“My dad…”
“Yeah, I thought so.”
“Do you know why he took it? Was it because of you?”
Kevin shrugged. “We never really talked details. But I’m sure that had something to do with it. We were on the phone for days before he arrived in California, trying to figure out what we should do next. Maybe…”
I nodded, but it didn’t fit. They talked for days. But Grant made his decision quickly and was gone before I had a chance to go to his place and ask his landlord about him. And by gone, I mean all his things were gone. He’d packed up his truck and left—no note, no forwarding address. He must have left within hours of talking to my dad.
“He never told me about you.”
Kevin sort of coughed, taking another gulp of that poor soda.
“Never?”
“I thought his only family was all gone.”
Kevin frowned, but he didn’t say anything.
“Why didn’t he tell me?”
He picked at his burger, pulling the crust from the bun, his brow knitted as he thought. “I don’t know,” he finally said.
“We met in May. Is that significant to you in some way?”
He shrugged. “I was diagnosed with cancer in February of that year. He knew all about it. Maybe…maybe he just didn’t want you drawn into the whole drama of it.”
“Or judge him.”
Kevin nodded. “That’s possible. Maybe he thought you would think badly of him for not coming to California faster.”
“I just don’t understand. My father confronts him with his juvenile record and he already knew you needed money. Yet he refused the money. But something must have happened when my dad left, something that made him take it. I just don’t understand what.”
“Maybe you should just ask him.”
Kevin reached across the table and touched my hand. “I don’t know why Grant did what he did. But I can tell you that my brother never let anyone close. From the moment our father left, he closed himself off. He had no close friends, no girlfriends in high school. He went to class and then came home to take care of me. And when he was old enough, he got after-school jobs to help out. My mom was always pushing him to go out, to have a life outside of us, but he refused. And then she died and there was no time, you know?”
I nodded.
“And then there was you. When he called and told me about you, I was so surprised but happy for him. And he sounded so happy.” He looked down at the table and kind of sighed a chuckle. “He said that he wasn’t looking for anything, but then you were there and he couldn’t stop thinking about you. He thought he’d take you out and you would be a spoiled brat, the kind of girl he couldn’t stand, and it would end right there and then. But you were so much more than he’d expected and he couldn’t get you off his mind.”
I bit my lip, stopping the smile that wanted to live there. Grant had said these things to me, but there was something special about hearing someone else say it.
“He was so in love with you and I think it scared him. Maybe that…”
I nodded.
“He came back for you.” He squeezed my hand again. “Not to tell you how to think or feel, but it seems to me that that’s all that should matter.”
“Thank you, Kevin.”
He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and groaned. “They’re calling me back. Let me walk you to your car.”
“I don’t want to keep you if they need you.”
“It’s just my patient having the scans. The next book can wait a few minutes.”
He stood and held out his hand. I took it, noting almost as an afterthought how much smaller it was than Grant’s.
“My brother is difficult sometimes,” Kevin said. “But he’s a good man.”
“I know,” I said. I think I’d always known that. “I just…it feels like a betrayal that he took that money. But I know he regrets it now. And I know that he didn’t leave me without putting a lot of thought into it. And I know he came back for me. I guess I’m just struggling with trust. I don’t know if I can trust him now.”
“I understand. But I trust him, if that tells you anything.”
“You’re his brother.”
“I know. But I’m such a great judge of character. That should tell you something, right?”
I laughed because I didn’t know what else to do. He laughed, too—a sound that was warm and made me want to forget why I’d come here in the first place. It made me want to get to know him better.
My car was in the lot at the back of the hospital, across from a couple of our buildings that housed the less critical facilities, such as the employee pharmacy. I pulled out my keys and was turning to say good-bye when I happened to glance across the lot. I caught sight of my dad going into a building a few hundred yards to our right.
“What is that?” I asked Kevin.
“That’s where they do outpatient dialysis.”
“Dialysis?”
“Why?”
“I just saw my dad go in there.”
“Maybe he has a friend undergoing the procedure.” Kevin saw the worry in my eyes and he touched my arm to offer some consolation. “They also do outpatient blood tests there. Maybe he’s just having some blood work done.”
I nodded, but there was this knot in my stomach as I stared at the façade of the building. I remembered the many times I’d thought my dad looked tired. All the times when it crossed my mind that he looked thinner. I remembered how thin he’d looked even this morning.
Was there something wrong with my dad?
Chapter 21
The receptionist looked up as I walked into the building. She smiled, but I could tell she was wondering who the hell I was and what the hell I wanted.
“Hello,” she said in a soft voice.
“I was wondering if I could speak with a patient.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, managing to sound a little apologetic, “we value our patients’ privacy. We can’t have people just walking in and out of here.”
“I understand that. But I saw my dad come in here.”
