As I emptied my dishes into the kitchen cabinets, my head began to feel like it was swimming underwater. I couldn’t help but wonder if Renee had been right. Maybe I had made a mistake by voluntarily placing myself in the friend zone with Walter. What happened someday when the two of us were really to date again? Was Renee’s theory true? Did Walter really like me? Or had I made myself completely undateable? And why was I stressing so much about it?
Just as I was lifting my box of wine glasses, my phone rang, causing me to almost drop the entire box. I leaped across the living room, my heart racing at the possibility that it might be Walter.
I reached into my purse, grasping hastily for my phone. But when I saw the name on the ID, my heart began to race even more. Only in a different direction.
You had got to be kidding me.
It was the number I had been waiting to appear on my screen for months. The number I’d been dreaming of, begging for. Only now, the only emotion I felt was disappointment.
Funny how things work out sometimes.
I stared at my phone for a minute, debating on whether or not to pick up. Chuckling to myself, I reluctantly pressed the answer button.
“Hi, David,” I said into the receiver.
“Hey.” His voice was soft and flat, almost as if he had just woken up. “Are you, um… are you busy?”
I glanced around the room at my mess of belongings. “Sort of. Just unpacking. What’s up?”
“Oh.” I heard a slight lift in his voice. “So you’re back here now? For good?”
I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. It fucking figured. The second I was waiting for someone else to call, David chose that moment to reappear. It was like the universe was playing a big joke on me.
I started to tell him the truth, then stopped, thinking better of it. “Why do you ask?”
He paused, moaning contemplatively. “Well you mentioned that you were thinking of moving back, so I figured…”
“That you’d call to check in?” I rolled my eyes. “And how would your fiancé feel about that?”
He sighed loudly on the other end. “We, um… we broke up.”
I grinned wickedly. I couldn’t help it. Every bone in my body was doing the karma dance. “Smart girl.”
“She dumped me for some actor.” His voice was lifeless. He couldn’t even conceal the heartache.
“Oh? Anyone I’d know?” I cupped my hand over my mouth. This was too much fun.
“No,” he said defensively. “He’s like a D-list actor. He hasn’t even had any big parts or anything.”
“And you would know this because…”
Silence.
“Because… you stalked his IMDB page?” I offered, thinking back to when I was trolling Fiona’s modeling portfolio.
Everything really does come full circle, doesn’t it?
“It’s a shitty feeling, isn’t it?” I asked.
More silence.
“Yeah, it is,” he finally mumbled. “And I know I deserve it. But that’s not why I’m calling. I just…” There was a long pause. “The last time I saw you… I didn’t want to leave things like that.”
“So, now that you’re single, you figured you’d try to make amends.”
God, Beth was so right. I thought back to her words, which now felt like a million years ago.
The minute they break up, he’s going to do exactly what he did with Renee. He’s going to call you and beg for forgiveness, and by then, you’re going to be long over him.
I knew that’s why he was calling. He was secretly hoping that I was back in town, so he could try and sweet-talk me into coming over. Sweet little naïve Justine to the rescue. Someone to feed his ego. Console his broken heart.
“Listen, David, I’m sorry you’re hurting right now,” I said. “But I’m not that girl anymore. I’m not going to come running every time you call. And considering the fact that you not only cheated on both Renee and your fiancé, but you also lied to me about your engagement to get me into bed, you’re not the person I thought you were either.”
“I didn’t expect you to want to see me,” he said. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. For everything.” He exhaled loudly. “I hope you’ll accept my apology.”
“I do,” I said. And I meant it. I thought back to what I’d read about forgiveness. How it was the only way to move on.
“Really?” There was a trace of hope in his voice. “So do you think…”
“I also took a job offer in Boston,” I interjected. “So it looks like I’m staying here.”
“Oh.” His voice fell. “Well, I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks,” I said. “Take care of yourself, David.”
I hung up the phone and sat down on my kitchen chair, staring blankly at the wall in front of me. Six months ago, I would’ve leaped in excitement over that call, raced to Logan Airport, and boarded the first plane back to LA.
Now, I felt… nothing.
Sure, there was a little satisfaction in knowing that David was brokenhearted, but mostly I just felt relieved.
I guess the book was right. There was something about forgiveness that was freeing.
Although, I had to admit… every time I thought about David crying over Fiona, I smiled a little on the inside.
Chapter 29
It was after eight when I finished unpacking. So far, the bathroom and kitchen were both stocked, my bookshelf was organized, and some of my clothes were hung up in the closet. I still had a bunch of things left at my parents’ house, but so far, I was making pretty good headway.
I sat down at the kitchen table (the only place to sit), and rested my chin in my hands. I wished so badly that my bed was here so I could pass out. I was beyond tired, and an hour’s drive back to Cape Cod was the last thing I wanted.
I cradled my cell in my hands, thinking back to my conversation with David. Ironically, instead of calling Renee or Jasmine, the one person I wanted to share the story with was Walter. We’d been discussing our past relationships so much lately that my first instinct was to call him. I knew he’d laugh just as hard as I did.
