A Kind of Home

by Lane Hayes

  “Maybe so. You go first.”

  “Okay… a break from the postdivorce drama is only part of the reason I came to New York.”

  “I knew it!” I exclaimed.

  “I also came to take cooking classes.”

  “Huh?”

  Adam guffawed. “Not what you were expecting?”

  “No. Um… not at all. Cooking?”

  “Baking, actually. I’m trying to turn my hobby into a profession.”

  “You want to be a baker?” I was going for neutral, but I’d had too much whiskey. Fortunately my disbelief didn’t seem to offend him.

  “I do. I took every baking class available back home, and—”

  “Where? There’s no culinary school in Springville.”

  “In Harrisburg.” Adam glared at me. “You look like you’ve swallowed a lemon. Which part is bugging you? A lack of cooking courses in your hometown, or the fact I now know how to make a killer fondant?”

  “Definitely the fondant. I didn’t know you knew what the fuck fondant was.”

  “As a matter of fact, I’m a fondant genius. My cake-baking skills are exemplary, but my cookies… they’re fucking perfection.”

  I stared at him incredulously, then shook my head. “I don’t know how to touch that. If I’m honest—”

  “Feel free to lie,” he quipped.

  I snickered and smacked his arm playfully. “There’s no need. I think it’s awesome. It’s just unexpected. I’m glad we didn’t place a bet. I’d have lost my shirt. I never would have guessed. You’ll have to stay here now.”

  “What?”

  “You probably need the kitchen to practice, and I rarely cook anyway. Plus I’ll be out of town a lot. You can pay me back in cookies. Assuming these don’t suck.”

  “They don’t. I appreciate the offer, but you may regret your Jack-induced invitation in the morning. We can talk about it tomorrow.”

  I narrowed my gaze. “I’m not drunk, asshole. I wouldn’t suggest it if I wasn’t serious.”

  “Thanks. I may take you up on it. But back to you… what’s your secret?”

  I reached for my glass and swirled the amber liquid before lowering my voice provocatively. “You don’t want to know.”

  “The creepy voice won’t work. Talk.” Adam raised his glass in a challenge before taking a healthy swig that would have made my eyes water.

  “I was going for mysterious,” I said with a frown.

  “You failed. Come on. It’s confession time. Let’s hear your secret.”

  I couldn’t help being charmed by his boyish enthusiasm. He reminded me of the teenage version of himself. He’d been quick to tease the shy kid poring over homework with his little brother. I’d appreciated his kindness, though I hadn’t known how to reciprocate. The McBrides overwhelmed me with their nonstop chatter and inside jokes. Especially Adam. He was dazzling. I became a tongue-tied mess whenever he walked into the room. I couldn’t believe no one had noticed.

  The combination of strong nostalgia and equally strong whiskey made me reckless. And a little too honest.

  “I had it bad for you when I was a teenager.”

  Got him.

  Adam’s forehead creased in confusion. I was about to slug his arm and tell him to lighten up like I was playing with him, but I figured it would be more fun to watch him squirm first. I smiled insipidly and braced myself for his reaction. Any second now he’d throw his head back and laugh before assuring himself and then me that he knew I was razzing him. I was tipsy enough to extend the torture, but I’d probably let him off the hook at some point and tell him I was joking. Even if I wasn’t.

  For now… I wanted to play.

  “I did. I wanted to kiss you. I thought about it all the time. Other boys fantasized about Britney Spears, but I couldn’t get Adam McBride out of my head.”

  His throat convulsed nervously. Poor guy. What happened to the average straight man’s sense of humor when he thought his gay buddy had the hots for him? I was on my way to being seriously annoyed when I noted a shift in his expression. Shock morphed into something I recognized but frankly didn’t trust. Maybe I’d had more alcohol than I thought. Either way, I couldn’t seem to let it go. My smile was a slow-moving, flirtatious tease designed to bug the straight guy before I pulled us back into the familiar zone of old buddies shooting the shit over a drink or three.

  “What’s the matter? Don’t you believe me?” I asked, running a finger along the muscled contours of his bicep.

