Love Bites

by Rachel K. Burke

  I would recognize that outline anywhere.

  “Damn you!” I hissed, ducking my head. I slid my chair to the left so Jasmine’s face was blocking mine. “I knew this was going to happen!”

  “Knew what was going to happen?” Jasmine spun around, straining her neck to survey the row of bar patrons.

  “Stop it!” I smacked her arm. “Turn around! He’s going to see you!”

  “Who’s going to see me?” She was still facing the bar.

  “Who do you think?”

  Slowly, she turned back around to face me with an alarmed expression. “Red shirt?”

  I nodded.

  “Shit.”

  My heart was pounding. There was only one entrance door at Main Street, and David was standing right in front of it. It would be impossible to leave without passing right by him.

  “What do I do?” I whispered.

  Jasmine was silent for a moment, her eyes shifting from side to side, something she always did when weighing her options. Then her eyes landed on me, and a small smile began to spread.

  “You know what you do?” she asked. “Absolutely nothing. We’re going to pretend he isn’t even here.”

  “And if he sees me?”

  “Girl, look at you!” Jasmine looked me up and down. “You look smoking. He’s going to take one look at you and realize what a complete idiot he is.”

  Oh, the panic. It was pumping through my heart, my lungs, my head. I couldn’t breathe. David, the man I had been dreaming about, obsessing over, for months on end. The man who had taken up permanent residency in my brain. Here. In this very room.

  “What if he tries to talk to me?” I asked. “What do I say to him?”

  “Just play it cool. Pretend you’ve been so busy that you haven’t given him a second thought.”

  I thought about my unemployed, uneventful life in Boston, trying to pinpoint something of interest. “Busy doing… um… what exactly?”

  “Well, you could tell him that you moved back home for a while to see your family and help Renee with her baby preparations, but you just got an amazing job offer in LA and you’re considering moving back here.”

  I tilted my head to the right, sneaking another glance at David, who was talking to two guys I didn’t recognize. I couldn’t believe he was really here, in front of me. My eyes traced his entire outline, the memories unraveling. His strong, toned arms that I fell asleep in every night. His hair that always smelled like pine needles. His broad, sexy shoulders.

  I swallowed the last sip of my wine, attempting to drink enough courage to talk to him, but the thought was nauseating. Would he be happy to see me? Would it be an awkward, forced conversation? Would it give me the closure I needed, or just make me feel worse?

  “Should I go say hi?” I asked. “Get it over with?”

  “Not with that look on your face,” she scolded.

  “What look?”

  “Like you’re about to throw up.”

  “Oh.” I frowned. “That obvious, huh?”

  “Just relax,” she instructed. “It’ll be fine.”

  “I know.” I swallowed. “I guess I…”

  And then it happened. Just as I was attempting to steal another glance at the bar, David turned around, his eyes catching mine. My breath caught in my throat. I quickly looked away, hoping he didn’t recognize me, but it was too late. He was already approaching our table.

  “Justine?”

  I didn’t even have time to process what was happening. I couldn’t look at him; the sound of his voice alone sent chills throughout my entire body. But as soon as I glanced up and our eyes locked, a complete sense of calm came over me. It was as if I knew the hardest part was about to be over.

  “Hey,” I greeted nonchalantly, surprised by my sudden surge of composure. “What are you doing here on a Sunday?”

  “I should ask you the same thing.” His eyes were glowing the way they had when we first met, and for one fleeting second, I remembered. Not the heartache, only the happiness. A time when this beautiful man was my everything. The feeling of having someone to share your life with.

  Then he did something completely unexpected. After giving a quick wave to Jasmine, he leaned down, threw his arms around me, and lifted me out of my chair into a giant hug.

  “It’s great to see you,” he said, setting me back down. He stared at me for a good ten seconds, his mouth curled in that charismatic grin I adored.

  “You too.”

  “I thought you moved to Boston?” he asked. “I ran into one of your old coworkers a few months ago and he said you’d moved back home.”

  “I did,” I said. “I had some things to take care of there. I just finished planning a baby shower for Renee, actually.”

  “Oh, wow.” I searched his face for some sign of disappointment, but all I saw was surprise. “Good for her.”

  “Yeah, she’s due next month, so I’ve been trying to help out as much as I can. But I was just offered a great position at Sphinx, and they want to relocate me back out here.”

  “That’s great!” His expression was as genuine as the excitement in his voice. “Sounds like you’ve been busy.”

  I smirked at Jasmine, who was enjoying this encounter all too much. “She’s been very busy,” she chimed in. “I can’t even get the girl to return my phone calls.” She glanced down at her cell, then shot me a discreet wink. “And speaking of, I need to go make a quick call. Will you excuse me for a minute?”

  We both nodded, and as soon as she was gone David slid into her seat. For the first time, I noticed his eyes were a little cloudy.

  “So when do you leave?” he asked.

  “I fly out tomorrow.” I couldn’t believe we were sitting here having a normal conversation, when our last encounter had been anything but that.

  He tossed me a disappointed glance. I felt a flutter of excitement in my stomach.

  “You look great,” he said.