Screw it, I thought, looking down at my phone. Friends can call each other, right? Wasn’t that the whole point of being friends? So you didn’t have to play games?
Before I could overanalyze anymore, I dialed his number and pushed the call button.
After four rings, his voicemail picked up. I hung up and set the phone down on the table, my heart heavy with disappointment. There was only one reason I could think of as to why I hadn’t heard from him all week, and why he was now ignoring my calls.
I just hoped she realized how lucky she was.
But really, what was I thinking? I could never be just friends with Walter. It was inevitable that one of us would develop feelings (one of us = me), so I guess it was better to cut ties now than to be hurt later.
I stood up, picked up my purse, and headed to the door. Surprisingly, despite the slight sting in my chest, I felt okay. I reminded myself that I was supposed to be focusing on me, and when the timing was right and the right guy came along, I’d be ready.
I just didn’t expect him to be standing on the other side of the door when I opened it.
I jumped back in surprise, just as Walter was raising his hand to knock. His eyes crinkled at the corners.
“Well if that ain’t good timing, I don’t know what is,” he said, the little-boy grin emerging.
I stood there speechless for a minute, admiring the cute way his gray-collared shirt was slightly untucked from his navy dress pants. Like he’d had a long day at work and given up on his appearance by the end of it. Before he could say anything else, I moved closer to him, falling into his arms.
“Wow,” he said, pulling me in tight. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you missed me.”
“I hadn’t heard from you all week,” I said, my voice muffled against his chest. “I was starting to think you’d used me for a business deal.”
He let out a loud laugh, then lowered himself so our faces were level with each other. “Sorry about that. It’s been a crazy week.”
I stepped backward into the apartment, and he followed me inside. I shut the door, then spun around to face him. “So you didn’t get back with your ex-girlfriend?”
Walter raised his eyebrows in surprise. “What? No. Of course not.” Curiosity shimmered across his face. “Why would you think that?”
I shrugged. “I just figured since I hadn’t heard from you…”
He looked at me sympathetically. “Not at all. I’ve just been slammed with work. One of those weeks.”
“Oh. What are you doing here, anyway?”
“I was in the building.” He gestured in the direction of the hallway. “We’re renting out one of the other units on this floor, so I had to stop by and take care of a few things. I just saw that you called, so I figured I’d stop by and see if you were here.”
He surveyed the living room, then wandered to the bedroom, peeking inside the closets. “Looks like you’re making progress.”
“Yeah. My bed’s being delivered tomorrow, so I can move the rest of my stuff in this weekend.”
I followed him into the kitchen, and we each sat down at the table.
“So,” I began hesitantly. “How was your trip?”
He rolled his head in a circle, like he was gauging how much to disclose. He still seemed a little guarded when it came to opening up. “You know, I’m glad I went. I thought it was going to be hard, but truthfully… it was exactly what I needed.”
“Closure?” I suggested.
His eyes lit up. “Yeah. Exactly. I guess part of me wondered if I’d done the right thing, if maybe I should’ve stayed and tried to work it out.” He winced. “Like maybe I was being selfish by putting my goals before her, you know?”
I shrugged. It didn’t sound all that selfish to me.
“That was how she made me feel anyway.” His gaze fell. “But when I saw her this past weekend, I realized I did the right thing. I mean, goals are important to me, but so are relationships. And, if I’m being completely honest, I think if I really loved her, I would’ve stayed.”
“But you didn’t,” I finished.
He shook his head sadly. “I tried to. And for a while, I thought I did. But I think I was just forcing something that wasn’t there because I thought it was the right thing to do. Everything about her was perfect, but something was always missing.”
I had seen that happen a lot. People had a tendency to do what they were supposed to do rather than what they wanted to do, so a lot of times, they’d commit to the person who checked off all the boxes. What they didn’t realize was that it was the person who didn’t check off the boxes that they really fell for. The person who introduced them to new things, forced them to step outside of their comfort zone, pushed them beyond their limits. Inspiration was a crucial element to relationships that was, unfortunately, often overlooked.
“I’ve been there,” I said, thinking back to my ex-boyfriend, Mark Wheeler. He was the best catch a girl could ask for, and I couldn’t have been more bored. “But you know what they say. Good on paper, bad in bed.”
Walter jerked back, pretending to be offended. “Are you saying I’m bad in bed?”
“Are you saying you’re good on paper?”
We both laughed, falling easily into the banter with each other. “Speaking of, I have something funny to tell you,” I said. “Guess who just called to see if I moved back to LA?”
“No.” Walter’s eyes widened.
I nodded excitedly. “And guess whose fiancé just dumped him for an actor?”
He tossed his head back, howling. “So what did you tell him?”
I swallowed, trying to keep a straight face. “I told him to come out to Boston so we can talk about things. He’s going to fly out next weekend.”
Walter’s face darkened. He was silent for a minute, studying my expression. “Really?”