  Adam went eerily still. So still I wondered if he was holding his breath. I grinned as I looked into his eyes. And then froze.

  I expected tepid annoyance. I’d braced myself for retaliation in the form of a smack upside the head or a knowing headshake acknowledging a good-natured taunt. What I didn’t expect was the maelstrom in his eyes. Fear and suspicion battled something that resembled fierce need and desire. I cocked my head and studied him, thinking I had to be wrong. Adam was straight. There’s no way he wanted… me.

  My scrutiny seemed to jolt him from his reverie. He gave me a crooked grin before leaning sideways to nudge my elbow from the island. And the moment was gone.

  I kept my gaze locked on his profile when he motioned for me to pass the bottle. Maybe I was more sloshed that I thought. No, that couldn’t be it. If anything, the alcohol seemed to have opened my eyes. Something was different.

  “I can’t remember the last time I had a shot of Jack, let alone drank a full glass,” he commented idly as he poured more liquor into his tumbler and then took a small sip.

  “That wasn’t really a full—” I felt the weight of his stare when I lifted my own glass. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “I know you’re fucking with me, but I can’t figure out if—”

  “Don’t tax yourself. I was 100 percent sincere, but it was a long time ago. You’re safe now, Ad.” I rolled my eyes and then bumped his elbow in a “gotcha” gesture I hoped would reset the balance and avoid any hetero posturing designed to assure us both there was no trace of gay in him.

  “Good to know. So… tell me about this crush. Was it epic?” He winked before taking a bigger drink.

  I snorted a half chuckle and nodded. “Oh hell yeah. I had it bad. I loved doing homework at your house. It meant there’d be a possible Adam sighting. When you walked in the door, my pulse would go into overdrive. I’d hang on your every word while you talked about your classes or something that happened at lunch. Every detail was precious. I wanted to know who you thought was cool, smart, pretty, or lame and annoying. And I loved watching you interact with your family. I liked the way you’d tease your mom until she’d get so flustered she’d throw something at you… like your socks when she was folding your laundry. I remember the time she threw a package of cold cuts when she was unpacking the groceries. Actually you felt pretty bad that time. I don’t know what you’d said to make her so mad, but when you pushed her too far, you always knew how to get back on her good side. I liked that it mattered to you that she was happy. I doubt anyone else at school knew you were sweet like that… sensitive. I felt like an insider.”

  I paused to take a theatric breath. “Damn, this Jack is strong shit. Since I’m on a roll, I’m gonna tell you another secret. Ready?”

  He bit his lip as though he was trying not to smile, and inclined his head. “Sure.”

  “If you weren’t there, I’d make up an excuse to use the bathroom, then I’d sneak into your room to sniff around. You were a total pig. There were always tighty-whities lying around and—”

  Adam burst out laughing. “Now I know you’re fucking with me. You’re an asshole.”

  I shrugged as if to say believe what you want, but I couldn’t stop talking. “Maybe so, but this feels cathartic. Jack and truth. Here’s another thing… I was terribly jealous of Deb. She was blonde, beautiful, and even though she was no Einstein, I would have happily given up a few brain cells to have what she did.”

  “What did she have exactly?”
The low timbre in his voice moved through me. It sounded like the liquor tasted, smooth and sexy.

  “You. But scratch that. I couldn’t have handled what I wanted back then. Hell, I’d have been a puddle of goo if you’d offered to carry my books to class.” I let out a shrill-sounding chuckle. “Don’t you worry, though. I’ve been cured.”

  “So you aren’t gay or bi now?”

  “Oh, I’m gay all right. Bi? I don’t think so. I thought I was for a while. I love women, but the physical part always felt like work. With men it was natural. Of course, I say that, but I’m practically a monk these days. And I’m talking way too much. I—”

  “So what you’re saying is… you don’t have a crush on me anymore?” he asked with faux nonchalance.

  He slung his arm over the back of the barstool in a manner that should have screamed casual, but he radiated tension. Or maybe it was me. Then again, I wasn’t sure what was radiating through me anymore. However, the subtle shift in tempo was unmistakable. I lifted my glass to my lips, aware of his intense scrutiny. I could almost feel the heat of his gaze on my cheek. Like a featherlight touch. Fingers caressing my jawline, my chin, and trailing down my throat like—

  “Well?” he prodded.

