by Penny Jordan
CHAPTER TEN
A WEEK AFTER Andrea’s dinner party, Justine called and unwittingly confirmed Jessica’s own view as to why Lyle had made no mention of what had happened that night.
She and Jessica were sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee, and keeping an eye on the three boys, who were playing on the lawn on their bikes. Peter had just had a birthday, and had brought his brand new BMX round to show his cousins. The earlier antipathy which had existed between them had now gone, and noting this Justine said affectionately to Jessica, ‘It’s all your doing, you know. You’ve given them so much, Jess. Sometimes when I look at them now I can’t believe the difference you’ve made in their lives. It’s shattering, really, to realise what a difference genuine love and caring mean to a child.’
‘They were loved before I came along,’ Jessica reminded her abruptly. ‘Lyle loved them.’
‘Yes, I know, but they couldn’t communicate with one another, could they: Lyle was still suffering from his guilt about Heather’s death—not that I believe he should have blamed himself. She always was impetuous and selfish, but the fact that he did feel guilty, that because of Heather he had seen so little of the boys, created a wall between them. I must say it’s rather nice for once to know that I was right and my dear brother was wrong. He never wanted…’
She broke off, colouring slightly, but Jessica merely gave her a bright smile and said as cheerfully as she could, ‘Oh, it’s all right, Jus, I know he didn’t want to marry me—at least not at first.’
‘Maybe so, but I can’t believe there’s any doubt in his mind now about the success of your marriage. The boys adore you, and Lyle himself looks so much more relaxed. The pair of you fit well together, Jess.’
‘Our marriage is a business arrangement and nothing more,’ Jessica felt bound to point out to the other woman, while wondering if perhaps Justine had just given her Lyle’s reason for not bringing up the matter of her tipsy seduction of him: namely that he didn’t want to prejudice their relationship because of his sons.
‘I know it started off that way,’ Justine agreed, ‘but I don’t think you’re anywhere near as indifferent to him as you pretend, Jess, nor him to you. I’ve seen you together,’ she continued before Jessica could interrupt. ‘Oh, I know Lyle doesn’t give much away! Heather hurt him badly, but that was his own fault. Anyone could have seen how selfish she was, but Lyle chose not to, and instead put her on a pedestal. I’ve been telling him for years that just because one woman let him down that’s no reason to condemn the entire female sex.’
‘Love isn’t something that can be cut off at will,’ Jessica pointed out to her. ‘If Lyle still loves Heather…’
‘Loves her?’ Justine looked stunned. ‘Good God, whatever gave you that idea? By the time they were divorced Lyle well and truly despised her. Initially he tried to persuade her to keep the marriage going because of the boys, but she told him she couldn’t care less about them, and that if she’d had her way she’d never have given birth to them. She was bitter because she had had to abandon her own medical training half way through, bitter and jealous of Lyle’s success, and so she told him she was going to keep the boys and that he had to support all three of them so that she could go back to her studies.
‘Of course Lyle gave in to her, for the boys’ sake, not hers, and then the moment she was qualified she told him she was going abroad to work and that she intended dumping the kids on him. He told me after her accident that he felt if he hadn’t lost his temper with her she wouldn’t have run off and had that accident, but equally if she hadn’t gone to him and forced the confrontation on him, he wouldn’t have lost his temper.’ Justine shrugged. ‘It was a tragic accident, but an accident nonetheless.’ She paused and frowned as she looked at Jessica. ‘Did you really think he still loved Heather?’
Jessica felt trapped, but it was pointless to lie. ‘Yes, I did,’ she confirmed.
‘Mmm, and now that you know he doesn’t…’
She knew what Justine was getting at, but she shook her head decisively. ‘It makes no difference, Justine,’ she told her firmly. ‘Lyle may not still love Heather, but believe me, he feels nothing for me.’
‘If you say so.’ Justine grinned at her, and somehow Jessica did not think her sister-in-law was convinced.