I broke into a grin. “No. Not really.” I rolled my eyes at the thought. “God, no.”
He reached out and punched my arm playfully, his shoulders heaving with relief. “I was gonna say…” His brow knotted. “So what did you really tell him?”
“That I’m not the same person I was before.” I shrugged. “And that he isn’t the person I thought he was.”
“And how do you feel?”
“Better than I’ve felt in a long time.”
“I’m glad to hear that because…” Walter fell silent, his eyes trained on the wall behind me. “Part of the reason I’ve been MIA this week is because there was something else I realized when I went to see my ex.”
My heart began to race. “What’s that?”
He traced his jaw line with his thumb, looking at me warily. “You know, I wasn’t going to say anything, given the circumstances, but… I’ve been thinking a lot about you.”
“So you’ve been MIA because…”
The corners of his lips curved upward. “Because it’s hard to be friends with someone you have feelings for.”
I broke into a grin. “Yeah. I know the feeling.”
Before I had time to process what was happening, Walter was off his chair, pulling me to my feet. He took my hands in his, his expression serious.
“I know we haven’t known each other very long, but Justine…” He looked straight into my eyes. “I never felt the way about my ex that I feel about you. And seeing her this weekend confirmed that. I guess I thought that when I saw her, some feelings would still be there, but truthfully, all I could think about this weekend was you.”
I stood there, open-mouthed, waiting for him to continue.
“I kept wishing you were with me,” he said. “I passed an art gallery and thought about how much you’d love the photography, and how much more fun the trip would be if you were there.” His eyes fell to the floor. “I guess that’s part of what was missing. My ex and I never really had fun together. But with you it’s… different. Everything’s more exciting when you’re around.” He looked me up and down mischievously. “Not to mention, you’re pretty damn gorgeous. And any guy who doesn’t want to be with you is a complete fool.”
I laughed, my cheeks reddening.
“I know the timing isn’t great,” he admitted. “But I don’t know how much longer I can go on pretending that this…” He gestured between the two of us. “Isn’t here.”
I paused, trying to think of a response. This was so not what I had expected.
“So… what now?” I asked hesitantly.
Walter glanced down at this watch. “Well, I was thinking maybe, if you don’t have any plans tonight, that I could take you out to dinner.”
I pretended to ponder the suggestion. “Like a date?”
He moved his eyebrows up and down suggestively. “Like a date.”
“Are you sure you’re ready to date?”
“After this past weekend… positive.” He came closer, pulling me into him. “And you?”
I glanced over at my cell phone. “After that phone conversation… absolutely.”
“Well I just want to be certain,” he whispered. “Because I happen to really like the shirt I’m wearing.”
I shoved him, laughing. Then I looked up as he leaned in and took my lips in his.
The kiss started out at a slow pace, gradually speeding up, the emotion building as our lips interlocked. It was a different kind of kiss, sexy yet innocent, passionate yet comfortable. The kind of kiss you experience when you start as friends.
His lips were thick and soft and tasted like peppermint. He grasped at my waist, pressing himself against me, his tongue tracing mine. I could feel his heart pounding against my chest. I ran my hands up and down his back, kissing him hard, then soft, then hard again.
When we managed to break free of each other, Walter glanced devilishly towards my bedroom. “You know, it’s really too bad you don’t have a bed in here yet.”
“That’s probably a good thing
.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He smoothed his hand over my hair, then glanced at the front door. “Ready to go, beautiful?”
“Let’s do it.”
He reached out and took my right hand in his left, as we made our way down the hallway and out into the cold Boston night.
Epilogue
Six months later, in late August, Walter and I sat in the backyard of Renee and Dylan’s new home, where Beth and Eddie had opted to have their wedding reception. It was a small wedding, about 50 guests, mainly just close friends and family. Dylan and his band mates performed on the back patio, while Renee’s cousin Vicki tended bar in the corner. The backyard was just as I’d imagined on the day we’d gone house-hunting – white party lights strung overhead, tiki torch lamps, fire pits, bohemian-style couches, live music echoing through the air.
It was hard to believe Sierra was already six months old. She floated from person to person in her tiny pink dress, as everyone took turns holding her. Her thin, blonde hair was slowly beginning to spiral around her ears, the same shade as Renee’s. But her giant, blue eyes were all Dylan’s. She’d somehow got a perfect piece of each of them.
Fortunately, Dylan’s grudge against Walter had subsided once we’d started dating, so I was allowed to bring him as my date. The two of us made our rounds from the food table (buffet- style, per Beth’s request), to the bar, then to the dance floor. Until the dessert came, at which point I lured Walter back to the food table.
“Did I mention how much I love dessert?” I asked him, piling an assortment of tiny cakes and pastries onto my plate. When he didn’t answer, I looked over at him, at which point he proceeded to shove a giant slice of white-frosted cake into my face.
“Walter!” I screamed, wiping my cheeks furiously with a napkin. Everyone nearby burst into hysterics.
Walter grinned, shrugging nonchalantly. “Hey, you said you love dessert.”
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