  Fuck. Where was my snappy comeback when I needed one? I settled for a weak “You’re okay.”

  “Thanks. So are you.”

  “Did I freak you out, or do you want to play truth or dare now?”

  Adam grinned, a wolfish upturn of one corner of his mouth that seemed slightly dangerous. And suddenly I knew I was in over my head. “We’ve already covered the truth part. We’d have to move on to dare,” he said with a raspy inflection I hadn’t heard before, as he leaned forward.

  “Oh. Okay. Good idea.” I cleared my throat noisily. “Um… I dare you to—”

  “Not so fast. It’s my turn.”

  The space closed again. This time I didn’t know who was responsible. He was so close I could see the flecks of gold in his eyes. I swallowed hard and bit my bottom lip. “What do you want me to do?”

  A long, heavy silence followed. It sizzled like a live wire I wasn’t sure I should touch.

  “I dare you to kiss me.”

  I swallowed hard. I had to be hallucinating.

  “Kiss you?” I squeaked.

  “You said you wanted to.” He lifted his brow in challenge. At least I think it was a challenge. I couldn’t be sure of anything anymore. This couldn’t be—

  And that’s when it happened.

  He kissed me. Adam McBride kissed me.

  Or did I kiss him? It hardly mattered in the heat of the moment. All I knew was his luscious, full mouth covered mine… and fuck, it felt nice. Soft but firm. Then he licked my lips and slid his tongue inside, and rational thought was no longer an option. My brain was not interested in analysis. This was surreal. I couldn’t say it was a dream come true, because I never allowed myself to entertain something so unlikely.

  I was careful not to wake him from this trance. I wanted to see how far he’d go. He groaned as he tilted his head to deepen the connection, twisting his tongue around mine in a sultry exploration. The urge to pull him against me, rake my fingers through his hair, and devour him was strong, but I didn’t push. I responded to every nuanced flick of his tongue, allowing him to take what he wanted.

  When he pulled back for air, I waited. My heart raced. Anticipation warred with a healthy dose of confusion and too much whiskey. I didn’t know what to expect. I just figured it wouldn’t be good.

  And I was right.

  Adam opened and closed his mouth twice before looking away.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

  He went still again as though waiting for my verdict, but I didn’t know what to say. No big deal wouldn’t work because it was a big fucking deal. I’d just kissed my best friend’s straight brother. With tongue. Heat flooded my face and sent tendrils of unease through my body. I inclined my head and swiveled sideways to stand.

  “It’s okay,” I said in a strangled tone. “It was a dare.”

  I tried to smile, but the gesture was certainly lost in translation. I felt impotent and he looked confused as hell.

  The oven timer chimed a second later.

  “Um… the cookies are ready,” Adam announced unnecessarily before moving around the island.

  “Yeah. Hey, I’m gonna—I don’t think—”

  “Isaac, stop,” he commanded.

  He held a tray of cookies in each hand. The domestic task didn’t mesh well with his flustered expression. It was suddenly too warm in the room. It could have been the alcohol, but I doubted it. It felt more like we’d taken a wrong turn in a dangerous part of town. I didn’t know how to navigate back to safety. And if losing ourselves in chocolate chip cookies was the best he could do, he was equally clueless.

  “I—it’s cool. Let’s just leave it alone.”

  Our eyes locked in an intense stare. I wanted nothing more than to disappear, but I couldn’t seem to move or look away. He bit his lip as he lifted the cookie trays in silent offering. I gave him a lopsided grin and then moved around the island to grab one. It was hot. Too hot to handle comfortably. I yelped as I danced to the paper-towel rack. Adam chuckled at my antics.

  And just like that, we were fine again.

  Maybe.

  I bit into the chocolate chip cookie and sighed dramatically. “This is good.”

  “It’s fucking amazing,” he countered with a cocky tilt of his head.

  I chuckled, relieved it didn’t sound forced. “Yeah. It is. You might just be able to make a living in the cookie business after all.”

