“Oh,” he replied.
But then he pulled out what looked like two tickets from his pocket and added: “’Cause yours truly scored two tickets to the Lady Gaga concert Saturday night. I thought, well . . . if it’s okay with your parents, it might be fun for you and me to go. Whatd’ya think?”
Mom and Dad looked at one another and then agreed that it was my call as long as I felt up to it. Okay, so maybe it was just the tickets, but right then and there I made a decision—I was going to live.
At least until Saturday.
Afterword
At the start of my sophomore year of high school I was assigned to Mr. Shust’s English class. He was a cranky and fastidious man of middle years who dressed in tweeds and flannel and insisted that his students keep a journal. He told us that the experience would enrich our lives (whatever that meant) and we would be graded not on the quality of our writing, but on our willingness to participate. So every evening after my homework was finished, I dutifully made an entry into the black-and-white speckled composition book. I began by chronicling the minor and major moments of my life, the hurts, hopes, and heartbreaks, and after a while writing became a habit. When I entered my twenties, I had a shelf filled with a written record of my adolescent years. These notebooks certainly came in handy years later, when I began the difficult work of becoming a writer.
One morning, while sitting at my desk and sipping coffee, I heard a news report about teen suicide on the radio. According to statistics then, a young person who identified as gay or lesbian was three to four times more likely to attempt suicide than his or her heterosexual peers, and 33% of all teen suicides involved homosexual kids. I was appalled by this fact, and shocked that nothing was being done to prevent the loss of what I considered our greatest natural resource—our youth. Instinctively, I turned to my old journals and I began to read. For the first time in years, I was reminded of just how confusing it was for me as an adolescent—how painful and lonely. There on those pages was my story. I immediately wrote the first few lines of a story about a thirteen-year-old boy who confides to his journal. I called him Trevor.
Dear Diary,
Tonight I walked into the living room while Mom and Dad were watching TV. Fell dead to the floor. No response from them. I think that television reruns have replaced their natural spontaneity. I mean, unless I’m on the eleven o’clock news, I don’t think they’d care. And even then they might sleep through it.
Eventually Trevor discovers that he is different—different from his parents, different from his schoolmates, and different from his best friend. Trevor is a poignant and humorous portrait of a boy in crisis, but it’s also about anyone who has ever felt as though they just can’t get it right and they don’t fit in no matter how hard they try.
It wasn’t that difficult to find the inspiration for Trevor. All of us have felt this way at one time or another, especially during our teenage years when we are just beginning to piece together the story of ourselves. Fortunately, my story was close at hand and my journals were stuffed with poems, rants, dreams, prayers, vows, ideas, and remembrances of what it meant to be fourteen, fifteen, sixteen . . . The irony was that just as I was beginning to discover myself, I was becoming a stranger to the people I loved the most—my family. I felt that they couldn’t know me, not really, because if they knew who I was they would most certainly reject me. I couldn’t live with that—not even as a possibility. And so I kept myself a secret from them, moved further and further away from them, and began to explore life and love without them.
I went on to perform Trevor onstage as part of my solo show, Word of Mouth, and eventually the show found its way to the HBO Comedy Festival in Aspen and then Off-Broadway where, incredibly, I won the prestigious New York Drama Desk Award for best solo performance of that year. One night following a performance of Word of Mouth, I met Randy Stone and Peggy Rajsk, and they asked me to consider writing the screenplay for a short film based on the story of Trevor.
The resulting 18-minute film (produced by Randy Stone and directed and produced by Peggy Rajski) went on to win many awards, including an Academy Award for Best Live Action Short. It was an exciting time as we watched our little film find an audience and spread the word that gay was okay—and during a period when LGBT issues were just beginning to find their way into the news. The times were changing and Trevor was in some small way able to contribute to that change. In 1997 when we sold the film to HBO, we thought it might be a good idea to flash a telephone number at the end in case there happened to be a kid out there who could relate to the character of Trevor and needed someone to talk to. We wanted to let young people know that it was all right to reach out and ask for help. Someone would always be standing by to listen to their problems. But after doing some research we found that there was no national 24-hour crisis intervention and suicide prevention lifeline for gay teens. And so we set out to create one.
Three months later, The Trevor Project was launched, and finally lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning teens had a place to turn. That first night we received over 1,500 calls, and we’ve been at it ever since. Every year we receive approximately 30,000 calls from young people around the country. Of course, not every call requires a rescue and not all of the young people identify as LGBT, but every call comes from someone who is struggling with issues of identity and is a person between the ages of 13 and 24 who is in need of someone who will listen. Thrown out of their homes, shunned by friends, often with no one to whom they can turn, these young people have found the help they need simply by calling 1-800-4-U-Trevor.