  “Thank you.”

  We both fell silent, caught in a moment of prolonged eye contact.

  “Listen,” he began. “I know we have a lot to talk about. And I’m sorry I never called you. I just didn’t think either one of us was ready for that conversation yet.”

  It was true. Although I still wasn’t sure if I was ready for it. Or if I’d ever be.

  “But I think we’re both in a better place now,” he continued. “And I really don’t want to leave things the way we did.”

  I shuddered, thinking of the sad way he looked at me when he suggested I move out. The weight in my heart.

  “Why don’t we stay here and have another drink?” he proposed. “We can catch up.”

  I paused, chewing on my bottom lip hesitantly.

  “Are you staying with Jasmine?” he asked.

  I nodded.

  “Culver City’s not that far. I can get you a cab later.”

  I leaned forward, studying his eyes. He was definitely drunk. I didn’t care. I needed this.

  “Okay,” I agreed. “But I have a flight to catch tomorrow, so just one drink. That’s it.”

  Even though David nodded in agreement, I knew that neither of us believed that for a second.

  Chapter 19

  “Are you crazy?”

  “Jasmine…”

  “No, seriously. Are you out of your mind? You’re going to stay here with him? The guy who broke your heart? The one you’ve spent the past six months trying to get over?”

  I had followed Jasmine into the bathroom to plead my case about staying for another drink with David, to which she was not thrilled.

  “You do realize this is the same guy that almost ruined your relationship with your best friend, right?”

  “It wasn’t all his fault. I was there, too. It’s just as much my fault as it is his.”

  “And now you’re making excuses for him.”

  “It’s just one drink.”

  She rolled her eyes. “It’s never just one drink, and you know it.”

 
“I know,” I sighed. “But I need the closure. I’ll never be able to move on without it.”

  Jasmine was silent for a minute, then nodded as though my explanation had met her acceptance.

  “I’m just looking out for you,” she said softly. “The guy cheated on your best friend and went after you, and then once he had you, kicked you out. He’s not a good person, Justine.”

  “I just don’t want to leave things the way we did,” I explained. “And neither does he. I think if we talk about everything, it’ll help me get on with my life. It always felt… unfinished.”

  “Okay, okay,” she said, giving in. “Just promise me you’ll call me if you need a ride later.” She glanced down at my purse. “I know your cell phone is on vacation mode, but you did bring it with you, right?”

  I nodded.

  “Good. And you have a flight to catch tomorrow, so you better not be out too late.”

  “Yes, mom,” I joked.

  She grinned. “And promise me one more thing – you won’t do anything stupid.”

  “Of course not.”

  The words sounded believable, and I really, truly wanted to believe them. But deep down, I couldn’t help but worry that they didn’t have any truth to them at all.

  As predicted, I did not stick to the one-drink rule. Unless you count half of a beer pitcher as one drink.

  For the rest of the night, David and I caught up on everything that had occurred over the past six months. It wasn’t anything of excitement really, just small everyday tidbits. David had received a promotion at work, bought a new car, joined a softball league. I exaggerated the details of my life in Boston, romanticizing my band photo shoots, talking myself up to be some glamorous nightlife photographer that hung out at rock shows in the city with Renee. Then I put on a dramatic display of indecision as I discussed leaving my fabulous life in Boston to return to LA. David ate up every word, listening with sparks in his eyes, like he had found the girl he’d once fallen in love with. It was laughable really. He thought I was some hotshot career woman in demand, when really I was an unemployed loser who’d spent the last six months curled up on my couch crying over him.

  At half-past midnight, the bar lights came on for last call, and I realized that David and I still hadn’t touched on any subjects that pertained to our relationship. I felt a slight pang of disappointment, realizing that maybe it was too late. We had wasted the last two hours making small talk, and I didn’t have an ounce of closure to walk away with.

  Reading my mind, David looked up at the lights and turned to me with a hesitant look. “I know it’s late, but I do have a lot I want to talk to you about.”

  “Me too.”

  He glanced around the bar. “This place is closing soon, but… I have some beer at my place if you want to talk there?”

  Just the thought of being at David’s house made my hands start to shake. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

  “Well if it makes you feel any better, I promise to be a perfect gentleman.”

  We both burst out laughing at our former inside joke. God, it was so hard to stay mad at him. I knew the logistics. I should’ve hated him. I wanted to hate him. But as I looked over at that face I had once lost myself in, there was a part of me that couldn’t blame him. You can’t help falling out of love with someone. The same way you can’t help falling in love with someone. Like I did.

  “Okay,” I said. “But my flight is at noon tomorrow, so I really can’t stay too long.”

  My third false promise of the night.

  They say that scents and songs are two of the most powerful memory-inducers that exist. After David and I split, there was a period where every song reminded me of him, but fortunately his scent was on the opposite side of the country.

  As soon as I set foot inside his apartment, it was like entering a time warp. Not just because it look identical to the last time I’d seen it, but because the scent almost knocked the wind out of me. A rush of emotions swept through me instantly – love, loss, confusion, hurt – and, for a brief moment, I almost turned around and bolted.

