by Lane Hayes
I frowned. “Yeah. She lives in Florida. Thunderstorms and heat waves are hot topics.”
“Fire and rain,” Adam said wryly.
“I s’pose so. I don’t hate my mother or Leo, but I don’t go out of my way to spend time with them. It’s not out of spite. At least I don’t think it is. She left me. I didn’t leave her. Divorce makes you choose sides. She was in love, and that’s super sweet, but… fuck her! She knew how dysfunctional we were. Why was she the one who got to walk away?
“My parents didn’t have a small issue or two they couldn’t overcome. They didn’t give a shit about coasters or whose turn it was to unload the dishwasher. Their fights weren’t loud. No one threw china or called names. They were dignified in their bloodshed. They passively let themselves implode. So they divorced. So what? It happens all the fucking time. People fall in love, have kids, and then look up one day and realize it wasn’t what they thought it would be.
“It’s hard to communicate. It’s hard to give a shit 24/7 about someone else’s problems when you have your own. It happened to you, it happened to Deb. And I guess I apologized to your ex because it seemed pretty fucking heartless to not acknowledge that divorce is painful.”
“You weren’t responsible in any way, though.”
“You’re right. I’m not the cause, and I’m not sorry I’m the one sitting here with you now. But I’m also not going to pretend a piece of fucking paper erased a few years of your life. My mom did it to me. Sure the angle was different. I was the kid in the Dalton scandal. I had no control over them or their messy choices. But I have control now.”
“What exactly happened with them? It was weird that Leo showed up out of the blue. He seemed like a good guy, though, and actually I always thought he was your dad’s friend,” Adam said.
“They weren’t friends. They were work associates. Leo was a city planner, and Dad was interested in redevelopment in town. Dad always knew who Leo was. He used to say it was important to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. The story is… my birth mother had an affair with Dad and Leo. She told my dad he was my father and arranged for my adoption. Supposedly she had my best interests in mind. The Daltons had money, and Leo had issues with drugs and alcohol. Truthfully she didn’t want me. She was more than happy to pawn me off to the highest bidder. Once I was born, it was obvious I was Leo’s. But Dad didn’t care. A deal was a deal. He wanted me.” I paused for effect before continuing. “What he really wanted was control.”
“Your parents were so serious compared to mine, but I always thought they loved you in their way. And I liked Leo. He was cool.”
“Until I was sixteen, I would have said the same. They were distant and a little harsh sometimes, but they were fair. It was when Leo came into the picture I began to question everything. He made our dysfunction show. I didn’t like that. I wondered about his intentions, his motivation. Leo was friendly but opaque. A nice man, a decent banjo player, but he wasn’t knowable. He was a gatekeeper. The guardian of secrets. After a while he frustrated me. They all did. That’s when I turned the amp on and started playing electric. It was my therapy. My grades started plummeting, the pot incident became a habit, and the electric guitar was all I wanted to play. Right before graduation it came to a head. Mom left Dad and me for Leo. I came out. And my dad told me to get the fuck out. Game over.”
“I’m sorry. I hated when that went down. You know you could have stayed with us,” Adam said in a rough tone.
“Thanks, but I wanted out. I didn’t want to be defined by that episode of my life back then, and I don’t now. It’s why I got upset about some asshole digging it up for the tabloids recently, and yeah… it’s why I avoid coming here. You think I shy away from things I don’t want to deal with, Adam, but that’s not true.” I strummed the tune about rainy, lonely days as I tried to form my thoughts and package them into something easily understood. “Sometimes when I’m quiet or I’m not quick to act, I’m thinking.”
“About what?”
“How to participate in my life without getting hurt by it. I don’t want to be cold. I don’t fade into the background, but I’m cautious. I believe in moments. Like this one. Right here, right now, with you.”
“I like that. Name another memorable moment. The first one that pops in your head… like the day your band’s first song was played on the radio or—”
“The night I got in trouble with you and Ned in the park.” I propped the guitar against the sofa, then reclaimed my spot next to him.
