“Nope. Not hung up on you at all,” Darla muttered behind her with a laugh.
Dev laughed, too. “I told him it was possible you’d gone out, but he was convinced you were on the property somewhere. Scared the shit out of him, if you ask me.” Dev slid into the driver’s seat of his car. “I’ve gotta call my deputies back. They were searching the other perimeter.”
Dear lord, a search party? Embarrassment flooded her face. “I was just at book club.” Wasn’t she allowed to hang out with her friends without someone calling the cops on her?
“Next time you may want to leave him a note,” Dev said with another chuckle.
Really, a note? It wasn’t like Mateo was her roommate. Or her dad. She had a right to come and go whenever she wanted. “Sorry, Dev. I didn’t mean to cause such a fuss.” Or waste police resources. Not that this was her fault.
“No problem. At least it wasn’t a boring night.”
Next to Everly, Darla zipped up her coat. “Can’t wait to see Mateo’s face when he gets back. This ought to be good.”
Not really. Everly had had enough of a scene for one night. “Actually, I’m cold. I think I’ll go inside.” Which would hopefully encourage Darla to leave. She gave her friend a quick hug. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Okay,” her friend sang, retreating to her car. “Can’t wait to hear all about this one.”
Everly ignored her and marched into the house, where she and Mateo could have some privacy for the impending confrontation. Whatever she did, she couldn’t let it end with kissing. No. Kissing. Heat flooded her body. She could really go for another one of those chocolate cocktails right about now.
Everly took a break from pacing and peered out the window. Two of the police cars were driving away, but Dev and Mateo stood near his cruiser talking. Judging from the wild arm waving, Mateo wasn’t too happy.
He turned and started toward the house. Everly darted away from the window. Mateo hadn’t even made it fully inside before he started in. “What the hell, Everly? Where have you been?” He stopped just short of slamming the door behind him.
“I was at book club.” She matched his irritation. “I went out with my friends like I do all the time.” God, did he have any idea how ridiculous this was? “I can’t believe you called the police.”
He threw up his hands. “Your truck was here. You left your door unlocked and your lights on.”
“So you thought I went for a nighttime stroll with a mountain lion on the loose?” She reined in her tone. “I knew you’d be here soon. That’s why I left the door open and all of the lights on.”
“You knew I would be here soon so you left,” he accused.
“Does that really surprise you?” What did he expect after the other night? “I don’t know what you want from me.” Other than to be around when he needed a distraction or when he wanted to play the hero. “What do you want from me, Mateo?” She held her breath, waiting for the answer, still hoping he had one even after all of the disappointment.
“I don’t know.” He braced his hands on the kitchen table and hunched over, eyes closed, breathing deep and even. When he looked at her again, his face had softened. “I don’t know. I feel like I’m losing everything. I lost my brother. I’m losing my career. I guess I’m afraid I’ll lose you, too.”
No. Those sad eyes would not draw her in again. He was feeling lost, didn’t know what he wanted—he’d admitted it. And she could not be his remedy, his distraction. “You can’t lose something you never had,” she said, going to get her purse. “We don’t have a relationship, Mateo. Sex is not a relationship. Swooping in to save the day and be the hero does not entitle you to a relationship.”
“I’m not a hero.” He sank to the couch, shoulders hunched, body deflated, and damn it if the sight of his dejection didn’t topple her resolve.
“You don’t have to be a hero.” Hadn’t anyone told him that? “You’re a good man. You take good care of your family. You’re loyal and you’re strong.” She almost went to sit with him on the couch. Almost. But he didn’t want what she wanted. The give and take, the painstaking effort it required to build a bond that could withstand anything. When she loved someone, she went all in. She would give everything, but not to someone who couldn’t do the same. So she stayed right where she was, near the front door, clutching her purse. “Thank you for watching out for me.” Emotion overpowered her voice. “I’m sorry I made you worry.” She dug out her keys and went for the door. “I think it’s best if I stay with Darla tonight.”
“Wait.” He rose from the couch and caught her shoulder. “I don’t know what to do. How to fix everything. What should I do?”
“You don’t have to fix anything.” Maybe he did for his family, but he didn’t have to do that for her. “You just have to give someone else your heart.” No matter how risky it felt, no matter how vulnerable. And that was one thing she couldn’t teach him.
Chapter Nineteen
What’s wrong?” Ana Sofia targeted him with a third-degree glare.
“Nothing.” Mateo peered down the hallway that led to Levi and Cassidy’s guestrooms, where his mom had disappeared to freshen up before dinner.
Not wanting to go out, he’d put on a pot of chili earlier. Since Levi had gone to the city to stay with Cassidy for a few nights, the three of them had his place to themselves, which would give Mateo the perfect opportunity to tell them both the truth. The problem was, he still didn’t know how to say it.
“Don’t tell me nothing’s wrong,” Ana said. “We share DNA. Which means you can’t lie to me. I knew something was wrong right when I saw you at the airport, but I didn’t want to say anything in front of Mom.”
It would be easier if he could only tell Ana about Andres and leave it at that. His little sister was tough. She’d be upset, but his mom would be devastated. “We’ll talk about it over dinner.” Not that he’d be able to eat anything. He hadn’t eaten anything all day.
