by HL Nighbor
“We would like to spend some time getting to know her. Would that be okay?” Finn asks. “We’d like to reconnect with you, too, Savannah,” he adds cautiously.
“Yes. I would love that,” I tell Finn without any hesitation.
The four of us spend the next few hours making small talk and getting reacquainted with each other. The conversation flows effortlessly, as it did when we first met, the connection even stronger. I’m amazed at how quickly the four of us fall into a rhythm together. Our personalities complement each other.
I fill the guys in on my life for the last two years – school, motherhood and my job at the Stillwater Pub. I learn, in addition to being silent owners in the pub, they also started a private security firm when then got out of the Seals six months ago. They still support the military through their firm, taking on private contracts from time to time – whether it be providing security for dignitaries or helping coordinate rescue missions.
“Tell us about Mac,” Finn requests.
“What would you like to know?” I ask since I can spend all night talking about her.
“Everything,” Bas answers.
“Let’s see. Her birthday is January twenty seventh and she’s almost eighteen months old. She’s so smart and sweet. Her little cuddles are the best,” I tell them with the love for my daughter radiating from my voice.
“Do you have any clue who the father could be?” Austin asks hesitantly.
“No. Everyone calls her my mini me. Her personality mirrors mine and she resembles me when I was her age.” I reply honestly. “Throughout her short life, a moment would happen when I felt she looked or acted like one of you, but not enough to say one way or another.”
After a little more discussion about Mac and her likes and dislikes, we decide the guys will come over on Saturday morning and spend the day getting to know the little princess. They seem genuinely excited to meet her, and I admit I’m excited, as well. Mac will absolutely love them and them her.
With open arms, I welcome the additional support.
They leave shortly after midnight and I can breathe for the first moment in a long time now that my fear of them taking Mac away from me proved unwarranted. Reflecting on the evening, I’m surprised how well it went. The conversation held the potential to go a different direction. As I lay down to go to sleep, the huge weight lifted from my shoulders leaves me lighter, but new certainties make themselves clear.
I will fall head over heels in love with them, the attraction and chemistry being too strong not to. I’ll get wrapped up in the fairytale’s happily ever after but what happens if they choose me out of obligation because of Mac? How can I come out of this situation avoiding my heart being, not just broken, but shattered?
I can’t have them all.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Saturday morning arrives before I know it. Wanting her to look as cute as possible, I dressed Mac in her fluffy, pink tutu and sparkly pink chucks. Her black graphic tee with pretty, pretty princess spelled out in rhinestones and black leggings, complete the outfit. I pulled her curls up into two fluffy, little pigtails – each adorned with their own little pink bow.
Impatiently, I wait for the knock on the door. Whether Mac realizes it or not, today happens to be a huge day. She will meet her daddy. My desire for everything to be perfect keeps driving my anxiety up. I want this to be perfect for her, and more importantly, for them. This moment will only happen once.
When the anticipated knock echoes through our tiny apartment, Mac squeals in excitement. She toddles as fast as her chunky legs can carry her, screaming, “Mama, Mama” the entire way to the front door. Her enthusiasm relaxes me slightly. When I make it to the front door, I find Mac knocking from the inside mirroring the noise coming from the other side.
I’m not surprised when I open the door and find Austin crouched down with a blinding smile on his face playing knocking games with my daughter. At the sight of Austin, Mac laughs and runs away. Austin chases after her into the apartment, which is followed by another round of laughter.
Bas and Finn stand in the doorway with matching smiles on their faces. They appear to be enjoying this moment as much as me, if not more. Too busy staring at their handsome faces, I almost miss the wrapped presents in Bas’s hands and the flowers in Finn’s.
“Come on in you two,” I tell Bas and Finn. “All the action’s happening in here. You’ll miss all the fun standing on my front porch.”
“These are for you, beautiful.” Finn steps into the apartment and hands me the flowers.
When I take the flowers from his hands, I bring them up to my face and take in their rich fragrance. Brightly colored gerbera daisies fill the bouquet. I step up and give him a brief kiss on the cheeks with a whispered, “Thanks.”
