by Becca Lee
"Just be sure to take regular stops, yeah, and try not to scare the poor girl."
Kid rolled his eyes. "If she tries to put pop shit on the radio, you know there's a chance I may put her on a Greyhound and just tail it, right?"
I snorted. "Just grab the file and get out of here. You've got a couple of hours, so go finish packing your stuff and give me regular updates." Nodding, he stood and reached out to me, clasping my hand. "Thanks, Kid. You're doing me a good turn on this one."
"Yeah, and don't think I won't collect." He threw the words over his shoulder, heading out of my office and towards Lena. I watched as she stepped out of her area to give him a hug. There weren't many men I could handle touching her. Kid fell into that category. I paused, feeling guilty that I was relieved she wasn't in the habit of touching people at all. While I wanted her to have the confidence to do whatever the fuck she wanted, the thought of her being open to touch and becoming tactile with everyone who wasn't on my "okay to touch" list had me clenching my jaw.
Lena planted a kiss on Kid's cheek and waved at him before glancing at me and stepping towards my room. Her smile slipped when her eyes roamed my face. "What is it?" She came into the room, stopping directly before me.
"Just realising I can be a piece of shit is all," I admitted.
Her brows furrowed and she half laughed, no doubt trying to work out if I were serious or not. "Care to tell me why exactly?"
"Not really." I shrugged. Her brows lifted, and she threw me a look intended to wear me down. I sighed in defeat, feeling even more like a pussy by barely waiting four seconds before giving in. I quickly explained to her my "okay to touch" list and my issues, followed by my guilt.
Her smile spread to a grin and she stepped into my space, her arms wrapping around my shoulders. "It's sweet, in a ridiculously possessive way. Don't feel guilty about it. I have my own list for you, you know."
I quirked my brows. "You do, huh?"
"Yep."
"Going to share that with me?"
"Nope."
I laughed loudly, enjoying the way her eyes lit up when she smiled. "Do you fancy a quickie?"
She rolled her eyes as she continued smirking at me. "No can do, boss. You have to head over to Cain Donald's in fifteen to go over the new security specs."
"I can be quick." I wriggled my brows in offer.
She planted a palm on my chest and pushed herself away. "As much as you're a charmer, big guy, I don't really fancy you racing to the finish line anytime soon. You can wait till tonight and do me slowly." Her words ended with a laugh as she walked out the room and left me groaning and with a hard-on.
"Fine. I'll call one of the boys in to hang out while I'm gone."
Lena paused in front of the door leading to her workspace and then turned and faced me. "There's no need for that. I'm good." A tentative smile appeared on her lips, her nerves not as well hidden as I was sure she intended.
Stepping away from my desk, I walked to my open doorway and leaned against the frame. "Is that right?"
She nodded, exhaled a small breath and said, "Yes. I've been thinking about it for a while now. I think I'm ready. I'll stay in my workstation, and if there's a random walk-in by an unknown, I'll make sure my phone is in my hand just in case I can't handle it. I want to do this, Mace."
My heart actually fucking ached at her strength and her nerves. I wanted to swoop her up and beg her to stop pushing herself. Pressure caused her stress levels to peak. It seemed crazy she would be doing that to herself on purpose.
"I need this," she reiterated, bending my resolve once more.
Closing my eyes briefly, I sighed in defeat before stepping into her space. Looking down at her, I placed two fingers under her chin and lifted. Our eyes connected. "If there's even a moment of hesitation, of nerves, call Jase and flick the door lock. You get me?" Jase was one of my guys. He was on call for me today so would be around if I needed him.
She nodded quickly, lips curving. "Thank you. I'll be fine. I promise."
I narrowed my eyes at her. "You know you don't have to prove yourself to anyone, me especially, right?"
Audibly, she gulped, her eyes misting with tears. "This is for me. I want to be strong and well."
"You're both of those things already, baby. Do you not see how fucking amazing you are, how fucking together you are? Shit, woman, your strength is enough to bring me to my knees." As I spoke, tears spilled down her cheeks. I wiped them away, hating to see her upset. "Don't cry, Lena."
