‘Always in control, at least I try to be.’
‘You really want to know?’ His brows knitted together into a frown, which only made me more curious.
‘Yes.’
‘Okay.’ He did a slow nod, before straightening up and draining his glass. He set it down on the low coffee table in front of him, stood up and held out his hand to me. ‘Then I’m going to ask you to trust me when I ask you to come upstairs.’
‘Upstairs,’ I repeated, looking up at the ceiling. ‘Where the bedrooms are?’
‘Yes, but not for reasons you think.’
‘Why can’t you just tell me here?’
‘Because if I don’t do this my way, I’m afraid I’ll lie to you, and I really don’t want to, Alex. Come with me, and I’ll show you how I got this scar, and why I’ve been such a private man during your time on the island.’ He flexed his fingers, as if he were beckoning me in, as he waited for me to take his hand.
‘You have some kind of sex torture chamber up there?’ I jumped to my feet and backed away from him as my excited cantering heartbeat suddenly stuttered.
‘No.’ He shook his head with a chuckle. ‘Alex, we’re in a house where Sarah is washing up and preparing breakfast a few rooms away. My security team is watching us now on any number of cameras around the house. If I was going to hurt you, it wouldn’t be here with a load of witnesses. You can trust me. I’m asking you to trust me, just as I’m about to trust you with the most important thing in my life. It’s okay to not be in control all of the time, I speak from experience.’
I put it down to a moment of madness when I watched my hand moving towards his, settling into it. I let those long fingers of his wrap around mine as he started to lead me out of the room and towards the sweeping stone staircase. I had no idea what it was about this man that drew me in, I was like the proverbial moth to a flame, only I had no idea if I was about to get burned.
My heart rate increased with each step we took up the stairs. I could hear my heavy breathing as we made our way along a stark white corridor that served as a picture gallery. He had a Monet on the wall, next to a bright and cheerful piece of modern art by Peter Smith, and my painting of Lizard Point was already hanging there too. Even if I had a lifetime to study Tate Castle, I was sure he’d still keep surprising me.
‘What the fuck am I doing?’ he muttered under his breath as he drew to a halt and scrubbed his free hand over his face. ‘I don’t know what it is about you, Alex, but you have me acting completely out of character.’
‘Hello, pot calling the kettle black. I’m upstairs with a man I barely know, not sure if he’s about to attack me, or show me his sleeping girlfriend who inflicted a scar on him for dragging other unsuspecting victims to his bed.’
‘I don’t have a girlfriend, Alex.’ He turned around and took a step towards me, making me take a step back, only I had nowhere to go as I felt the cool wall against my shoulders. He moved towards me again, slowly, giving me time to run, but my feet weren’t listening to my head as he stepped into my personal space and planted his hands either side of my shoulders on the wall.
‘Castle,’ I warned, hearing the blood rushing in my ears. ‘I’m very close to feeling uncomfortable.’
‘But you’re not, are you? Tell me why you came up here with me, Alex. And don’t say it was to find out about my scar, as you know if you’d pushed me for an answer I could have told you downstairs.’
‘I don’t know,’ I whimpered, as he inched closer, his chest gently pressing against mine.
‘Yes, you do. Tell me. I need to hear it, I need to know I’m not imagining this.’
‘You’re doing it again, you’re looking at my lips. Do I have something on them?’
‘Not yet, but because you like to have a picture painted, let me paint you a vivid one, so you’re in no doubt as to what I’m about to do. I’m going to move closer. I’m going to press my hips against yours, I’m going to dip my head, clasp your face, and then I’m going to kiss you. I’m going to kiss you into a dazed stupor. I’m going to keep kissing you until you have no choice but to come up for air. Then if you can be honest with me about why you agreed to come up here with me, I’ll be honest about my scar.’
‘You’re going to …’ I felt my body tremble as he did as he promised and slowly shifted, magnetising us together from chest to hip as I felt the heat of his breath on my mouth. I was in fight or flight mode again, but I didn’t want to do either. I wanted to feel wanted, needed, and adored. And I wanted to feel that way because of the man standing right in front of me. It was all about him and him alone.
