by Beaman, Sara
“So you’re giving me the silent treatment again?” Zeke asked.
“No,” Rina said. “I just don’t have anything to say.”
“Well, then, I’ll have to come up with a topic of conversation,” Zeke said.
“We don’t have to talk at all,” Rina told him.
“Are you kidding?” Zeke replied. “I’ve been trying to get you to talk to me for weeks. Now I’ve finally got you alone. I’m not gonna pass up this opportunity. Let’s see … oh, I know! We could talk about how attracted you are to me.”
“No,” Rina said.
“So you admit the attraction,” Zeke said. “You just don’t want to talk about it.”
“I didn’t say that,” Rina protested.
But you were thinking it, her inner voice taunted her.
“Okay,” Zeke said. “Then I’ll talk about how attracted I am to you.”
Rina didn’t answer.
“For instance,” Zeke went on, “has anyone ever told you that your hair is three colors? In the shade it looks brown, but in the sunlight there are little flecks of gold. And in the sunset it turns almost red. Like fire.”
“It’s just hair,” Rina said.
“Every time I see you,” Zeke went on, “I have to stop myself from reaching out and touching your hair. It just about kills me, knowing how soft it is, imagining what it would feel like sliding through my fingers.”
His words sent shivers down Rina’s spine.
Ignore him, she told herself, but she couldn’t help touching her hair. Compared to Maddie she’d always felt mousy and dull. But the way Zeke described her hair made it sound beautiful. Made her feel beautiful.
“It isn’t just your hair I think about,” Zeke continued. “After I saw you yesterday, I spent ten minutes thinking about your mouth. The way it curves when you smile. The way it feels when we kiss –”
“Shut up!” Rina said, smacking him on the shoulder.
“I’m not really into the rough stuff,” Zeke said. “But if that’s what it takes I’m willing to explore some light spanking. Of course, we’ll have to take turns.”
Rina rolled her eyes.
“You’re rolling your eyes, aren’t you?” Zeke said.
“No.”
“Well stop it. There will be no eye-rolling as long as you’re riding my horse.”
“Believe me,” Rina said, “I wish I weren’t riding your horse.” She thought of Abigail, probably being broken down for parts by a band of greasy scavengers and her heart gave a painful lurch.
“We’ll find you a new bike,” Zeke promised. “A better bike. No,” he corrected himself hastily, “not a better bike. Abigail was obviously the best bike in the world. But maybe you could try riding a horse for a while?”
“What horse?” Rina asked, relieved by the change of topic. “Trey rides Glue. You ride Betty. Javier and Caleb ride Wilma and Pebbles. Barney died last winter, and Jello won’t be old enough to ride for at least another year.”
“Good point,” Zeke said. “What we need is another horse.” He raised his voice and shouted, “My horse! My horse! My kingdom for a horse!”
“Stop yelling,” Rina said. “You’ll bring every bandit for miles.” Then his words sank in and she frowned as she recognized them. “Where did you learn to talk like that?” she asked.
“My grandpa,” Zeke said. “After my mother died, Dad kind of … faded. Grandpa pretty much raised my sister and me. He used to have all kinds of crazy sayings. I think they were quotes, but I don’t know where they were from.”
“Shakespeare,” Rina said.
“Is that a book?”
“A playwright. He was old even before the Collapse. People studied his plays. I memorized a couple of them.” Rina stopped speaking, uncomfortably aware that she’d broken her cardinal rule: Never talk about the University. She hated thinking about the years she’d spent hunched over piles of books, feverishly trying to learn her daily quota, terrified she would stumble during Recitation and go to bed hungry. Or worse.
She tamped down the bitter flood of memories, angry with herself for letting them surface. It wasn’t like her to dwell on the past. But somehow hearing Zeke quote Shakespeare made her want to remember those pages she’d memorized.
“So your Grandpa is still in Mexico?” Rina asked.