A snorting laugh burst free as her tears continued to fall. "I'm not sad." She sniffed with a watery grin. "I just don't necessarily see myself as you see me."
My face fell at her words. Fuck, I was letting her down if she couldn't see how fucking spectacular she was. In my one serious relationship with Abigail, I'd screwed up majorly on more than one occasion. I couldn't allow that to happen again.
"Hey"—she reached out and cupped my cheek—"what's that look for? You know you've made all of this, my life, everything, so much better, right?"
I clenched my jaw, not sure how to respond without sounding like a pussy.
"Right?" Her brows dipped, frustration replacing her tears and smile. I wanted to believe her more than anything. She had changed in many ways for sure, her confidence and comfort levels especially. I also knew her panic attacks were less frequent, but that didn't stop me from overthinking shit, wondering if I was really enough to make her happy. "I swear to God, Mace, if you don't stop mulling over whatever shit's going through your head right now, I'll take those handcuffs you keep threatening me with, secure you, and spank you so goddamn hard, you'll be shooting your load in the matter of seconds." Her face immediately split into a grin, a flush spreading across her cheeks.
Lightness and laughter rose to my chest, spilling out into a loud snort. "Did you really just threaten to spank me?" My laugh then boomed into the room, lifting my chest and causing Lena to grimace as she failed miserably at looking threatening while attempting to hold back her laughter. I tugged her to my body, her soft curves pressing against me. "You know, one day I'm going to marry you, right?"
Her laughter stopped, and her eyes widened in surprise. My own laughter simmered, but I still smiled, loving the shock I'd created. "Maybe when you have my ring on your finger, I'll let you play with the cuffs and do just that." I kissed her hard, throwing my need and the truth of my words behind every stroke of my tongue and movement of my lips against hers.
"You have ten minutes, right?" she said when she broke our kiss.
I nodded, my gaze roaming over her swollen lips.
"Good." She pushed me back into my office, kicking the door closed behind us, before lifting her dress over her head. "Let's see how quickly you can make me scream."
I grinned and quickly stripped down, wanting nothing more than to accept her challenge.
Chapter Fourteen
LENA
I sat at my desk in the quiet office, not even pretending to focus and work. How could I after Mace's declaration? My breath had all but rushed out of me when he mentioned marriage. There was no doubt or hesitancy when I'd told Mace I loved him, and there still wasn't, but the thought of marriage left my head spinning. I had no idea what to do with that information.
Without a doubt, Mace was serious. He didn't mince words and he didn't talk bullshit. But still, a little heads-up would have been good. Though I wasn't quite sure how something as monumental as marriage could be casually woven into a conversation with subtlety and without one hell of a reaction.
The fact that he'd followed up by ripping a mind-blowing orgasm from me before rushing out to his meeting had pretty much rendered me incapable of concentration. I sighed, looking at the empty mailbox, willing something to arrive to distract me. My power of electrical manipulation not kicking in, I stood and headed to the back storage area. There were still boxes in there I had yet to tackle. It seemed the time had arrived for me to fight with the layers of dust and years-old paperwork that wouldn'
t simply go away.
Wedging the door open so I could see the front door, I pulled a box from the second-to-top shelf, dragging it out and grimacing when it dropped to the floor with a thud. Kneeling, I removed the lid and started working through the files, making piles for storage, filing, and digital transfer. I'd become a whiz at the scanner in recent weeks as I continued to delve through Mace's chaotic order.
A buzz alerted me that someone was about to enter. Standing quickly, I dusted myself off and headed into the reception area. I smiled when I saw Janie at the door.
"Hey," I called as I let myself out from behind the desk to greet her with a kiss on her cheek. "What are you doing here?"
"Mace said you may be up for lunch."
I scoffed lightly, a smile on my lips. "I just bet he did."