As I walk into the kitchen to put the flowers in water, I holler behind me. “Bas, can you make sure you lock the deadbolt behind you? Mac can open the door but hasn’t figured out how to flip the lock.”
Getting the gorgeous flowers in water, Mac barrels into my legs in a fit of giggles. “Up, Mama. Up, Mama.”
Flowers forgotten, I lift her in my arms and dance her around the kitchen while blowing raspberries into her neck. In our own little world of dancing and laughter, I forget we currently have company until I catch a glimpse of Bas, Austin, and Finn watching us in fascination.
“Hey, princess, do you want to meet some new friends?” I ask Mac who now stares curiously at the guys across the room.
“Guys, this little angel is Mac.” I walk over to the trio. “Mac, this is Finn, Austin, and Bas.”
When we talked the other day, the guys and I decided I would introduce them using their names. We didn’t want to confuse her. I assumed the guys would want a paternity test but they adamantly opposed it – which I still don’t understand. I guess we will cross that bridge later.
Staring at Bas, Mac points and then watches me as she says, “Baa, Baa Mama.”
“No baby, Bas,” I reply sounding it out slowly, emphasizing the S.
“Baa, Baa Mama.” She repeats.
Trying one more time, I say slowly through my own giggles. “Baaaaassssss. He’s not a sheep, baby. Baaaaassssss.”
“It’s okay, Savannah,” Bas says with a small smile on his lips. “She can call me whatever she likes. I don’t care.”
“Sorry. She’s only been talking for a couple months. Be glad you aren’t Chris,” I reply with a chuckle.
Before I can explain, Mac points at the door. “Unka Ka Ka, Mama?”
“No, baby, Uncle Chris isn’t here.” I shrug my shoulders at Bas. “See, you could be Ka Ka.”
Austin laughs next to me. “I’m so going to start calling Chris that.”
Smacking him on his shoulder, I laugh with him. “Don’t let Chris fool you. He lights up every time she says it. He’s a total marshmallow when it comes to Mac.”
Finn steps forward with his arms lifted for Mac and asks, “Do you want to open presents, princess?”
The magic words spoken, Mac flings herself into Finn’s arms. He carries her into the living room where three wrapped gifts sit atop the coffee table. After being placed on her feet, Finn helps her unwrap her new treasures. Apparently, each guy picked Mac out a gift and I don’t have to be told who got her what. It happens to be extremely obvious.
Finn bought Mac some new board books and bath toys – a practical gift from a practical man. Austin’s liveliness shines in his gift for my little angel. He got her a pair of purple, sparkly dress up shoes, a purple feather boa, a pair of star-shaped sunglasses, and a tiara. That leaves Bas – ever the protector. His gift to Mac is a fluffy, pink teddy bear and gorgeous necklace with a pink crystal heart.
My surprise with Bas’s generous gift quickly fades when he explains the teddy bear contains a nanny cam and the necklace serves the purpose of a tracking device. With a shake of my head, I thank them all for their gifts.
After a morning full of play and a toddler friendly lunch, I put Mac down for her nap while the
guys tidy up the kitchen and toys. Once Mac sleeps soundly in her crib, I head back to the living room to talk with the guys.
I sigh as I settle onto the couch next to Finn. “We need to keep the noise level down. She usually sleeps pretty heavily but I don’t want to test that theory this afternoon.”
Finn shifts closer to me and playfully throws his arm around my neck. “Got it. No wrestling or tickling.”
“Unless you want to see her extremely crabby side, those activities are on the restricted list this afternoon.” I lay my head on Finn’s shoulder as I enjoy a break from the chaos that comes with entertaining a toddler.
“Thank you for sharing her with us,” Austin says sincerely.
“Austin, no thanks is needed. My intention was never to keep her from you. I didn’t know how to reach you. I tried. I really did.” Heartbreak evident in my voice.
“We know, Savannah,” Finn calmly says. “You have done a great job raising her. She is such a special little girl.”
