“Listen, sweetheart, I want to take you out for dinner tonight. I’m at the station taping an interview, so why don’t you come by and we will leave from here. Unless you’d rather I picked you up,” he added.
Renee agreed that meeting him was more expeditious and they set a time to meet. “Andy? I love you,” she whispered. She could actually hear his answering smile over the telephone.
“Baby, every time you say that I get…well, I’ll show you tonight,” he promised. “And I love you, too, more than you know,” he said softly before ending the call.
***
By the time Renee had showered, perfumed and pampered her way into a red cashmere sweater that was one of Andrew’s favorites, she was feeling much better. She noticed that her black leather jeans were much looser than they should have been, something that ordinarily would have elated her but now was rather depressing. Just another service of that bastard Donovan Bailey—loss of appetite. The brief observation just fueled her determination to tell Andrew everything.
She got to the station, parked in the underground structure and had just left the elevator that opened onto the floor where the studios were when she spotted Andrew. His interview over, Andrew was chatting amiably with some of the station personnel. His face lit up when he saw Renee and he started towards her. He had, in fact, just reached her side when his brother’s voice came floating down the corridor.
“Andrew, wait a minute. I want you to meet someone. Oh, hey, Renee, I’m glad you’re here, too since you didn’t get to meet this guy in Atlanta.” Adonis was beaming with pride as he gestured expansively with his right arm. “Donovan Bailey, I’d like you to meet my brother, Dr. Andrew Cochran. And this is Renee Kemp, who is practically part of our family. Andrew, Renee, this is Donovan Bailey who will be an integral part of both Cochran Communications and The Deveraux Group in a very short while.”
With nothing that even resembled shame, Donovan Bailey’s handsome face broke into a wide grin. “I hate to correct my new boss,” he said in his mellifluous voice, “but Renee and I go back a long way.”
The only things that kept Renee from slipping to the floor in a dead faint were the towering rage that she felt about to burst from her soul and Andrew’s arm around her waist.
Chapter Seventeen
“Dr. Cochran, can I borrow you for just a few minutes?”
The request from the station’s news director of made Andrew turn his attention away from the introductions his brother was making, but not before he sensed a slight change in Renee. To the casual observer, she was as regal and composed as ever, but there was something amiss there. Andrew went into a nearby office with Tawny, the news director and chatted with her for a few minutes. After giving her the information she sought, he accepted her thanks with one eye on the scene a few feet away. Something just wasn’t right, but he couldn’t put his finger on what it was.
Meanwhile, Renee was drowning. Oh God, how can this be happening? She kept her hands out of sight under the coat she was holding; not for anything in the world would she shake hands with that creature. She could feel her heart pounding like a pneumatic hammer under her red sweater and the only hope she had of not screaming was to refrain from speaking. It was difficult to hear what was being said, because the combination of fear and rage was causing a sound in her ears like rushing water. But she did hear, as from a very far place, the voice she heard in her nightmares for so long, the voice she prayed she would never hear again.
“Renee Kemp. Well, it’s been ages. You’re looking fabulous, I must say. But then you always did,” he said in his silky broadcasters’ cadence.
He was actually going to try and embrace her, something that she warded off by dropping her purse which he gallantly retrieved, totally missing the look of loathing she shot at the back of his head. He didn’t look any different, really; he didn’t seem any different, still the same handsome, likeable chap who won fans by the droves with his charisma. But the fact remained that he was the same monster who had almost destroyed her life. Donovan had just explained to Donnie that he and Renee had known each other in Pittsburgh some years before when Andrew returned to her side.
“Sorry about that. Listen, Renee and I were about to go out for dinner, so we won’t linger,” he added with a sidewise look at her.
Donnie immediately suggested that he and Donovan tag along, so that he could fill them both in on the new developments at the station. “Hey, there’re a lot of things I haven’t had a chance to tell you two, we can get acquainted and catch up at the same time,” he said.
