“Where is Telluride?” she asked, realizing that this conversation was going to happen whether she had work to do or not; best that she just power through it and get it over with.
“Colorado,” he answered.
“You want to fly all the way to Colorado just to see a bunch of bands play? Like a bunch of folk bands, guys with acoustic guitars and stuff?”
“The surviving members of the Grateful Dead are playing, and Phish, and a whole lot of really spiritual bands. It’s going to be awesome,” he said, his face beginning to light up just from thinking about it.
“Well, when is this? Do you need me to bring you to the airport? Is that what is going on here?” she questioned, hoping he wasn’t about to ask to borrow money. She didn’t want to buy him a plane ticket and she didn’t want to have to tell him that.
“No, no, we’re driving,” he answered. “It’s twenty hours.”
“Twenty hours? You’re driving twenty hours to Colorado to see hippie bands?” she questioned, feeling taken aback. She was struck by a profound sense of the absurd: my boyfriend wants to drive for three days just so he can listen to jam bands every night. Maddie would never choose to ride in a car for days just so that she could see bands. She hated road trips and she wasn’t that interested in music. She looked into his sad, yearning eyes, feeling befuddled and bemused. “So, is this like the modern equivalent of Dead Tour?” she questioned.
He nodded sincerely. “That’s a really beautiful way to describe it, Maddie. It’s the chance of a lifetime, I don’t have a single responsibility in the world right now; how often are you really in a position where you can pick up and leave your life behind for like a week and a half?”
She nodded as she considered his statement. “But, what about your job?” she asked. “Do you have that much time saved up? Can you take all those days off?”
“My work situation isn’t like that,” he said. “Maybe one day it will be, but right now my work situation will let me pick up and leave.”
“What about your house? The bills, the rent,” she said. “You’re not going to get paid while you’re not at work, and—I don’t mean to be offensive,” she hedged, “but I can tell by your place that you don’t have a lot of money. Is this financially wise?” she asked, noting with astonishment that she sounded just like her mother.
“Maddie, I’m friends with the landlord. Everything will be okay,” he said. “I just need the all-clear from you.”
She considered that for a moment. It was kind of overwhelming. He was asking her permission to do this, even though they’d only been together for a week. Maybe he was really serious about her. She liked that. She wanted to let go and feel the same way about him.
“I can’t go on Neo-Dead Tour,” she stated. “I have to stay and finish the summer semester.” She frowned to herself, thinking of her deadline and how brusque she’d been with Raffie when he arrived a few minutes earlier.
“I know,” he said. As she looked at him her mind provided her with a snapshot of what Neo-Dead Tour might be like: long-haired girls spinning in circles in their ankle-length hippie-skirts. Flower children with no bras wearing tattered spaghetti-strap tank tops. She suddenly felt a little intimidated. She snapped her gaze back to his and said, “I can’t go, and a week and a half is a long time. Are you going to promise that you’ll be good when you’re gone?”
“I am a good person,” Raff said, and a smile twitched the corners of his mouth. His eyes looked so kind and so happy. He leaned forward and they hugged.
The embrace left her looking over his shoulder at her own cozy little den, all the things that she and Karla had collected over the past year. The pink sofa with its kitschy throw pillows, the little knick-knacks on the bookshelves, the garland they’d tossed over each of the light fixtures. And then her eyes settled on the small coffee table. It was covered with myriad junk, and among that junk was a spool of rough brown twine that Karla had been using to tie up a gift earlier in the week. Maddie pushed away from Raff and looked into his eyes.
She decided to commit.
“Raff, I want to pledge that I’ll be your girl while you’re gone. I don’t want you to forget about me for even a moment in your excitement on Neo-Dead Tour.” She took a deep breath as her fingers found her middle finger on her left hand. She turned the little heart-shaped ring she’d bought for herself when she finished high school. It spun round and round. The ring was the first costly thing that she’d bought all by herself, without consulting her parents, and although it wasn’t terribly expensive, for Maddie it symbolized a step into an adult life.