“No,” Zeke said. He was silent for several seconds before he added, “Corps recruiters hit our village four years ago. I was out fishing. I saw the trucks and hid until they were gone. They took Alicia. When Grandpa and Dad tried to stop them they shot Dad in the head and beat Grandpa. He died a few days later. There was nothing I could do for him. About a month after that David Levy and his group came through. They were riding north and they had a spare horse. I went with them. There was no reason for me to stay.”
“I’m sorry,” Rina said, and felt embarrassed by the inadequacy of the words.
They rode in silence for a while. Then Zeke began to hum. Rina recognized the tune as one she’d heard him sing before. He often sat on the front porch of the Trading Post in the evenings, strumming his guitar and singing old songs. This one was a mournful tune about a blackbird with a broken wing. Rina realized that he’d probably learned the song – and all the others he sang – from his grandfather. The insight made her feel like she and Zeke shared a secret. It was a warm, sweet feeling.
“That’s one of my favorites,” Rina said when the song ended.
“I know,” Zeke said, and sang another.
****
The Sisters of Mercy lived in what had once been a fancy hotel. The building was situated at the top of a hill, and the huge stone edifice still retained some of its former grandeur. Rina felt very small and powerless under the shadow of its looming bulk.
“Nervous?” Zeke asked.
“Yeah,” she admitted.
“Don’t be,” he said. “I’ve got your back.”
Two of the Sisters were sitting on the enormous front porch, shelling pecans. When they saw the horse approaching, one of them got up and went inside. By the time Rina and Zeke had dismounted and tethered Betty to a tree, Lilia was waiting for them on the porch.
Technically, all the Sisters of Mercy co-owned the establishment. But for all intents and purposes, Lilia ran the house. She wasn’t a tall woman, but she carried herself with an air of authority that gave the impression of height. She wore her dark hair pulled back in a loose ponytail and she favored long skirts and tight, low-cut tops. Rina always felt flat-chested, pale, and awkward around Lilia.
“Well this is a surprise,” Lilia said. “We didn’t expect to see riders again so soon.”
“We didn’t expect to be back so soon,” Rina answered. She had no doubt Lilia knew exactly why they were there. But if Lilia wanted to play dumb, Rina was willing to play along, at least for a while.
“Of course it’s always lovely to see you, Ezekiel,” Lilia cooed. “What brings you to our little corner of the world?” She smiled at Zeke and Rina felt her hackles rise.
“Just giving Rina a ride,” Zeke said.
“Lucky girl,” Lilia said. “I’ve been trying to get Ezekiel to give me a ride for years.”
There were seven or eight Sisters on the porch, now, more than half the house. One of them giggled at the blatant innuendo. Rina took a deep breath and reminded herself that getting angry wouldn’t help.
“Last time I was here, I picked up a package,” Rina said. “A child.”
“Joy,” one of the Sisters on the porch whispered. Rina couldn’t tell which one.
“Cute little thing,” Rina continued. “Not exactly wife material, though.”
“So many of us aren’t,” Lilia said.
“Gretchen was expecting someone older,” Rina said.
“Wait a few years,” Lilia said. “She’ll get older.” She smirked at Rina.
“Gretchen sent me here– ” Rina began, but Lilia cut her off.
“Gretchen sent you here because we outsmarted her and now she wants t
o weasel out of our deal,” Lilia said.
“She sent me here to enforce the terms of the original contract,” Rina said.
“Gretchen asked for a girl,” Lilia said. “We gave her one. It isn’t our fault she neglected to specify how old the girl had to be.”
“Give us someone older or return the money,” Rina said. “We’ll put this whole thing behind us and pretend it never happened. You have my word Gretchen won’t hold a grudge.”
“I like you, Rina,” Lilia said. “But don’t think you can waltz in here and sweet talk me out of a pile of money. Tell Gretchen to chalk this one up to experience. Next time she’ll bargain more carefully. Now, unless you have some new business to discuss, our conversation is over.”
Lilia turned and began sauntering back into the hotel. Rina was furious, mostly with Lilia, but also with herself. She’d gone about this the wrong way. The Sisters of Mercy had no interest in fairness. They dealt in guile concealed behind a pretty façade. Approaching Lilia head-on had been a mistake, one she needed to correct quickly if she wanted to get the upper hand.