‘Kiss you. The way I’ve wanted to for over a month now. Slowly at first, just tender lips connecting, that will increase in urgency the more of you I taste. I’ll keep kissing you until I have no choice but to sink my tongue into your mouth and make love to it the way I want to make love to your body one day,’ he uttered with a guttural tone to his voice. His lips swept across my cheek and moved to kiss a spot on my neck, just below my ear. I cried out at the sensation of them branding my skin with their heat. ‘It will kill me to walk away now, Alex, but if you need me to, I will.’
‘I … I … oh God,’ I moaned as he nipped the soft flesh of my ear lobe, making it sting, then soothed it by blowing on it and kissing my neck again. ‘Just bloody kiss me already, before I change my mind.’
‘It’s just a kiss, Alex. No matter how much I want more, remember it’s just a kiss,’ he whispered in my ear. I groaned and my breath came in nervous stuttered gasps as he moved his head back to hold my gaze, his eyes hooded and full of desire. I could feel the outline of his cock, hard and heavy against my stomach, but he made no move to grind against me as his hands gently framed my face. ‘So fucking beautiful,’ he uttered as he lowered his mouth towards mine.
My jagged breathing suddenly ceased, anticipation forcing me to dampen my lips seconds before his connected with them. He pressed them against mine, then moved them away before returning again, then repeating. I couldn’t bear it. I thought I’d feel suffocated to feel the weight of a man against me, even though he was using his core strength to keep from plastering me to the wall, but I didn’t. I welcomed it, I wanted it. I wanted more. I’d dreamed of nothing else for weeks now.
I wanted Tate Castle.
I rose onto my tiptoes and my fingers weaved into his hair as I tentatively kissed him back, forcing a guttural groan to escape from his mouth.
Then we were kissing properly, and thoroughly. I felt like I was weightless as his tongue gently darted into my mouth to stroke mine then retreated again. Giddy with desire, with white stars exploding behind my eyes, I did the same to him. Moments later our tongues were dancing together in a passionate tango. Need was coursing through my body. My nipples were painfully hard, my pussy felt slick and swollen. I moaned into his mouth and his hips flexed, making me shift to press myself against his hard thigh muscle, trying to appease the ache between my thighs.
‘Fuck, Alex, you taste even better than I imagined,’ he groaned as he pulled his head back and took a few hard, sharp gasps for air, causing me to do the same. ‘I could kiss you all night.’
‘Don’t stop. Please don’t stop,’ I pleaded, pulling at his hair, tugging him back down to my mouth. We melded again, lost in a fiery embrace of hungry mouths and greedy tongues, until we had to break off and gulp down some oxygen.
‘How could that bastard hurt you, Alex? You deserve to be worshipped.’
‘Castle,’ I mewled, feeling my eyes fill with tears. Richard had never spoken such impassioned words, or made me feel so beautiful and desired. Was this how it was supposed to be? Was this what I’d been missing out on all of my life?
‘Why did you agree to come up here with me?’ he asked, his eyes searching mine for answers as his thumbs softly caressed my cheekbones, not seeming at all disgusted by the silvery scar that ran the length of the one.
‘I don’t know.’
‘Be honest, Alex, tell me why.’
<
br /> ‘Because I want you, Castle,’ I cried, more scared at that admission than where it might lead. ‘I’d never wanted to feel like I needed anyone ever again. I was supposed to spend the rest of my life being self-sufficient, protecting myself from ever getting hurt again. But I want you so badly, which terrifies and excites me all at the same time. I need you to have sex with me, to wash away the memory of him.’
‘I want you too, and I’m not averse to you using me if that’s as good as it will ever get with you, but I’m not taking this any further.’
‘Is this some game to you? Work me up and then reject me?’ I shot back, feeling hurt and betrayed.
‘No, I’m not playing games, Alex. I want you, you have no idea how badly, but you’re putting me in control, you’re reverting back to the woman you said you never wanted to be again. I don’t want to be the man who makes you feel like you have a type that you can never get away from. I want you to feel like I’m the kind of man that you can’t bear to live without. And that will only happen if I push you to be honest about what you want and let you take the initiative.’
