by Annie Murray
‘What’re yer doing back ’ere, son?’ she asked quietly, seeming to guess the answer already.
‘There ain’t no space over there. I’ve come ’ome for a good night’s sleep.’
She didn’t get any more out of him, and looking knowingly at him she went back to bed.
Frank lay in his room, smoking one Woodbine after another. Jesus, what a mess! Here he was, his first months away from home in the forces, first taste of life’s possibilities, even in one of the most dangerous jobs in the world, he reckoned. And here he was saddled with a wife and a babby on the way. What had possessed him to get married?
He knew what it was in his heart. Marriage was where you got what you needed without having to go looking, wasn’t it? And Ruby had offered it, with her ripe body and those ‘come hither’ eyes, and wouldn’t give it him unless they were married, but it wasn’t marriage he really wanted. Not all that daily grind and blarting brats. Especially now. Every mission he flew might be his last. His mind drifted inevitably to Monnie, one of the young WAAFs at the base, fresh from Lancashire. What had happened when he was teaching Monnie to drive that truck. Monnie was offering what he needed all right, plenty of it. And so far as he could see, he could have that without bothering with marriage at all.
Twenty-One
By the summer of 1941, war had become a way of life. As well as the rationing coupons and queues for food outside the shops, now clothing was on the ration as well. At work, the chocolate still produced at the factory was scaled right down, and powdered milk used to replace the gallons of milk which used to pour into the factory every day.
Edie, Ruby and Janet were all working long hours, and Edie and Janet were still volunteers. Edie helped out with clothing distribution for the WVS once a week now, leaving Davey safely with Frances. There was not a lot of free time, but as the weeks went by the three of them found themselves more and more in each other’s company.
One sultry evening, Janet answered a knock at the door in Linden Road, to find Ruby on the step.
‘Oh, hello!’ Edie, in the back room, heard the surprise in Janet’s voice. ‘Come in.’ Ruby came through to where Edie was cuddling Davey, giving him a last drink of milk before bed.
‘’Ello Rube! What’re you doing here? Is your mom at home tonight then?’
Ruby nodded gloomily. ‘And George.’ Ruby sank down on a chair beside the table. She was five months pregnant, now, the little bump well visible through her pink frock, and she felt very tired by the end of each day. ‘We’re s’posed to be rehearsing for the play tonight. I’ve let them down, but but I’m just not in the mood. I hope you don’t mind me turning up.’
Edie was puzzled. Ruby loved the Drama Club, and usually she’d do anything to avoid missing a rehearsal.
‘You’re welcome any time, you know that,’ Janet said. ‘Can I get you a cup of tea?’
‘Oh, I’d love one,’ Ruby said.
Janet smiled at Edie as she went into the kitchen. She was pleased Ruby had come round. Numerous times they’d talked about Ruby being a bit jealous of their friendship, and Janet didn’t like to feel she’d come between two old friends, even if she did find Ruby prickly towards her.
‘Where’s her mom?’ Ruby whispered to Edie.
‘Frances? Oh, upstairs, having a bath I think. What’s up, Rube? You all right?’
To her astonishment, Ruby burst into tears. Janet heard her and came back in and Edie laid the sleepy David down in the armchair. They drew up seats either side of Ruby and tried to comfort her.
‘This isn’t like you, Rube!’ Edie put her arm round Ruby’s shaking shoulders. ‘Oh, it must all be so hard for you. Are you missing Frank?’
Frank had been back the week before for another few days’ leave. So far as Edie knew, both this visit and the one before had gone off well. Ruby hadn’t felt able to tell them the truth, but now she couldn’t hold back any longer. She shook her head, crying miserably.
‘Frank’s not happy about the babby,’ Ruby sobbed. ‘When I told him last time he came home, he went all funny with me and moved out to his mom’s. I thought it was just the shock of it – you know, getting used to it. And he came back the next day and was all right. Tried to make the best of it. But when he come back this time he was so cold and cross with me. And I think he’s got someone else. I mean he called me “Mon” by mistake and I shouted at him, “Who’s this Mon?” and he just laughed it off and said I was getting upset over nothing and ’e’d said “Mom”. But ’e ’adn’t.’ She stopped to blow her nose, saying wretchedly through her hanky, ‘I mean, why would he say that?’
