me to the b
ed whenever he was out. I caused the scars by trying to break free one too many times.’
‘I’m going to kill him if I ever get my hands on him,’ he grated out. He turned and jogged up the stairs. ‘As I’m here and hungry, I’ll be in the kitchen making breakfast for us, while you put some clothes on that aren’t see-through. That wasn’t a request.’
‘Maybe I want you to put some clothes on too, have you thought of that?’ I called, as I cocked my head and groaned to see how firm his backside was in his small shorts. I felt like Sleeping Beauty. I’d been oblivious to the appeal of men for so long, the sexual need in me lying dormant, but he’d blasted into my life and brought me, and it, back to life. And all without even so much as a fairy-tale kiss. ‘And what is tiger?’ I asked, but I was talking to myself, he’d already vanished.
I took the quickest shower ever, completely aware that there was no lock on the bathroom door, and I couldn’t exactly close up the glass doors completely locking us both inside. But he was a gentleman and never so much as peered around the bedroom wall to try and catch a glimpse of me.
I quickly slipped on some underwear and a white loose-fit shirt-dress, which nearly came down to my knees. I combed my wet hair back, brushed my teeth and headed back out onto the deck.
A platter of fresh tropical fruit was already on the table. The orange of the mangoes, red of the watermelon, and yellow and green innards of the ripe purple passion fruit, were only made more vibrant and enticing against the backdrop of the stark white plate. My fingers were itching to grab my paintbrush again, but I had no canvasses, easel or cleaning fluids, and a very limited palette of oils at my disposal.
I followed the scent of freshly brewed coffee into the kitchen, and smiled to see him at the stove cooking something. He was humming to himself and gently swaying his hips. The song sounded familiar, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Besides, I was too distracted by his golden tanned body. I took the time to drink him in while I wasn’t being observed, noticing his sculpted shoulder blades and defined traps, and the two indents at the base of his spine before the globes of his butt cheeks started to curve out. He didn’t have an ounce of fat on him anywhere. He was lean and powerful, in top condition without being bulky.
My attempt to stay undetected was ruined when I heard him start to sing and I burst out laughing. He was singing “Let It Go” from Frozen.
He spun around looking mortified to have been caught.
‘Interesting song choice,’ I said as I clasped my hands behind my back and raised up onto my tiptoes. ‘I wouldn’t have pegged you for a Disney man.’ I laughed again as a faint pink hue appeared on his cheeks.
‘My sister has kids,’ he shrugged. ‘I’m a fully proficient babysitter and could probably even recite the entire script of Frozen as well as Beauty and the Beast. Besides, it’s a damn catchy tune.’
‘It is,’ I agreed. ‘I can smell coffee.’
‘Take a seat,’ he ordered, waving a spatula at me. ‘Breakfast, and caffeine, will be served shortly.’
‘You can fly, you babysit, and it appears you can sing, dance, and cook. You, Mr. Castle, are full of surprises,’ I teased.
‘Which is too bad, as you don’t like surprises,’ he reminded me.
‘I’m beginning to think that I ought to give them a second chance. Maybe they’re not all bad.’
‘Then I look forward to giving you more.’ A slow smile spread across his face, then his eyes dropped to take in my bare lower legs and slowly moved upwards. Where I’d tried to be discreet in checking him out, he was blatant in his appraisal of me, and it made my stomach flutter to know that visually I appealed to him. ‘I thought I told you to dress in something less revealing.’
‘Your actual words were “isn’t see-through.”’
‘Hmmm. Go and sit down.’
‘Yes, sir,’ I replied and spun around to go and do as I was told.
‘Still too fucking sexy,’ he muttered under his breath, making me giggle. I was pretty sure that hadn’t been meant for my ears. Besides, it wasn’t like everything was on display. This couldn’t even be classed as a mini-dress. I wondered how he’d react if I really made an effort, if this casual natural look did it for him. It was good to feel wanted again.
He reappeared and placed a cafetière down on the table and lowered the plunger, the aroma making me want to pick up the glass container and inhale the lot. Moments later, he was back with a small jug of milk and bowl of brown sugar cubes, and two white mugs.
‘Milk and sugar?’ I called.
‘Black for me please, no sugar.’
‘Me too. I don’t understand people who dilute the flavour with milk,’ I said as I did the honours and poured. ‘It’s not one of those cat poo coffees is it?’
‘I think you mean Kopi Luwak coffee,’ he chuckled. ‘You know it’s actually an Asian palm civet that excretes those beans, not a cat.’