‘I’m taking it now,’ I whispered, close to tears. I was torn between admiration for how he was trying to build me up, and frustration that I was offering myself to him, something I never thought I’d do with a man again, and he wasn’t accepting. My bottom lip quivered as he stepped away from me, breaking all contact. A gentle, cool sea breeze caressing my skin only served to highlight the loss of warmth from his body.
‘No, you’re leaning against the wall waiting for me to come and get you. Be a tiger, Alex, I’m right here. If you want me, come and take me.’
I shook my head, completely confused. I hadn’t come here tonight wanting sex. Or maybe I had and I was in denial. The strong Isabelle Knight in me knew that sex wasn’t supposed to be the harsh and brutal thing I’d endured. If I was really her, she’d have flown at him and ripped his clothes off. While Alex Bishop wasn’t as meek as the Izzie Knight that had given in and let Richard control her, she was no Isabelle either. No wonder I was confused. I had no idea who I really was anymore. I was mortified to feel a tear rolling down my cheek, and shook my head as I frantically tried to wipe it away.
‘It’s okay, Alex. One day you’ll be ready, you’ll want to make it happen, and I’ll be waiting.’
‘It’s not okay, it’s not,’ I sniffed, wrapping my arms around myself, all thoughts of sexual desire leaving as I felt more tears breaking over the edge of my lashes.
‘I’m going to hold you now.’
‘I thought this was about me taking control,’ I complained as he slowly advanced.
‘It’s a balancing act, Alex. Knowing when to take charge of your life, and when to allow others to take care of you. It’s not a weakness to admit you need comfort,’ he stated softly as he carefully placed his arms around me and pulled me against his chest.
‘That’s … Ester … talking.’ I choked out the words between trying to rein in my emotions.
‘I was a slow learner, but I got there in the end, and so will you.’
I fell to pieces when he planted a soft kiss on the top of my head, and clutched at his shirt as I started to sob. I felt like I did all those years ago when Shaz had held me that first night in St. Catherine’s. I’d forgotten how good it could feel. I nuzzled into his throat, breathing in his scent, listening to the steady beat of his heart letting it calm me.
‘So,’ he said quietly, kissing my temple when I’d stopped crying, and letting go of his hold on me. ‘Are you ready to find out how I got this scar?’
‘By being too much of a gentleman to fuck a woman when she’s begging you?’ I teased, then winced when I saw my streaked mascara and blue eyeliner all over the front of his white shirt. What must I look like?
‘No,’ he chuckled, sweeping his thumbs under my eyes, removing the dampness. ‘But we need to be quiet. Take my hand.’
I did as I was told without question. Yeah right, me a tiger? I was a born follower. He opened the door opposite and led me in. I tried to let my eyes adjust to the relative darkness. The room was only lit by the faint moonlight creeping through the open French doors to the balcony. When they did adjust I took a shocked gasp and ripped my hand from his grasp, slapped him and stalked back out to the landing. I bent down to pull my sandals off and started running towards the stairs as I heard a door click shut behind me.
‘Alex, Alex, wait. What the hell was that for?’ he called, as I heard him running after me.
‘Stay away from me, Castle,’ I yelled as I threw myself down the stairs, not sure how I could possibly want to cry any more than I already had the last few weeks. But I’d let him build me up, start to believe that men could be trusted, only to dash my hopes in an instant. ‘I mean it, come near me again and I’ll be on the first plane out of here.’
Chapter Eleven
Castle
‘HEY, TAKE IT EASY, man, you’re going to break something, more than likely one of my bones,’ Jason warned as he shoved me off him onto my back on the mat.
‘Sorry.’ I tore at the bandages circling my hands with my teeth. I should have known better than to come training when I was so wound up. My session this morning with Ester, for once, hadn’t helped. I had no idea what I’d done wrong, or why Alex had reacted the way she had.
‘Give me your hands before you take a chunk out of your wrist,’ Jason ordered as he did a back flip to his feet and offered me his hand. ‘Want to talk about what’s bothering you?’