‘Oh Ruby!’ Edie wanted to tell Ruby she was imagining things, that Frank would never do such a thing, that her imagination was running riot because she was alone and expecting a baby. But she had a horrible misgiving that Frank was perfectly capable of behaving like that, and all the more so now, with the strain all those blokes were going through in Bomber Command, far away from home.
‘I don’t know what I’m going to do,’ Ruby cried. ‘I mean even if Frank was happy about it, he’s still not here. How am I going to manage when the babby arrives? Our mom’s no good and there’s no one else. Me auntie’s too far away to help and she wouldn’t want to anyhow. I’ll have to give up my job – I’ll lose my wages, and the factory’s the only place I get out to and see anyone. I think I’ll go mad at home on my own!’
‘You don’t have to give up work, do you?’ Janet said. She took Ruby’s hand and squeezed it. ‘If you could find someone to look after your baby?’
Ruby shook her head. ‘I don’t know. I can’t think straight. Last week was so hard with Frank and I can’t get anything sorted out in my mind. I just feel all mithered.’
‘Look.’ Janet stood up. ‘You just try and calm down. The kettle’ll have boiled. I’ll make us a nice cup of tea and we’ll all try and put our heads together. You shouldn’t be having to worry about all this on your own.’
By the time the tea was brewed, Frances had emerged from upstairs in her dressing-gown, combing out her wet hair. She looked a little taken aback to find a visitor in the house, but seeing Ruby’s tearstained face she immediately looked concerned. Edie was, once again, filled with gratitide for her kind nature. They drank Frances’s favourite Mazawattee tea, nibbled a biscuit and talked about Ruby’s dilemma.
Ruby explained about her mom’s job with ENSA, and the irregular hours she kept. ‘To be honest with yer, Mrs Hatton, she isn’t that reliable when she’s around, bless her. She’s worse than the lads in some ways.’
Frances smiled faintly at Ruby’s assessment of her mother.
‘Well,’ she began slowly, ‘what I can suggest is this. Once your baby’s born and old enough to be left with someone – when it’ll take a bottle and so on – if you’re agreeable, you could bring it to me. I’m already looking after Davey here. I know how to look after small children. That’s at least something I can do while we’re in this terrible state of war. I’m doing precious little else.’
Janet beamed at Frances, then jumped up and kissed her. ‘That’s a marvellous idea! Do you really think you could cope?’
‘I think so,’ Frances said with dignity. ‘I’m not quite in my dotage yet, dear. And there are you two, and Marie about – well, occasionally!’ She rolled her eyes. Marie Falla was courting and barely ever seemed to appear for more than bed and breakfast these days.
‘Oh, Mrs Hatton!’ Edie said excitedly. ‘Isn’t that a wonderful offer, Ruby?’
Ruby looked amazed, as if what Frances had said wasn’t sinking in.
‘D’you mean it? Would you really? Oh, that would just solve all my problems! Well, some of them, anyhow.’ She wiped her eyes. ‘It’s a lot for you, though,’ she added doubtfully. ‘What with all the hours we’re doing.’
‘Well, I’m already getting back into the swing of it with David,’ Frances said, pulling back her magnificent hair and knotting it loosely at the back of her neck. ‘I’m sure I’ll be able to m
anage – it’ll help keep me young. And a couple of my friends from Meeting are looking after grandchildren. We can join forces and help each other.’
Ruby was full of thanks and renewed hopefulness as she drank her tea, and already she and Janet were more at ease with each other.
‘When Frank sees the babby, he’ll feel differently, I expect,’ she said, suddenly full of optimism.
Well, Edie thought, we’ll see, won’t we? I hope so for your sake, girl. But she glowed with happiness herself as she looked round the room at her friends, and at her boy with his long lashes and curling hair fast asleep on the seat of the armchair.
Martin called round at the house at last. Edie saw Janet’s startled look when her mother came in and announced who was at the door. She quickly recovered herself.
‘Well, ask him in then, Mother!’ She stood up, smoothing her clothes, taking a quick glance in the mirror over the fireplace. Edie watched, pleased for her. Perhaps Martin had called to ask her out. Maybe at last they’d talk to each other properly.