‘Seriously, who looked at the shit of an Asian palmed privet and thought “hey, that looks tasty, let’s brew some?”’
‘Asian palmed privet.’ He let out a roar of laughter that made me giggle. Richard had never laughed, and I instantly decided I liked the sound of it. Laughter meant there was no anger, and no anger meant I could relax. ‘It’s an Asian palm civet.’
‘Potato, patato. So, this isn’t made with poo-coated beans?’
‘No, despite appearances, my tastes aren’t that refined, this is a plain old Costa Rican blend, it’s my favourite,’ he said. I grabbed my mug and took a comforting gulp and sighed with pleasure at the rush it gave me.
‘It’s amazing. That’s going on the shopping list for sure.’
‘Are you a vegetarian?’
‘No, why do you ask?’
‘Damn, that means I’ll have to share the bacon and Sarah didn’t leave you much.’
‘I’ll be fine just having some of this fruit,’ I called.
‘You can’t say that when I’ve gone to all the trouble of cooking for you.’ He reappeared carrying two large white dinner plates and set one in front of me, making me laugh again. As well as some rashers of crispy bacon, and two poached eggs, I had two large smiley-faced blueberry pancakes.
‘You do these for your sister’s kids, huh?’
‘Force of habit.’ He flashed me a grin as he sat next to me, both of us facing the view.
‘Thank you, this all looks amazing, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to eat it all.’
‘Are you sure about that?’ he asked as my stomach let out a loud grumble.
Until I started eating I had no idea how hungry I actually was. I’d forgotten that I hadn’t had anything to eat since I’d arrived on the island, and I’d barely touched the plane food on the way over as I’d felt so sick from seeing Richard again.
I gorged on the sweet, pungent, and refreshing flesh of the fruit and nearly managed all of my hot food as well, just leaving a couple of rashers of bacon and half a pancake as I sat back in my chair and groaned, palming my stomach.
‘That was so good.’
‘You’re not going to eat that?’ he asked, spearing my bacon before I even had the chance to object. I raised my eyebrows at him as he wolfed it down with an impish grin. He’d already cleared his plate and polished off the fruit too. ‘What? I worked up an appetite haring down here to save the damsel no longer in distress.’
‘Fair enough, you earned it. Again, I’m so sorry about that.’
‘It was good practice, we’ve never had to react to an emergency before, thank God.’
He insisted we leave the clear up for Sarah’s assistant and we headed out to do a circuit of the island. At certain points we had to scramble up and over rocks and he insisted on holding my hand to stop me from slipping. I’d never held hands with a man before, except my dad when I was younger. Richard had only ever forcibly taken my arm or gripped my wrist if we were out. Feeling Castle’s gentle clasp wasn’t unpleasant at all.
I took pictures of the locations that he wanted painting a
nd enjoyed him telling me about how he came to acquire Pepper Island, and the work he’d had done to turn it into his main home. There was no harsh infliction to his voice when he spoke, something that had always put me on edge in the past, hyper-alert to the rapid change of Richard’s moods.
Castle was easy to talk to, and conversation seemed to come as naturally as it did with Tom and Janice. The only awkward silences were caused by me, when I was distracted on a regular basis by his overtly masculine and toned physique and my mind wandered, trying to imagine what sex with him might be like. Sex with Richard in the early months, when he was hiding his true nature, was enjoyable enough. I hadn’t craved him, or felt the desperate need to rip his clothes off and go at it wherever we were, which is what Shaz had told me great passion was like.
I could imagine Castle being passionate though, slightly aggressive and domineering, but without the intention to inflict pain. The thought made me squirm and sent a tingle up my spine as I clenched my thighs together. I was turned on at the thought of it. And me being turned on hadn’t happened in years.
When he eyed me curiously and asked what was wrong, I turned into Tom and began to waffle about needing water, then explaining what had happened to me in the sea in far more detail than he needed. When I finally shut up, he told me that at a brisk walk it took around an hour and a half to do a complete circuit of Pepper Island, but instead of doing that we veered off from the track and followed a custom-made path up the back of the island to come out on a plateau, where the path forked. To our left was a modern white bungalow with a reed roof and the same bi-fold doors as the beach house, but it overlooked the north side of the island.
‘This is where Ester lives and where you’ll come to have all of your sessions.’
‘Oh, okay. I assumed she’d see me in my own environment, so I’d feel more relaxed.’
‘It’s best to have them here. They can leave you emotionally drained and upset, so you don’t want to associate those feelings with your home, which is somewhere you want to feel safe and comforted.’
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