Adam’s bewildered expression was pretty damn funny. “You’ve got to be joking. That night was a disaster! Everyone was pissed at me! Your parents, my parents, the sheriff. Whatever buzz I had didn’t last long, that’s for sure. And that night was what brought about the bombshell that Leo was your bio dad. How can you rank that as a highlight?”
“You put your arm around me.”
“What?”
I shrugged with a nonchalance I didn’t feel. “I remember everything about that night. The blue-and-red lights from the patrol car were in our eyes, it was cold enough to see our breath even though it was May, Ned was yelling at you. All I could think was that my dad was going to be so mad. I was sixteen and I’d never been in trouble for something that wasn’t related to my grades. I was with Ned, but really I was there because of you. And it was ridiculous. You were straight. You were a football star dating the head cheerleader, and I was… a complete moron. Those lights were bearing down on us, Ned was getting more upset. And you… you took over. You told him to calm down. You said you’d take care of everything. It was your fault and no one was getting in trouble. And then you looked at me. You saw me shaking and you put your arm around me. Then you gave me your jacket and told me I’d be all right. I never forgot.” I swallowed hard and gave him a lopsided grin. “When I think of that night now, I never think of my dad or Leo or Ned. I don’t think of being afraid or feeling out of control. I think of you. That’s what I mean. A moment.”
Adam was quiet. The firewood crackling in the giant hearth and the wind whistling outside were the perfect soundtrack. This was peaceful and homey. I wasn’t overly concerned about being understood now. I had a feeling that bridge had already been crossed. In a way, Adam embodied the best parts of growing up. He made me think about cartoons on Saturday mornings with a giant bowl of cereal, pulling cattails from the edge of the pond, and mapping the constellations from a blanket in the backyard. They weren’t things we’d done together, but they were simple activities from a simple time.
“You really did have a crush on me, didn’t you?”
I snorted with amusement. “Yeah. I did. It was a hero-worship kind of crush, though. I got that it was unrequited and I was okay with it. Knowing you in a real way, like I do now, wasn’t what I needed back then. I was good with the idea I had a surrogate brother looking out for me. And it didn’t hurt that you looked like Henry Cavill.”
I expected him to roll his eyes and laugh it off. But he went uncharacteristically still. He was close, yet he was careful not to crowd me or lean too far into my space. I studied his chiseled features in the firelight. His eyes were always smiling, but there was more here now than humor.
“You still have me, Ize. Even if we aren’t in the same place, you’ll always have us.”
I gulped around the lump in my throat and nodded when Adam reached out to cradle my chin. I willfully ignored the acknowledgment that we might not always be together and clung to the present. His touch, the look in his eyes, the firelight… the moment.
Adam didn’t push. He scratched my chin as if I was a cat, then reached for my hand and laced our fingers together before pressing a kiss on my knuckles. “I have an idea and it’s pretty fuckin’ brilliant. Listen up. Let’s make a club. Membership: two. Me and you. No one else need apply. We’ll make up a secret signal. Something only we understand, like—”
Adam set two fingers on his lips and then moved his forefinger to his nose.
I burst into lau
ghter. “That looks like a gang sign gone bad.”
He shrugged nonchalantly. “We can work on it. We’ll keep the rules simple. Be kind, be respectful. And we’ll have a code. Something easy to remember… like favorite foods.”
My grin nearly split my face in two. I had no idea where he was going with this, but it hardly mattered. I was utterly charmed. “Such as?”
“Well, it can be anything, but I’m gonna suggest a fruit, a veggie, and a dessert. We have to find the one of each we can both agree on and memorize it. Go on… tell me yours.”
“You’re serious?” I snickered at his blank stare and played along. “Okay. Um, banana, broccoli, and chocolate ice cream.”
“Easy enough. Personally I would’ve chosen ten things before broccoli, but we’ll keep it. Here’s how this goes. Whenever we’re not together, say those three things in your head like a chant, and something cosmic will happen.”
“Like what? A magic banana appears?”
Adam rolled his eyes. “Be serious here, Dalton. Let’s try this.”