“Yes, she is,” I tell him. “She is my entire world. It may not have been easy but it has definitely been worth it.”
“Do you have pictures of her as a baby?” Bas asks curiously.
“Yep. Be right back.” Excitedly, I jump up to grab my scrapbook.
With it in hand, I kneel in front of the coffee table. The three guys crowd in behind me on the couch to browse through the photos. The album begins with Mac’s first ultrasound and pictures throughout my pregnancy. The guys ask questions about each picture. They want to know what I was doing and how far along I was in each photo. When I get to the pictures of Mac’s birth, they ask to tell them everything about her delivery.
An hour ago, Brittany rushed me to the hospital when I went into labor. Now checked into a room and hooked up to monitors, I’m ready to meet this little person who claimed my body for the last nine months. I chose not to know the baby’s sex because I wanted to be surprised.
“Please tell me the baby isn’t here yet,” Jenna screeches as she comes barreling through the hospital room door.
“Mom,” Brittany replies. “No baby yet. The nurse should be by any minute to check her.”
As Brittany finishes, the nurse comes into the room.
“I’m Tanya and I’ll be your nurse this evening.” She washes her hands and puts on a pair of gloves. “Let me check you really quick and see how far along you are.”
I scoot down to the edge of the bed and close my eyes. “Please tell me that I’m close. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”
“Just breathe for me, Savannah. This will be a little uncomfortable for a second.” Tanya says as she inserts her hand to check my progress.
I squeeze my eyes closed and fist the sheet on the hospital bed. “A little uncomfortable, my ass.”
“I know. I’m sorry. You are at seven centimeters right now. Not much longer to go.” Tanya stands, removes her gloves, and throws them away. “This is your last chance to get an epidural. Would you like me to call the anesthesiologist?”
I take several deep breaths through the contraction currently tearing through my body. “No, thank you. I would still like to do this without drugs.”
“Alright, sweetie. I’ll be back in about forty minutes or so to check you again.” And with those parting words, she exits the room, leaving me to question my sanity for attempting this without happy medication.
I’m barely able to breathe through the intense pain, but knowing the end is near keeps me going. Occasionally, my mind tries to wander into what if territory and I quickly shake those thoughts to keep my anxiety from escalating. I focus on each contraction and breath, getting through them one at a time.
A different type of pain, accompanied by pressure, overcomes me and I tell Brittany through clenched teeth, “Get the damn nurse back in here. Now.”
Brittany rushes away with no questions asked and returns with the nurse who leisurely strolls into the room. The pain must be clear on my face because after a glance in my direction she moves more quickly. Good thing, since I’m not feeling too nice – likely to cut a bitch at the moment.
After another quick check, the nurse informs me, “It’s time to push. Let me page the doctor and we’ll meet your baby.”
The next few minutes pass in a blur of chaos. Nurses and the doctor enter the room. Equipment and tools staged. Brittany and Jenna each grab ahold of a leg. I push and push and push. After an hour of pushing, exhaustion sets in and my anxiety spikes.
“I can’t do this. Cut it out. Suck it out. Pull it out. I don’t care. Get this thing out of me,” I beg through frustrated tears.
“Savannah,” the doctor reassures me calmly, “the head’s right there. A few more pushes and your baby will be here. You can do this. Take a deep breath and push.”
I refocus and push with everything left in me. An excruciating pain tears through me and Jenna says, “The head’s out, Savannah. Just a little longer honey.”
When instructed, I give one last push and the pain ends.
The sweetest cry of my baby fills the room and the doctor announces, “It’s a girl.”
Soon my cry joins my daughter’s, Jenna’s, and Brittany’s. As they place my precious little angel on my chest, I’m in awe of this tiny life I helped create.
I don’t get a lot of time with her before the nurse whisks her away for vitals and to get her cleaned up. After receiving a clean bill of health, my daughter returns to my arms – all eight pounds, six ounces, and twenty-one inches of her. I remove her hat to touch her head covered in dark brown curls.