Comprehension flooded the woman’s eyes. She looked me over, probably trying to decide which of the patients that had just come in I belonged to. Then she sort of nodded and picked up the phone, whispering something I couldn’t hear. Her eyes moved over me again, and then she slowly set the phone down.
“If you’ll follow me.”
She led me down a long hallway past doors with windows in them—the kind of doors you might see in a school building. Then she paused at one halfway down the corridor and knocked. A woman in nurse’s scrubs answered, looking at me the same way this woman had, then she stepped out of the way.
“Please don’t get him upset.”
I walked into the room and my heart dropped to my toes. My dad was reclining in a chair that was designed to be a makeshift bed. He was sitting up at the moment, but the bottom was pulled out so that he could stretch his legs. He was covered by a blanket even though he was still fully dressed in khakis and a golf shirt. There were thick tubes snaking under the blanket that were connected to a large machine that made a whirring sound as it did whatever it was doing.
“Addison,” my dad said, his voice weak but filled with pleasure.
“What are you doing?” I asked, even though I was aware the question was pretty stupid considering where we were.
He pulled one arm out from under the blanket and held his hand out to me.
“Come sit.”
I went to him, taking his hand, shocked by how cold it was. He just looked at me, his eyes filled with affection and grief. The grief was so clear, so heavy, that I could actually feel it like a weight on my shoulders.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
He kissed the back of my hand. “I didn’t want you to sit here and worry.”
“But you’re my dad.”
Tears filled his eyes, but he smiled. “It’s my job to protect you. And I’ve done all I can to do that.
”
“I’m an adult now. You don’t have to protect me anymore.”
“Yes, I do.” He tugged my hand, drawing it closer to his chest. “I called Grant.”
I frowned. “When?”
“A little over a month ago. I saw what was happening with the company, saw where we were headed, and I didn’t want to leave you with a company that was falling apart.”
“Daddy—”
He waved his hand at me, gesturing for me to wait for him to finish. I could see how tired he was, how hard this was on him. It made me feel stupid to realize this had been going on for however long and I’d been so wrapped up in my own stuff that I didn’t see it.
“I knew we would have to sell. And I’d been following Grant’s career in California. I knew he was in a position to come in here and take over. I knew he could take care of you now. And I knew he was the only one you’d accept.”
“Was there ever any other offers on the business?”
My father smiled. “We’ve had dozens of offers over the years. But Grant’s was the only one I considered.”
“And the money…”
“I wanted him to put all the money in a trust fund, because I knew you would have to replace a huge chunk of the employees in order to modernize our operations. I wanted you to be able to offer them early retirement and not have to worry about where the money was coming from.”
“Did Grant know you were sick?”
My father shrugged. “I didn’t tell him, but I’m sure he figured it out.”
He pulled his other arm out from under the blanket and I flinched at the thick tubes attached to it. There were bruises under his thin skin that looked terribly painful. I wondered again how I’d never noticed. He wore long sleeves often, even in the summer, so I didn’t think about it. But I should have noticed.
I should have known.
“I wanted you taken care of. I need to know you’re going to be okay.”
“I’m not the one who’s sick.”
He let go of my hand and reached for me. I moved close, let him run his hand over my face.
“I’m ready, Addison. When your mother died, she made me promise I would stick around until I walked you down the aisle.” He cleared his throat. “I probably won’t make that. But you kept me going. Now you’re grown and you’re not alone.”
I shook my head, choking back tears. “I don’t understand. You’re talking like it’s all over. I don’t even know what’s happening here. Can’t they do a transplant or something?”
My dad shook his head. “I have cancer, Addison. The kidney thing is just a side effect of the chemotherapy drugs they’ve been giving me. They won’t put me on the transplant list, or even consider it, because the cancer will kill me before the kidneys do.”
I couldn’t wrap my mind around what he was saying.
“You can’t be dying. I just…I refuse to believe that.”
“Addison—”
“You’re the healthiest man I’ve ever known. You’re unorganized and you can’t remember things as well as you should, but you eat well, you exercise—”
“That’s not always enough.”
“We could find another doctor, get a second opinion.”
He smiled softly, a tired smile that did nothing to brighten his tired eyes. “I’ve been to half a dozen doctors. There’s nothing more that can be done.”
“But—”
“Addison, I’ve accepted this. You need to respect that.”
His tone was firm, a shadow of the tone he used with me when I was a child and I’d done something wrong. It was biting in this moment. I sat back and rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands, not caring about makeup or appearance or anything. I just wanted to make the tears go away.
“You’re giving up.”
“I’m not giving up. But my cancer is advanced. It was advanced when I was diagnosed. There’s nothing that can be done.”
“But you—”
“Addison, this is reality.”
“You are the only family I have.”
The grief was back in his eyes, if it had ever left. He lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed my palm. And then he closed his eyes and my heart began to pound.