  “Thanks.”

  We stared at each other for a long moment before I made an awkward gesture toward the master suite. “Um… I’m gonna turn in early. I’ll catch you later.”

  “Okay.” He hesitated for a beat, then turned to give his full attention to scooping the warm cookies from the tray.

  Impulsively I snatched another one, making sure to bump his shoulder. Adam stopped me with a hand on my wrist and squeezed until I let go of the cookie. I looked up at him with a grin, hoping I’d come up with a silly parting comment to get the balance back. But when he dropped the spatula with a clatter and snaked his right arm around me, everything changed in a flash.

  Electricity crackled in the air, a sure indication of an approaching storm. And it looked like a doozy. This wasn’t a good idea. This was a crucial lapse in judgment encouraged by alcohol and improbable circumstance. A huge whopper of a mistake that would be close to impossible to fix.

  I held my breath when he loosened his hold and inched closer. He lifted my chin and stared into my eyes. Then he lowered his mouth over mine. And I was gone. Completely lost in the intoxicating thrill of feeling physically overwhelmed by someone forbidden and yet trusted. I loved the abrasive stubble on his chin and the press of his broad chest against mine. Adam was bigger, stronger, and if the bulge in his jeans was any indication, he was well-endowed too. I bit his lip as I tilted my hips looking for friction.

  We groaned in unison at the delicious feel of our erections through the denim barrier. He gripped my ass and held me flush against him as we rutted madly, leaning against the kitchen counter in a tangle of roving hands and probing tongues. I lifted my right leg in an effort to get closer. Adam caught my thigh and placed both hands under my ass before pulling me completely into his arms. He fused his mouth to mine, overpowering and outmaneuvering me in every way possible. Then he carried me effortlessly into the living area. I should have been irritated if not flat-out alarmed, but fuck, this was hot.

  He laid me gently on the sofa before flattening himself on top of me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs over his ass as I pumped my hips upward and twisted my tongue with his. We made out in fevered silence, groping and humping wildly, until oxygen deprivation forced us to come up for air. I buried my face in his shoulder, gasping for breath.

  “Isaac.”

  “Hmm?”
I closed my eyes, willing Jack Daniels not to let me down now. I teetered on an edge of fuzzy awareness and blissed-out sensory overload. It was heavenly. I knew what I was doing, but I wasn’t quite myself. However, the probability of this going south was too high to ignore.

  Adam bent his head as he shifted sideways to fumble with my belt buckle and zipper. I lay perfectly still, watching his nimble fingers work as my heart thundered in my chest. He hooked his thumb under the elastic of my boxer briefs and finally looked up.

  “Can I?”

  I licked my lips and nodded. He held eye contact as he pushed the cotton aside and reached for my dick.

  “Oh my God.”

  The note of worship in his voice made me smile. I peered through hooded eyelids. His expression was full of wonder. And desire. It was enough to let me forget who we were to each other and let go. For just one night.

  Adam hesitated for a moment before sliding his palm up and down my length. His hold was tentative and unsure, but he looked determined. I waited to see what he’d do next. Retreat was still possible. He was trembling like a leaf. But he didn’t seem to be having second thoughts. If anything, he seemed overcome with emotion and yearning. He tightened his grip and brushed his thumb over my slit. Then he smeared the fluid over the wide head until it was slick before capturing some of it on his palm to use as lube when he stroked me from base to tip.

  His touch was light at first. Almost exploratory. A languid slide that felt fucking amazing. I was mesmerized by his intensity. He practically vibrated with desire. He flattened my erection against my abdomen and rubbed his palm against me hard. Then he twisted his other hand to cradle my balls. Now his touch was firm and knowing. And he didn’t seem like a novice at all.

  I arched my back in a renewed quest for friction just as he went eerily still. My pulse raced as I struggled to sit up. “Ad, we can stop. We shouldn’t do this. We don’t have to—”

  “No. I—look at me. I’m fucking shaking, but I want—”

  I fixed my gaze on a bead of sweat glistening on his brow, as I waited for him to finish. I wiped it with the back of my hand, then rested my thumb over his bottom lip. “What do you want?”