After Justine and Peter had gone their conversation lingered in Jessica’s thoughts. Justine had soon guessed at her own feelings, but then Justine liked playing deus ex machina, as she had proved by the way she had forced Lyle into marrying her in the first place. Couldn’t it be that, guessing how she felt about him, Justine was now trying to encourage her to believe her feelings might be returned so that she would perhaps approach Lyle?
Justine liked and approved of her, she had said as much, and practical woman that she was, no doubt she felt that the future of their marriage would be much more secure if it changed from a business arrangement to one with a more normal basis. Of course Justine was not to know that they had already been lovers, and that far from improving their marriage, it had only widened the gap between them.
No, she would not fall into the trap of believing that Justine might be right and that Lyle might actually care for her as a person. It would be the height of self-delusion to do so, especially when she knew the truth!
Two days after Justine’s visit, Jessica received a frightened phone call from her sister.
‘Jess, can you come over straight away?’ Andrea begged. ‘I went for my check-up this morning and Dr Ford wasn’t too happy with my blood pressure. He wants to get me into hospital for a couple of days until it comes down, but there’s no one to look after William. I can’t reach David. He’s in a meeting and it’s likely to go on for some hours yet. If you could just come over and take William home with you…’
Quickly reassuring her sister that she would be there as quickly as possible, Jessica then rang Justine and asked her if she could drop James and Stuart off on her way to her sister’s.
‘I’m not sure what state Andrea will be in. I might have to run her to hospital and stay there for a while, I don’t know. If you could just keep an eye on them for me until I get back with William?’
‘Of course I will,’ Justine confirmed immediately. ‘Bring them over when you’re ready.’
It didn’t take long for Jessica to explain to the boys what had happened. Neither of them showed the slightest resentment at having to spend the day with Justine, both of them secure enough in her love now to know that they were not being passed over in favour of William. Scribbling a note for Lyle, whom she was expecting back for lunch, Jessica bundled the boys into the car and set off for Justine’s.
Knowing the urgency involved Justine did not press her to stop for coffee, running out to the car to help the boys out and telling Jessica not to worry about them. Jessica hugged them both before backing out of the drive and continuing on her journey to her sister’s.
As she had half expected she found Andrea in a semi-hysterical state, a fact which could hardly do her high blood pressure any good, Jessica thought worriedly, as she coaxed her into sitting down and putting her feet up, while she assured Andrea that William was more than welcome to stay with her just as long as was needed.
‘I don’t think it will come to that,’ Andrea told her fretfully. ‘David will be home later, and he has some holidays owing to him that he could take. If only I knew how long they’ll keep me in!’
‘Well, the more you worry about that, the longer it will be,’ Jessica warned her firmly. ‘Are they sending an ambulance for you or shall I take you in?’
‘Dr Ford’s going to ring me just as soon as he’s made all the arrangements.’
As though on cue the phone rang, and Jessica went to answer it. Andrea’s doctor sounded relieved that there was someone with her, and gratefully accepted Jessica’s suggestion that she drive her sister to hospital.
‘If you could that would be marvellous,’ he confirmed. ‘I don’t really care for the idea of her driving he
rself. I’ll be there to meet her. I’ve got some other patients to visit there.’
It was Jessica who packed Andrea’s small case and checked that her sister had everything she might need for her stay. They were half way to the hospital when Andrea suddenly gripped Jessica’s wrist, her eyes dilating with anguish as she cried, ‘Jess, I don’t want to lose my baby. I’m so frightened.’
‘I don’t think there’s the slightest question of that,’ Jessica told her firmly, hoping she was right. ‘The best thing you can do, Andrea, is to try and relax a little, give your blood pressure a chance to come down.’ As she spoke she glanced warningly towards the back of the car to remind Andrea that William was there, and could well be frightened by what his mother was saying.
Fortunately by the time they reached the hospital Andrea seemed to have calmed down a little.