What was I going to do without my dad?
I leaned close to the bed and took his hand, held it between both of mine and just watched him struggle through four hours of dialysis. I had to be strong. I had to be the one he could lean on now.
Chapter 22
I heard the elevator doors slide open, heard him walk through the tarp that still covered the floor in the living room. The painters had been at it for over a week, yet they still weren’t quite finished with the living room. Slowest painters in the world. If I were in charge of this job…
The things that go through your mind when you’re trying not to think about the elephant sitting across the room.
I took a long swallow of the smoky brandy I’d found in his stash in the kitchen.
“Where have you been?” he demanded. “I’ve been calling you all afternoon! We had a meeting at four that we were both supposed to attend. Do you recall that? I called Angela and she said you would be answering your cell phone, but of course you weren’t. When you didn’t show up at the office, I went to the project sites and your condo. Your landlord thinks I’m an obsessive boyfriend or something…”
He trailed off as I continued to stare off into the distance. I’d come out on the balcony to escape the smell of paint and to enjoy the view, but I couldn’t quite get myself to focus on that incredible view. The only thing I saw when I looked out there was darkness. Absolute darkness.
“Addison?”
There was something about the way he said my name. The damn I’d shoved my emotions behind suddenly broke at the sound of it. I began to cry, tears falling in streams, hard little sobs slipping from between my lips unbidden and unwanted. Grant didn’t say another word. He just scooped me up out of the chair where I was sitting and settled in it himself, cradling me in his arms like I was nothing more than a small child.
He held me like that for a long time, never saying a word. He ran his hand over my back, over the top of my head, but he never tried to console me with words that were meaningless or with kisses I wasn’t ready for. He just held me as I cried into his shoulder, ruining the starched flawlessness of it.
When the endless well of tears finally dried up, I pressed my lips to his throat.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
He brushed one last tear from my cheek and kissed my forehead lightly. And then he waited. I closed my eyes and buried my face against him, breathing in the warmth of him, reveling in the safety of his arms. I could remember sitting in my father’s arms this way after my mom died. I remembered the smell of him and the feel of his arms around me. I remembered it so vividly that it might have happened yesterday rather than more than twenty years ago.
“We’re going to be okay, love,” he said. “Because your mom’s watching over us now. She won’t let anything bad happen to us as long as we’re together and we’re taking care of each other. She’ll keep us safe.”
“But I want her here,” I said.
“I know, baby. But she can’t. Not right now.”
“Why not?”
“She was sick. But now she’s all better as long as she’s gone. She won’t hurt anymore, and she won’t have to take that icky medicine anymore.”
“Is she happy without us?”
“No, baby. I’m sure she misses us as much as we miss her. But she doesn’t hurt anymore.”
“My dad is dying.”
I felt Grant’s body tense with my words, but his hand never stopped stroking my hair.
“I’m sorry, babe.”
“Did you know?”
He shook his head. “No. But I thought something was going on with the way he handled the negotiations for the buyout.”
“He’s all the family I have. I don’t know what I’m going to do witho
ut him.”
“He’s not all you have, Addison. There are plenty of people who love you.”
“Are there?”
He kissed the top of my head. “I love you.”
I pulled back and looked at him. I needed to see his eyes, needed to see that what he’d said was true and not just words to make me feel better. He met my gaze without flinching, without turning away. He met my eyes with a steady gaze that was filled with all the things I used to see there. And that made it too easy to believe him—that he did love me, and that he wouldn’t disappear from my life again.
I kissed him, our lips touching gently. And then I curled up against his chest again, snuggling close as I tried not to think about a future without my dad.
“Move in with me,” he said softly.
“I think maybe you should move in with me until all this decorating business is over. It reeks in there.”
He chuckled softly. “Maybe.”
I closed my eyes and bit back another sob.
“I don’t know if I’m strong enough for all of this.”
“You’re so much stronger than you think you are.”
“If you’re here, maybe.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’m going to hold you to that.”
He lifted my chin and forced me to look him in the eye. “I’m not going anywhere,” he repeated. “You’re stuck with me.”
He kissed me and it was like always, one of those soul-crushing things. But there was also something different about it this time. A sense of security that hadn’t been there before. I felt safe in his arms. Safe and protected in a way I never had before. Not even with my dad, as much as I hated to admit that. This was all that mattered, all that I wanted, and all that I would ever want. I could survive as long as he was by my side.
Chapter 23
Four Months Later
“Yes, that is an amazing view,” I said as I watched John Lewis, one of the potential clients Grant had flown in from Dallas just for this party tonight. “And we can offer the same sort of views to your project.”
“I’m sure you could, Ms. Berryman,” he said, turning to me. “But can you also deliver the same quality that your competitors can offer?”
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