Joshua Barton, the princely god who had haunted her dreams, the infallible, all-too-human man who stalked her days.
Maybe she had been lying to herself. Maybe Joshua had been right when he told her that she was really more afraid of herself than she was of him. She had used his money and his position as a shield, proof that there was no reason to try and establish a relationship that was doomed to failure.
But his mother had done it. Most successfully. And during a time when social rules were stricter, more rigid.
Dry-eyed, Eleanor picked up a sofa pillow and hugged it to her chest. She did not want to pursue this avenue of thought and feelings. Question was, how much longer could she avoid it?
Fifteen
Rosemary’s presentation was very entertaining. She had definitely captured the attention of the crowd in attendance, which was equal parts children and adults. They laughed and applauded, jockeying in their seats to see the delightful drawings she was showing.
Unfortunately, Joshua was unable to keep his mind focused on the slides projected on the screen because his eyes kept wandering about the room, searching for one particular female shape. Eleanor’s.
It had certainly been an interesting few weeks. What began as a challenge to his wounded male pride had turned into the realization that she was even more special, unique, and irreplaceable than he had first thought.
She brought out feelings and behavior within him he didn’t even know he possessed. Protectiveness, humor, gentleness. He had learned patience and cooperation, had experienced joy and excitement, had shared thoughts and feelings more easily and naturally with Eleanor than with any other person in his life. Quite simply, she made him happy.
Okay, there may have been a few times over the past three weeks when he would have preferred the gentle, amenable woman he had taken to North Carolina, the one who had blindly followed his commands, had deferred to his decisions in most things. But apparently that woman didn’t precisely exist.
Instead Joshua had discovered a confident, self-assured woman who wasn’t afraid to speak her mind, who didn’t shy away from the sparks of disagreement between them. She almost seemed to relish them at times. Despite their occasional feuds, they got along well, better than many other couples he knew, and he greatly enjoyed spending time in her company.
Yet the tension and suppressed passion that lingered between them was escalating. He felt it more and more each time he was near her. Without warning, that unexpected rush of desire would suddenly ignite, spreading through him like wildfire.
He missed the intimacy between them, and there were nights when his body actually ached with frustrated desire. He had taken so many cold showers they were almost ineffective now, since his body was starting to become accustomed to them. But it wasn’t only the physical intimacy he missed. Eleanor was doing her best to keep him at an emotional distance as well.
If not for the small, occasional cracks in that impressive wall she had erected around herself, he might have lost hope. Yet somehow, some way, something had changed between them last night. After dinner, Eleanor had literally bolted from his company. She wouldn’t speak with him on the phone, had refused to even argue or express her anger.
Joshua was finally forced to admit to himself that this impossible situation could no longer continue. Clearly, it was time for him to move on.
He had thought seriously about giving up on her, especially when she wouldn’t answer his phone calls last night. There were plenty of women out there to date, to fall in love with, to build a life and future with. The problem was, none of them were Eleanor.
He was in love with her. He was certain of that, if nothing else. And he wasn’t leaving today until he had heard from her own lips exactly how she felt about him.
“Thank you, Rosemary Phillips, for giving us such wonderful insight into how you create your lovely stories.” Eleanor stood before the crowded room and looked out at the sea of delighted faces. Adults and children alike had been enthralled by Rosemary’s presentation. It made Eleanor feel like a small part of the success of the afternoon, though in truth it had been Joshua who had arranged for everything.
“Let’s all give Rosemary a round of applause to show our appreciation,” Eleanor instructed. The room broke out in enthusiastic clapping. Rosemary blushed and almost looked shy. Eleanor consulted her watch. “We have a few more minutes until Rosemary has to leave. Does anyone have any questions they would like to ask her?”
There was total silence for a brief instant, then several hands shot up in the air. Eleanor looked down at the eager young faces and pointed to a chubby boy in the second row.
“I took one of your books home from the library one time and I left it on the couch in my family room and my dog ripped the pages and chewed on them and then my mom brought the book back to the library and she had to pay for it and she was mad.”
“Oh dear, that is quite a story,” Rosemary remarked. “Maybe it would make a good book one day. I’ll have to remember all those details.”
The child’s face lit up. “You can use it if you want. I don’t care.”
“Yes, that’s a very interesting tale,” Eleanor interrupted. There were several hands now waving madly in the air, all eager she suspected to relate stories for Rosemary to turn into future masterpieces. “I want to know if someone has something they want to ask Rosemary. Not tell her. Does anyone have a question, something they want to ask?”
Half the hands immediately lowered. A few arms wavered, then dropped, but one girl kept hers firmly raised in the air. Apprehensively, Eleanor called on her.
“Hi, I’m Jennifer. I really like your books too, especially the ones with Allyson and Alex, because they’re rabbits and I have a pet rabbit. He’s white and has brown eyes, a wiggly nose, and a black spot on his back. His name is Thumper.” Eleanor waited impatiently while the child took a deep breath, hoping young Jennifer would eventually get around to actually asking something. “My question is, what kind of car do you drive?”