Unbidden, Trey’s words echoed in Rina’s head.
Maddie was funny and smart and pretty, he’d said. But Maddie was also kind of a bitch.
Maybe Trey was right. Maybe Maddie had been a bitch. But she’d been damn good at getting her way. Okay, then. What would Maddie have done in this situation?
She wouldn’t fight, Rina thought. Not directly. She’d be sneaky.
Rina took a deep breath and channeled her inner Maddie.
“I guess there’s nothing else to say,” Rina said. “Let’s go, Zeke.”
She smiled at him, hoping he’d follow her lead. He looked startled at her easy capitulation, but he didn’t argue as she did her best to telegraph silently, I know what I’m doing.
“It’s too bad,” Rina continued. “I thought the Sisters of Mercy ran an honest, wholesome establishment. What a shame to find out that isn’t true.”
An ugly murmur rippled through the group of women on the porch, and Lilia stopped just short of going inside.
“I’d hate to think what else they might be lying about,” Rina continued, doing her best to sound innocently concerned.
“That’s true,” Zeke said slowly. “A place like this wouldn’t stay in business long if it developed a bad reputation for lying to its customers.”
“Or covering things up,” Rina prompted. “Like sickness.”
Understanding flashed in Zeke’s eyes and he said, “Covering up sickness would be just about the worst possible thing that could happen to a place like this.”
“It would certainly drive away business,” Rina agreed, relieved that Zeke was so quick on the uptake. She shot him a grateful glance, and when their eyes met the connection was so intense Rina caught her breath.
Not now, she told her libido. Let’s get through this first. Then we’ll talk.
“You know, now that you mention it,” Zeke said, “I think I heard one of the Sisters coughing a minute ago.”
“And some of the girls look a little feverish to me,” Rina said.
“You can’t be too careful,” Zeke said, shaking his head. “Not when it comes to contagious infection.”
“It’s our duty to let people know,” Rina said. “As many people as possible. Maybe we should post signs…”
“Enough!” Lilia snapped. She whirled back toward them, sweeping down the steps of the porch with her hands on her hips. “I will not have the reputation of this house destroyed over a petty … misunderstanding.” She turned to the Sisters assembled on the porch and demanded, “Which one of you wants to get married?”
There was a ripple of nervous chatter, and then one of the girls stepped forward. She was short with frizzy brown hair and a plain face. “What kind of man is he?” she asked.
“Um, he’s nice,” Rina said, hoping it was true.
“Is he old?”
“Not too old,” Rina said. She cursed herself for her ignorance and hoped it wasn’t obvious she was lying through her teeth. “Look,” she said, “Gretchen promised him a wife. So all you have to do is marry him. If you don’t like him you can divorce him later.”
“Really?” the girl asked.
“Well, you have to give it a shot,” Rina amended hastily. “It isn’t right for you to reject him without giving him a fair chance. He might turn out to be a good match.”
“Okay. I’ll go. Just give me a minute to pack my things.”
Rina took a look at Lilia’s furious expression and decided discretion was the better part of valor. “We’ll camp a few miles down the road,” she said. “You can join us in the morning.”
****
They were about half a mile away when they heard the crunch of gravel behind them. One of the Sisters was following on a bicycle, pedaling furiously. Zeke reined in Betty to let her catch up.
“What do you want?” Rina asked.
The woman was breathing hard from her ride. They waited while she caught her breath.
“Joy,” the woman finally gasped.
“She’s yours?” Rina asked.
The woman nodded. Rina saw that she had Joy’s fine, mousy hair, high forehead and pointed nose.
“I’m not a bad mother,” the woman said. “I just thought the kind of man who wanted a wife would be the kind of man who also wanted a family. I hoped … Lilia told me he lives on a farm. It sounded like a nice place to grow up. Better than here.” She looked at the ground. “It was a stupid thing to do, I guess.”
Rina didn’t answer.
“When will you bring her back?” the woman asked.
“I won’t,” Rina said.