Andrew was about to ask Renee if she minded when he sensed rather than saw her retreat even further. Renee, who was the most gracious and outgoing woman in the world, wasn’t saying a word. She was so contained, so frozen that only someone who was very, very close to her would have realized that she was about to explode. Donnie was so animated by his announcement that he missed it entirely. Donovan Bailey was so egotistical that he never noticed the icy calm that had taken over Renee. But Andrew knew that something was wrong. Renee had gone from soft and yielding to brittle and still, and her respiration was shallow. Her eyes were the muddy brown that only came on when she was very angry or upset and her skin had an unhealthy gray edge to it. Without drawing attention to Renee’s condition, he gracefully extricated them from Donnie’s plans.
“Look here, this is the first time my lady and I have had time for romance in a long time. And the last thing I want to do is share her with you two hard-legs. So y’all will have to excuse us, but we have other plans for the evening,” he added with a smile, a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. As they entered the elevator that would take them to the parking garage, Andrew looked at Renee carefully. He took her pulse and felt her skin which was clammy and cool to the touch.
“Renee, I’m taking you to the emergency room. I want someone to take a look at you because it’s obvious that you’re not well. Why didn’t you say something earlier?” he asked gently.
Renee responded immediately, although not in the way he was expecting. “No hospitals, no emergency rooms!” she insisted. “I’m okay, Andrew, I’m just…tired. Just take me home, okay? I’ll be fine, really.”
Andrew wasn’t buying it, but she was so insistent that he capitulated. He seated her in his car, both of them forgetting that she had also driven to the station. When it dawned on her halfway home that her car was still at WWCC, Andrew shrugged it off. “I’ll take care of it later. Let’s just get you home and comfortable,” he said.
And shortly they were home and she had taken off her coat and sat down on one of the tall stools in the kitchen. To forestall the pee-pee dance that usually preceded puppy sprinkles, Andrew took the dogs out for a walk.
“Why don’t you go upstairs and lay down and I’ll bring you some tea or something. I know when there’s something wrong, so don’t try that ‘I’m okay’ stuff with me. I’m a doctor, remember?” he teased gently. Seeing her wan smile at his lame joke made his heart cry. He kissed her softly on the lips before leaving with Chaka and Patti.
Renee heard rather than saw him close the door because she was too distracted to truly focus on her surroundings. Oh Jesus, help me. Help me. She was cold, unbearably cold and she couldn’t move from the stool. She couldn’t cry, because she couldn’t get enough air around the huge lump in her throat. Her entire body started trembling and she dropped her head into her hands. I have to tell him. I have to tell him, now. The time for hesitation was over. She had to tell Andrew everything, right now before things went any further.
***
Andrew couldn’t get past the idea that something was terribly wrong with Renee. As he gamely walked the energetic little dogs that were trying to sniff every rock, tree, twig, paving stone and dead leaf they encountered, Andrew was consumed with thoughts about Renee. She had been distant and quiet since she returned from Atlanta, but in his preoccupation with the conjoined twins' case, he had put it down to the mild stomach virus she claimed to have c
ontracted. But there was more to it than that. He tried to sift through the guilt that he was feeling for neglecting her over the past weeks to get at solid bits of evidence.
Point one, her early return from Atlanta. She claimed to have a slight virus, but wouldn’t that make a person prolong a trip and not truncate it? Who wants to risk air travel with a touchy stomach? Point two, she’d been distant and reticent since her return. Yes, Renee had in the past been cool and self contained, but not once since they had acknowledged their mutual love did he have cause for complaint in that area. Renee was open and direct with him about everything, or she had been up until she got back from Atlanta.
He was so deep in thought that he almost ripped over Chaka, who had wound her leash around his leg without him noticing. “Hey,” he said as he disentangled himself, “you guys would tell me if she was upset about something, wouldn’t you?” They panted happily at the question and continued their trot.