The room seemed remarkably quiet as Eleanor started removing the decorations from the wall. She was alone in the program room. There had been a long line of children and adults waiting to have books autographed, and Rosemary had graciously spent nearly an hour signing every one.
Afterward, she and Warren had left, promising to call soon. Joshua, too, had disappeared, presumably to visit with them until it was time to leave for the airport. Eleanor was glad he had gone. Her thoughts and feelings were still so jumbled she wasn’t certain how to act or react around him. Maybe distance was the answer. At least for a while.
Although she had only had a brief conversation with Warren last evening, it had seemed that overnight her perceptions of Joshua had once again changed dramatically, leaving her feeling far more vulnerable than she wanted to be.
Without the barrier of impossibility between them she was forced to confront her true, inner feelings toward Joshua. She was in love with him. And it frightened her more than anything she had ever before encountered.
She still wasn’t exactly sure she was right for him, that she had the type of personality needed to thrive in the wealthy, upscale lifestyle he seemed to relish. There were even doubts that she wanted to.
But if it meant having him in her life, wouldn’t it be worth it?
Sure, they had gotten along famously when she had been under his thumb, amenable to his every wish. Yet when she had defied him, their relationship seemed to rise to a new level. It had sparkled with awareness and laughter despite the occasional tension. Being on an equal footing had added greater dimension and depth, even as Eleanor tried to deny it.
He had pursued her. And she had liked it. Yet she had pretended to him and herself that she didn’t.
Stop it! Eleanor clenched her hands into fists, angry with her self-indulgent attitude. There was nothing more pathetic than a weak, weepy female who had no just cause to be acting that way.
What she needed to do now was keep herself occupied. She ran her gaze about th
e room. The rows of chairs would be broken down and put away by the custodians on Monday morning, but there were still plenty of other things to do to set the room to rights.
With a determined attitude, Eleanor retrieved a step stool from the utility closet and began taking down the many pictures tacked up on the wall. There was a colorful welcome banner that everyone had worked on together, along with scores of drawings the children had made of their favorite characters or scenes from Rosemary’s books.
Some were rather good, but many were an indistinguishable mass of colored scribbles. Eleanor noticed that an adult had written on the bottom of most of them, identifying the scene, presumably so the viewer would know what was supposed to be depicted.
One entire section on the wall was covered with drawings devoted to safety tips, taken straight from Rosemary’s General Explorer books. Never play with matches. Look both ways before. crossing the street. Always wear a helmet when riding a bicycle.
“Would you mind saving those safety tip pictures in a separate pile?” a male voice inquired. “I promised the kids I’d give them back after the program.”
Eleanor didn’t have to turn around to identify the speaker. She knew that voice all too well. As usual, her heart began to pound incredibly hard. “Sorry, I didn’t know you wanted to keep the pictures. No one mentioned it.”
Eleanor carefully climbed off the step stool and started rummaging around in the trash bin. She stacked the crumpled drawings on the table where Rosemary had done her book signing. “A few got rumpled, but they should be fine.”
Joshua joined her at the table and they started smoothing out the wrinkled pictures. “I thought Rosemary’s presentation went very well,” Joshua commented. “Were you pleased?”
“I was thrilled. Rosemary was remarkable. Funny, informative, totally entertaining. She’s a marvelous public speaker. I don’t know who had a better time, the adults or the children.” Eleanor took her time pressing the final drawing flat. “Thank you, Joshua, for arranging everything. It was very kind and generous and I really appreciate it.”
“I was happy to be given the opportunity to help out.” He settled his back against the wall and lifted his intense gaze to hers. “However, I will confess to an ulterior motive. I was hoping that you would finally realize the truth about me.”
Eleanor stilled, staring at him warily. “The truth?”
He nodded his head. “I’d do just about anything for you, sugar.”
Taken off guard, she stiffened noticeably. That Southern drawl of his slid through her senses like melted butter. She had never been very good with diversionary tactics, but decided one was needed now. Desperately, she clutched at the drawing on the top of the pile. “These pictures the children drew are so sweet. Have you seen them?”
He shifted his broad shoulders. “Sure. I wrote most of the text so everyone would know what they were supposed to be. After I saw them, I thought that would be the most diplomatic way to handle the situation. Some children can be really sensitive about that sort of thing.”
Eleanor found herself staring at him. He had written the text? To save a child from feeling less than confident in his or her self. Blindly, Eleanor stared down at the drawing she held. Then her mouth started twitching.
“I thought these were supposed to be safety tips,” she said with a shaky laugh. “Never step on hot lava? I wonder where in the world this child lives. It must be a very exciting household.”
Joshua glanced down at the drawing, then joined her smile with a tight chuckle of his own. “Hey, I’m not responsible for editorial content. I only wrote what I was told.”
“Right.” She gathered the pile together, intending to hand them over to him, but his hands were already full. “Did Rosemary forget something?” Eleanor asked, pointing to the large book Joshua held.
“Ah, no.” He cleared his throat. “I asked her to sign a copy of her latest release for a friend. He couldn’t be here today.”
“A friend?” Eleanor curiously reached for the book and read the inscription. “Henry? Is that someone from the firm?”