She grinned back at me, not a shred of guilt on her delicate features. "He called to say you were alone and could probably do with an hour's escape."
Warmth spread in my chest. I had no idea if I was meant to be irritated by Mace interfering, but I wasn't. He cared, a lot. I grasped the thought and promised myself to always remember the small gestures of kindness and love he showed me. They were so much more than the bigger things. While I loved flowers and sexy lingerie, these moments were more precious and thoughtful.
"Is there anywhere you go with Mace that you're comfortable with?"
I nodded, knowing just the place. "Let me just set the machine and wash the dust off my hands, then I'm all yours." I carried out those tasks quickly and picked up my bag, setting the alarm as I locked up.
"Do you want me to drive?" Janie asked.
"Sure, thanks." Walking side by side with her, my step faltered and I stopped, glancing at the car across the road. Jase. I shook my head and offered him a wave. Bloody Mace and his protectiveness admittedly got me hot and bothered. Having Jase there, I knew, wasn't a question of my ability to cope. It was more to do with Mace trying and struggling to let go. I'd forgive him, but I'd make it my mission to reach the point where he'd be able to trust that I was safe.
"Who's that?" Janie asked, opening her door and climbing inside.
I got in and secured my seat belt. "Jase. He works for Mace sometimes."
"He's hot. Damn. Is he on protection detail or something?"
"Or something," I answered. "Mace is being his domineering self. Plus, there's some stuff going on with Nox, so I know he's extra cautious."
"You okay with all that?" She pulled out.
"Yeah." I shrugged. "Trick's is good. I'm happy to eat there," I added. She nodded. "After being around the club so much, I know a couple of things. One, there's no point arguing with a growly man, cut or not."
Janie laughed. "And two?"
"I know that sometimes shit gets real and serious very fast, you know. Diesel's also kept me as far away from club business as he could, but that doesn't mean I don't know what goes on. Plus, the Nox thing and him knowing Mace and I are together, I'm not stupid enough to ignore that information. It doesn't mean I think anything's going to happen, nor does it mean I won't accept any detail he puts on me. It's not worth the stress involved."
Janie glanced at me, her brows raised and a smile playing on her lips. "Wow. That serious, huh? You and Mace. Does he know you love him?"
"Yes," I answered immediately. Janie was so bloody easy to talk to, useful considering her profession, and I was so pleased she'd refused to counsel me so we were able to build upon our growing friendship.
"And?"
I laughed. "He told me he wanted to marry me."
"Get the fudge out!" She turned quickly to look at me, making the car swerve. She quickly adjusted the steering wheel. "Erm… sorry." She giggled.
"Bloody hell. Eyes on the road, Janie. I damn well near shit myself." I risked a glance over my shoulder and saw Jase behind us. He shook his head. I waved at him, grinning. "Not like now or anything, but he said one day he was marrying me."
Indicating left, Janie idled, waiting for a gap in the traffic. When one appeared, she pulled into the carpark. "So he told you, did a whole sexy growly demand thing?"
"Pretty much," I said, amused.
"Sounds about right. Collins said pretty much the same thing to me."
Unclipping my belt, I spun around to face her. "Shit, you're getting married?"
"Ha! No chance." She shook her head as she switched off the engine, unclipped her belt, and stepped out of the car. I followed suit. "Bloody man all but demanded I marry him. I told him to fuck off."
I covered my mouth with my hand. They'd spilt up?
"Right before I rode his face and told him to put his smart mouth to better use." Her laughter was loud and infectious as she opened the door to the diner. "Where's best for you?" she asked over her shoulder.
I grinned, soft chuckles spilling forth. I had half a heart to feel sorry for Collins, but he could hack it. Those men needed handling at times and it seemed Janie had that covered. "Over here's good." I led her to one of the three booths I was comfortable in. It was near the back door, a viable exit. I faced the main entrance and eased into the booth comfortably. I knew lots of the staff's faces and names, as well as the complete layout of the place. When Mace had insisted the manager give me a guided tour one night when they'd closed, I'd been mortified as well as so touched and grateful. Because of that, I felt at ease, so it was worth the momentary discomfort for that freedom.