“How?” I chortled merrily and tossed a couple of puzzle pieces at his head, then reached for a handful just as he jumped up. “Wait. Where are you going?”
He pulled me to stand up before hurrying toward the back door. He threw my coat at me, then grabbed his from the hook next to the door. “Put your boots on. Let’s go.”
“Wha—?” I stared after him for a moment before putting my jacket and Uggs on. I stuffed the puzzle pieces in my pockets and then headed outside.
I stepped out on the wooden deck and moved quickly down the short set of stairs to stand beside him in middle of the snow-covered yard. A cold wind gusted through the tall pine trees lining the perimeter of Ned’s property. It was fucking freezing.
“Why’d you come out here? It’s so… cold.” My teeth chattered as I moved to stand next to him.
“We need to commemorate our new club. Streak from one end of the yard to the other or naked snow angels or—”
“How about clothed snow angels?”
“B-better idea.” Adam tugged at my hand as he fell to his knees, and inadvertently released the booty of cardboard pieces from my pockets. They scattered like snowflakes in the wind. “Is that my puzzle?”
He sprang to his feet again and chased after the pieces dancing in the wind. I burst into laughter. He looked like a demented leprechaun or a kid in the throes of a sugar high.
“Adam, leave it alone. It’s too windy and dark. We can p-pick them up tomorrow. Come on, I’ll play your game. Um… what’s the code again? Something about brussels sprouts, oranges, and vanilla ice cream, right?”
A moment later I was flat on my back, staring up at the stars, with my hands above my head. Adam flattened himself over me and rained kisses over my face. I panted for air and pushed at his chest. “Cold, cold, cold,” I chanted. “Can’t breathe.”
“Are you begging for mercy?”
“S-sure.”
Adam tightened his grasp when I bucked my hips in a wild attempt to free myself, and shook his head in mock consternation. “Isaac, Isaac, Isaac…. You messed up the secret code, destroyed the puzzle, and—”
“Broccoli!” I gasped.
Adam snorted. “Okay. What else?”
“Does the order matter?”
“Probably not,” he replied, clearly amused.
“Bananas, broccoli, and chocolate ice cream.”
His grin was contagious. He rocked his hips over mine, then licked the corner of my mouth and slid his tongue inside. I groaned when he released my hands, and then tugged at his hair to deepen the kiss. Making out on the snow-covered lawn with the wind whistling around us was an instant top-ten moment.
I snaked my legs around his to hold him close when he pulled back. “I can already tell this is a good club.”
Adam chuckled softly and smiled. “Yes. It’s very good.”
He tenderly cradled his hands under my head before lowering his mouth over mine again in a sweet, slow kiss. It wasn’t overly passionate this time, but something was here that wasn’t before. Something magical, like butterfly kisses and snowflakes on your lover’s eyelashes. This feeling was the essence of music. And if a moment could have a song, this was one I wanted to learn so I could play it over and over again and remember this forever.
“What happens after I say those three words?”
“You’ll know for sure you aren’t alone. You’ll remember there’s one other person on the planet who knows exactly what that combination of words means. It’s like a key to a diary… or a secret code.”
“Thank you,” I whispered past the grapefruit lodged in my throat.
He looked as dazed and off-balance as I felt, when he sat back with a gulp and pulled me to my feet. “Do you feel this… the way I do?”
“Yeah, I do.”
Adam didn’t move a muscle when I traced his jawline and ran my thumb over the slight dimple in his chin. I loved the abrasive feel of his scruff.
“I don’t know why you feel different to me, but you do. It isn’t because we’re guys, so don’t say that.”
“I wasn’t going to.”
“I want you. Right here, right now.”
“We are not having sex out here. It’s too cold and your brother and Meg—”
“Not out here.” Adam rolled his eyes and threaded his fingers through mine. “I mean, I’m ready. I want everything. With you.”
I caressed his face and stared deep into his eyes as the meaning behind his ragged intonation became clear. “You’re sure?”