A moment later Martin, hat in hand, was being shown into the parlour and Frances was offering tea. ‘I’ll just find Janet,’ she said. To Edie’s amazement she heard him reply, ‘I do hope you’ll join us, and Edie if she’s here. It’d be nice to see you all.’
Janet and Edie exchanged glances. Edie thought Janet must be disappointed and she flushed slightly, but they both went into the front. Martin was quite casually dressed, no tie, a light jacket over his flannel trousers. As he stood up to greet them, Edie saw his gaze fasten immediately on Janet.
‘We haven’t seen you for a long time,’ she said, with calm formality.
‘I know,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry.’ They all sat down. ‘I’ve been completely embroiled in final examinations. Burning the midnight oil night after night. There’s so much to retain, you feel your head’s going to explode. But it’s over now, finally. I’ve been home for the last week.’ He talked about his visit to his parents in Staffordshire as Edie helped Frances bring the tea in.
‘Anyway, they’ve rushed all the marking through and the good news is, I’ve passed!’
‘Oh, marvellous!’ Janet said, delighted for him. Already she was beginning to come alive in his presence. The others added their congratulations as well. ‘So you’re a doctor now?’
‘I am.’ Martin grinned. He sat forward, stirring his tea, looking very large and muscular. ‘At least, so they tell me. Bit of an awesome thought really. But the thing is, soon as I qualified, I received my call-up papers. Medical Corps. RAMC. I leave for basic training on Friday.’
It was Wednesday night. Edie saw the barely concealed expression of dismay on Janet’s face.
‘So,’ she managed to ask composedly, ‘do you know where you’re going?’
‘Somewhere near Leeds. Square-bashing and all that sort of thing. I don’t quite know why medics need that but I suppose it’s meant to instil discipline!’ He laughed. ‘Cuts us all from the same cloth, I suppose.’
As they drank their tea he didn’t seem to want to dwell on his news.
‘Where’s little David? Asleep?’
Edie smiled. ‘Out like a light.’
‘I’m sorry to have missed him. I suppose I feel a slightly paternal interest in him after having him handed over to me like that. No news of his background so far?’
Edie shook her head. Such questions filled her with dread. She wanted to forget that David had any other ‘background’ than with her.
‘And he’s in good health then?’
‘Oh yes,’ she enthused. ‘He’s bonny, isn’t he?’ Frances and Janet nodded.
Martin smiled at Edie’s evident besottedness. ‘He’s been much luckier than some.’
They spent a pleasant evening catching up on news of aquaintances. They told him about Ruby and about a picnic Cadbury’s had arranged for the day out in a pretty Worcestershire village. Edie had loved watching Davey’s face as he caught his first sight of cows, and a bull. But all the time they were talking, Edie was thinking, doesn’t he want to be with Janet on her own? Janet was behaving in a very breezy manner, as if he was like any other friend whose company she enjoyed. Edie was baffled by the pair of them.
Eventually Martin got up. ‘I must let you people get to bed. It’s been lovely to see you all.’
‘Janet, you show Martin out, will you?’ Frances said.
Martin shouldered his coat on in the hall. Janet, going to open the front door, could feel her heart beating madly and hoped he couldn’t tell. You are not, she chastised herself, going to make a fool of yourself. Not again. Close to him, in the confined space, she felt weak-kneed and as if all the hairs on her skin were standing upright. But she had no excuse for delaying him.
‘Just a second.’ He laid his hand over hers to prevent her undoing the latch. She looked up at him, seeing his strong-featured face so close to hers, looking into her eyes.
‘I wondered if I might write to you, while I’m away? I’d love to hear from you, of course. It would mean a lot to me.’
‘Write?’ She almost laughed. Write to me? I want you to take me in your arms and kiss me. I want, I want . . . She smiled. ‘Yes of course, Martin. I’d love it if we could keep in touch. Drop me a line, won’t you, and let me know where to write to?’
She opened the door. He leant down and kissed her on the cheek. Stepping outside, he put his hat on and turned to wave.
‘Good luck!’ she called.
‘Bye!’ His voice was soft. And then he was gone.
Janet put her hand over her cheek where she could still feel the touch of his lips, tears welling in her eyes.