“What’s her name?” the nurse asks from across the room.
Lifting my head to stare into Brittany’s eyes, I answer, “Mackenzie Elizabeth Preston. She shares a middle name with her aunt.”
I watch a tear run down Brittany’s face as she lifts the baby from my arms. Staring down at my angel, Brittany whispers, “Happy Birthday, baby girl.”
A hand brushing a tear from my cheek brings me back to the present and ends the story of Mac’s birth. Tears fill all three guys’ eyes as we silently sit together. Without speaking a word, I know we all share the same thoughts – wishing they were there to experience the miracle first hand.
Breaking the silence, I continue to flip through the album explaining each picture – first tooth, first steps, first word, first birthday. I don’t leave any detail out - not wanting them to miss anything. I take my time. I answer every question. When the photos in the album run out, I flip through the recent pictures on my phone.
“Amazing,” Austin exclaims at the end of show-and-tell. “You’ve done a great job with her, Savannah.”
“She made it easy,” I respond. “She has always been happy and chill. She goes with the flow. She’s a blessing and a lot of fun.”
“On a different note,” Bas interrupts. “Can you get someone to watch her tomorrow night? We would like to take you out.”
Surprised by the question, I answer, “Brittany usually watches her on Sunday nights when I work. She probably wouldn’t mind. Just because Mac’s in the picture doesn’t mean you need to treat me any differently. Don’t you have girlfriends who would be upset with you hanging out with the baby mama?”
“No, we don’t. But this isn’t about Mac, Savannah,” Bas replies. “We have some things we would like to talk to you about. We can discuss it tomorrow. Today’s about Mac.”
Before I can reply, Mac calls for me from her crib. I stand up to go and all three guys do so as well, eagerly wanting to help. I roll my eyes with a snicker. I guess all four of us need to walk the fifty feet to her crib.
The rest of the day goes similarly to the beginning, full of play and lots of laughter. Each guy insists on being hands on. They each help with diapers throughout the day. Finn breaks out the new toys during bath time and Austin brushes Mac’s hair and gets her into jammies afterward. Bas reads her a couple stories and they all kiss her goodnight and tuck her in at bedtime.
Once Mac falls asleep, the guys q
uickly help me tidy up the house. With the dishwasher loaded, toys put in their proper place and surfaces wiped down, the time has come to call it a night.
“Thanks for the great day and for spoiling Mac,” I say as I walk with them to the door.
Austin places a soft kiss on my lips. “It was our pleasure. I had a great day and am looking forward to spending more time with the two of you.”
Finn approaches me next with his own gentle kiss. “You’ve raised a special little girl, Savannah, but you no longer have to do it alone. We’re here to help.”
Pulling Finn into a quick hug to try to bring my emotions under control, I whisper, “I know, and you can never know how much that means to me.”
As I step out of Finn’s embrace, I find myself pulled into Bas’s arms. “Don’t forget we’ll be here to pick you up at seven tomorrow. Some alone time with you to reconnect will be nice.”
His words are followed by a firm meeting of our lips and then the three of them are gone. I lock up the door and grab a bottle of water from the fridge before plopping my butt onto the couch, phone in hand. I send Brittany a text to make arrangements for tomorrow night.
Me: Hey, Brit. Would you be able to watch Mac tomorrow night for me?
Brittany: No problem. Are you going back to work?
Me: No. The guys want to take me out. They said they have “something” to discuss.
Brittany: Did they tell you what they want to talk to you about?
Me: Not a clue. They said today was about Mac and it could wait until tomorrow.
Brittany: Huh. Strange. What time do you need me there?
Me: 7 pm. Does that work?
Brittany: Yep. I can’t wait to meet them. They sound yummy.
Me: Whatever. See you tomorrow.
I set my phone next to me on the couch and reflect on the wonderful day. Wondering what the guys want to discuss will drive me insane if I let it. A million different ideas come to mind but I won’t know until our date.
Tomorrow can’t come soon enough.
CHAPTER EIGHT