Her doctor, Dr Ford, was a pleasant, authoritative man with a tired smile and a shock of iron-grey hair, his manner both soothing and firm.
Jessica waited with William while they got Andrea settled, and then approached Dr Ford when he came to find them, asking how Andrea was.
‘Comfortable. I think we’ve got her in time—No, there’s no question of her losing the baby,’ he confirmed in answer to Jessica’s question. ‘At least not if she does as she’s told.’
‘I’m going to stay with William until his father comes home,’ Jessica told the doctor. ‘Do you know how long she’ll be in here?’
‘That depends very much on how sensibly she behaves,’ she was told, confirming her own views on Andrea’s condition.
As might have been expected William was very subdued on the drive back to Andrea’s house, blurting out worriedly as Jessica stopped the car in the drive.
‘Is Mummy going to die, Aunt Jess?’
Jessica hugged him reassuringly. ‘Of course not,’ she told him stoutly, ‘she just needs to rest. It’s hard work looking after Daddy and you. Come on, let’s go inside and have some lunch, shall we?’
She suspected that William felt as little like eating as she did herself, but to give way to her own fears in front of her small nephew would not do either of them any good. She longed for Lyle’s calming presence at her side, and not just because he was a doctor.
David arrived just as they were finishing lunch, and watching him frown and push William away as he ran to him Jessica could not help contrasting her brother-in-law’s attitude to Lyle’s.
‘What’s going on?’ he demanded angrily of Jessica. ‘I’ve had to come out of a meeting and come home. Where’s Andrea?’
‘In hospital,’ Jessica told him, not even trying to hide her dislike of him. Andrea, his wife, was lying in hospital quite dangerously ill, and all David seemed concerned about was the fact that he had been called out of his meeting.
She heard him swear and said icily, ‘No matter how important your meeting was, David, I’m quite sure it can’t be more important than Andrea’s life.’
He looked more angry than shocked and Jessica heard him mutter bitterly, ‘She’s the one who wanted this damned baby, not me.’
Jessica was only thankful that she had had the wit to send William upstairs to clean his teeth, and now she rounded on her brother-in-law, telling him exactly what she thought about him.
‘You’re a fine one to talk,’ he sneered at her. ‘The cold-hearted bitch, who married purely to check on her research. Does he know about that yet?’
‘No, he doesn’t.’ She was too angry to pretend any longer and added curtly, ‘And besides, you’re wrong. I love him.’
She had the satisfaction of seeing David’s eyes widen and then narrow. ‘Damn you, Jess,’ he swore bitterly, ‘damn you for telling me that.’ He broke off as they heard a car outside. Jessica recognised the engine note of Lyle’s estate car, immediately rushing to the door. Before she got there David stopped her, grabbing hold of her and pulling her into his arms, kissing her brutally before she could push him away.
The front door was open and Lyle walked in just in time to see David releasing her.
Jessica knew quite well how damning the circumstances looked, but she was far too wrought up and angry for excuses and explanations, instead rushing upstairs on the pretext of wanting to check on William.
Instead she went into the spare bedroom, and sat down on the bed taking deep breaths until she was sure she was in control of herself. How could David have kissed her like that when his wife, her sister…? But then she had always suspected that at heart David resented and disliked her, and he had kissed her because he knew how Lyle would interpret their embrace and for no other reason.
More drained than she could ever remember being in her life, Jessica went and found William, taking him downstairs with her.
Lyle was standing in the hall and there was no sign of David. ‘We’re leaving,’ he told Jessica curtly.
She glanced from his set face to William’s nervous one, and correctly interpreting her thoughts, Lyle told her icily, ‘Chalmers is staying here to look after his son. I’ve rung the hospital and checked on Andrea. She should be home in a couple of days.’
He waited until they were outside before saying anything more to her, his face a bitter mask of disgust as he ground out, ‘My God, the pair of you are despicable. You…’
His contempt Jessica could understand, but his anger frightened her. She could not really see any reason for it, but she was glad that she would not be forced to travel back with him nonetheless.