After Everly had walked out on him again last night, Mateo had called Gunner. He’d asked him the same question he’d asked Everly—what did he have to do? How could he fix what he’d broken? According to his old mentor, Mateo had to start here. With his mom and his sister and his brother. He had to fix the future by going back to the past. He had to accept that it’d damaged him, that it had destroyed his ability to trust anyone, to rely on anyone except himself.
“You found Andres, didn’t you?” Ana Sofia’s voice had sobered. “You know where he is.”
No. He didn’t. That would be the hardest part to tell them. Their brother, their mom’s son, would never be found. He would be his mom’s lost boy forever. “We’ll talk about it over dinner,” Mateo said again.
“Talk about what?” His mother had somehow snuck up behind them. It wasn’t hard for her to do. Florencia Torres was less than five feet tall and had a quiet way about her. It still shocked Mateo that she never seemed to change. Her plump cheeks, smooth olive skin, and quick smile easily took twenty years off her sixty. The thick bun she’d worn every day for years still didn’t have one gray hair.
“Mamá…” Once again, instinct tempted him to protect her. That’s what he had been doing for years. But Gunner had also told him that wasn’t his job. He could comfort her and take care of her, but he couldn’t shield her from the truth.
“Mateo has something important to tell us. That’s why he brought us all the way out here.” Ana’s fiery glare prodded him to get on with it. She didn’t like being left in the dark, especially by him. They’d always been the closest out of all his siblings. He had decided he could tell his other two sisters the news over the phone, but he knew Ana needed to hear this from him in person.
His mother gazed up at him. “What is it, mi tesoro?”
She might never call him her treasure again after she heard the truth. “Why don’t we sit down?” He suddenly realized dinner could wait. He had to get this over with.
“I know it’s about Andres.” Ana marched to the leat
her sofa and sat. “You found something, and I want to know what it is.”
“Andres?” His mom clasped his hand in hers. “You have heard from Andres, too? You know where he is?” The hope expanding in her eyes made his heart wither. Without answering, he led his mom to the couch and then sat in the chair across from them. “I need to start at the beginning.” He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and opened it, carefully unfolding the picture. “Andres was like a father to me.” He set the photograph on the coffee table so they could see it.
“My boys.” Tears flooded his mom’s eyes as she reached out to touch it. “My precious boys.”
Ana simply stared down at the picture, her face pale.
“I idolized him,” Mateo said, the words choking him up. But he had to do it this way. He had to tell the whole truth, the truth he’d been denying himself all these years. “He taught me everything. How to play soccer.” They used to drive their mother crazy kicking the ball around the house. “I hated learning math so he’d make a game out of it.” A game show, actually, modeled after reruns of The Price is Right. “And he always took me fishing. Just the two of us at a stream close to our house.” They never caught much, but they’d pass the hours telling jokes and talking about how someday things would change. Andres wanted to be a soldier. He wanted to fight and protect. He wanted camaraderie. Maybe that was why he’d ended up in a cartel. He’d needed a place to belong. A place where people took care of him instead of the other way around.
“We know, Mateo,” Ana said. “We know all of that.”
But he had to say these things, to hold onto those memories instead of the one from the day his brother had walked out on him. “Andres never got mad no matter how much I screwed things up.” He’d been like a patient dad even though he was only a kid himself. “He taught me how to get odd jobs, too. To make money to help out the family.” They’d go down and sell newspapers on the corner so they could give the money to their mom, but Andres would always buy him a piece of candy on their way home. Mateo paused and looked at his mom and sister. Tears rolled down their cheeks as if they, too, were remembering.
“I hated him when he left,” Mateo admitted. “I hated him because he chose to leave. I woke up that morning. I caught him sneaking out.”
“You saw him?” Ana dried her tears with her sleeve.
“Yes.” He looked past them out the windows, craving the wild freedom he felt when he rode, the physical release of the stress, but he forced himself to stay in that chair. “He had his bag packed and I knew where he was going.”
“Where?” His mother had clasped her hands tightly, rocking her upper body back and forth. “Where was he going?”
“He was running drugs for a cartel.” Pain needled his heart at the horror on his mother’s face. “I never found out which one. But they recruited him. Wanted him on full-time. He said he had to go. That it was his only chance to have a life.”
He wished he could stop there, but he’d promised himself he would tell them everything. “I know he always watched out for us. Even after he left. He’d leave money in my room sometimes, but I knew where it came from, so I couldn’t keep it.”
“You never told me any of this!” Ana shot to her feet. “You always pretended to miss him as much as the rest of us.”
“I did miss him.” He wanted to pull her into a hug, but he knew better than to get close when she was this upset. She needed space. “I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to think of him like that.” He’d figured if they didn’t know where Andres had gone they could at least imagine better possibilities for him—that he’d crossed the border into the United States to find his dreams, maybe. Mateo wished he hadn’t known the truth.
“When I moved to the States, I wrote him off. I didn’t want to know what had happened to him.” He leaned over the coffee table to address his mom. “But when Ana told me you got the letter, I called in a few favors with Gutierrez.”