“Very sure.” His voice was low and wrought with emotion. “But definitely not out here. Inside. We can make a fort in front of the fire with a ton of blankets. What do you say?”
“Yes.”
WE RAIDED the neatly folded blankets in the basket near the fireplace and spread them flat before undressing as quickly as possible and burrowing naked underneath a heavy navy-striped duvet. And then everything slowed again. We explored each other leisurely with roving hands and tender kisses. I loved feeling his cock harden against my stomach and then glide alongside mine.
He rolled me onto my back and playfully bit my jaw. “God, you’re beautiful. Your skin, your eyes… your everything.”
His worshipful tone was earnest and sincere. It meant more to me than a million fans chanting my name in unison ever could. I knew I wasn’t special. I was skinny, with ordinary brown eyes and unremarkable features that were a little too soft. But damn, he made me feel extraordinary.
I pushed his shoulder, silently requesting him to change positions so I was on top. Then I reached down to touch him as I licked his nipple. I shifted my weight and trailed my tongue along the fine hair on his stomach. I played with him for a moment, stroking him leisurely, sucking the head of his cock like a lollipop, then licking his length, up one side and down the other.
He arched his hips in blatant invitation. “You’re fucking killing me,” he grunted.
I held him at the base and grinned up at him. “I want you to feel good, Ad.”
“I do, but—oh fuck!”
I swooped down and swallowed him whole. I bobbed my head, furiously sucking, before pulling back to lick him from base to tip and back again. He set both hands on my head, tentatively at first, as though he was afraid to ask for more. But we’d done this too many times. I knew any second now he’d lose control, and I wasn’t disappointed. He tightened his hold as he moved his hips, fucking my mouth feverishly. I relaxed as much as possible, but he was strong and he seemed spacey with desire, like he couldn’t quite focus.
When I pushed at his thighs and pulled back, gasping for air, he lifted me by my biceps, then plunged his tongue inside my mouth and rolled us sideways. I scratched his back as frustration warred with my desire to get closer to him. I ran my hands down his back and rested them on his ass, squeezing his cheeks and parting them. He copied me and then tapped his finger against my hole. I groaned into the kiss and did the same to him, gently sliding
my middle finger along his puckered entrance. He stilled his hips immediately and broke the kiss.
“You want my ass, baby?”
I gave a half laugh before squeezing his cock in a punishing hold. “You know I do. I’ll go slow. If you want to stop, it’s okay. But I’m going to come just from rubbing against you if we keep doing this. And… I’d rather come in your ass.”
Adam’s nostrils flared appreciatively. “That sounds so fucking nasty.”
“You love it, don’t you?”
“Hell yes. How do you want to… ya know?”
“On your stomach,” I said, smacking his ass lightly.
He obeyed so fast he almost hit the edge of the hearth. I chuckled at his enthusiasm as I crawled over him, then lay flat on his back, covering him like a blanket. I bucked my hips against his ass. His muscles tensed when I splayed my hands over his shoulders. I licked at the shell of his ear before sitting back to massage him as I repeatedly rocked my pelvis against his ass. When he thrust backward to meet the friction, I shifted to kneel between his legs and picked up the lube.
“On your knees. That’s it.”
“This feels weird.” He winced.
“It’s the nice kind of weird. Trust me. I’ll make it good.”
I reached between his legs to palm his heavy cock and stroked him in a languid motion until I could tell he was relaxed. Then I rubbed a lube-slick digit over his hole. He hissed but didn’t back away. I kept up a gentle but insistent glide over the sensitive area, and at the first sign he was ready for more, I slid my finger inside him. He froze. When he backed up again, I pushed all the way inside. I stroked him and waited for him to relax again before setting a second digit at his opening. I worked him over patiently, but fuck, it wasn’t easy. My dick was so hard it hurt. Rubbing myself on his thigh as I gripped him with one hand and fingerfucked him with the other was nowhere close to enough.
I twisted my digit slightly, hoping to find his sweet spot, and was immediately rewarded. Adam shuddered and pushed back harder. He rode my fingers like a pro while my dick drooled precum against the back of his thigh.