It was on the journey back that Jessica came to a momentous decision. It was pointless pretending any longer. She was going to have to tell Lyle how she felt and let him make what decision he wished on the continuance or otherwise of their marriage from there. It was simply too much of a strain to continue as they were, and at least he would know then that she had not been using him as a substitute for David as he had once accused her of doing; and that indeed the only feeling she had for her brother-in-law was one of dislike.
She would much rather that Lyle despised her for being stupid enough to fall in love with him than for attempting to break up her sister’s marriage, and besides, she was weary of all the pretence, of the growing effort it took to force herself to appear indifferent to him.
He reached the house before her, leaving his car parked untidily across the drive. He got out and strode into the house without waiting for her, and slowly Jessica followed him inside.
He had gone into his office and she followed him there, willing him to look at her.
He did so, his eyes cold with dislike, his forehead pleated in a frown.
‘Lyle, I must talk to you.’
‘Not now Jessica,’ he told her harshly. ‘I’ve got to go out, for which you ought to be thankful. If I had to speak to you now, God knows I don’t believe I would be able to control myself. To walk into that house and find you in his arms, your own sister’s husband.’ His mouth tightened in disgust and a dark rage that totally unnerved her.
‘When will you be back?’
‘I don’t know.’ His eyes grew even harder. ‘Why do you want to know? Thinking of entertaining your lover here in my absence, are you?’
Now was obviously not the time to tell him the truth. Jessica went upstairs to her own room and stayed there until she heard him drive away, and then she rang Justine to tell her that she was on her way to pick up the boys.
Justine coaxed them into staying on and having tea with her, and it was gone seven o’clock when they eventually arrived back. There was no sign of Lyle, and the strain of waiting for him to come back so that she could talk to him stretched Jessica’s already overwound nerves almost to breaking point.
At nine o’clock she rang the hospital and was told that Andrea was improving. At ten-thirty when Lyle had still not come home she went upstairs and ran a bath hoping that it might relax her.
At midnight she was lying in bed, still wide awake, her body waiting tensely for the first sound of his car. It seemed a lifetime before the wide arc of its headlight illu
minated her bedroom. Jessica heard him come in and go into the kitchen and then only minutes later she heard him come upstairs and go into his own room.
She had to speak to him tonight. If she didn’t she would never sleep. Slipping on her robe she padded across the landing and knocked briefly on his door before going in.
He was lying fully dressed on his bed, thoughtfully contemplating what looked like a full glass of whisky.
‘Why so shocked?’ he mocked when he saw her expression. ‘I’m simply taking a leaf out of your book, although I doubt that I’ll be so easily able to forget the events of today.’
‘Lyle, please, it wasn’t like it seemed.’ Jessica knew she was making a clumsy start, but somehow the sight of Lyle drinking had shocked all her carefully prepared explanations right out of her mind.
Without thinking she went up to him, reaching out pleadingly, but to her anguish he pushed her away, so roughly that she almost fell.
‘Don’t bother lying to me, Jessica,’ he told her harshly. ‘I know exactly what it was like. You married me not because of your sister as you told me, but as part of some damned experiment. Your lover told me that much today.’
His words were like a blow to the chest, making her faint with shock and fear.
‘David is not my lover,’ she said huskily. ‘He never has been, and he never will be.’
‘So you say, but you don’t deny what he told me, do you, Jessica. Because you can’t.’
How on earth could she explain to Lyle, in his present mood, just why she had told David that? The whole issue was so complex and involved, her own nerves stretched so tensely that she could not trust herself to make him understand.
‘Lyle, please.’
‘Please what?’ he demanded roughly. ‘Please make love to you as a substitute for Chalmers?’ He laughed harshly. ‘My God, you really took me for a fool, didn’t you? Well, it’s over now, Jessica,’ he told her bitterly. ‘You can leave this house just as soon as you like.’