“You found him?” his mother asked, breathless. “You found Andres?”
Mateo pushed out of the chair and went to kneel in front of her. His throat tightened. Tears burned. He took both of her hands in his, holding them tightly. “Andres is gone.” Heartbreak cracked his voice. “He’s dead.”
“What?” Ana crumbled back to the couch.
“Dead. Andres.” His mom moaned the name. “My boy…”
Mateo tightened his hold on her trembling hands. “Gutierrez told me that Andres turned a while ago. He started working as an informant for the police. Someone found out and they killed him. I don’t know where he died. Or how. I only know he’s gone.”
His mom started to collapse, weeping, but he caught her in his arms and held her up.
Next to them his sister pushed to her feet, wobbling. Without a word, she disappeared into the hallway.
“Wait, Ana,” he called. Mateo pulled away from his mom and started to rock to his feet, but she rested her hands on his shoulders.
“Let her go, mijo,” she said between sobs. “You know Ana. She needs to be alone. She will come back when she’s ready.”
Mateo slumped on the couch next to her. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I let you wonder all these years. I thought it was better.”
“You were only a boy.” His mom put her hands on his face and drew it closer to hers. Sorrow blanketed her features. “My boy,” she murmured. “What a big burden for you to carry all that time.”
“He was only a kid, too.” The cartels targeted kids like Andres, kids who lived in poverty, who were just trying to survive. “I should’ve told you a long time ago.” Instead of avoiding reality. “But I didn’t want to break your heart.”
“You never stop grieving for your child.” His mom picked up the picture and studied it. “I’ve grieved every day since he left.” She paused, taking in measured breaths that seemed to calm her. “But I always knew he was good. And he knew it, too. He made it right at the end, Mateo. It’s never too late to make it right.”
He wanted to believe that, but it was too late to tell Andres anything. He couldn’t tell him he was sorry he’d given up on him. He couldn’t tell him he was sorry that he’d denied even ever having a brother. He couldn’t tell him he was sorry he’d hated him.
“I always knew he would come back to us.” His mom pressed the picture against her heart. “He did what was right so he could come back to us. And now he has. He will always be part of our family.”
His mom had always amazed him, but never more so than now. Mateo put his arms around her, finally letting himself cry. Andres may have been a lost cause in his eyes, but she still hadn’t given up, even after all of these years. She had so much faith. Love wouldn’t let her give up.
That was the kind of person he wanted to be.
One of the best things about owning a café was that she got to sit with her friends and have a leisurely brunch at least once a week. Typically, Thursdays were Everly’s slowest days, so her friends had developed a habit of coming in to keep her company.
She looked around the table. It was a rare treat to have everyone there, but since word had gotten out that their days of gathering in the café were numbered, they had all made it. Darla, Jessa, Naomi, Kate, and Charity all sat around the table, finishing their cinnamon rolls and the special hazelnut coffee she’d made while they chatted about Kate’s upcoming wedding.
Over the last few days, Everly had made an effort to face the impending changes in her life head on, which meant opening her hands to let go of the café and everything it had meant to her. She’d even called that diner Gus had mentioned, and she had an interview next week. But moments like this still made her eyes all misty. Even if she saved enough money to buy some land and start over, it wouldn’t be the same as sitting here in this cozy old house-turned-restaurant.
The conversation hit a lull and Jessa clanked a spoon against her coffee mug. “Before we finish our breakfast and go on with our days, I kind of have an announcement to make.”
Judging from Na
omi’s squeal, her sister-in-law already knew what it was. She wasn’t the only one. Everly almost laughed. All of the women around her were gasping and clasping hands and tearing up. Jessa didn’t need to make a formal announcement.
“As you all know we’ve been trying IVF…” Her smile bloomed into a beautiful expression of joy. “And…we found out about a month ago that we’re having babies!”
“Babies?” On the other side of the table, Charity frowned. “As in more than one?”
Jessa nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Triplets.”
Murmurs of excited astonishment went around the room. Everly jumped to her feet along with everyone else, waiting for her turn to hug the stuffing out of Jessa. Three babies! Three little miniature Lance and Jessas running around? “Oh my God! You guys are going to be the cutest family!” She threw her arms around her friend, but then eased up so she wouldn’t hurt the babies. “And everything is fine? The babies are all healthy?”
“So far.” Jessa rested a hand over her tummy and grinned through her tears. “I’m due in May, but triplets usually come early.” She shook her head as though she still couldn’t believe it. “Triplets. Wow. Guess it’s a good thing I have big hips, huh?”
Everly laughed. “You’re going to be an incredible mom.” Exactly the kind of mom every child deserved. “And even though I won’t have a restaurant, I’ll still bring you lots of meals.” At least a few a week so she would have an excuse to go over and hold those babies. The thought made it a little easier to think about leaving the café. As long as she had a kitchen, she could still cook. She could still feed people. Maybe she could still even teach a few classes. Not in Darla’s small kitchen, but maybe when she found a place of her own. “Oh! And we’ll have to plan a shower for you. A huge party—”
The door opened, bringing a momentary lull in the celebration. Everly gave Jessa one last hug, and then quickly went to greet the two women who had walked in.
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