“Okay, Cochran, this is bad news. You’re talking to dogs to ask them what’s bothering the woman you love. You’ve been completely wrapped up in yourself and you’ve put your career ahead of your relationship, which is exactly what you said you would never do. And you’re talking to yourself. Prognosis: you have lost your rabbit mind,” he muttered.
He was about to head back to the house when something struck him, hard. Renee had been fine that evening until she encountered Donovan Bailey. And Donnie had said something about them not meeting in Atlanta, which meant that they had been in Atlanta at the same time. She never told me what his name was…I never asked. But I swear to God somebody said ‘Pittsburgh’ tonight. I swear I heard it—Pittsburgh. Why else…
He did turn then, scooping up the startled little dogs and taking out for the house on a dead run. He was barely winded when he blew in the back door. Renee was still in the same position, rocking back and forth with her face in her hands. Andrew knew then that he was right—the final piece fell into place with a sickening logic.
“That was him, wasn’t it? That Donovan Bailey—he’s the bastard that raped you, isn’t he?”
All the color left Renee’s face and she slid off the stool in a dead faint so quickly that Andrew almost didn’t catch her. “Oh damn, baby, why didn’t you tell me/” he groaned as he pulled her into his arms.
.***
When Renee came back to herself, she was lying in her own bed, wearing a favorite nightgown. She blinked her eyes several times as she slowly sat up, trying to determine how she got into bed. Andrew was sitting motionless across the room from her, a dangerously neutral expression on his face. Finally, she felt able to speak.
“What happened?” she asked softly. “How did I get up here and undressed?”
Taking the easy question first, Andrew answered her in a deceptively calm tone of voice. “I carried you up here, Renee. I undressed you and put you to bed because you fainted.” His eyes raked over her assessing her as though they had just met.
“You carried me up here? You’re quite the he-man, aren’t you?” Renee said lightly, although she could tell from his expression that she wasn’t going to get off easily, and she didn’t.
“You fainted when I asked you if Donovan Bailey was the man who raped you,” Andrew said coolly. “He is that animal, is he not? He/s the reason that you went into shock at the station tonight and he’s the reason you rushed back here after Thanksgiving. How long were you going to keep this a secret, Renee? Just when did you plan to tell me that the bastard had come back into your life?”
Renee recoiled at Andrew’s obvious anger. She almost didn’t recognize his beloved face, distorted as it was by pure rage. Defensively she said, “I would hardly call this ‘coming back into my life’. By some cruel twist of fate, your brother and Clay pick the one man in the known universe that I have reason to hate to enter into business with. I had no control over that whatsoever. And when I encountered him the first time in Atlanta, I was so taken aback that I had no idea what to say or do,” she said heatedly.
“But why didn’t you tell me? It seems to me that would have be the first thing you would do, tell the man who loves you, the man you say you’re going to marry. We’re supposed to be a team, Renee. What affects you affects me. What hurts you hurts me. And yet, when something like this happens you don’t say a word. I can’t believe this, Renee, I really can’t.”
Andrew’s hurt and anger caused his voice to escalate to a degree that Renee had never, ever heard in all the years she had known him. He had long since gotten out of the chair and was pacing back and forth and gesturing widely as he walked. Feeling at a distinct disadvantage lying in bed, Renee rose quickly and put on a robe. She turned to face him with a growing anger of her own.
“Andrew, I’d planned to tell you when I returned from Atlanta. I wasn’t deliberately trying to hide anything from you. But when I came back, you were so involved with the case that I just couldn’t dump it on you then. Yes, what affects me affects you and I couldn’t run the risk of distracting you just then.” To her surprise, those placating words served only to make him angrier.
“Renee, that’s just not good enough. I don’t care if I was in the middle of doing brain surgery on the President, you still should have told me. How can I protect you, take care of you and love you if you’re going to close up on me and decide what I should know and when I should know it? Who decided that you were in charge of this relationship?” he demanded.