And now, she thought, I’ll use it to symbolize an advancement in that life. She reached out for the spool of twine and the scissors that lay next to it. She clipped off a length of twine, pulled the ring from her finger, and slipped the twine through it. Then she raised her arms and tied the necklace she’d made around Raffie’s neck.
“This,” she said, fingering the ring as it lay against his sternum, “is a little piece of my heart.” She looked up into his eyes. “Make me whole when it’s time.”
His hand raised to his throat and he touched the bauble that she’d affixed there. His eyes looked soft and a little watery. Maddie thought, I have achieved romance. Look what I’ve done! And it feels spectacular. No wonder Raff is always trying to generate romance; it is its own reward, isn’t it?
He caught her face in his hands and they kissed deeply. I think I might love this guy one day, Maddie thought. This has been a whirlwind romance; I am smitten.
Chapter 8
On Monday, she waited for Nick in the hallway and together they walked into the classroom and sat side-by-side, as they had been doing for a week now. Maddie did her best to follow along in class and wrote in her notebook, just the way that Nick did. She’d been pleased to find that taking lots of notes actually made the class seem to pass more quickly; she’d presumed the opposite would be true.
Humboldt dismissed class early, and she and Nick walked to the parking lot together, small-talking and enjoying the hot summer morning. When they reached the lot, she almost didn’t hear him ask her to lunch. She cocked her head at him and looked suspicious.
“Nick, you know I have a boyfriend,” she said playfully, because it was a beautiful day and they were almost done with summer school. “You’re not hitting on me, are you?” She was in a pretty darned good mood
“Yes, I remember you talking incessantly about this supposed boyfriend,” Nick nodded. “If indeed he does exist,” he said as he clicked his keychain and the lights briefly flashed on a rather nice older BMW. “You tell me: what in the world—what in the whole freaking world—could be so important that he’d leave you for a week and a half? During the middle of the summer? And not ask you to come along?”
“It’s really no big deal,” Maddie answered as she watched him toss his bag into the trunk. She thought about resisting when he reached for hers, too, but decided just to go with the flow. Her bag landed next to his and the trunk shut. They each walked to their sides of the car. It was white, Maddie’s favorite color for a car.
“Maddie, my dear,” he said as they buckled their seatbelts, “I am helping you rewrite a ten-page paper. You owe me the story of your life.” The car slid backwards out of its space and they were on their way. Maddie turned a little in the leather seat, so that she could get a good look at Nick’s profile. She watched him toy with the gearshift a little. “I don’t even know the guy’s name,” Nick complained.
“Well, his name is Raphael Dulcetta,” she said, but before she could say another word, Nick interrupted her.
“You’re kidding me,” he said, looking at her to see if she was serious. She felt defensive so she bugged her eyes at him and shrugged her shoulders. “You’re not kidding me,” he answered. “You’re dating Raffie Dulcetta. Okay, go on,” he said, laughing quietly and shaking his head.
“Why? What, do you know him?” she asked, suddenly feeling not only defensive but apprehensive. They wheeled into th
e parking lot of a local upscale restaurant and Nick said, “Yeah, I know him,” as he shut the engine off. “Let’s get seated and then we’ll continue this fascinating tale of breathtaking romance,” he said with a sigh. “I am so tempted to go ahead and start doing shots, to dull the pain of whatever this story is going to entail.”
“What do you mean, ‘breathtaking romance?’ Why did you say that?” Maddie asked, her heart beginning to pound. She had a funny feeling that she might be racing headlong into a big banana crème pie of embarrassment. Nick held open the door for her and the two of them entered. She’d never been into this restaurant, but she had in the past peered at the menu in the window and decided that food wasn’t something she wanted to spend this much money on. She wasn’t about to assert this opinion in front of Nick because she didn’t want to look stingy, and besides, there was a chance that he might pay.
They settled into a table in the back of the place and a waiter materialized with menus. They were, Maddie realized with some horror, brunch menus. She skimmed the document with no small amount of frenzy that she hoped to keep hidden. It was silly, she knew, but she suddenly felt so out of place and she dearly wished she’d chosen her outfit more carefully that morning.