‘No,’ I replied curtly. I wouldn’t know where to start.
‘Go and see her. Talk it out.’
‘I already saw Ester this morning, it didn’t help.’
‘I wasn’t talking about Ester,’ he replied, as he started to unwrap one of my hands. ‘I’m talking about your guest. The one that’s had you on a high ever since she arrived. Doesn’t take a genius to figure out she’s the reason for the crash.’
‘She doesn’t want to talk to me, she made that clear last night.’
‘Since when did you let a woman dictate terms to you? Ever since I’ve known you, you’ve made it clear who was in the driving seat of the few relationships you’ve had, and it wasn’t the women.’
‘They weren’t relationships. They were based on sexual gratification. And she’s not like other women.’
‘Clearly, if she has you reacting like this.’
‘If I push her to talk, she’ll leave.’
‘What’s she going to do, swim to Tortola? You control the only means of transport on and off this island.’
‘It’s not that simple, in fact it’s fucking complicated,’ I grated out.
‘Name any relationship a man and woman has that isn’t. Just take a time out to cool down before you force a discussion. I’ve never seen you this riled up.’
‘Thanks, and sorry. I shouldn’t have come to train this morning when my head wasn’t in the game.’
‘Just don’t do it again, or I might be forced to crack one of your ribs next time,’ he grinned as he pulled the last of my bandages off and slapped me on the back.
I knocked on her door a few hours later, concerned when I hadn’t got an answer from either her landline or her mobile. Pacing the deck, I waited for her to answer, knocking more firmly when none was forthcoming.
‘Alex, I’m not going anywhere until I know that you’re okay. I’ll use my key if you don’t answer,’ I warned, checking my watch. It was ten a.m., surely she wasn’t still asleep.
My eyes darted down the beach, to where it curved around the corner out of sight. In an instant I knew why she wasn’t answering. When I was out of sorts I either talked to Ester or threw down with Jason. Alex painted to escape. I vaulted the deck rail into the waist high water and powered through it up to the shore and started to run, letting the sea air fill my lungs and the power of my movements ease some of the tension I was feeling.
That benefit was soon eradicated as I turned the corner and saw her side profile as she worke
d on the jetty, her back to the ocean. I still had no idea what had gone wrong last night. I thought I’d shown her how I felt about her, invited her into a deeply private part of my world, while still being respectful. I’d taken that leap, something I never thought I’d do again, something that Ester had been stunned that I’d actually done. How the hell had that earned me a slap and that reaction?
‘Alex.’ I spoke gently, leaving some distance between us when I realised she was so engrossed she hadn’t even heard me approaching. She still jumped when she heard my voice, and dropped her paintbrush, then cursed under her breath as she reached down to grab it.
‘Go away, Castle.’
‘No. Not until you tell me what I did wrong.’
‘You know what, I don’t care what kind of open relationship you have with your wife, but I won’t be anyone’s plaything, Castle.’
‘My wife?’ I replied, more baffled than ever. ‘I told you that my wife was dead.’
‘You also told me she died over two years ago, yet she was alive and kicking when I met her last month.’
‘Alex, you’re testing my goddamn patience,’ I growled, completely frustrated with her, and her incorrect assumptions. ‘I told you how Imogen died, something I rarely share with anyone. Then taking you into that room last night was a big deal to me as well. I didn’t expect to have my trust thrown back in my face with a slap to boot, then to be accused of lying.’
‘Maybe you should call Rosie down here and ask her if I’m lying about meeting her mum,’ Alex seethed, as she shot me a glare. I stared back at her, stunned. I was fairly certain I hadn’t mentioned my daughter’s name to her last night in the time between me opening the door and her slapping me. ‘Not so quick to make denials now, are you?’
Alex
‘How do you know my daughter’s name, Alex?’ he demanded.
‘I don’t really think that’s the issue here. I think you bringing your wife and child to my launch night, then virtually hitting on me the minute they left, is. Or how you led me to think that you were interested … you know what, I don’t want to talk about this. I want you to leave right now, or I will.’
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