Before she could react, he went on, “Besides, there are other people involved here besides you and me. Do you think for a minute that Donnie would do business with a rapist, especially one who violated you? He loves you like a sister! Do you think that Cochran Communications and The Deveraux Group would actually consider going into a contract with a low-life bastard like that? Donnie and Clay need to know about this so they can pull out of this business with Bailey before it goes any further. Your keeping silent could have very well pushed them into a very awkward corner,” he said with finality.
By now the blood vessels in Renee’s temple were about to burst. Shock, rage and horror warred with each other for precedence and rage, for the moment, won.
“No! No! I don’t care what you think of me or what happens, you can’t tell anyone about this! No one, do you understand? That’s why I didn’t say anything! I can’t go through this again, I can’t, I tell you! You don’t have to protect me, you don’t have to take care of me, you don’t have to love me, but you do have to respect my privacy,” she railed.
Heedless of the hot tears that were coursing down her face, Renee crossed the room and grabbed a startled Andrew by his shirtfront. “I won’t go through that pain again, I won’t. This is my business, nobody else’s. It’s mine, do you hear me? I took care of it before and I’ll take care of it now. Just leave me alone, just go away and…and…”
Before she could finish her last sentence, Andrew’s arms were around her and he was holding her as close as he could while his own tears dampened her hair. What kind of an asshole am I? he thought savagely.
“My God, Renee, I don’t deserve you, I swear to God I don’t. I’m sorry, baby, I’m so sorry, I was wrong, I’m sorry,” he murmured over and over as he led her over to the bed. He held her in his lap and continued to stroke her and murmur soft words of apology. “Renee, please forgive me, I was being stupid and arrogant and macho and every other stupid thing you want to call me. I know why you felt like you couldn’t say anything; I was just so damned mad at that son of a bitch that I wasn’t thinking. You didn’t do anything wrong, baby, it was me.”
Renee didn’t say anything for a while; she was adrift in her turbulent emotions. Finally, she raised her head off Andrew’s shoulder and smiled sadly. “The irony is that I was going to tell you everything when you came back in the house. I finally realized that I couldn’t keep this to myself anymore,” she admitted. Andrew gave a heavy sigh and was about to start excoriating himself again when Renee put her hand over his mouth. “No more, Andy, not tonight. Please. We�
�ll figure everything out in the morning. Just keep holding me, okay?” Andrew was more than happy to oblige her in anything she wanted but he knew that things were far from settled. He’s going to pay for this. That son of a bitch is going to pay.
***
The next morning, Renee felt somewhat better, although things were far from settled between her and Andrew. They had talked during the night, and some things had been laid to rest although the larger question of the business affair between Donovan Bailey and Cochran Communications was still up in the air. Renee could not rid herself of the horror of exposing her past to Andrew’s family.
“I agree that no, they probably won’t want to do business with him,” she finally conceded, but can’t you just tell them that you know of someone that he abused in the past? I mean, how specific does it have to be?”
They were having coffee in the kitchen, sitting close to each other on the tall stools at the work island. Andrew had made a huge breakfast of which Renee was barely able to partake. Her eyes could not meet his as she stared into her coffee mug as though it was an oracle with the hidden answers to her problems. Andrew longed to tell her that everything would be fine and that he would handle it all, but he knew that would prove impossible.
“Renee,” he began and then put his finger under her chin to force her to look into his eyes, “I know how much this means to you. I know that you have kept this secret for so long that to dredge it up again will be painful and extremely difficult. But sweetheart, it’s like Yolanda told you, if you don’t let go of it, then he still has power over you. Let’s take that power away from him.”
Renee looked into Andrew’s eyes so full of love and concern for her and trembled slightly. Everything he was saying was true, but she didn’t know at that moment if she had the courage to deal with it. And as she pointed out to Andrew, she did not want Bennie to be upset by any hint of the news.
“Andy, Bennie is pregnant and for her to hear this now would be just terrible. She’d blame herself for not being there for me. And for me to tell her that it happened while Gilbert was dying would just compound the misery. How can you tell Donnie and Clay without her finding out?”
Until the End of Time Page 23