Twenty-Two
Ruby’s daughter was born on 10 November at Selly Oak Hospital. As soon as Edie and Janet heard the news they went in to see her.
They found Ruby sitting up in bed in a frilly bedjacket, hair brushed and hanging loose, lipstick and mascara on. Edie kissed her and hugged her close.
‘Hello Cocoa!’ she said fondly. ‘Congratulations! Are you all right?’
‘I’ll live.’ Ruby gave a wry grin, shifting herself up on the pillows. ‘My God—’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Never again though. I can tell yer that. It’s like being put through the mincer!’
‘You look very well on it,’ Janet said, handing over her little posy of winter greenery and flowers. ‘We brought you these from the garden to brighten the place up a bit.’
‘Oh I don’t know if I’ll be allowed those,’ Ruby said. ‘The matron’s a right tartar. She’s already had a go at me about my warpaint. And I’m dying for a fag.’
They stayed for a while, hearing all about the birth and Ruby’s new little girl who’d weighed seven pounds ten ounces and was feeding like trooper.
‘She’s definitely a Bonner with an appetite like that on her,’ Ruby laughed.
‘What’re you calling her?’ Janet asked.
‘She’s going to be called Marleen Bette. After Marlene Dietrich, only I’d thought we’d say it the English way.’
‘And Bette Davis?’ Janet asked.
‘Yes,’ Ruby grinned. ’How did you guess?’
‘Have you asked Frank?’ Edie asked.
‘No I bloomin’ ain’t.’ Her face hardened into defiance. ‘He’ll just have to like it, that’s all.’
They didn’t stay long. Ruby recounted to them a few funny stories about people on the ward and Edie told her odd bits of chat from work. Then the nurses started to bring the babies to be fed and they caught a glimpse of young Marleen Bette as she was carried squawking to her mother.
‘Oh Ruby, she’s lovely!’ Edie cried, seeing the baby’s crumpled face. She felt her whole being contract with longing. Thank God she had David to fill her life now! How could she have stood seeing this little one without terrible bitter feelings if he had not come into her life?
‘She looks beautiful and healthy,’ Janet said. ‘Well done again, Ruby.’
Edie was startled to hear the tearful edge to Janet’s voice.
/> As they were leaving, and Ruby saw Edie and Janet disappear with a final wave along the ward, she latched Marleen on to feed. Sharp pains shot through her nipples and belly as the baby began to suck. My God, she cursed, this is a mug’s game. Why does it have to hurt so much? Through the tears in her eyes she watched the others disappear, Edie’s petite figure followed by Janet’s egg-timer one, through the doors.
Well done, Ruby, she thought bitterly. Looking down at her baby – my baby, she kept having to remind herself, she tried to summon more positive emotion in her. Had she really given birth to the child? The birth now seemed like a long and painful dream and she’d hardly seen Marleen since except to feed her. I do love her, she told herself. Except she hurts me. The child’s nagging mouth on her breast oppressed her. Someone else to look after, day after day. Work and washing and feeding and never a moment to herself, years stretching ahead. Edie was the lucky one, she found herself thinking, losing her babby like that. Oh what a wicked thought! How could I even think it? But if only Frank was here to look after us!
Lately, Frank seemed like a different person whom she barely knew, with his stubbly hair and tense, terse manner. When he was home they spent some of the time together, made love sometimes. Only it didn’t feel like love: she felt used, dirty almost, and was relieved when his selfish thrusting was over.
The larger she grew with the baby the more enraged he seemed by the sight of her, and numerous times he’d left her weeping in her house when he’d taken off to his mom’s again, leaving her rejected and lonely.
In the end Ruby voiced her suspicions. ‘You’re going with another woman, aren’t you?’ she screamed at him one night. Frank denied it, told her not to be so ‘cowing stupid’, but things were never easy between them.
He had said though that his tour of duty would be over this year. The Bomber squadrons flew thirty ‘ops’, as he called it. These only counted as completed when they had attacked the right targets. Then he’d be rested and given another job for a few months. Things would be better then. Ruby did not really understand the full nature of the work but she knew he was living on his nerves on that airbase, doing such dangerous flights. It wasn’t natural.