“No. Henry is a little kid, one of the library regulars. I’m sure you would recognize him if you saw him.” Joshua tucked the book under his arm. “I met Henry the first day I was volunteering. He actually gave me the idea to ask Rosemary to do a program for the children. Henry was really disappointed that he wouldn’t have a chance to see her this afternoon, but his family was going out of town to visit his grandparents this weekend.”
“Sounds like you and Henry are good buddies,” Eleanor said softly.
“We’re pals. Sometimes he helps me put the books on the shelves. When he’s not dropping them on my foot.”
Eleanor couldn’t hold back her smile. Yet as she looked at Joshua she felt an aching deep in her heart. It was as if she were seeing him for the first time. Without the trappings of wealth and position, beyond the physical perfection of his masculine good looks, just as a man. A man who was surprisingly good with children, tolerant of most adults and incredibly patient with the foolish woman who was so very much in love with him.
“Why did you fire me from the firm?” Eleanor asked, realizing that she was finally ready—no eager—to hear his answer.
“I told you that was a mistake.” He stood there for a moment, searching her gaze. “Yes, I wanted you to leave the firm, but I never meant for you to be fired. I hardly slept the night after I discovered the error. I was so worried about you, about how you would manage financially. I suppose I shouldn’t have doubted that you would land on your feet.”
“I left that job a year ago, in my heart at least.” Eleanor touched a fingertip to the corner of her mouth. “We both know you did me a favor by letting me go, even if it wasn’t done in the most diplomatic fashion. But why exactly did you want me gone from the firm?”
“We couldn’t be together if you were my employee, Eleanor. After our weekend in North Carolina, I knew that was what I wanted. And I was prepared to do whatever it took to achieve my goal.”
His expression was so serious, but the tenderness in his eyes warmed her heart. “I never meant for you to be hurt in the process. I’m sorry.” He dipped his chin. “I’m sorry also for the shabby way I treated you when we met in the hallway at the office. I know my coldness hurt you. There’s no excuse for such rudeness, but I hadn’t settled on a way to cope with our relationship, so I panicked and resorted to being the high and mighty boss.”
Eleanor blinked. He was being so open with her, so willing to share his emotions. How could she do anything less than bare her own soul, reveal her own feelings now that she finally understood and trusted them?
“I’m a real idiot,” she whispered. “Did you know that?”
“Ahh, sugar.” He took a step forward.
“No, stop. Don’t come any closer.” Her throat constricted with unshed tears. She had to get it out before she broke down and starting crying like a three-year-old. “I’m in love with you,” she said softly. “I think I’ve known it for quite a while, but I haven’t had the courage to admit it. To myself, mostly.”
She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “I keep waiting for you to disappear, Joshua. To stop making those nightly phone calls I so look forward to, to stop coming to the library and doing this silly volunteer work that is so far beneath your talents and intelligence. To realize that who I am is not the type of woman you want or need to have in your life.”
“And?” he prompted gently.
“And!” Eleanor’s shoulders dropped in frustration. “You keep coming back. Just to spite me, I think.”
“I keep coming back because I love you,” he said quietly.
Her head shot up. “Say that again,” she whispered.
Joshua reached out and took hold of her, lifting her in the air. He lowered her slowly to her feet, sliding her body down the length of his. She trembled but kept her eyes locked on his.
“I love you, Eleanor.”
Her heart soared.
Was it possible? One glance at the honesty in his eyes told her it was indeed the truth.
She cupped his face in her hands, then trailed her fingers down over his neck and shoulders and arms, slipping her smaller hand into his. Joshua smiled tenderly, linking their fingers. She moistened her bottom lip, lifted her chin, pressed herself forward, and kissed him.
The warm, sweet pressure of his mouth soon gave way to deeper contact, and his passion poured into her, filling her with a sense of love and comfort that was as undeniable as it was miraculous.
She reached up and moved her hand through his hair, deepening the kiss, still dazed at the notion that he was really hers. Finally. And forever.
Eleanor quickly felt herself becoming lost in his heat and strength. She arched herself closer as the yearning, urgent feeling began building inside her. Oh, how she had missed this! The closeness, the intimacy, the wondrous sense of connection.
Just as the coiled, inner tension began to grow out of control, Joshua broke off the kiss.
“Does the door to this room have a lock?” he asked urgently.
Eleanor laughed, then groaned. “No.”
“Damn!”
She bit back another laugh. Then, suddenly overcome with emotions, Eleanor felt the tears starting to gather in her eyes. Concerned that Joshua might misinterpret them, she buried her face against his broad chest. He slowly stroked her hair, then reached down to catch a tear from beneath her eye with his thumb.
“Do you have something you want to ask me?” he inquired with amusement in his voice.
She rubbed her head back and forth against his chest and sniffled.
“Oh, you have something you want to tell me.”
“Yes.” She lifted her chin and almost burst into fresh tears. His expression was filled with such love and tenderness it nearly stole her composure. “I’m finished with pretending to myself that I don’t want us to be together. I really do want to be someone in your life, Joshua. Someone important. Special. Although I am mature enough to admit there are some things about you that bother me.”
A Night to Remember Page 21