These days, young adult novels are full of complex lesbian and gay characters. Twenty-first century authors like David Levithan, Alex Sanchez, Jacqueline Woodson, Bill Konigsberg, and Mayra Lazara Dole write eloquently and often about the issues affecting the lives of LGBT teens. In fact, while perusing recent YA publishing lists of any major house, one might get the idea that it’s not such a bad time to be a teen who is LGBT-identified. But amazingly and alarmingly, the statistics today remain no better than they were over twenty years ago when I first sat down to write Trevor. LGBT youth are still killing themselves and statistics indicate that they are four times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers. Fortunately, The Trevor Project continues to provide every young person with a place they can go to receive the encouragement they need to live fully and with hope, and, most importantly, the support they need to keep on living life.
Recently Dan Savage’s very successful “It Gets Better” campaign created a viral revolution and allowed adults to send out a message loud and clear to youth that life would indeed get better, if only they could hang on a bit longer. It also helped The Trevor Project become the go-to organization for youth who are struggling with their sexuality and identity. As a result, our call volume has spiked. We opened a third call center, which is located in Harvey Milk’s old camera shop in San Francisco, and which is dedicated to Harvey’s memory. We’ve also taken a much more active role in communicating to youth that we are here for them 24/7. In addition to the lifeline, we’ve designed outreach and educational programs. We launched TrevorSpace last year, a secure online destination where youth can connect with one another, offer one another peer-to-peer support, and share information, and less than a year later we have close to 20,000 registered and active members. Another feature we have developed is Ask Trevor, through which young people can write in and ask questions that are not time sensitive, and read our responses online. We have launched Trevor Chat, an online destination where teens can chat with a trained counselor and get some guidance before a crisis occurs. We have also been instrumental in introducing anti-bullying legislation on the state and federal level. We even have an in-school program where we train educators and students, meeting youth, on their home turf and talking to them about the power of words and the value of listening.
Despite all these new developme
nts and online services, we remain first and foremost a lifeline, offering voice-to-voice communication, saving lives, and working to normalize help-seeking behavior. In a world that is becoming increasingly depersonalized because of digital media, we remain dedicated to providing every young person, regardless of his or her identity, the opportunity to be heard—and they needn’t wait until a crisis occurs to call on us. If I had understood at fourteen that asking for help is an essential part of the human experience, I might have been able to get the help I needed sooner rather than later.
Of course, there is still much to do for youth everywhere. The passing of the Marriage Equality Act in New York State was a great win for youth who believe in the power of love, but the love of a teen in Texas is not yet equal to one living in New York, Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, or Washington, DC. And further afield, homosexuality is illegal in more than 30 African nations, and in some places is a crime punishable by death. In some Islamic countries like Iran, Saudi Arabia, Sudan, and Yemen, homosexuals face imprisonment, corporal punishment, or in some cases, execution. The globe has shrunk to the size of the worldwide web and every young person has access it. They get the message, they hear the news, and we are working hard to incorporate their experiences into the stories they see and hear. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said: “A threat to justice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere,” and his wisdom has perhaps never been better applied than to the struggle to make one person’s love equal to everybody else’s—regardless of gender, race, or sexual orientation.
Changing the story of LGBT and Questioning youth throughout the world and giving them the right to love is one way to ensure a better and more loving future for everyone. Young people, all of them, belong to our future, and without them we cannot realize tomorrow. Convincing even one kid that his or her life is worth living is to convince ourselves that the world itself is worth saving. I believe that all young people need to find stories they can believe in, stories that will bring them closer to understanding that they are perfect exactly as they are. I hope Trevor’s story can be just that for generations to come.
Enjoy!
James
September 2011
Acknowledgments
It would be easy to say that the story of Trevor has had a life of its own, starting as it did as part of a theater piece in a small East Village theater and then moving further out and into the world until it inspired the founding of the The Trevor Project. But the truth is so many have made this story happen and I’d like to acknowledge some of them here.
I want to thank all those amazing people of the theater who helped me develop Trevor by providing me with a stage: Randy Rollison at HERE Arts Center in New York, Mitchell Riggs at Camilla’s, and the legendary Ellen Stewart at La Mama Etc.; Eve Ensler for her profound devotion to the work, for teaching me what theater is capable of, and for being my sister; Julian Schlossberg, Elaine May, and Mike Nichols for their incredible support and for providing me with a wider audience; and Cy O’Neal for always believing in me and championing my cause.
I want to thank Randy Stone and Peggy Rajski for having the vision that the little story of Trevor could become a film. Their dedication and hard work allowed me to believe that there is no dream too big. Blessings to Jodie Foster for her generosity with the start-up funds to make the film. And my heartfelt thanks to Diane Wade who was there at the very beginning to make it all happen, and who continues to support The Trevor Project with her untiring efforts.
I am so grateful to Brett Barsky for bringing the character of Trevor so beautifully to life, and to his mom, Cheryl Astroff. Without Cheryl’s courageous and generous heart, her thirteen-year-old son would never have found his way to us.
I want to thank HBO and Ellen Degeneres for their support of the film and for helping us get into the homes of a whole generation of LGBT and Questioning teens and at a time when the word “gay” was only just beginning to be spoken on TV.