“I said the word ‘romantic’ because that’s Raff’s game,” Nick said. “He has always, always run that game.” He gestured at the waiter, who appeared at Maddie’s elbow. Nick lifted his chin toward Maddie expectantly, so she threw caution to the wind and ordered something called the “Smoked Salmon Scramble.” Nick nodded with approval and ordered something with an equally ridiculous name, along with a decanter of orange juice.
As soon as the waiter departed, Maddie leaned across the table and said as menacingly as she could, “Excuse me, but Raffie is not ‘running game’ on me. Our relationship is serious.” She sat back and gave Nick a face that did not hide how peeved she was.
“Okay, okay,” Nick said, lifting his hands in a gesture of surrender. “It’s serious, it’s serious. Now go on and tell me about it.” The decanter arrived and he poured orange juice for each of them. Although Maddie dearly wanted the juice, she deliberately picked up her glass of ice water and drank from it instead. Take that, she thought. I might not drink your stupid O.J. at all. At the very least, I will wait several minutes before I drink it.
“Yeah, we’re serious, okay?” she said. They sat in silence for a few moments, and Nick let the bemused look on his face fade. Eventually he said, “I’m sorry, Maddie. Look, cut me a break, okay? Maybe I’m jealous.”
“Jealous of what?” Maddie asked petulantly.
“Jealous because I had hoped we’d eventually go out on a date, and now I find out that that loser Raffie has a claim on you.” Something about the way he’d said it was really funny, and Maddie found she had to forgive him. A little smile began to break across her lips. “It sucks!” he added. “I’m a better catch than that guy!”
“Well, I don’t know, Nick. You and your silly white BMW seem to be a little uptight. I look for a sense of adventure in a man,” she said with a smile.
“Oh, there’s Maddie’s hefty witticisms again,” he retorted. “Baby, if I left for two weeks, my BMW and I would make sure you came along with us. Raff probably had to walk off on foot.”
“Ha, ha,” she answered. “Actually, he left with some friends, and they are on a once-in-a-lifetime experience: they have gone on Neo-Dead Tour.” She said it with as much finesse as she could, and she thought she might have pulled it off, but she wasn’t sure. Luckily, the waiter re-materialized at that point with their brunches, and she was given a few moments to craft more sentences to shore up her grand announcement.
She didn’t need to. Nick simply nodded and said, “Oh!” After a moment in which he ate a bite of whatever it was he ordered, he asked, “Why didn’t you go?”
“Why didn’t I go?” Maddie repeated. “I have class.”
Nick looked confused for a moment. “They didn’t offer to wait a few days for you?” he countered.
“Well, no. It’s a festival going on in Colorado. They couldn’t wait,” she answered, growing annoyed. At whom, she wasn’t entirely sure; it seemed like the anger should be focused on Nick, but instead the feeling was broad like an old flashlight, the beam taking in a wide range of things and focusing on nothing. “And I…I’m not really into hippie music anyway,” she explained.
Nick laughed a little and said, “Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah,” she answered. “I don’t like jam band music. I don’t like The Dead, I don’t like Phish. Even Dave Matthews is a stretch for me. I just…I just don’t like any of it,” she said, chugging down some orange juice before continuing.
“I like The Dave Matthews Band,” Nick said, buttering a breakfast roll.
Maddie wasn’t sure if he was goading her or not. “And I don’t like the fashion that goes with hardcore hippies. You know, classic hippie garb? Socks with Birkenstocks and all that? It’s just totally not my style,” she concluded, forking another bit of salmon to her mouth. It was delicious.
Nick was smiling and shaking his head a little. “Yeah, well. I’m not into the hippie scene either, obviously. I’m not really into any scene. When I was younger I was really into my Frat, but now that I’m older I spend a lot less time there.” Maddie nodded sagely. She could understand why as someone grew older and matured they might spend less time at their frat. “Some of my best friends are my fraternity brothers, but that whole partying scene…well, after a while you just don’t want to do it every single weekend. Every other weekend, instead,” he said, giving Maddie a look and winking.
Nick is pretty damn cute, Maddie thought.
“Seriously, though, I have to ask you,” he said, leaning back in his chair, “and I know you’re going to hate me for asking this and it’s going to ruin our brunch—”
Tension seized Maddie’s shoulders. She didn’t want Nick to ruin the salmon.