"So you don't want to marry him?" They'd been together for over a year, and while that shouldn't mean marriage had to be the next step, it surprised me that she wasn't interested.
"One day I will, but I’ve yet to find balance, you know?" I looked at her, confused. She sighed. "I'm sorry, I know Diesel is your brother and he's a good guy, and I'm happy Collins has such a close-knit family, but he lives and breathes the club. I just don't know where I fit in with it all."
That I understood. Deadwood brothers were tight and could be a bit overbearing as a family at times. Janie rarely was at the club, but I'd always thought that was more to do with her working so damn hard. It appeared to be more than that.
"Have you talked to Collins about it?"
"Yes, but he thinks I'm reading too much into everything, which just pisses me off rather than reassures me."
"Why don't you come and hang out one night when I'm there? They're not that bad, you know. They're a good group. Perhaps you just need to get to know them a bit better." I looked down at the menu, trying to make up my mind quickly as I saw the waitress making her way over to our table.
"Maybe," she answered. "Is it too early for beer?"
I laughed just as the waitress stepped up. "Hey, Lena, what can I get you and your friend today?"
I smiled over at Macy. "Just a chicken wrap and strawberry milkshake for me, please."
She took down my order and threw me a wink before looking at Janie.
"I'll have the same, but throw in some fries with mine, please. Thanks."
"No problem, ladies." She walked off to sort our order and I returned my focus to Janie.
"I can be there this Saturday night if you want. There's nothing organised, so it'll just be the guys playing pool and talking shit, no doubt. Plus, it won't be a late night as we're heading to Mace's brother's for lunch on the Sunday." I'd met him just once before when he and Jo came around for dinner one night. He seemed like a really good guy. There were some crazy resemblances between him and Mace, especially since Mace had shaved off his beard. Jo had been a whirlwind, pretty much the same as our first meeting. Plus, she'd been pretty cool.
"Liam, right?"
I nodded.
"Have you met him?"
"Yes, once for dinner. He's a decent guy."
My heart constricted at all I'd learned about Mace growing up and their parents, and what had happened to Jo. I'd heard gossip when it had all happened, but Mace had since shared the whole story with me, including about his childhood, Jo's attack, and his dad's release. In the brief moment I'd met Jo, I'd already known sh
e was an incredible woman, but surviving all she had, hell, I admired the hell out of her. Jo's story was as horrific as it was heartbreaking. You'd never think that her past held such devastation.
It made me think about Mace and what he'd said about strength. Jo was all strength and sass, but I was sure it hadn't always been that way. With Mace beside me and the constant support of my family, I truly believed that I'd reach the point where I'd take ownership of my past and my emotions, and embrace the strength badge Mace seemed sure I deserved.
"Hey, where'd you go?"
My eyes darted to Janie. Her head was tilted to the side, her straw poised by her mouth. I hadn't even seen our drinks arrive. I shook my head and smiled.
"Just thinking about Mace and family, and stuff, you know. Life's getting better." I picked up my drink and sucked on my straw, enjoying the delicious flavours when the liquid touched my tongue.
"That it is." Jani held out her glass for me to clink my own against. I did so happily. "And you're right, it is getting better. Just be sure that you know no one is responsible for that change other than you. Don't get me wrong, I know Mace makes you happy and no doubt makes your vagina scream in pleasure"—I snorted, not denying the truth of her words—"but they're just influences that help with the happy, you know? You're the reason why you're working, why you're getting independent, why you're able to sit in a diner in public."
I glanced around, allowing her words to sink in. Pride bubbled in my chest.
"You did all that. You made a decision to accept help and support, and to face your past head-on. You, Lena. You're fucking amazing."
I laughed loudly. It had only been recently that I'd heard Janie swear so I gasped for breath from the shock and amusement—it seems she was finally comfortable enough with me to let her guard down for good.