I want to thank my amazing agent and friend, Bill Clegg, for always respecting me and fighting for me—and for coming up with the brilliant idea of turning the story of Trevor into a book for a new generation of LGBT and Questioning teens. Dan Simon and Crystal Yakacki at Seven Stories Press, for realizing this idea so perfectly and with such care.
Thank you to my wild tribe of brothers and sisters; these are the people who encourage me with their lives and through their work: Amy Bloom, Melanie Braverman, Matt Burgess, Dustin Lance Black, David Cafiero, Kate Clinton, Ken Corbett, Michael Cunningham, Jimmy Davis, Stacey D’Erasmo, Michael Downing, Tom Duane, Joy Episalla, Chris Garneau, Meg Giles, Brad Goreski, Tim Hailand, David Hopson, Jim Hodges, Gary Janetti, Daniel Kaizer, Michael Klein, Mark Matousek, Armistead Maupin, Christian McCulloch, Ian McKellen, Hilla Medalia, Marty Moran, Adam Moss, Christopher Potter, Beth Povinelli, Dave Purcell, Mollie Purdue, Seth Pybas, Sal Randolph, Randy Redd, Duncan Sheik, Christopher Turner, Lorraine Whittington, and Carrie Yamaoka.
A special thanks to Sally Fisher and Jim Rogers of the Colin Higgins Foundation who provided us with the start-up money to begin The Trevor Project back in 1998 and who have stood by us ever since.
And my deepest gratitude to every lifeline counselor who ever answered a call from a kid in crisis; they are the true heroes of this story.
Resource Guide
National Organizations
Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD)
5455 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90036
http://www.glaad.org/
GSA Network
1550 Bryant Street, #800
San Francisco, CA 94103
http://gsanetwork.org/
Gay and Lesbian Medical Association (GLMA)
1326 18th Street, NW, Suite 22
Washington, DC 20036
http://www.glma.org/
Human Rights Campaign (HRC)
1640 Rhode Island Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20036
http://www.hrc.org/
National Center for Transgender Equality
1325 Massachusetts Avenue, NW, #700
Washington, DC 20005
http://transequality.org/
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)
1828 L Street NW, #660
Washington, DC 20036
www.pflag.org/
The Trevor Project
8704 Santa Monica Boulevard, Suite 200
West Hollywood, CA 90069
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/
TransYouth Family Allies (TYFA)
PO Box 1471
Holland, MI 49422
http://imatyfa.org/
American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU)
125 Broad Street, 18th Floor
New York, NY 10004
http://www.aclu.org/
Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN)
90 Broad Street
New York, NY 10004
www.glsen.org/
Lambda Legal
120 Wall Street, 19th Floor
New York, NY 10005
www.lambdalegal.org/
National Gay and Lesbian Taskforce (NGLTF)
1325 Massachusetts Avenue, NW, #600
Washington, DC 20005
http://thetaskforce.org/
Websites
Advocates for Youth
www.advocatesforyouth.org
Amplify
www.amplifyyourvoice.org/youthresource
GLBT Near Me
www.glbtnearme.com
Go Ask Alice
www.goaskalice.columbia.edu
It Gets Better
http://www.itgetsbetter.org/
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and
Transgender Health, CDC
www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth
Scarleteen
www.scarleteen.com
TrevorSpace
www.trevorspace.org
Crisis Intervention & Suicide Prevention Lifelines
The Trevor Lifeline
866-4-U-Trevor (866-488-7386)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
800-273-TALK (8255)
The Trevor Project
Each one of us deserves a chance to dream of the future, no matter who we love or how we express our gender. The Trevor Project is here for young lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning people to help whenever you or a friend might need to talk to someone. Through our lifesaving programs and information, we work every day to help make the future better for all LGBTQ youth.
The Trevor Project operates the 24-hour Trevor Lifeline, and also the TrevorChat online messaging service, both connecting young LGBTQ people to open and accepting counselors, free of charge. Plus, there is TrevorSpace.org, where thousands of young LGBTQ people from all over the world can connect in a safe and accepting social space. Trevor is also on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube, connecting young people with positive messages every day.
If you or someone you care about feels depressed or is considering taking their own life, please call The Trevor Lifeline at: 866-488-7386. The call is free and confidential. Visit TheTrevorProject.org to learn more.
About the Author
James Lecesne wrote the Academy Award–winning short film Trevor, which inspired the founding of The Trevor Project. He produced the documentary film After the Storm, which chronicles the struggles of a group of teens in New Orleans in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, and he founded the After the Storm Foundation. He has published two young adult novels, Absolute Brightness and Virgin Territory. An actor as well as a writer, James has appeared on TV, in film, and in the theater. His solo show Word of Mouth was awarded both a NY Drama Desk Award and an Outer Critics Circle Award, and his play, The Road Home: Stories of the Children of War, was presented at the International Peace Conference at The Hague.
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