The woman’s head snapped up and Rina saw fire in her eyes. “You can’t keep her,” the woman said. “Amy agreed to marry that man. You have what you want, so give me back my daughter.”
Rina felt Zeke tense and she laid a hand on his shoulder to let him she could handle the situation. Even so, she had to admit it was a good feeling, knowing someone else was on her side.
“I won’t bring her back,” Rina told the woman, but she made her voice gentle. “You were right to send her away. She deserves a better life. Let her stay in town with me, get an education, learn a trade.”
“Stay?” the woman asked. “With you?”
“Well, not just me,” Rina said, stung by the incredulous expression on the woman’s face. “I live with Calliope. She left the Sisters a while back. You remember her?”
The woman squinted and shrugged. “Maybe. A lot of girls come and go.”
“Well, she’s a schoolteacher now. I share a house with her and her two kids,” Rina explained. “They’re good people. They already adore Joy. She’ll be safe and healthy and loved.”
“It sounds like a nice family,” the woman said wistfully.
“It is,” Rina said, and blinked in surprise at the realization.
If Calliope was going to kick me out, she’d have done it months ago, Rina thought. Back when I was moping around and angry at the world.
But Calliope hadn’t thrown her out. Hadn’t ever given the slightest indication that she wanted to, come to think of it. Rina wondered how she had failed to notice that before.
You were too wrapped up in your own misery, she thought. So busy mourning the family you lost, you forgot about the family you still had.
She’d been wrong. Pig-headed and stupid and wrong. What else had she been wrong about?
“We’ll take care of Joy,” Rina assured the woman. “She’s part of our family now.”
“Thank you,” the woman whispered.
****
Rina and Zeke made camp in the shelter of a collapsed overpass. Zeke built a fire and produced several pieces of jerky and a bag of ground corn, which they boiled to make porridge. Along with Rina’s bread and apples it made a filling meal.
“What you did back there was pretty clever,” Zeke said after they had eaten. They were sitting next to each other, enjoying the warmth of the fir
e.
“It wouldn’t have worked without you,” Rina said. “Thanks for backing me up.”
“We make a good team,” Zeke told her.
Rina nodded, staring into the fire, and trying to gather her thoughts. Sitting so close to Zeke made it hard to concentrate.
Focus, she told herself. If you’re gonna do this, do it right. Don’t screw up.
“I know you don’t want to talk about what happened between us,” Zeke said, but Rina cut him off.
“You’re right,” she said. “I don’t.” She kept staring into the flames, afraid she’d lose her nerve if she looked at him. “I’d rather talk about that stuff you said on the ride out here,” she went on, “About my hair. And my mouth.”
“Okay,” Zeke said slowly.
“In the spirit of honesty,” Rina said, “I think you should know that I sometimes have thoughts like that, too. About you.” Her heart was beating so hard she could feel it in her throat.
“Honesty is good,” Zeke said.
“And also,” Rina said, “I think you were right about what you said yesterday.”
“I was?” Zeke said. He’d moved closer, or maybe she had. Their legs were touching. Rina could feel the heat of his thigh pressing against hers. It put the fire to shame.
“Yes,” Rina said. “You were right when you said it’s okay to be happy.” She stopped staring at the fire and looked at him and felt the sizzle of connection she always felt when their eyes met.
“I want to be happy,” Rina whispered. “Can you make me happy?”
“Yeah,” Zeke said. “I think I can do that.”
He reached for her and she slid into his arms. And he made her very happy for the rest of the night.
****
“I’m home,” Rina called, pushing open the front door.
“Rina’s back!” Devon announced.
“Hi, Rina!” Lucia cried, running up and hugging Rina around the knees.
“Look, Rina, I can stand on one foot and hop!” Joy announced, wobbling a little as she displayed her new skill.
“How’d it go?” Calliope asked, leaning in to give Rina a hug.
“That depends,” Rina said, hugging her back. “How do you feel about raising three kids? I kind of promised Joy’s mother we’d keep her,” she admitted. “And I might have also said something about educating her and teaching her a trade.”