  Then there was the visual effect. Because at one time this had been my house, too. My couch. My table. My bed. Our bed.

  As I looked around, inhaling my past, I realized this probably wasn’t the best idea. But it was too late. I was here. And I wasn’t leaving without my closure.

  David grabbed two beers from the fridge, handed one to me, then sat on the opposite end of the couch, his body facing mine. He seemed genuinely at ease, almost as if the breakup had never existed. Something about his demeanor made me relax a bit.

  “I’m really sorry about what happened with Renee,” he said, launching right into it. “You two had been friends for a long time and I never should’ve interfered. I’m glad to hear you’re in a good place again, though.”

  “We are,” I said. “But it wasn’t all your fault. I’m just as much to blame.”

  “Nah.” He shook his head. “You told me no a thousand times and I wouldn’t hear it.” He looked sad, remorseful. “But I want you to know that I only did it because of how strongly I felt at the time. I really did love you, Justine.”

  “I know,” I said. And I did. Although there was an angry part of me that wanted to believe it had all been a game to him, I knew that wasn’t entirely true. The connection we had, the emotions. You couldn’t fake that.

  “I feel badly about the way I treated you,” he continued. “That was never my intention.”

  “So what happened?” I had to ask. It was the one thing I never understood. I assumed it was because I had lost my independence, become boring, routine. But I needed to hear it from him.

  He let out a noise that sounded like a half sigh, half contemplative moan. Several times he started to reply, then stopped himself, like he was trying to pinpoint the exact reason why our relationship fell apart.

  “I know I changed,” I said. “I became dependent on you, and I’m sure that wasn’t easy.”

  “That was part of it,” he agreed. “But I also started thinking about Renee a lot, probably because I never really had a chance to get over our relationship since you and I jumped right into one. I never felt the breakup, I just moved on. Then, all of a sudden, everything caught up with me and I kept thinking about how much I’d hurt her. I felt so bad that I decided I had to apologize.” When he spoke, he couldn’t meet my eyes. “And yes, at the time, you had lost your independence, which was something Renee had never done, and probably would never do, knowing her. And I began second-guessing our relationship, and more importantly, whether or not I give up on relationships too easily in general.”

  “So you went to see her,” I said.

  “So I went to see her,” he repeated. I’d already heard the story from Renee; how David had showed up unannounced at her apartment to make amends, but hearing it from David’s perspective felt completely different.

  “I went to Boston, as I’m assuming you already know,” he continued. “And she obviously wasn’t thrilled to see me. But I’m glad I got the chance to see that she’s happy now, and that I got to apologize to her face to face. Much like I need to do now. With you.”

  David’s remorse gave me mixed emotions. It made it easier to let go of my resentment, but harder to let go of the love that still lingered. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was apologizing to ease his conscience, or if he still loved me, too.

  “You know, I’ll be honest, I thought you were going to take the breakup pretty hard, but…” David broke into a grin. “Look at you! You look incredible. It’s great to hear you’re doing so well. You never cease to amaze me, Justine.”

  I forced a smile and took a sip of my beer so I wouldn’t have to look at him. I felt like such a fraud. If he only knew that I spent my spare time (which was, essentially, all of my time) hiding pictures of him and staring at my silent phone and reading meditation books to get over him, he would… well, he would be pretty glad he broke up with me.

  “Yeah, th
ings are coming together,” I said. “As much as I love my friends and family back home, I really miss LA.”

  And you, I thought.

  “What’s not to miss?” David disappeared into the kitchen, returning with a familiar- looking bottle. “After living in LA, I don’t understand how you could live anywhere else.”

  “Um, excuse me, what is that?” I asked, pointing to the bottle of Fireball whiskey in his hand.

  He tossed me a mischievous glance. “For old times’ sake,” he said, pouring us each a shot.

  “No way.” I held my hands up in protest. “I do not want to be hung over on an airplane. And isn’t that how we got into trouble in the first place?”

  David feigned a hurt expression, handing me one of the glasses. “Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad, was it? We had some good times, right?”

  I took the glass from him hesitantly. We did have some good times. That I could agree. I just wasn’t sure if all the pain was worth it.

  I peered into the glass, swirling the liquid around, contemplating. After a few moments, I brought the glass to my lips and downed the shot in one gulp.

  Four shots later, David and I were in the exact same position we’d been in that first night. It was like déjà vu. We talked, we laughed, and we somehow ended up sitting way too close to each other on the couch. I watched his crazed eyes studying me, looking at me in a way that had now become a distant memory. I felt his hand not-so-accidentally graze my leg every time I said something funny. But before it could go any further, I moved away from him, separating myself from the same spell I had once fallen under.

  “This has been really fun,” I said, standing up. “But I should go.”

  His face fell and a jolt of exhilaration sparked in me. He didn’t want me to leave. I wasn’t sure to what extent, but something told me there was a part of him that still cared.

  “Don’t go,” he said, rising to his feet. “It feels like you just got here.”

  “David, it’s…” I glanced at the clock. “It’s almost three in the morning! I have to be at the airport at ten!”