“—but how are you not grossed out by that guy, by the way he lives?” Nick finished. He looked at her with rapt quizzical attention.
Maddie knitted her brows together. She popped another bite of eggs in her mouth and was sad to see the dish was almost finished. “You mean, the hippie stuff?” she said. “It’s not that big of a deal, really. I mean, it’s just music and clothes.” She looked into Nick’s face for understanding but instead she just felt more confused.
“So, I guess you guys always go to your place? I just can’t see you spending any time at his place,” Nick said. “What with his whole philosophy regarding spending.”
Maddie sat silently and a little frown grew on her face. Nick knew Raffie lived in a little dump. How did he know?
“You’ve been to Raffie’s house?” she asked.
“Well, yeah. He used to throw parties there all the time back when he had the utilities on. But that’s been two or three years ago now,” Nick answered, avoiding Maddie’s gaze.
“What do you mean, utilities?” Maddie asked, her mind refusing to comprehend what Nick was implying.
“You know. How he only works odd jobs to pay rent? And the landlord, that guy Winkle, lives next door and they get high together all the time so Winkle lets Raff run a hose from the garden spigot through the bathroom window?”
Maddie’s mind began to fog up. She watched Nick’s hands as he used his knife and fork to slice a little bit of omelet. “Is that pretty much how it still is?” he asked casually.
She sat quietly for a moment before asking, “How do you know all this? How do you know Raff at all?” She found herself almost afraid to hear the answer, yet desperately curious. Desperately. She wanted to believe that Nick had just told her a sequence of heinous lies about Raff, but she had a sickening feeling that he hadn’t.
Nick opened his hands in a gesture of simplicity. “We’re both from this town. We both went to Our Lady of Mercy. Raff was a Senior when I was a Freshman. He was always romancing the Freshman girls from St. Mary’s, and everywhere else, probably. After he gra
duated, he moved into that little house on Grantille Street. He threw these crazy parties and everyone would go. Everyone.”
Maddie extended her arm, grasped her glass of ice water, and lifted it to her mouth. She was suddenly incredibly thirsty and she drained the glass, still hoping that Nick was lying. “Well, if you went to Our Lady then you must know who Karla’s brother is, right?” If Nick couldn’t solve this little puzzle, then he hadn’t actually attended school with Raffie at all. And he would be lying.
“Karla? Your roommate? Yeah, I know Rob Fant. Weird question,” he said, giving Maddie a sideways look. “Anyway, after about a year Raff flunked out of school and his dad cut him off—said he wouldn’t pay for anything more until Raff went back to school and completed a decent semester. But Raff didn’t want to do that. He ran out of money, his utilities were shut off, and that’s when he really went wild with the whole hippie philosophy thing. I swear, that dude lives off of something like $250 a month, total. His rent is only like $175.”
Maddie pulled an ice cube from her empty glass and put it in her mouth. The gesture wasn’t sexy. Nick noticed her empty glass and swapped hers for his, which had been untouched throughout their meal. When Maddie still remained silent he said, “I mean, that was the old Raff. He must have changed his act, right? Because otherwise you wouldn’t be dating him.”
Maddie’s chin lifted, her eyes raised to the ceiling, and her mouth opened and closed a couple of times. She attempted to speak twice, but each time nothing but a curt, defeated puff of breath escaped her throat.
Nick looked down at the tablecloth and cleared his throat. Somehow it did not sound contrived. He said gently, “You didn’t know any of this, did you?”
“No. No!” asserted Maddie quickly, and then the words rushed out of her. “It’s not like that anymore. I’ve been to his place, and yes it is tiny but I have no idea about utilities because we don’t spend any time there. We spend time being together, like, at the park, or the movies, or just laying outside looking up at the stars. I don’t spend our time together inspecting the plumbing at his house.” She stopped and took a breath, her eyes darting this way and that as she found no way to pull the puzzle pieces apart again; they’d fallen into place. His refrigerator. His non-flushing toilet. The candles. Yes, the pieces had joined and they would not be torn asunder.
Peace of Her Heart Page 7